Monthly Archives: April 2024

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I (Heart) Modern Medicine

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Congratulate me, everyone.  I am the proud papa of a bouncing baby angina.

Increasingly, over the past month, I have noticed that, following any small amount of vigorous exercise, I got a feeling of constriction in my chest, and a strong ache, right up into my throat, causing a gag reflex a couple of times.  My Osteopath felt it might be cramping muscles, or jammed ribs, from poor posture while I read in my easy chair, but she (strongly) suggested that I contact my doctor.

It was well that she did.  I went home and called late in the afternoon.  As soon as I spoke the two magic words – Chest Pains – Shit Happened!  I got an appointment at 11 AM the next morning.  When I described my symptoms, she told me that I have a case of Angina Pectoris.

Since angina is caused by a clogged artery, she immediately prescribed a cholesterol medication to be added to my list.  She wanted blood and urine tests.  I wanted to use a lab near my house, but she insisted on a branch in her medical building before I even left.  On my way out, her assistant told me that she’d booked me for a bone-density test at the hospital.  The doctor referred me to the Cardiology Associates there, also.

The next day, my Ophthalmologist called, and wanted me to come to her office to measure my eye for the new lens that she’s going to insert.  She knew this when I was there a month ago.  Why didn’t she do that then??!  It entailed a 20-minute drive across town, for a 5-minute procedure, and then a 20-minute drive home.  I’m scheduled for surgery at 7 AM, April 30th, so wish me luck tomorrow.  To prepare, I received three different eye-drop medications – one to begin two days before the operation and the others to continue a week – and 4 weeks – after.

MD says that angina is medically considered “Normal, Acute, or Emergency.”  I’ve gone from normal, to acute.  She said that, as acute, even with her referral, it could take two – three – even four months to be seen.  She said that, if I have a bad attack, to immediately go to Emergency.  It’s caused by over-exertion.  I have found that sitting and taking deep breaths makes it disappear.  I don’t want to drive, even if the son didn’t have the car at work, and it would be gone by the time I arrived.

She told me, to shortcut the wait, to go to Emergency at 6:00/6:30 AM, tell the triage nurse that I’d had an attack, that my doctor wants me to be given a stress test and evaluated.  The new crew comes on-duty at 7.  Take a friend, a couple of books, and some food and drink.  The wait could be ten or twelve hours – but I’ll be seen and assessed that day.

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Despite the high cost of living, it remains a popular option.  Medically, I’ve become – and will remain – Busy, Busy, Busy!
Busy
Stayin’ Alive!
Stayin’ Alive!

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Because of the surgery, this week’s Wednesday post may be on Thursday.  😀

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Fibbing Friday’s Shot

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Here is Pensitivity101’s final selection chosen from the site put forward by Archon’s Den.
Give ’em your best shot please!

1. Sardoodledom

This is the art of making toy cars for your kids, using empty smoked-fish tins.

2. Callithumpian

This is Donald Trump’s presidential campaign on the west coast.

3. Turdiform

Is the Poop-N-Scoop citation you receive for not picking up after your dog in the park.

4. Persiflage

This is speed-reading a novel, instead of slowly savoring it for body and nuance.

5. Palpebrous

This describes the guy who, singlehandedly, caused the beginning of the Feminist movement.  His real name was (Leonard) Lennie, but all the women called him Hans.  He slid his fingers up one gal’s skirt, and she exclaimed, “Heavens above.”  He replied, “I know, love.  I’ll be there soon enough.”

6. Chary

Chary is the Latin word for the horse – or one of a team – that pulled the two-wheeled chariots.

7. Malapert

Malapert was Madame Malaprop’s husband.

8. Dowsabel

Dowsabel is a small fire, which you can put out yourself, by just throwing a glass of water on it.

9. Maquillage

Maquillage is the French word for Makeup, and the French make up stuff all the time.  They pretend that ditch gleanings like frogs’ legs and snails, are not only food, but gourmet food – must be all the wine.  Napoleon’s invasion campaign was not about territory or political power.  He was just trying to get some nice German strudel, and Russian latkes.

10. Dysania

Insanity is hereditary.  You get it from your kids.  It’s said that insanity is doing the same thing, but expecting to get different results.  Dysania is when you do the same thing, especially at work, and get different results.
This is not a real job.
If this were a real job, you could expect pay rises, bonuses, and personal approbation.

