The following is all true. Well okay, the part with the escaped elephant is true. The rest of it is probably made up. Probably . . . maybe.
April 21, 1993, Altoona, Pennsylvania- David and Nicholas Green were ten years old when their lives went still. It came to be the way most life changing moments come to be; ordinarily but with a hell of a finishing touch.
Their father, Vincent Green was a failed actor turned soldier of fortune. Tall and ruggedly handsome, the forty-five year old was still chasing dreams that possessed more mystery than definition. He was a perpetual carnival ride of ideas, most of them forgettable ones. Their mother Monica was fifteen years younger and six-feet worth of movie star looks in her own right. High cheek bones and a brilliantly scalloped chunk of blonde hair, she was every bit the dreamer as her husband. The only difference being, her dreams didn’t dwell in the miasma of extemporaneous provisions. Hers existed inside the realm of the possible.
The Greens thrived on appearances whilst staging the details of their reality in a subterranean locker whose combination remained a well guarded secret to the rest of the world. Monica’s pregnancy, while completely unexpected, was also a preciously welcomed turn of events in that it was the first lottery ticket the couple had actually won. In spite of their tenuous financial situation, they embraced the surprise. Monica had always wanted to be a mother while Vincent had always wanted someone to carry on his family name. He wanted a boy. She wanted evidence of miracles in a world devoid of them.
Everything changed when Vincent’s pal Maury came to him with a mostly solid plan to steal more than two million dollars in cash from a local auction house. Maury was a fifty-year old retired cop who had learned of the transaction through his friends at the department. He would evade suspicion thanks to his impeccable thirty-year career on the force. Of course, it didn’t hurt one bit that poorly kept secrets were a small town staple and this particular business was no different. Vincent was pleasantly surprised when Monica proved rather amenable to a plan that involved more risk than she had previously been willing to accept.
In the days leading up to the job, Vincent was calling it his “last big score”. It was a phrase that secretly amused his wife since to her knowledge, if all went according to plan, it would also prove to be his first big score. The couple had always lived well beyond their means, shuffling their debt from one scheme to the next with the idea that tomorrow would prove to be their Shangri-La.
When the men arrived home, very much alive and well, they turned on the TV and listened to the local news accounts of the runaway elephant named Tyke, who was apparently still on the loose in the streets of Altoona after having escaped from a performance at the Jaffa Mosque.
“God bless Barnum and Fucking Bailey!” Vincent shouted with the jubilance of a man whose narrative had been rewritten inside of one spring morning.
“It wasn’t Barnum and Bailey, Vinny. It was some ball sack company out of Honolulu, which figures. I mean, what do Hawaiians know about elephants? And be quiet, will ya? We don’t want the boys coming out of their room,” Maury admonished him.
“I told the boys to stay in their room and stay they most certainly will,” Monica said confidently.
“Who cares . . .we’re rich!” Vincent shouted as he held a bag that represented a fresh start.
“Tell me you did it baby, just tell me you did it,” Monica said as she embraced Vincent.
“We did it,”
“With an assist from a fucking elephant,” Maury chimed in.
“Yeah, every available uniform is busy chasing this thing around. They had to prioritize . . a call in to the department over some missing funds, or the safety of 4,000 kids attending a circus performance,”
“I just hope the elephant is alright,” Monica remarked with a degree of sincerity that didn’t fit this picture.
David and Nicholas peeked down into the living room from their makeshift hiding place on the second floor. The boys used it as a hideaway whenever their parents got into one of their legendary arguments that lasted until the gin ran dry. They lay still in rapt attention as their mother pulled a silencer out of her jacket and emptied it into the skull of their father. The scene unfolded in slow motion, a horror movie come to life. They watched as Uncle Maury wrapped their father in drop cloths as if he were rolling up a burrito and then they watched their mother kiss her accomplice before the two of them carried their father out of the house.
