March 1986

 

1 Quiet day. To Bville w/ David for some groceries in afternoon. He is cutting 4 teeth on top & cries 4 pm till bedtime! Mother comes to spend night. Steaks & double baked potatoes. 

2 To Fayetteville PCA & after church lunch w/Mother. We all enjoy it. Pretty drive back on 102. Try to nap, but David's awake. We watch calf birthed. To Mother's for 2nd episode of Centennial. Cal begins grieving...

3 I go out before Cal & David are up to see the cows & new calves. Photos. Come back to see Papa & son waving from a window. Laundry, housework. Cal took us for a long drive--12, 127, 23, 62 around Beaver Lake & across Beaver Dam. Beautiful. Home after 6 & roast was ruined, but still tasty. Listened to B. Graham on radio (TV). Forgot to listen to Dobson on farm crisis. Need to order those tapes. Mail to Kramers, Griswolds, Rylands, Dad, Gillan, Grimstead. Pork roast.

4 Made dinner & apple pie. Morning nap, 3 loads laundry, showered, lunch. Letter from Uncle Larry. Took lunch to Cal at 2 & stayed at M's to watch TV. David played in playpen & napped. Everyone tired & I'm losing patience w/ D. Ratatouille--at Mother's. To bed early. 

5 Walked after breakfast w/ David & Cal. Both D. & I took morning naps.

6 Dr. Allen: DAVID 10:00 a.m. 1 yr checkup.  New OB Nurse appt 11:00 a.m. Two nurses couldn't find heart tones! So we had to return after lunch to have a sonogram to see heart beat. Saw little baby--very active & heart beating strong.   TAKE TREATS to Bible study

7 Dinner w/David at Mother's after polishing silver.  Howard Ball arrives.

8 Made spinach souffle for brunch. McAlisters stopped by for an hour's visit. Saw 4th new calf in pasture. To Republican fundraiser w/ Cal; then to Shady Grove music party to meet Mother, Howard, & David. Home at 9.

9 To Gateway Chapel w/ Howard & M. Cal & I decide to go to this church for awhile. Feel much at home & much of the H.S. And good for our children to call farm kids their peers instead of yuppie children they'd know in Rogers. Will continue at PCA cell group BS. Lunch aqt Mother's. David & I nap while Cal and H. talk. I returned home w/ David while M, H, & C returned to church for eve service. Great wind & storms through night. 

10 Groceries  Cal-dinner mtg.   Beef stew for David & me.

11 David just isn't eating much. And much of what I do get him to take comes out undigested. Cal suggests he's not needing much right now. Went to Walmart to buy material & stepstool--stepstool is defective--must return it. Catfish for M & Cal at M's. Storms. 

12 Beautiful a.m. walk 7-8. Dressed & fed David. Washed all floors. Nap. Burn trash, get mail; day feels like Saturdays of my childhood. Made spinach quiche for supper--Mother came. Cal took her home & brought back other car. Warm spring evening. 

13 6:45 walk. Overcast & cool. Beautiful. Returned to bathe David. Oatmeal pancakes for breakfast. Spit pea soup for dinner. Made maternity top--ducks. Re: Abortion issue: Ex 1:17    Wash diapers.  David's clothes    Bible study--Did not go for exhaustion. Did they even meet? Cal to Quorum Ct. mtg.

14 Made Brownies for dinner dessert One load laundry. Devotions on front porch during David's nap--beautiful: warm sun, cool air, birds all around, dogs sleeping at my feet. Cal brought a load of black dirt! <3 <3 Cavanaughs' for dinner; David & Cody had such a good time playing together. 

15 Lovely a.m. walk--Tuesday's route, but with Cal & David. Omelette for breakfast. Finished stuffed dogs. Hemmed maternity top. Walmart. Pork chops & stirfry vegets for dinner.

16 Made a yellow flannel pillow for David   Soup at Wengers' after church   Nap. Garden. Sandwiches for supper. To bed early; Cal stayed up to finish a birthday letter to David. 

17 1:00 Party for David--Mother & Cal come home at lunch Roast chicken, rice, broccoli, Angel food cake

18 Mother leaves for Denver--I took her to Springfield. Chris Byrd here for supper. Mac n cheese & pork chops

19 (Depressed day!) Made chili & Fr. onion soup

20 Dr. Becton 9:45 a.m.--I like him. Went to St. Mary's to see facilities--nice. Phillips grocery store. Fish for supper. Bible study--leave early--I feel ill. Letter from Kramers

21 Awoke tired & headache. Napped 2 hrs. while David napped. Leftover scal. potatoes & tuna noodle for lunch. Organized & cleaned laundry room--now David can play out there safely. Wengers for dinner--chili & salad & coffee ice cream

22 Up early & out to see cows & birds with David. Folded laundry & measured playpen. Good time w/ Wengers last night & house clean this a.m. Write letters--a.m. Horvath, Michelic, Swindoll & Dobson. Bought material to recover playpen. Fish for supper.

23 Too tired! Up early for a walk--then Cal went. I napped & didn't go to church. Then played outdoors with David who's getting very good at climbing & judging edges. Chili for lunch. Ham sandwich "picnic" dinner we took to Cavanaughs' Went to chapel service--evening. Soda at Barnetts'.

24 Begin playpen refurbishing after walk & breakfast. Devotions. Spec COR letterhead--take to Gary Lookadoo. Dinner early - chicken.  Cal--pm mtg.

25 PRODUCTION DAY Leanne called--timely. Shortened nap--Mary Lucas [landlady] knocked. Deep-fried chicken & onion rings & took them to ofc for lunch w/ Cal - a failure! Long afternoon nap with David :) Fed David good supper; then made salad supper for Cal & me. Ate at 8 after David to bed. Called Leanne re: Ingrid Trobisch's church in Springfield, MO

26 Cleaned bedroom closets!! Vacuumed. Postcard to Lenore Macafee. Tuna salad & tabouli lunch w/  Cal. Potato onion soup for dinner. French bread. Beautiful afternoon. Paste-up COR letterhead p.m.

27 Letter to Daddy. Express mail letterhead to Ray Allen. Buy kitchen jars, reprints, glue for p.p, frames. Quorum Ct Mtg. I skip B. study. Fish supper w/ salads

28 Cal had mtg. p.m. Then we had devotions. Chicken supper with potato salad.

29 Lunch: Mac n cheese   Drove to Springfield 4-6 to pick up Mother. Supper at Denny's. 

30 To Messiah Lutheran Church, Springfield--then to Sheraton for brunch. Home 65 to 86 etc by 4 pm. Made chicken & tomatoes. To bed early. Daddy called after we were asleep. 