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Cosmic Justice

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A woman told Matt Dillahunty, “I believe in the Christian God, because I don’t want to live in a world where those with power impose their evil intent on the masses and not face any type of consequence.  Without God, people can easily escape human justice.”

Dillahunty replied:  I don’t buy into that.  She also raised the point that someone had mentioned pedophile priests, and being a pedophile is immoral, but they can escape from human justice, therefore, God’s justice is eventually gonna get them.

“What kind of world do you live in, if this is your principal objection to world views that don’t include some cosmic justice in them??  If you’ll excuse the condescending remark, ‘You don’t know what you’re talking about.’  Life isn’t fair, and the desire for justice that you talk about, is one of the key foundations of most every religion.

We’re all aware that sometimes Good goes unrewarded, and Evil goes unpunished, so some justice-seekers invent a security blanket to insure that they aren’t mired in depression.  It allows them to avoid facing the harshness of an indifferent reality, whether it’s Heaven, or Hell, or Karma, dictating infinite rebirths.  It serves the same purpose.

Some of us realize that there’s no good reason to believe that the Universe is anything other than indifferent to our existence and our perceptions of good and evil, and that dealing with Reality on Reality’s terms is the only way to make any real improvement in the situation.

Life isn’t fair, and that’s actually comforting if you think about it.  If Life were fair, it would mean that you actually deserve the bad things that happen to you, and that those who benefit from evil deeds similarly deserve.  The knowledge that there is no reason to expect justice is the reason that we ensure that we impose justice.

The realization that good is not always rewarded, is what drives us to reward it when we see it.  The realization that evil is not always punished is what drives us to work together as a co-operative society to deal with our problems collectively and individually, in a way that drives real change, and minimizes harmful actions.

Realizing that justice is not guaranteed allows us to appreciate it when it happens, and work toward causing it to happen on a more regular basis.  Your particular God-view of justice represents the height of irresponsibility and injustice.  Your chosen religion has us born as reprobates, guilty before we’ve taken a single breath, responsible for things we’ve never done.  It offers instant, undeserved forgiveness for the most horrible of crimes, and punishes those whose only crime is disbelief, forever!

It advocates slavery, denigrates women, curses homosexuals, orders the stoning of unruly children, sanctions wars of extermination, condones human sacrifices, and poisons every mind it touches.  It includes only one unforgivable crime – disbelief.  Is that just??  This justice that you so admire is no such thing.  It is divine edict.  It’s arbitrary, capricious, and ultimately unjust and immoral.

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Yes, I realize that there are pedophiles out there, who’ve escaped our flawed justice system.  Do you realize that your system says that they are all eligible for an eternal paradise??  How does that address your objection?  Under the rules of Christianity, the pedophile who escapes justice here, can also escape your ultimate justice.  He may spend eternity in paradise, while someone who spent their entire life doing good, helping others, and contributing in a generally positive way to the one and only life that we’re sure to get, ultimately is judged unworthy of that reward.

Don’t kid yourself.  You haven’t accepted a comic sense of justice that alleviates the problem.  You’ve accepted one that you believe alleviates the problem –for you.  It is a selfish justification that shows no regard for real matters of justice.  It is the height of arrogance, and your desire to feel special, because somebody up there thinks you’re special.

Well, according to the paradigm you advocate, He thinks that anyone willing to worship him is special, with no regard to justice or character.  Go!  Read Romans.  No-one makes this point clearer than Paul.  The Law was established with full knowledge that no-one would be able to fulfill it.  It was established to demonstrate this inability, and damn us further – and then a loophole was created to allow some people through, regardless of their standing with The Law.

Your religion has made you a slave.  It has made you uncaring.  It has made you support immorality and injustice, while claiming that arbitrary edicts and loopholes count as either.  It is a reprehensible lie, that poisons the mind, and prevents you from understanding reality.  When the scales drop away from your eyes, as they have for many of us, we’ll be here, and you’ll realize that you’re not alone, and not to blame.

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I Can’t Bear The Humor

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One day a housework challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, “What setting do I use on the washing machine?” “It depends,” she replied. “What does it say on your shirt?”
Proudly he yelled back, “Chicago Bears!”

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Max and his wife Lola received a letter from their daughter who had gone to study Modern Biochemistry overseas:

She wrote: My beloved parents, I miss you so much and it breaks my heart to think that by the time I get back, you will be so old. Therefore, I am enclosing a bottle of a red potion that I have invented. It will make you 5 years younger and so when I return, you will be the same age as I left you. Please, take only a drop.
Goodbye I love you!”

