Save-My-Ass Fibbing Friday

Image

It was a mixed bag from Pensitivity101 last week, including a few recycled questions from older posts.

***

Again, many thanx and much credit to daughter, LadyRyl.  I’d have had them all done on time. (Sure I would)  She just got most of them done much sooner.

  1. What is a quaver?

Where Cupid keeps his endless supply of arrows

  1. If you didn’t know a door as a door, what would you call it?

A portal guard

  1.   007 has a license to kill, but what would an 010 have a license for?

Having looks that kill – but not like Medusa

  1. Define Corybantic.

He was the Flash-In-The-Pan ‘80s’ Canadian teen heartthrob Cory Haim – a none-too-big frog, in a not very large pond.  He did one TV series, 12 movies, a kilo of coke, and a great funeral.

  1. What does Crinkum-crankum mean?

Isn’t this the way we used to start cars and tractors back in the day?  Breaking our backs in the process?

  1. What is a Cacodemon?

What you call a Mochachino…
A coffee & hot chocolate blend that summons the spirit within to rise and get on with the day.

  1. What would you do with a collop?

Use it to put a dollop of clotted cream on biscuits, scones and cakes.

  1. What is a curlicue?

The line that wraps around the internet when hot tickets go on sale.

  1. Who or what is a cootie?

This is the feminine version of “old Coot”

  1. What is an erf?

The strange sound a dog makes when they burp.

Image

Does Religion Make You Arrogant?

Image

Why do humans think that they are the center of the universe?  Why do so many of them insist that they’re part of a grand design, a cosmic plan specifically tailored for them?  The truth is, religion – despite its claims of humility – is often rooted in something deeply ironic, arrogance.

To think that, in a universe so vast, where Earth is but a speck of dust orbiting an ordinary star, in one of billions of galaxies, everything revolves around us.  Yet, religion tells us that we’re not only important, but essential to the entire operation.  That the same Being that crafted black holes, supernovae, and the laws of physics, is deeply concerned about what we eat, who we love,  or our private thoughts in our moments of desperation.

Consider the claim of creation, that mankind was made in the image of a perfect, omniscient being.  The implications of this belief are staggering.  Not only does it place us at the pinnacle of existence, but it also suggests that the Universe exists for us.  Does that hold up under scrutiny??

Let’s think about the Universe itself.  Over 99.9% of it is completely inhospitable to life.  Earth’s surface is mostly water, much of it too salty to drink.  Natural disasters – earthquakes, tsunamis, volcanic eruptions – have wiped out billions of lives, human and non-human.  If we were the purpose of creation, wouldn’t the world be more accommodating??  Why design a planet that – by all accounts –seems indifferent to our existence?

This arrogance extends beyond the physical.  Religion often claims exclusive access to truth and morality.  It is no coincidence that many religious traditions assert that those outside the faith are lost, damned, or in need of saving.  This worldview doesn’t just separate people, it elevates the believer.  They think that they know the truth, and others don’t.  It is a subtle, but potent, form of superiority.

Reflect on history, the Crusades, the Inquisition, the colonization of entire continents.  These events are often justified by religious conviction.  The conquerors believed that they were spreading divine truth, bringing light to “the ignorant.”  But how much of that was ‘divine will,’ and how much of it was human, our way is not just better – it’s the only way!

Ii is not just history.  It persists!  When religious leaders insist that natural disasters are punishments for societal sins, or that their prayers can alter the course of a hurricane, what is that, if not extraordinary arrogance?  It assumes a direct line to the divine, a belief that they can influence the cosmos because of their special status.

Consider the statistics.  In surveys, a significant percentage of people in highly religious countries, believe their prayers can affect outcome, whether curing illness, or ensuring success, yet controlled studies show no measurable effect of prayer on external events.  The cognitive dissonance isn’t evidence of humility, it’s a stubborn insistence that belief trumps evidence.

Some might argue that religion teaches humility by emphasizing our flaws, but think about that message.  “You’re flawed – but also chosen. You’re nothing – but God loves you specifically.  It’s an odd duality, one that oscillates between degradation, and exaltation.  This teaching doesn’t encourage genuine humility: it fosters a kind of spiritual narcissism.  It says, “I’m broken, but that makes me special.”

Let’s not forget the scientific discoveries that have challenged religious narratives, from Darwin’s theory of evolution, to the Big Bang, science has consistently shown that our origin is vastly more complex – and less personal – than ancient texts suggest.  Yet many religious communities reject these findings, not because of evidence, but because they threaten the idea of human centrality.  It’s uncomfortable to admit that we’re not the product of a divine plan, but rather, a series of natural processes, over billions of years.

Real humility comes, not from claiming divine favor, but from acknowledging our place in the Universe.  Carl Sagan once referred to Earth as “a pale blue dot, a tiny world in an unimaginably vast cosmos.”  That perspective doesn’t diminish us.  It liberates us.  It allow us to see ourselves as part of something much larger, something awe-inspiring, not because it revolves around us, but because it doesn’t need to.