31 So tired this a.m. I'm wanting to do nothing. Went to proofread copy Gary set on Sat. Then groceries at IGA for a taco salad, milk, potato salad. Postcard to Micki Kramer, L'eggs order; Devotions, nap. Letters to Phyllis W, Janet Bamford, Julie Byrd.    Discouraged today!    Taco salad supper. Went to bed after an evening walk w/ Cal & Davie; after David's bath & dishes were done. 8:30 p.m. Woke 2 a.m. to change David & his soaked bed. 

April floods and travel to Kansas City, May travel to Illinois, June and July and progressing pregnancy through hot temperatures and a one-year-old master climber who perfects the crib escape! 

February 1986

1 David has learned to CRAWL!   Mother came here late afternoon for a walk. Then Mother went to Withers'.  Eggplant parmesan for Mother and Dad B's 44th anniversary.

2 Went to Holy Trinity Lutheran Church. Which Cal liked & I didn't -- no nursery personnel, I couldn't stay in church. Back here for leftover eggplant w/ Mother. Then she cleaned up while we had naps. Worked on jigsaw puzzle. Rained all day. 

3 I slept in until 8:30. Letter to Kay Hobby. Began devotions again. Rained all day. Made split pea soup for supper. Dinner at Mother's. I foolishly stayed up till Cal came to bed to work on jigsaw puzzle: 1:20 a.m.!. Still awake at 3:30! Letters from Sarah and Beth

4 Up between 8 & 8:30. Fed David & did dishes from last night. Morning nap.  Shower. Lunch. Jigsaw puzzle. Nap. To Mother's to fix supper--To Gateway Rural Water Assn mtg. with Cal. Home for supper, State of Union address, Moonlighting. Letter to Pinky. To bed again after midnight again!

5 Letter to Sarah. Cal's day with David. Morning walk. Chicken broth & banana bread. Late lunch.

10 Began to bleed heavily mid-morning. Also snowed heavily all day. Cal took me to Dr.  Heard heartbeat 160 bpm. Cervix closed. Dr. prescribed getting off feet for 48 hrs. Move into Mother's w/ David. Greenlees stay the night for heavy snow. Pizza for dinner. 

11 Bleeding stops

13 To house noon to supper with Cal. Make supper for M & Cal.   Greenlees' house burns down. They stay at M's for 2 days. We give them Cal's old dishes. Cal bought 3 roses for me <3 & 3 for Mother "from David". Cal left late evening for Springfield, MO. I stay at M's. 

15 Aunt Edie died during the night.

16 Cal drives back, bringing Daddy with him. They arrive at 8 pm. I make dinner of chicken. David acts shy with Daddy. M & I attended Bro Dan's church int he morning, Spaghetti lunch at her house then here to clean. 

17 Daddy went grocery shopping with me. 

18 Went to B'ville to post Daddy's poem and my sketches. Home on Ark 40. Took Daddy for drive to LB Village & PR Military P. Home for naps. Catfish at M's. Watch Jack's funeral etc. video.

19 Mother comes for dinner--WOK. How terribly tired I am all the time!

20 Cal & Dad had lunch with Carlton & Alvarez. To Little Flock potluck with M & Daddy & David. Then home to see video of Mom's memorial. Good for M.

21 Daddy, while here, built bird-feeder, stair railing, took drawer organizer. To Wengers' for dinner. 

22 Left for airport in Tulsa at 10:30. Daddy treated us to lunch since my brunch was ruined by a broken oven. Then we met Kinnamans as Daddy boarded the plane. Lovely drive home. I baked chicken at M's while M & Cal covered Dem. Party Rally. M very depressed!

23 Took M to church at FBC. Had lunch at her house. Cal fasting. She gives us some of Jack's clothes. Return here for naps. Then drive White Oak Holler. Then clean house. Then back to M's for first episode of "Centennial." Difficult time disciplining David to go to sleep.

24 Letter to Connie Wallace. Bath for David after lunch.

25 Letter to Julie Byrd. Pork roast at Mother's 

26 Meatballs & scalloped potatoes. Mother hits bottom--S.S. forms! Spends night w/ us.

27 Gray day. To KMart to buy yarn for Greenlee blanket. Home--exhausted! 3 hr. late afternoon nap. To Shoney's for supper--then to Bible study. Evelyn gives us sewing machine base. 

28 Good productive day for Cal. I stop by Mother's mid-afternoon & we have lunch. Sagans for dinner--chix, rice, salad. Good mtg & conversation. We like them, we decide. 

In March David cuts teeth, we watch a calf being born, get the first sneak preview of Susan in utero, and celebrate David's first birthday

January 1986

New Year's Day: Clara Williams arrived at 5 pm. After David put to bed we had steak stir-fry supper. She brought champagne.

2 Clara & I spent the day together. Drove her to "see" Pea Ridge, Lost Bridge Village, the Military Park. Took her to lunch (good catfish) at Battlefield Restaurant. Dinner of Cincinnati chili

3 Clara left 7:30 am. Noias stop by on their way out at 11 am. Wengers arrive for lunch at noon--then Cal has to run in to help Dad off pot! Back for 1/2 hr. then on to take Dad to dentist. Returns late afternoon. I'm feeling low--kind of "trapped" Alone. Supper of steak stir-fry on fettuccini--Then to Dad's and Mother's for company. Till 9:30

4 Took a walk upon arising to gather kindling & watched Fred feed the cows--David fascinated. Had Dad & Mother out for dinner of catfish & hushpuppies.

5 Attended Fellowship Bible Church in Bentonville. Good sermon on Servanthood by Dr. Jim Walters of John Brown University. Saw John Grant. Liked the church. We'll return sometime. Left David with Dad & Mother. Then returned after church & stayed with them until 2 pm. Came home for naps & a supper of chicken, slaw, French fries, & black-eyed peas. Did not go to see Bleak House 'cause David & I felt so lousy.     Clara's 69th birthday.

6 Am so tired! Am I pregnant? Clara & Dad B. say no - the eyes would tell them. Went to Dad's mid-morning with David. Made ww bread. Had clam chowder with Cal for lunch. Returned here for naps. Made mac n' cheese & returned to be with Dad--made dinner for all of us. Home at 8:30. Cal taught me cribbage (Dad had tried, but David interrupted too much.) Pinky called.

