That's the tune of yesterday during the Christmas Cookie Baking Fiasco of 2007. Two of my nieces and I were baking Christmas cookies and I burned three trays of my favorite green Spritz Christmas trees. Three trays. Not all at once, mind you, but three in a row. I think I have late onset ADD. You would think after the first tray, I would have learned. But no. MomH noticed the third and final tray when she smelled something odd and saw smoke coming out of the oven. I had since left the kitchen by then and was showing the girls some yoga moves down in the basement.
I asked the girls if they thought their dad could be tricked into thinking they were chocolate trees. They thought that was a grand idea. But MomH said Raymond doesn't eat much dessert. Darn it. He has years of revenge owed to him.
So I tried to feed some of the cookies to Tyson, the stray pit bull that adopted the family a few months back. The Canine Vacuum Cleaner grabbed a cookie from midair and promptly spit it out. Now that is some serious rejection.
We've been getting hit with some strong winds. Yesterday morning, the wind woke up my parents and they turned on the Weather Channel to see if there were any tornado warnings. We joked that I would have been safe in my room in the basement but they would have flown across the fields on their new king size bed. It would have been a shock to wake up and go upstairs to a missing house.
I've been here for a little more than a day and I haven't seen one cow yet. I'm such a lazy slug. I guess I could head down to the barn and see what's going on. But it's cold out.
I can't even get Tyson to go outside, even though he has food in the garage – and this isn't even his house. The two dogs, Spencer (mini-Australian Shepherd) and Tyson like hanging out at Grandma's house. They are attention whores. If you pet one, the other comes right over. They are both sweeties but the dog love is a bit overwhelming especially when they start playing in my lap. The last thing I want is a pit bull and a little dog trying to bite each other anywhere near my person.
Tyson follows me around, thinking I'm going to give him food. If I head to the door and tell him to go outside, he slinks away and gives me that look Elvis gives during shot time, "oooh, I'm just a poor helpless creature, have pity on me!" I've called him a wussy dog but he doesn't seem to mind. Some fearsome dog he is. Pfft. He'll look even more threatening when I buy him a fuzzy pink sweather to keep warm.
Speaking of, Elvis was such a brat the other night. He was on top of the bed, always just a bit out reach. we kept circling each other until he finally hid under the bed where I couldn't reach him. I was becoming increasingly frustrated, which I'm sure was a great help. "Elvis! You have to get your shot! This is important. This will make you feel better and you are going to get it no matter what, so just come out now and be done with it! You are being a bad, bad kitty!"
I finally left him alone, mostly for my sake. Two hours later I finally succeeded. Aargh. He's fine as soon as he gets it. He knows it's over and then he's perfectly happy. Brat Cat. But I wuf him. I hope he's behaving better for his keepers in my absence. I should have told him that Mommy was leaving because he was a pain in my ass. Ha.
Last night I went down to Ray & SIL's house to help the girls clean up, since SIL was super busy and super stressed with her custom sign business. The less she has to freak out at the girls about, the better. So I did dishes. Ugh. I wish I had a HazMat suit followed by a bleach shower. If there was ever a time to catch a flesh eating bacteria, there it was. Of course, Dani and Amber blamed Courtney, as Courtney was the one not present. Funny how that works.
Walking back was an ethereal experience. The moon was shining bright high overhead and I could see my shadow distinctly. It was eerily beautiful. When I finally came inside, I was inspired to try and describe it words. I'm still working on my little piece of prose and will post at some point.
There's the news from the hinterland. Have a very Merry Christmas, everyone!
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