That’s when reality and make believe became one and the same and the only world they had ever known collapsed into a madness that would swallow them whole. They moved back into their bedroom and pretended the world was still French toast breakfasts and weekend matinees. For as much as they loved their mother, they feared her even more, and while they could not wrap their young minds around the idea that Monica Green might murder them as well, they knew better than to doubt such an evil scenario. So they would do what they had always done, what they were raised to do. They would play along.
When Monica entered the room, it was as if the merciless scowl of winter had returned. She smiled and asked the boys to pack a suitcase. One suitcase each.
“We’re going on an adventure,” She promised. But now that beautiful smile had tilted, contorted and spilled into a melody of sins. Monica Green was no longer pretending to be dutiful or bound to such antiquated convention.
“Is Daddy coming?” David asked. The query made his brother Nicholas turn cold, because if their mother saw this as a challenge, or worse, an accusation? Well, it was not going to be good. Instead, Monica Green answered the question as if David had asked her if they could stay up just a little later on a school night.
“Oh no honey, I’m sorry. Your father has decided it would be best if he went away . . at least for a little while. As you know, life with your father has been a struggle for me. Which is why I need you boys now, more than ever . .”
“Oh mommy!” Nicholas bawled as he ran into her arms. It was equal parts performance and genuine anguish. David joined his brother in her arms, his cries fueled by the very same emotions. It was the moment they would never speak of but one which they most certainly would never forget.
“You would never hurt your mother, would you boys?” Monica smiled as her two boys shook their heads meekly.
“Good . . . . good. Now get ready, we’re leaving shortly,”
That was the day when the Green boys learned the horrible truth about the world they would grow up inside of. You could fight the brilliant lies with a bare knuckle muster that might win you a day here and there but would prove as fruitless as trying to push back the ocean tides.
Or you could play along.
Britney Spears- Circus
These crazy weather systems have hit most of the country right in the chops like a wicked uppercut with the only difference being, one good punch usually means lights out for the hittee. This weather system has been relentless and it’s going on several months now with no signs of slowing down. Woonsocket Rhode Island got pounded with 55 inches of snow. Which means I can never ever complain about a foot of the stuff, ever again. Boston got 17, New York City got 20 and Philadelphia got 14, prompting all of these cities to put a bounty on Frosty the Snowman, understandably.
The Winter Olympics From Milan- The Washington Capitals TV analyst Craig Laughlin calls the winter games the ‘crazy uncle’ to the summer version and he ain’t wrong. The skiers are nuts, the snowboarders are certifiable and the luge, bobsled and skeleton riders are crazier than Jack Torrance on holiday.
The Nancy Guthrie Case is sad and confusing- It is heart-wrenching to watch her daughter Savannah make plea after plea for her safe return while upping the reward money. It’s confusing listening to Pima County Sheriff Chris Nanos assure the public he’s doing everything he can when it sure doesn’t feel that way. It’s been close to a month since the 84-year-old disappeared and we’re no closer to the truth.
We’ve watched a ton of really good shows and a handful of truly great ones. Task, starring Mark Ruffalo, Tom Pelphrey, Emilia Jones and Martha Plimpton just finished a gold medal run of seven mesmerizing episodes. Q called them “seven mini-movies” and that is exactly what they are. Ruffalo plays a grieving FBI agent who’s barely holding his life together when he’s enlisted to head up a task force investigating a string of violent robberies targeting drug stash houses. Ruffalo is aces, as per. But the performances by Pelphrey and Jones push this mini-series into something really special. It’s a podium show, no doubt about it.
Sophia Campbell was having one of those days recently. I think we can all relate with the fourth-grader at DeBary Elementary in Volusia County, Florida. And sure, a bad day isn’t the end of the world but let’s face it, sometimes it really does feel that way. Little Sophia was so down in the dumps that she had confessed to her teacher, Joanne Miller that, well, she just wasn’t feeling very smart at all.
Be Sorry . . . Less 