7 Supper of steak, rice, broccoli, acorn squash

8 Cal gone all day on errands & helping Dad. I feel the isolation of the place very keenly. Chicken & fettucine for supper. 

9 Went to Rogers with David to run errands. Robt Cupp came over to have lunch with Cal. Dad fell on his return from dr. & Cal had to run over at dinnertime to help him Then Cal left for Quorum Ct. mtg. Chili & Nachos.

10 Took a 2.4 mile walk in the afternoon after a cry. David so much to handle and "getting to me." Cal took me to Mary Maestri's for a nice dinner.

11 Cal took care of David most of today so I could work--painted chairs blue, made meals, cleaned, napped, read a little & did a bit of desk work. Sandi called to tell me about Belinda. Lord, heal them. And we're wondering if I should go to help Gretchen or if Mother should--Cal & I would stay with Dad. We're so tired--just want to live our own lives. But Lord give us guidance & strength.

12 Decided not to go to church. So tired! Napped during David's nap. Dad had needed us, but they'd thought we'd gone to church so they didn't call till later. Took a long walk--discovered the ravine we see out our bedroom window. Cal stayed w/ Dad while Mother walked with me out here. Then in to Pea Ridge. Home at 7 pm. Poignant dream about Mom & family. 

13 Dad called me in to P.R. Went early with David, but he doesn't settle down well for naps. Dad officious & cranky--I wonder why I came!? Tension builds & builds. Then Cal stops for lunch with mail from Daddy--pictures of Mom--how I miss her! And poem by Pinky. I break into grief & go home. Sleep afternoon after cry. Clean after spaghetti supper while Cal covers a meeting.

14 Stayed home with David. Painted "The Mentor." Took David in to Dad for short visit. He is so busy trying to work that he's lousy company. Make chicken 'n pasta salad for dinner but Cal never comes home--takes Dad to hospital with hernia. Home at 11:30. I called Bev.

15 Have an early lunch w/ Cal. Make "Never fail sweet rye bread" & it fails miserably. That & Lentil soup & Cal goes to cover another meeting. Work on Laurie painting.

16 To P.R. for steaks w/ Mother & Dad at 5:30 & then on to Rogers for Bible study at McAlisters'. David delightful. Bev calls us.

17 Clean all day after a long walk up White Oak Holler in a.m. So, so tired! Wayne & Sandy Weatherford for dinner. Made B.C.C. Savory R. C. Hens. Very good. Strawb. shortcake for dessert. I fell asleep before they left--they'd stayed for a Kirk story.

18 Rain. Got up early with David so Cal could sleep in. Joe Miletits came to talk about insurance & stayed till noon. French onion rice soup. Short nap. Then the sun came out & we drove backroads to Bentonville. Beautiful. Walmart & Oscar's (for paint). To Mother's & Dad's for a short visit. Then back here. To Brightwater Methodist Church to cover a social for the newspaper--I went to keep Cal company & David loved the music...

19 Did an ANSWER preg. test this a.m. at 5:15. Read results when I got up to nurse David at 6:30. Positive. To F.B.C. Very happy with this church--think we'll stay. Spent day with folks. To Roaring River State Park. Then BBQ at Pea Ridge. Electricity went out & we chased down the story for Dad's whim. 9 p.m. & I'm exhausted! Cal's staying up to read, but I'm going to bed!

21 Dad taken to hospital mid-day. Cal home part of day, sick. Register cars.  

22 Mother called from Fayetteville at 1:30 a.m.--Dad very bad. Cal rushes down. Arrives an hour before Dad dies. Later autopsy showed it was a subsequent heart attack. Cal brings Mother back here. After morning naps she & Cal spend the day with Brother Dan making plans Bert, then Bev, stop by. DeDe comes by at dinnertime. Mother stays with us.

24 The girls arrive at 10 p.m. Together at Mother's until past midnight. Bev & Gretchen stay with us. David never nurses. WEAN

25 Funeral 10 a.m. Return here for lunch, then long lovely hike. Then chatting around fireplace. Barnetts stop by. Then to Mother's. Supper & view video of service. Boys return with us & Bev stays at Mother's. David has hard night.

26 To Mother's by 9:15 for breakfast, tree trimming, & family time. Return to our home after the kids leave at 11:00 am. Mother cleans while we nap! Return to Mother's. I make supper. Then shower me & David. We go through florist cards with Mother. 

27 Write CK. John K calls. Says Griswolds are back in B.S. Morning nap. To mother's late afternoon. Made supper. Watched Passage to India with Cal. Daddy sent flowers to Mother. 

28 Called to see if flowers from "Art" were Dad's. Yes. And found out Marcia is expecting a baby in October! To B'ville with David in afternoon: License, register vote, Walmart. Organized Mother's linen closet, Made roast for dinner at Mother's. 

29 Mama's day off! Paint Laurie's portrait. Wrote letter to Clara and to Laurie. Letter from Aunt Edie. Mother here for Taco salad supper. Shared symp. cards & Elis. Eliot article. David to his own bed at bedtime for the 1st time in 5 days!

30 Dinner at Mother's 6:00. Bible study. 

31 I made Salmon dinner at Mother's house. Then we watch To Have or Have Not.

In February David has learned to crawl, Greenlees' house burns down, my great-aunt Edie dies, my recently widowed father comes to visit...

The meaning of Spring

Walking toward the risen sun on Shady Lane this morning and considering the blessings of fresh air and still strong legs, trees, friends, family, I thought of making a conversation with a beloved granddaughter. It seemed at the same instant I felt a nudge that the conversation I should make at the moment was with the indwelling Holy Spirit instead. At that moment the bells started and I smiled to realize the hymn:

Take time to be holy, speak oft with thy Lord; Abide in Him always, and feed on His Word. Make friends of God’s children, help those who are weak, Forgetting in nothing His blessing to seek.

Take time to be holy, the world rushes on; Spend much time in secret, with Jesus alone. By looking to Jesus, like Him thou shalt be; Thy friends in thy conduct His likeness shall see.

Take time to be holy, let Him be thy Guide; And run not before Him, whatever betide. In joy or in sorrow, still follow the Lord, And, looking to Jesus, still trust in His Word.

Take time to be holy, be calm in thy soul, Each thought and each motive beneath His control. Thus led by His Spirit to fountains of love, Thou soon shalt be fitted for service above.