They opened the envelope and found the bottle with the red potion.

Max looked at his wife and said. “You go first.”

Lola took a drop and when she indeed turned 5 years younger, Max immediately did the same.

Years later, the daughter returns home to find her mother, she is younger and happier and she is carrying a baby on her back. She tells her daughter how the potion worked and how it has made her look younger. The daughter is happy and she asks about her father.

“Your father? Hmmm! You know how men don’t listen! He drank the whole bottle.”

“Whaaat! Where is he?”

“Who do you think is on my back?”

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You thought that the last couple of jokes were bad??  Well, this Fibonacci joke is worse than the last two, combined.

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Two kids are arguing over whose father is the biggest scaredy-cat.
The first kid says, “My dad is so scared that when lightning strikes, he hides underneath the bed.”

The second kid replies, ”Yeah? Well, that’s nothing. My dad is so scared that when my mom has to work the nightshift, he sleeps with the lady next door.”

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A group of engineering professors are all offered a free trip to Hawaii and are aboard the plane about to depart when the pilot announces, “This trip is a gift from all your grateful students over the years, students who, by the way, built this very plane you’re about to fly in.”

The professors immediately panic and make a break for the exits, all save one who sits calmly in their seat.

“Are you crazy?” another professor asks them. “Didn’t you hear that our students built this plane?”

“What are you all even worried about?” came the reply. “It’s not like this thing is going to fly!”

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Fibbing Friday Cookies

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Here’s a second batch of words from Pensitivity101’s blogging colleague Archon’s Den suggested site.
What would you say these mean?

1. Accismus

It’s a mathematical term to describe other people’s relative value to you.  An oil-rich Indian chief in early 20th Century Oklahoma could afford three wives.  To the two plain wives, he gave each a bison pelt.  To his special pretty wife, he gave an exotic animal skin from Africa.  The two bison-wives each had one child, but his favorite birthed twins….  So, the squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws on the other two hides.

2. Apocryphal

This is an Engineering nerd, with a stereotypical pocket protector, and a pronunciation problem.  When he takes that little plastic sleeping bag-thing, and fills it with three pens with different-coloured ink, a well-sharpened #2 Venus wooden pencil, a mechanical pencil, a fine-tip marker, a text Hi-Liter, and a somewhat antique, but still functional slide rule, and jams all that into his shirt, along with a Texas Instruments Scientific calculator, he really has apocryphal.

3. Bridewell

That’s where they found my great-uncle’s wife, after she became a Karen.  He said they started out with two hearts and a diamond, but he finally needed a club and a spade to deal with her.

4. Festinate

That’s what your finger will do, if you get a splinter, but don’t remove it soon enough.

5. Snool
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This is the ego-soaked, self-important president of my local HOA Committee – a true legend in his own mind.  He has more rules than a Stanley tape-measure factory.

6. Rendling

This is how you tear apart a Costco roast chicken to consume it.  The wife saw me do it, and asked, “Are you going to eat that entire thing all alone?”  I replied, “No, I’m going to have some French fries with it.”

7. Fanfaronade

I noticed on my way home, that a budding capitalist kid on my street has a drink stand on the sidewalk.  I would appreciate a citrus beverage, and would like to help his enterprise, but he’s Wwwaaayyy… up the block.  Maybe I could get Uber-Eats to pick it up for me.

8. Bloviate

After eating most of a gourmet pizza last night, with cauliflower, capers, red onions, pineapple, and anchovies, I rolled out of bed this morning –literally – with a distended abdomen that looked like the fat guy in the Monty Python skit.  I raced to the hospital, and while the ER doctor is fetching the special catheter to release all my gas, I’m using my tablet to look up “Flummery.”

9. Pudibund

Three things don’t lie, drunks, small children – and yoga pants.  This is also known as camel toe.

10. Rebarbative

Porcupine quills are like tiny one-way arrows.  They go in, but you can’t get them out.  Take your dog to a strong veterinarian with pliers.  Let it hate him.

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Tardy Response To A Theme Prompt

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What was the last thing you searched for online? Why were you looking for it?

When you know as little as I do, and forget much of it before I even get up from my computer chair, I am forever searching for something – often, several simultaneous somethings.

