It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time

I was going to post something tomorrow, but I may as well do it now in case for some reason I can't.

A year ago tomorrow is when I said goodbye to the love of my life, sweet dear Elvis kitty.

Sheesh. Maybe I can't even do this today. I thought I would be fine.

*deep breaths*

Is it weird to still get this worked up after a year? Of course I think about him every day. His photo is my home screen on my Blackberry. I have photos of him around the house, plus his kitty toys all neatly put away yet in sight.

The answering machine still has the message from the vet's office saying that Elvis' remains were back and I can come get him whenever the time is right. I can't listen to it and I can't delete it. It gave me comfort at the time, but now. I don't know.

Okay, this was harder than I thought and I'm at work all teary. If I was at my old job, I could get a big hug and a good cry with my wonderful co-workers. Now I'll just sit here in my cube and try to pull myself together.

I miss him so much.

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Just a quick thank you, which doesn't feel like an adequate expression for how much I appreciate your kind words and thoughts.

Elvis had a good night and is looking good this morning. There have been times this week that the end felt right around the corner and times like this morning when I wonder if all the bad news is really true.

We'll just take every day as it comes and enjoy what we have.

(((massive hugs to everyone)))

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Vet called, Valley Fever test came back negative.

Elvis for sure has lung cancer. She said pain won't be involved, so I need to monitor quality of life. As of this morning, he's still eating and drinking. And he's getting kitty treats – because he can!

I'm still giving him his diabetes shots, trying to keep everything as normal as possible.

He had a hard time breathing last night. I'm not going to wait until he's flat out gasping for air. I couldn't bear to watch him suffer.

Not sure how much time we have left. It's all happening so fast, but I can already see things taking a dive.

Thanks so much for all of your support, love and good thoughts. I've had a few friends come forward, including my boss, who said they would be with me when the time comes. Somehow their offers make this more real than when it's just me thinking about it.

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She's going to call me tomorrow and let me know what she thinks is going on for sure. While we were there, it was obvious he wasn't getting much oxygen. His nose and gums were more purple than pink, but after I gave him some cuddles he calmed down and some good color started to come back. So off he went to get chest x-rays. My poor little old fast-breathing guy.

I'm not going to put anything in writing that I will hopefully have to retract later (*fingers crossed*), so I'll just say that with a lack of sleep, two airplane rides from hell (okay, one from hell the other from a minor level of heck) and putting off eating until, oh, 2:15 – I've been in better shape.
 
I'm going to wait and see what she says tomorrow and then we'll go from there. Miss K was watching him this weekend and said he seemed to be fine, other than purring so hard he gave himself the hiccups. When I came home and started brushing him, he was so super excited he started breathing through his mouth, but not in a stressed out panting kind of way. Then at one point, he looked right at me with big eyes and kind of sunk down into a laying position, where he stayed for a while until he could breathe just through his nose again.

I'm at work now to get some stuff done. My boss told me to go home. I may bust out early. Tonight is reserved for my kitty and my kitty alone!

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