The bells are never long, nor often do they play an entire hymn; just enough to recognize it–-just enough to get me pondering the message if I remember it. The second hymn started as I topped the lane where Frank and Dixie have three crosses at the front of their property.

At the cross, at the cross where I first saw the light, and the burden of my heart rolled away, 

It was there by faith I received my sight, and now I am happy all the day!

I wonder if the saints in heaven get to rejoice to see God working in the saints on earth. If so, I was thanking Marie Sells who led “Jr. Church” and taught us many wonderful songs, Pastor Fesmire, Pastor Brown, my parents, my grandparents, so many others, so many others. I wonder if the thought of seeing these again should lessen the fear of death.

Then I looked up and saw the smallest green buds all over the trees, even some of trees broken by our storms. In spite of destruction of wind and winter, the Spring always bursts forth. I believe in the Resurrection. Thank You, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

JHWH jireh and let us never forget that

This morning's mental fog discouraged me, so preparatory to reading today's passages from the Bible I picked up one daily devotional after another, scanning the May 31 selections and getting a little encouragement, a little peace, from the likes of Amy Carmichael, Charles Spurgeon, Sandra Mansfield Wright, today's hymn from my tattered hymnal. In the process I began straightening the scattered books on the messy shelf and came across one of my old journals. Don't remember why this was out of place. Let's see, what year was this? In the book, which was given to Cal and me by saint Craig Lyon August of 1995 were a couple of old letters from friends, a photo of

our completed family in the house at Hepburn Gardens which I now intend to draw as a Fathers' Day gift for Cal, and a few entries from the beginning of our days in Scotland. But not much else. Until a few entries from 2002, one of which I'll share below, and then mostly blank pages for most of the book. 

May 24, 2002 Pinky here for a visit. We'll take Dad & Bryants out for supper tonight. 

In Sunday night's sermon or eucharistic homily (on Psalm 4) Pastor Campo made reference to our remembering the things God has done for us in the past as a way toward encouragement in the midst of discouragement. This has pushed me toward uncovering a journal for keeping track of such things or of making now a Book of Remembrances--at least one memory/day if not fresh grace to write about. Since that intention I have had several thoughts--only finding this book last night in my pursuit of this goal.

First, I thank God for the hymns of the Church. One memory is sitting on the front porch steps in Chattanooga putting on my tennis shoes in order to walk in the early morning dark with Penny Lubben and Ruth Earnshaw. I was early or Penny was late & a tune was running through my head. Only, as often happens, I didn't know what the song was. I grabbed a hymn book & counted out the meter. Eventually my search paid off & I found myself singing, memorizing the words to "I Greet Thee Who My Sure Redeemer Art" or "Now Unto Jehovah Ye Sons of the Mighty". How many times this has happened (this last week it was "Hail Thou Once Despised Jesus") and how often were the meditations of the words exactly where my heart was or exactly the preparation I needed for the day ahead. Thankyou, Loving Father, for this form of communication with You....

May 30, 2002 Another memory. But first: Karen came over today. She had an OB check & didn't want to take her kids so left them here, returning for lunch, & staying to chat the afternoon away. She's just about a week from delivery. How thankful I am to have witnessed God's gracious blessing on their lives--Jim's job, this new child, decisions in the right direction though slowly & not without the natural trepidation. God give me faith for them. God, please grant them more and more faith!

The memory: sitting on R's bed, watching her tearful, trusting make-up smeared face & loving her so much--a love from Christ. Praying for her faith in God & asking Him to give her to T. whom she finally loved. What wonderful things God has done! Yes, we were a part, but ONLY a small part. How many parts there were! And now they're five months away from having their first child. How much, how many time things seemed so impossible for her--the mess of her family relationships, Lymes disease, her beliefs....about not pursuing a career but waiting for a marriage, serving the church. Her self-doubts & resentments toward me. Thank God for this illustration of His love & power & patience & grace. 

So much more in these few pages to remember now of God's presence and gracious lovingkindness to us in the midst of life in earlier days. From Moses' commands to obedience in today's reading of Deuteronomy 4 is verse 9: Only take heed to yourself, and diligently keep yourself, lest you forget the things your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. And teach them to your children and your grandchildren...especially concerning the day...the Lord said to me, 'Gather the people to Me, and I will let them hear My words, that they may learn to fear Me all the days they live on the earth, and that they may teach their children...'

Thank you, dear Craig, for this book you gave us most certainly for our journaling use in the Scotland sojourn. And thank You, dear Father, for the provision of more blank pages to use, now that my current journal is about used up. May I turn my thoughts to thanksgiving for Your daily and gracious provisions! 

October 20 - 22, 1994

Almost six weeks out of the birth of my sixth child, I recorded the following in the journal I just uncovered in order to find the birth stats of said child as his wife is now expecting their first. Thought the thoughts recorded then, when I was in the throes of raising kids, might be of some encouragement to those who find themselves there now.

Thursday. I am hard & cold & vindictive. I am bitter. Bitterness fills me. God, forgive me & remove it, please. It confuses me. Confusion overwhelms me. And the silence of no answers embitters me. I have no one to turn to but You, O God! Forgive my bitterness over that. For who else do I need?! Why am I bitter? Bitter over my lack of grace & love for my children, my confusion about raising them. Bitter that I can't turn to Cal for help for he is too busy, and bitter that he can't see or feel the seriousness of our problems. 

....

Had a long difficult talk with Cal. He said he was glad we talked. I think he feels better that we communicated. But talking doesn't solve our problems, just airs them. Now what is to be done?

Friday. Cal had deacons' meeting at Shoney's at 6 a.m. Kilby woke me at 6:35 with coughing. God gave me grace to help her hospitably. Then one by one the kids awoke. Quiet grace for them through me from God....

Saturday. 6 to 7 loads of laundry today. I lost count. Cleaned bathroom. Picked up around the house. Did some mending. Made a banana pudding for lunch of otherwise leftovers. Stir fry supper. Had kids work with me most of the day. Wore myself out. Cal bought grass seed & timbers & straw. Top soil is due here on Monday. 