Sometimes, my online research is not just for the information, but also for some entertainment irritation.  When things have been going too smoothly, the wife has not been biting my ass, and my grip on reality’s throat is slipping, I resort to research.  It usually works.

Our chiropractor/massage therapy clinic is in a strip-mall.  To add a hearing-aid department, they moved two stores up, to a double-width unit. At our last visit, I noticed that the old unit now has a window sign that says, “Coming soon, El Tico Restaurant.”  I made a note to find out what ‘tico’ meant.  The next day’s paper had a local-interest story about a Costa Rican family who were the proprietors.

I went to Google Translate.  Across the top, there are the three languages that I’ve most recently looked at – usually French, Spanish, and German, and a spot that says, Detect Language.  I had been researching Hebrew, so the ‘Spanish’ had disappeared.  I clicked ‘detect language.’  I knew that ’el’ means ‘the,’ so I just typed in tico.
English detected
From English, translated to English, Tico = Tico

GNUNGA!!  I woke up on the wrong side of my patience this morning afternoon.  Don’t press your luck. No, it doesn’t!  ‘Tico” is a slang term for someone from Costa Rica.  English speakers occasionally say or write it, but it is not naturalized.  It’s still slang Spanish.

I clicked on ’Spanish’ and entered tico.
Spanish detected
From Spanish, translated to English, Tico = Tico

I don’t care if you are just an AI chatbot, I will slap you so hard that all your little 1’s and 0’s look like Ø’s!  I entered ‘el Tico.’  “The attic.”  Well, why didn’t you say that in the first place??!  It’s an ironic name for a strip-mall business with no second floor.

You should have heard the argument I had with Bing about “Cheap hotels in Uhrichsville,” over entries that were 50 and 75 miles away.  Or a “Cheap restaurant in Uhrichsville,” that had four “sittings” a night.  Perhaps in another post.  🙄

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’24 A To Z Challenge – B

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Some cultures and languages seem very definite, and sure of themselves – Greek, French, Russian, and Chinese.  Others are not so confident.  I’m Jew-ish.  I’m Engl-ish.  I’m a drunken sot Ir-ish.

None of which has any relationship or reference to this week’s Wonderful Word

BRANDISH

This is not a fluid which thinks that it is kinda, sorta, a spirit distilled from wine or from the fermented juice of grapes or of apples, peaches, plums, etc.  The word is not an adjective.  It is a verb which means

To shake or wave, as a weapon- flourish
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The most terrifying weapon to shake, wave or flourish, in the United States of Marshmallow America, has become the video camera, mounted on a supporting staff, wielded by Civil Rights Auditors in public spaces.  They drive cops and security guards nuts, and many of them start barking unlawful orders and restrictions.

After one storm trooper was shown that he was wrong, and the auditor’s actions were protected by the First, Fourth, and Fifth Amendments, he shouted, “Oh yeah??  What if I just took that away from you, and erased it all?”  The cammer calmly replied, “Then you would learn about things like *upload to the cloud*, and live-streaming.  There are about 125 people watching you right now, and you would learn the consequences of attempting to tamper with evidence.”

In the waiting area of another Government office, the security guard insisted that videotaping in that area was absolutely, positively, completely prohibited.  He, and several of the customers loudly objected to being recorded – even after the cammer pointed to the two CCTV cameras in the ceiling.

Why the fuss??  Were they doing something immoral or illegal??  It’s all part of the process by leaders to maintain control of the masses, by polarizing them, and keeping them frightened.  More and more minor things are panicking Americans.

They came for the Jews, but I was not a Jew, so I said nothing.
They came for the Catholics, but I was not Catholic, so I said nothing.
They came for the Gypsies, but I was not a Gypsy, so I said nothing.
Now they have come for me, but there is no-one to say anything.

Don’t let your rights be stolen from you.  Stand up and brandish your citizenship, your Constitution and Bill of Rights, and your determination to be governed, but not Ruled Over.  😦

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Direct Fibbing Friday

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Last week Pensitivity101 was directed to a site recommended by fellow blogger Archons Den.
Who, Little Old Meeee??   😎
These are the first batch she selected for your definitions and thoughts please:

1. Groak

None of this, “Kiss me, and I’ll turn into a prince, rot!”  This is what frogs really say, often, just before they become lunch at a bistro.

2. Nefelibata

This was the female child of the Egyptian goddess, Nefertiti.  The Woke brigade are trying to amend all history books to give her name as Neferbosom.  😮

3. Paranymph

The wife of one of two physicians – Paradox – in a medical partnership.

