It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time

Today I need to ride my bike to the bank (because I can) and deposit my refund check for my passport pain and suffering.

As you may recall way back in March I drove down on a Saturday to the new passport agency office in Tucson to apply for an expedited passport. Everyone was all nice and friendly and happy. All in all, a good day. I was assured I would get my passport in time for my flight to Montreal, 6:00 a.m. that coming Friday.

That Tuesday I called the national passport hotline. "It shows your passport is still in process. Oh, yes, they know when your flight is. Don't worry about."

I call Wednesday: "You'll get your passport. Don't worry about it."

I wake up at 7:30 a.m. on Thursday. I can sleep in because this is my first week of being a jobless bum. I check the emails from my Blackberry. There's a note from the National Passport Center.

"Your passport has been mailed. You should receive it on or around Saturday, April 3."

WHAT?????

I pop out of bed and call.

Passport Center phone call #1
Passport Center: "It shows here your passport has been mailed."
Me: "But I leave tomorrow!"
PC: "What time?"
Me: "6:00 a.m.!"
PC: "Oh… Well, here's the tracking number for the post office. Go check with them."

I go online to USPS.com. No record of my tracking number. I paid for overnight service, you see, so now I can track these things. The panic is building. 

Passport Center phone call #2
PC: "Oh, well here's the post office number to call"

USPS call #1
Automated entry tells me my package, with a different tracking number, went to Spain.

Passport Center phone call #3
PC: "Oh, well here's another number you can call."

USPS call #2
Nancy at the Phoenix Post Office Customer Service: "You leave when? Tomorrow?! And they mailed your passport?! You might not get it!"
Me: "I know!"
Nancy: "Well, I don't see any record of it having been mailed. Anything coming from Tucson will hit Tempe at 9:00 a.m. I'll call and check and see if it shows up there."

I decide Nancy is a wonderful person.

It's now 8:30 and my blood pressure is through the roof.

Passport Center phone call #4
Me: "The postal service has no record of my passport being shipped. I need my passport and I'll drive to Tucson today to get it.:"
PC (I get a new person every time): "When is your flight?"
Me: "Tomorrow."
PC: "What time?"
Me: "6:00 a.m!"
PC: "Oh."
Me: "Yeah, 'oh'."
PC: "Hold on a second." On hold……. "Your passport hasn't been mailed. It's still in Tucson."
*RAY OF HOPE!*
Me: "I'll go get it! Don't let it get in the mail!"
PC: "Okay, I've put in a request to hold it. They'll call you and let you know when to come get it."
Me: "I'll just go now."
PC: "Well, they need to call you first."
Me: "It's 100 miles away."
PC: "Oh. Well, you should ask for your postage to be refunded. I don't know what else to tell you."
I'm not mad at this guy because he was the first one who actually tried to see what was going on. 

USPS Call #3
Me: "Nancy! My passport is still in Tucson!"
Nancy: "Oh! What a relief! But what a mess! Thanks for letting me know!"
Me: "Thank you for trying!"

So I hustle around to get somewhat presentable. Before I jump in the car I thought I had better call again.

Passport Center call #5
Me: "I'm leaving for Tucson now to get my passport. I need to make sure it's there and it doesn't go in the mail."
Yet another PC guy: "They need to call you when it's ready."
Me: "But it will take me two hours to get there."
PC: "Oh."
Me: "YEAH, OH!" Aaack!
PC: "I see there's a request to hold it. Beyond that, I don't know what else to tell you."
Me: "You can tell me that my passport will be there waiting for me."
PC: "There's a request and you should wait for them to call you."
Me: "I'll sit on the steps until they give me my passport, dammit."
PC: "Okay, then. I can't really tell you anything else."

So I'm livid. And stressed. On the road I call Miss K and ask her to text me my congressman's phone number. In matters of dealing with the State Department, never forget your congressperson's help.

Harry Mitchell's Scottsdale Office:
I explain the situation. I tell the most wonderful staffer that I'm on the road and can't get an assurance that my passport will be waiting for me.
Wonderful Staffer: "When is your flight?"
Me: "Tomorrow. 6:00 a.m."
WS: "Ohh."

About an hour or so goes by and my phone rings.
WS: "Your passport is at the front desk waiting for you to pick it up."
Me: I really want to profess my love to WS. Instead I say, "Oh my goodness. Thank you so much."

Then I cry a little bit.

At the passport agency
Happy Friendly Security Guards: "Hi! What are you here for?"
Me: "I'm here to retrieve my passport."
HFSG: "Do you have an appointment? Are you sure it's ready?"
Me: "I had to call my congressman to make sure it is, so yeah."
HFSG: "Oh. Well, welcome!"

There's only other person there and he's effusively thankful to the clerk. "You really took away a lot of my stress! Thank you! Thank you!"

Then it's my turn.

Me: "I'm not nearly has happy as that guy."
Nervous looking clerk: "How may I help you?"
Me: "I'm here to pick up my passport."
I give him my name and he hands it over to me. A person who appears to be in charge has come up.
Manager Guy: "Hi. Was there a problem?"
Me: "Yeah there was a problem! *fighting back tears of stress* I came in last Saturday to apply for an expedited passport, I leave tomorrow and you still have my passport. It took me four phone calls to even find out it was still here."
MG: "Oh, you came in on Saturday during the open house. We discovered a problem, but don't worry we fixed it."
Me: "But no one told me there was a problem with my passport. My flight is tomorrow. Was someone going to let me know?"
MG: "What happened with your passport is that even though you paid for it to be expedited, it was shuffled in with all the regular passport applications. We came across it yesterday and had it made. I'm sorry."

Other people are starting to gather behind the clerk. I hear someone whisper "is that the phone call?" Because this is a new center, my experience just might be their first congressional inquiry, so to speak.

Me: "Look, this has been incredibly stressful. I've made two trips down here from Phoenix and could I at least get my overnight fee refunded."
MG: "Because we screwed this up, we'll request the full expedited fee and the shipping fee to be refunded. We have to apply for it so it might take a while to be processed."
Me: *rage being tempered by having my passport in hand and a few kind words* "That would be nice. Thank you."

And yesterday the refund check for $75 was in the mail.

Along with it was a $50 gift card to Target from Bank of America to make up for their incompetence in shutting down my account while I was in Montreal, despite me letting them know I was going to be there ahead of time. All I wanted was to be compensated for the $27.65 it cost me in cell phone charges to get it fixed. No one was listening to my complaint until I expressed my frustration via Twitter and a competent customer service rep stepped in to make things right. I might have let it all go except for the first phone rep telling me, "You must not have talked to the right person."

Really? Maybe I was talking to a fake BoA rep? Argh. But that's settled, too. All in all, crises averted and I've been satisfactorily compensated for my pains. 

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