Lord, I feel so that you are silent, far from me. I'm sure it's my own fault, but I don't know what to do  about it. I see your "footprints", your grace in my life. I feel the heavy hand of your Holy Spirit's conviction. I remember what I know from scripture re: assurance of salvation. But I feel so lost these days. So utterly powerless to do good where it's needed. I can work diligently in my home & serve my husband & children well; the fruit of the spirit is faithfulness. But I fail so miserably at loving them. There is little love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, or self-control. And my children reflect me. I fell that we're both so grim & hard & demanding. I see my selfishness that holds back from all of them & I justify it as tiredness. Indeed, I am tired. Not only physically but longing for spiritual refreshment. Tired of self-righteousness & finding our rightness becomes a brittle facade. I just want to be filled with your spirit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness.

For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:11

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

365 Daily Gifts of Joy

My friend Amy gifted me with the book that carries the title of this blogpost and it’s been a joyful daily vitamin more often than not—rather, almost always— that speaks to my heart’s need at the moment. 

Lying in bed this morning watching the daylight growing behind the trees of the woods, after commenting to my husband that as our county has declared itself sanctuary for illegal aliens, the airport, already not in a great part of town, is likely to get more dangerous. Then the lavender light behind the quiet trees impressed me: As much as our world is reported to be falling apart, we live amidst beauty and peace (may we never turn them into idols!), and no matter what transpires in the years to come, or next month, or even today, it is my Father who rules with love. May I live by faith and not by sight!

Thank you, Amy. Thank you, Sandra Mansfield Wright for your joyful devotional. 

Saturday, May 10, 2003

Already in bed & so tired but I must get up & write--this is my sacrifice of thanksgiving. What loveliness the LORD has brought me to this week: peace & faith in the midst of turmoil. Just now I see Susan rejoicing over Beth's mock trial victory. Cal has just come in from a date with David & he's making the rounds of prayer with the children. 

We listened to 2 good Skogen sermons today. Then I went to the pool to relax with Cal. Midafternoon I got the Diprima children--after our kids had done the cleaning for Sunday--& took all of them over to the pool. A beautiful clear day w/ big moving clouds but mostly sunny. Dad is much more confused this week. LORD, my heart breaks to see his purposelessness & depression. Seems holed up in his room all day always sleeping. Then downstairs in confusion--talks about things that don't exist. 

This was the week I cleaned Susan's room & read her journal--only 5-6 pp but enough to be both greatly convicted at my own sin and greatly encouraged at her discernment. I took her to Las Vegas for dessert on Tues night to discuss it all--to apologize for what she sees as cynicism. I am recognizing it as simply unbelief. 

In one of Kevin's sermons today (Josh 5), he spoke of getting our eyes off of our sin and putting them on Christ & His work. These are good words for me. Cal is teaching through Romans. These are good words for me. And God is giving me grace to trust Him, Him alone, for the success & beauty of my children as saints. I fret or worry more than I don't, but with grace comes glimpses of their health & grace. Last night when Cal & I came in from dinner at the Grimes', there they were, the five eldest, sitting around the family room enjoying an album of PDQ Bach together. 

O Father, thank You for it all. For the great salvation of Jesus Christ down to the daily strength & health You provide. For the beauty of Florida weather & skies to the wonderful preaching we hear. Please, I am reminded, when I think how we've come to this, of the grace You provided long before our marriage to give ourselves to You. Matthew 6:33. Father, help us somehow to teach Your worship to other parents who want to emulate us. The blessing of our children is just the icing on the cake--the blessing that follows obedience that follows the fear & worship of God. Thank You for the wonderful week of reading church history with the kids. Thank You for the insights, however sad, into life at _____ that we have rec'd this week through sermons, relationships, history, conversations. Thank You for the encouragement that You are about the building of Your Church, the beautifying of the Bride. Please make us humble as we wait on Your pleasure. You have put us here & it is often puzzling to us. But thank You that now it no longer seems so upside down--thank You for the grace to accept Your Providence, however puzzling. Thank You for the encouragement to wait patiently. Thank You for all the reminders, chiefly from Cal, & Kev's sermons, that faith is not sight & that You Do keep your promises--even when I can't remember them. Please help me to remember Your promises more & more. Please help me to be more & more in the Word--abiding there. It's all I want to do. Thank You for making me thankful. Bless Your day to all of us tomorrow.

Old letter

January 27, 1983

Dear Pink,

    I felt your prayers with me throughout the weekend. And today was startled to remember what you said before you left for Florida about feeling that I had met a stabilizer. He is, indeed, that. 

    Cal is not what I expected, but his goodness and devotion and intelligence and [Melvin] sense of humor have humbled me. He is blessed with a razor-sharp mind and great & well-trained logical faculties. He is also blessed with a large & submissive heart devoted to his Lord. These are ultimately the most attractive things I see in any man. And for all Cal's obedience his masculinity is well-developed. I believe it is this which allows him to be so incredibly gentle and sensitive and tender.

    He is tall. And big (admits to needing to diet). And graciously accepts himself making it inevitably easier to feel comfortable with him. Indeed, walking next to him I not only feel my thinness (I'm 149!) & femininity, but actually delicate! How nice.

    The weekend was a good gift though I believe I rebelled against it at first--of course covering my discomfort with graciousness & apparent acceptance. We spent Saturday at the Wade Collection, Billy Graham Center, my studio, out to lunch. Then back to OB where I made dinner. Utter weariness setting in. It was after six and chicken needed boning and Dad's stomach needed something. So I sent Cal out of the kitchen with a tray of cheese & crackers to join Dad in the family room. What a providentially wise thing to do! Dad was working on the rewritten syllabus & right away started picking Cal's brain. And Cal, to whom I will be forever grateful, not only responded, but instantly understood both what Dad was doing and the value of what Dad was doing. He returns in Feb. for the Wheaton project workshop. 

    Then dinner. Weariness. Quietness. Letting everyone else (Laurie & David were home as well as Marcia & Sarah for Sat. night dinner) play and pun and accept Cal. Devotions by the firelight in the living room & Dad called on me to recite Psalm 139. I said it perfectly for once and with more love and meaning than I remember. Surely this is a gift from God. And David prayed a very thoughtful prayer. Then I got up to do dinner dishes knowing everyone was too busy with seminar prep. Cal went out to the Inn to help & talk.

    Washed my hair & dried it by the fire. Went up & got the unsent letter to Cal I'd referred to all day, wrote a note about going to bed "early" (it was 11 pm) & left it on his bed. He came in just after I'd gone in my room. But I needed space & didn't try to see him again.