4. Flummery

This is the expulsion of copious amounts of natural gas, after a good feed of baked beans.  If foods with Sulphur, like egg yolks, are also consumed, the RSPCA will show up to ensure that it doesn’t get blamed on the dog.

5. Sirenize

Hurrying down Interstate 75 a bit faster than all the other traffic??  The State Troopers will sonically let you know that it’s not a good idea, with a better noise than that British coppers’ Wee-Waw, Wee-Waw.  I say old chap, could you see your way clear to pull over?

6. Carker

He’s the parking valet at a low-rent hotel.  As their sign says, Please remember what your parking attendant looks like.  We don’t employ one!

7. Smatchet

Get arrogant, or just oblivious, and run a red light.  This is how your car, and probably several others, will end up.  Put the damned cell-phone down!

8. Shivviness

A noun to describe knife fights and inmate murders in prisons.

9.Sprauncy (Sproncy)

This is the word I use to describe my personal appearance/style – also called shabby chic.  The wife says I look like I combed my hair with a pillow.  ‘Pigpen’ from the Peanuts cartoon strip has blocked me on Facebook, and as I walked past a Salvation Army Thrift Store, a clerk came out and offered me a free makeover.

10. Druxy

This is how you feel when you pick up a dozen Krispy Kreme donuts for the family, on your way home, and then have to hide the empty box when you get there.

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Keeping An Eye On You

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Old age is upon me, and The Game is beginning to be played a bit differently.  I turn 80 in September.  The Province of Ontario, in an attempt to reduce the number of incompetent drivers, insists that I be retested soon, and every two years.
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I still think that I am as good a driver as most, and better than far too many, if a little aggressive.  My only worry was about my eyesight.  It continues to decline.  Recently, I had my yearly checkup with my ophthalmologist.  The technician asked if I had noticed any deterioration.  I said NO.  She then ran some tests, and showed me what I had not noticed.
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After retinal surgery several years ago, I received a new, plastic lens in my right eye.  The vision is clear, except for a small divot/dead zone in the center.  I rely on ‘averaging’ with my left eye.  The tests showed that cataracts were clouding the left lens, so that my vision was down to 20/50, the Province’s limit.  The eye doc told me that she will schedule me for day surgery, to insert a new, plastic lens in the left eye, some time in June or July, depending on the hospital’s schedule.  This will give me time to heal and adapt, by my birthday.
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I recently spoke to a lady who had just turned 81, and went through this last year.  She said that all they had her do was draw an analog clock, showing 10:15….  W.T.F!?  My Osteopath told me that she went through this with her mother and her progressive dementia.  Often, they don’t even check vision.  They are more worried about loss of cognitive ability on the roads.  As the son says, if you can’t find your car keys, that’s just memory.  If you don’t know what car keys do, they want you off the roads.

I was willing to draw a digital clock, with two squares and some numbers, but they insist on a circle, a center dot, a big hand and a little hand.  Anyone our age should remember what they look like.  With the lens/vision situation taken care of, I feel fairly confident, even if the retesting is more complex.

I’ll keep you updated, to know whether I’m allowed to do more driving than just making other people crazy.  So, Here’s lookin’ at you, kid. Soon.

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Driven To One-Liners

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My biggest fear with self-driving cars is….
…. if I died on my way to work, the car would still deliver me there.

My barber asked me how I wanted my hair cut….
….I told him, “In silence!”

Life is like a box of chocolates….
….It doesn’t last long if you’re fat.

Fake quotes will ruin the internet….
….Benjamin Franklin

I’m inconsistent….
….but not all the time.

If I had known the difference between the words antidote, and anecdote….
….one of my best friends would still be alive.

The guy who stole my diary just died….
….My thoughts are with his family.

Today’s Yoga pose….
….is Downward Spiral.

Perfect parents exist….
….They just don’t have kids yet.

Why do the French eat snails?….
….They don’t like fast food

All of my passwords are protected….
….by amnesia.

I’m not eye candy….
….More like eye broccoli.

I expect nothing from life….
….and I’m still let down.

I see you have some graph paper….
….You must be plotting something.

I just got kicked out of mime school….
….Must have been something I said.

A mistress is….
….something between a mister and a mattress.

If all is not lost….
….then where the heck is it?

Beer….
….The cure for what ales you!