    Deep down inside somewhere I was doing spiritual battle. And the HS would have his way with me. Soon I was giving in to hot, cleansing tears of submission. Woke Sunday refreshed and with a gift of openness & responsiveness & acceptance--no longer just a gracious act. And after obedience I grew to know someone as fine as I shall ever meet.

    It was a thrill standing next to him--at my fully stretched height & with spike-heeled boots!--during the hymns at Sunday's wonderful-for-everybody service (I've sent you the tape--on Simplicity.) Watching DeK's startled face as he tried to figure out where that voice was coming from. I discovered his voice coach was not only a leading tenor in Brit. opera but was trained by Enrico Caruso & helped to train both Pavarotti & Bev. Sills! A personal friend of Benj. Britten & R.V.Wms. What a beautiful voice & how beautiful his love for God makes it.

    After church Dad introduced him around. And of course Gabor had to kiss me & everyone else had to make suggestive comments. Which he used to let me know what he thought of me by telling them in front of helpless me. Grace enough to smile & let it spill. 

    After Mom, Dad, & Marcia left for Cincinatti on Sunday, I retired to the couch in the living room. I cannot describe how utterly exhausted I was--a month of no sleep & tension & anticipation released! Cal joined me and we sat around or laid around (finally swapping much-needed backrubs) the living room talking till ten! About everything. Finally getting to know each other. He made himself quite vulnerable-- a favor which I did not return for the better part of feminine prudence. I did not acknowledge to him how all of his dreams and desires match mine perfectly--a thing he shall come to know only as God's will manifests itself that we are meant for each other. We went out for a 4 mile walk with Countess at ten. Then sat talking until 3:30 a.m.

    Monday morning I went to Elgin with him to meet his wonderful great-aunt "Pegs" who had pictures of their [handsome!] family reunion this summer. It was good to see Cal against the fabric of his own family. He was at his ease & I learned so much more of him in just two hours. By the time he left I could sense his desire and knew my own. 

    He tried to call last night & I missed him. He talked to Mom & Dad. I have figured out--doubt he has--that we shall probably see one another once a month until Marcia's wedding to which he agreed to come.

    I am now sleeping & full of my work. Happy--very happy to wait & see what are the Lord's purposes. Cal is very very good for me & I see it vice versa, too.

    We shall both need your prayers--him for his work and commitment to the integrity of the scriptures. And me for a willing heart & a clear head. 

    I doubt I should ever have gotten to know Cal if we hadn't first written. And I certainly wouldn't have chosen him. But if God leads him to choose me I shall joyfully submit for I couldn't find a better helpmate or father for my children.

    Excuse the melodrama of my writing--but want you to know my deepest & happy heart.

            More in time.

            May the inexpressible & unquenchable joy of Jesus Christ overflow your heart. 

            Deb

Reflections

 

As I came to meditate on the 46th hymn on this 46th day of the new year I saw my old, unmade-up face in the mirror over the piano. Thanks to fresh ways of thinking from reading Louie Giglio's Don't Give the Enemy a Seat at Your Table what delighted me as I sat down was to see both of my sainted parents in my face, with thanksgiving for all they bequeathed to me spiritually, and the hope of seeing them again one day!

"Lord, your glory fills the heaven, earth is with its fulness stored; unto you be glory given, holy, holy, holy Lord!"

As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones, in whom is all my delight. Psalm 16:3

It is well with my soul

Yesterday my friend Marcia gave me the Little Things Studio's 2023 Hymn Calendar. As I sat in the living room love seat this morning the idea that I'd incorporate it into my small often unused upstairs study (since why sit there when I can sink into a couch by the fireplace for reading and journaling?!) was dismissed as I recognized the blank space to the left of the piano corner bookcase (which also stores our hymnals) was perfect in its verticalness, its proximity to the music corner, and after all, there was still a tiny nail there that had hung something long gone. But to accent it I wanted some sort of frame. Went to the studio and found an old piece of paper canvas, now slightly off white. Measured two different ways, I decided on one and hiked upstairs to find the paper cutter and make a slice. Then the idea for using markers to make a small colored frame on the canvas. Now I was ready to hang it. As I moved the large heavy torchiere lamp, the lower section must have caught a branch of the eucalyptus in the vase on top of the piano that held eucalyptus, rosemary, and fake red berries. Before I could prevent it, I watched from the corner of my eye as the vase and its contents spilled down over the piano and on to the floor, breaking the vase. I forget who gave me that vase in the first place, but it has been a favorite. 

So I thought it ironic, providential, lovely, that the hymn posted for January 2023 that now stared me in the face was When peace like a river attendeth my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll; whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say, "It is well, it is well with my soul."  I finished the wall hanging, swept up the dried rosemary mess, and glued the vase back together with my E6000. It is well with my soul. Thanks, Marcia!

Grace at Gould's

Late afternoon of March 16th I suffered a seizure I knew nothing about until I awoke in the hospital two days later. A covid-induced thirst caused me to drink away valuable electrolytes (hyponatremia is what they call it) which led to the seizure. My poor husband could not know it was NOT a stroke until they'd performed an EEG on me before I was even conscious of it. When a technician later visited me in ICU to take the electrodes off with acetone, she told me that nail polish remover could remove what was left of the glue. Not sure she had any idea how much glue was on my head, or in my nearly waist-long hair. To this day I wonder if a frustrated tech had used the glue to french twist my hair into submission. I understand that though I remember nothing, I was not "unconscious", but often struggling with those taking care of me.

 

Thankfully I recovered fully from hyponatremia, Covid-19, and the hospital. Then began the saga of trying to remove this medium-baking-potato-sized lump of EEG glue and long hair at the left-hand corner of the crown of my head. I found this and tried it all. I used up not only one bottle of olive oil, but two bottles of acetone. That itself was scary, and I had to have help so the acetone went into the hair, but not much on my scalp, and certainly away from my eyes. I never did submit to my husband's suggestion of Carburetor GumOut or another's of Goo Gone (I mean, have you ever read the label?!!? Get in on your skin and call poison control?!)

My stash of scarves came in handy, and I determined that I could just live in them for a few more weeks, hoping that hair growth would help loosen things, or the glue would just give up in the face of all the hacks, more of which I was finding online. What I didn't know (what my heroines would later explain to me) was that my acetone habit was basically melting the glue into a harder, more concentrated mass. My daughter spent a long afternoon with the Cowboy Magic and a fine-toothed comb. We freed maybe 87 hairs. We made a date for continuing the project on another afternoon, but instead I watched Cinderella with her daughter. "Mom. You're just going to have to get it cut." She was very pleased with the short cut she just got at Gould's and offered to set up an appointment for me. Still, I thought I could wait it out. But the next morning my husband agreed with her, and in that moment God, the Promise Keeper, gave me grace to trust that He would give me good for submitting to my husband's wisdom. Called Grace and asked her to set up an appointment. 

She could not get one with her new stylist at Houston-Levee, but when she described what we were needing, Gould's told her they had just the perfect person to work on it, and could I come to the Germantown location on Saturday. 

And there I met Eunice Boddie, beautiful miracle-worker, employee with the longest tenure at Gould's: did she say 64 years?!

The pictures tell the story. Within a short time, MaryAnn Frazier joined us. She had nursing home experience with returning patients who had EEG glue to remove. But she admitted that she had never seen anything like my situation. She advised snipping down in to the hairball and they worked meticulously at it for nearly two hours, saving more hair than any of us expected.

Grace, the photo-snapping cheerleader, and I celebrated at Rock'N Dough Pizza for late lunch after Eunice had worked her magic. I went back two weeks later for my new friend Eunice to fine-tune and restyle it for the ladies' retreat my daughter had invited me to attend with her at the beautiful Country Place retreat in Moscow, Tennessee. 

To Eunice, MaryAnn, and all of Gould's cool people (I did meet several others), I say thank you, and carry on your good work. 

Thanks for blessing me.

Toast to the newlyweds

This that my oldest daughter wrote for my youngest daughter are such good words even for me that I am recording them here to read again and again.

Grace and David,

I'm proud of you! You are courageous and adventurous. And I see your hearts and
they are strong and eager and full of life!

And you got here! The work is done. The week is done. The ceremony is done. The summer is done. Your journey to this beginning of life is done. And we're here to celebrate with you and--finally--after a long hard summer you are feeling all our love. What a good moment! Your life has just begun.

You have no idea right now what the shape of your life is going to be, and if you sat down right now with a pen and a paper and each other and you looked at your hearts and you wrote a story it would not be as good as the one that's going to happen. So don't do that. Just live, and see where life takes you.

I want to ask you to spend time paying attention to your own hearts and to each other and to your marriage and to your life. When I say pay attention I mean let go of any agenda you might have for what that life should look like. Let go of your expectations. Wait and see. Watch. You have been called to be witnesses to each other's life. In a way your life has become one, and in a way it never will, and your story is going to be beautiful if you keep admiring the life you find in each other, even if what you find is baffling or surprising or irritating. Keep asking "Who is this person that I married? What is the shape of his soul? What makes him resonate with Christ?"

That's all you need to ask; and then watch, as Christ makes life in you.

The thing about life is you can't stop it. Have you ever seen the grass growing through the sidewalk? Grass, tender grass, cracks concrete because life is serious business. We believe in a God who raised our Lord Jesus Christ from the dead and with him he gives us life. That much life. That kind of life. This life that you began two hours ago is that tender and that unstoppable.

You will experience sorrow, you will taste death, you will even fight sometimes. But if you will spend your marriage looking at each other, paying attention to each other, noticing what makes your spouse alive, and celebrating that, pursuing it, making space for it, you will be happy. Because life has been preprogrammed. Preprogrammed by the power that raised christ from the dead and that is enough power for anything, and that, by the holy spirit, is ours. we believe in the holy spirit, the lord and giver of life. thats yours. and you are going to live and it is going to be beautiful.

Of course Switchfoot says what I'm trying to say:

Put your hand in mine and
Put your heart in drive
What we need will find us

So let go (you have everything you need right here), pay attention, raise a glass, share a meal, celebrate your love, and then get up and do it again the next day.

To life!

God's infinite goodness

Meditating on Psalm 5 this morning. 

I get, living in this fallen world, the judgment of God. And I get, to whatever small degree I am able, the magnificence of God's gift of Himself in Christ. But verse 4 strikes a distant major chord in me: For You are not a God who takes pleasure in wickedness, nor shall evil dwell with you. The passage goes on to descrbe what happens to the rebellious without Christ. It all has to be there. It is truth that in Adam all men sin and that in this world is much wickedness and evil. But here is my difficulty, being earthbound and not yet glorified: I can hardly conceive what it means that evil cannot dwell with God. What I can't conceive is the other side of that coin: the amazing goodness, joy, love, perfect holiness, peace that is emanating from infinite JHWH. Judgment passed. (And judgment for our sin has passed.) In my pursuit of obedience, righteousness, Christ-likeness, in my desire that the law should lead my little ones to their need of Him, in my own inability to see God, I have understood the judgments of God, the righteous requirements of God more easily, more fully, than I have understood the goodness of God. Both sides really do meet in Christ, in His work. I humbly seek the forgiveness already granted for misrepresenting God to my little ones. I see now how my own fears affected their understanding. And I praise Him that He is faithful and He is accomplishing all of His purposes and that He is all I need and all that my children need. I beg Him for greater and greater understanding and sight of His goodness.

How lovely is Your tabernacle, O JHWH of hosts! My soul longs, yes, even faints for the courts of JHWH; My heart and my flesh cry out for the living God. But even the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may lay her young: Your altars, O JHWH of hosts, my King and my God. Blessed those who dwell in Your house; they will stll be praising You. Psalm 84

Trained for Holiday

You know that wonderful feeling of space and freedom when you're finally done with schooling, your time and your schedule is your own? Been feeling that off and on of late.

Today is iconic for that. Cal and I slept in and got up lazily. He announced that as his assistant and his office was "off" for July 4, he wanted to do something different with the morning (we'd do necessary work this afternoon). So I made us a brunch of homemade whole wheat, whole wheat berry bread spread with peanut butter and topped with cheddar cheese for entree and chocolate chips for dessert and broiled until both toppings melted. Finished off the Bloody Mary mix for him and added a shot from the new bottle of Cointreau Noir to my rare and "holiday" (well, I needed an excuse to break my fast) cafe con leche. And we watched State of the Union with Tracy and Hepburn. Good movie except for lousy understanding of economic law. Then Cal helped me Sunday-company-clean the downstairs of the house. Hugged AJ on his way to work out and had a quick but lovely conversation. Just said goodbye to Isaac who is off to seek his fortune, and now I'm about to shop groceries for the weekend. This afternoon I'll organize all the clothes from the closet that I threw on my bed this morning.

As I brushed my now messy hair into a ponytail, I found myself delighting in the feeling mentioned above. Proclaimed this spring how last fall I'd prayed that I would do as much painting this year as I traveled last year. Well, I think I meant that I would stay home and NOT travel so much. But by the time I was talking about it, I'd already traveled as much in a few months as all of last year. But now, two weeks before another trip, I've painted more this year than maybe everything else in the last twenty years. And recognizing the value the last twenty years of SEEING has done me even though I could not paint what with managing a family. And learning how much fun it is to be alone with Cal.

Today's heterodoxical schedule (and thanks to Kilby's encouraging essay which I keep reviewing) has got me rejoicing that I'm done with "school", and free to set my own goals, my own productive schedules, my own satisfying times of rest and play and service and painting. So here's encouragement to my daughters who are in the beginning stages of childrearing. Plod on. We have eternity to play. Work is play.

God's goodness builds my faith

With a freewill offering I will sacrifice to you;I will give thanks to your name, O Lord, for it is good. For he has delivered me from every trouble, and my eye has looked in triumph on my enemies.

Psalm 54:6-7

My daughter grew up fast. And now she has an old car and lives in another city without us around where we can help her easily. Months ago we heard that her car windows would not go down. Having just discovered a fuse controlled our local son's car windows when his did not work, we encouraged her to look into that. Not sure she did.

Fast forward to this week. I get a text after she has taken her car in to Firestone to get help raising a window that suddenly went down last week after all these months (the weather got hot and her elbow accidentally pushed the window button. ?). Now it was about to rain and she needed it fixed. (Never mind, safety!) The text message informs me that the diagnostic fee will be $40. and who knows what the repair will cost. And can she please put it on my credit for now and she can pay me back after her next paycheck.

A phone call later she's learned from us about diagnostic fees being applied to repairs and the value of getting estimates ahead of repairs. Quite expecting this young lady in danger of getting ripped off, we take a deep breath, and thank God for learning experiences. It's only money.

A few hours later I missed the text telling me the total will be $239, including diagnostic fee and will take two hours of work, when they can get around to it.

A few hours later I get a panicked call. They could not fix it, would charge her nothing, but she'd need to take the car to a nearby specialist. Only she was stuck at home and couldn't find any friends to take her back to the shop; her roomie was far away and the friend who'd been lined up to help had to go to class. And she needed to get to work early in the morning. So she'd settle for getting it after her friend got out of class and he'd take her to Home Depot where she'd purchase clear plastic and duct tape and shut out the forecasted rain herself until she could get it to the specialist.

Helpless, I prayed with her for God to provide a friend who could assist Grace in getting her car to the specialist and his ability to fix it. I didn't even pray about the cost because that was a moot point: God provides and it has to get fixed and she can't afford to think about a new car.

Soon the text comes that another friend from church has texted to say she is coming to take her to Firestone so she can get the car to the specialist who can fix her broken windows system.

And then the phone call informing me that by the time she arrived to retrieve her car the guys at Firestone, in putting the door back together, had discovered a broken wire, twisted it, and now all four windows go up and down. And they didn't charge her for the repair. Nor for the diagnosis. !?!? Grateful, she rewarded them with several Chick-fil-A gift cards at her disposal.

Her report has filled me with such thanksgiving. Not only for the provision which amazed us when we called out for help in finding transportation to the shop and the subsequent freebie, but for the clear blessing of God in the clear answer to prayer. I have prayed that He would restore the happy and confident faith of my earlier life, and as I have been claiming the truth of His goodness while submitting to His wise providence, I am learning to trust Him whatever that providence. To have such a lovely string of provisions today for this daughtie-I-can't-do-for has got my heart singing. Yes, I often pray that He will heal any undiagnosed illnesses in our bodies so that we can carry on. Yes, I pray almost daily that He will free Saeed. Yes, I'm praying that He will heal Lindsey and Laurie. Nor can I know some of the answers to those prayers. But I am continually encouraged to make them. My Father delights to give His children good gifts.

And then from Amy Carmichael on Psalm 18:32-36:

He maketh my way perfect. Perfect—not easy; high places, steep places, are not easy places, but the hinds' feet are wonderfully prepared to stand on places that would be impossible to most creatures. “He maketh my feet like hinds' feet”. Feet that can stand steadily in difficult places, feet that can walk in paths that are like a thread thrown on a precipice, feet that can spring from point to point, not afraid of suddenly having to change direction; all this—and I expect much more—is in the picture David sees and calls “hinds' feet”.

And then, lest any one of us should feel afraid of the difficult ways where the hinds go, we have this lovely word: “Thou has enlarged my steps under me, that my feet did not slip.” “Thou shalt make room enough under me for to go”. We shall never come to a place where this is not true. There will always somehow be “room for me to go”. 

Encouragement to trust God

When it seems not quite right

Mom's home Bible-study

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

This morning the preacher preached on Romans 12:1-2 about the mercies of God moving us to present our bodies a living sacrifice as spiritual worship, our minds being transformed to know His perfect will. It reminded me of the mornings over our hot cereal, before rushing off to school, that my mother led us in studying the Bible. It is where I first learned that passage. And all of Romans. And Galatians. And Revelation. Apart from our daily devotions as a family--Daddy reading a chapter of scripture, calling on one of us to lead in prayer, and finishing with a hymn together--Mom's diligence in teaching us around the table has had the longest impact on my life. The memory pushes me to urge my daughters and nieces and other young mom friends to shape the precious lives placed in your care by reading scripture, memorizing scripture, teaching scripture, applying scripture to them--as you sit down, as you rise up, as you walk in the way, as you drive to the market, the playground, the lessons. May God equip you all to live abundantly.

"All"

Some time after I heard, and for the first time understood and believed, that we could be kept from falling, I was at a big meeting in Scotland where Dr Andrew Bonar was speaking. He was very old and could not speak very plainly or strongly. The hall was full, and I was near the back. I could not catch a single word he said, except this word "all". He read 2 Cor. 9. 8 and he put every bit of strength he had into it, so that the one word rang out--all--always--all--all.  I have forgotten thousands of great sermons but that "all" I have never forgotten, and it has helped me countless times. It helps me afresh today. "God is able to make all grace abound toward you; that ye, always having all sufficiency in all things, may abound to every good work"

All means all, not some; always means always, not sometimes. Lord, today help us to live upon this "all".

~Amy Carmichael, Edges of His Ways, January 16