And yet, religion often rejects this kind of humility.  It insists on specialness, on chosenness, on being watched and judged by an omnipotent being who somehow prioritizes our species above all others.  Isn’t that the epitome of arrogance?  There’s another way to live, a way that doesn’t require us to be the center of the story, a way that finds meaning, not in divine approval, but in human connection, in the pursuit of knowledge, and the beauty of existence itself.

This perspective doesn’t offer all the answers; it acknowledges that we don’t have them, but in that uncertainty lies true humility.  So the next time someone claims that religion is about modesty, ask yourself, “Is it modest to believe that the Universe was designed for us?  Or is it more humble to simply marvel at the Cosmos, without needing it to revolve around our existence?”

***

Wanna see religious arrogance?  Click here!  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IP2jn3_WrqM&pp=ygUFR0JUSFY%3D

 

Courting One-Liners

Image

I don’t like making plans for the day….
….then the word “premeditated” gets tossed around the courtroom.

My New Year’s resolution was to stop procrastinating….
….I plan to begin soon.

Our thoughts and prayers go to COVID19….
….for having to hang out with Donald Trump.

There’s a term for a president like Trump….
….and a second one, apparently.

George Washington couldn’t tell a lie….
….Richard Nixon couldn’t tell the truth….
….Donald Trump can’t tell the difference.

When a clown moves into a palace, he doesn’t become a king….
….The palace becomes a circus.

I guess I won’t be asked to go caroling at the Mental Health Institute again….
….Apparently, “Do you hear what I hear” was not a good choice.

Impotence….
….Nature’s way of saying ‘No hard feelings.’

Virginity….
…can be cured.

Sex is like the game of bridge….
….You need either a good partner, or a good hand.

I just asked myself if I’m crazy….
….and we all said no.

If someone gave you a stolen Hershey bar….
…would it be hot chocolate?

Just a few words of warning….
….I failed my anger management class.

I used to eat a lot of natural foods….
….until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Heartfelt Fibbing Friday

Image

Image

It was Valentine’s Day last week, so below are 10 romantic quotes and Pensitivity101’s question was, who wrote them. Bear in mind this is Fibbing Friday, so anything/anyone goes – within reason!

***

Valentine’s Day is to the candy and flowers industry, what Christmas is to the toy industry.  It’s too slushy and mushy for a Grumpy Old Dude like me, so I cast aside my rose-coloured glasses, make sure my Bah, humbug is fully inflated – and away we go.

  1. “You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”

Charlie Manson

  1. “For you see, each day, I love you more—today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow.”

Torquemada

  1. “The real lover is a man who can thrill you by kissing your forehead or smiling into your eyes or just staring into space.”

Aileen Wuornos

  1. “Do I love you? My god, if your love were a grain of sand, mine would be a universe of beaches.”

“Ozzie” Osborne

  1. “We loved with a love that was more than love.”

Rob Zombie

  1. “You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”

Marquis de Sade

  1. “I would rather spend one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone.”

NAME REDACTED, recently convicted of stalking, and online threats

  1. “The giving of love is an education in itself.”

Howard Stern

  1. “The love we give away is the only love we keep.”

Father Trinity, of St. Louis parish, and all his rapidly-shuffled fraternity

  1. “Who, being loved, is poor?”

Jean Valjean

Image

Poetry Pavilion

Image

For your viewing pleasure today, I present a couple of small pieces of poetry.  I have published these before, but felt that they warranted being repeated. These came from the British pop group, The Moody Blues – small bits of verse, not large enough to be set to music, as a song – probably written by Justin Hayward, or John Lodge.

MOODY BLUE

Breathe deep the gathering gloom.
Watch light fade from every room.
Pensitive people look back and lament,
Another day, uselessly spent.

Impassioned lovers wrestle as one.
Lonely man cries for love, and has none.
Senior citizens wish they had some.
New mother picks up and suckles her son.

Cold-hearted orb, that rules the night.
Removes the colors from our sight.
Red is grey, and yellow, white,
But we decide which is right.

And which, is an illusion….

 

MOODY CONTEMPLATION

Between the eyes and ears there lie
The sounds of color
And the light of a sigh
With thoughts of within
To exclude the without
The ghost of a thought
Will exclude all doubt
And to name this thought
Is important to some
So they gave it a word
And the word is ‘OM’

Give them some contemplation and meditation.  Sometime in the future, I will probably republish “Tale Of The Great Northern Knight”, and wonder how its author, White Lady In The Hood, is doing.

’24 A To Z Challenge – X

Image

Image

I’ve already done a “Thanks For The Mammaries” post, so, if I’m gonna talk about melons, they better be the kind that grow on vines.  I once used Jimmy Durante’s sign-off line, Good night Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are, to respond to a commenter.  It caused some confusion because, unlike me, not many bloggers were born during the Industrial Revolution.  Calabash is a type of long, hard-shelled melon or gourd.

Words beginning with the letter X are thin on the ground – and up in the air – and in trees – and even in dictionaries.  INTERESTING words beginning with the letter X are even rarer.  After much debate, I decided on

XIGUA

When I first researched it, it was described as an African melon, but when I dived in deeper, it became an Asian melonOkay, – what kind of melon?  Large?  Small?  Long?  Round?  Soft-shell?  Hard-shell?  It turns out that it is a Chinese watermelon.  You know – the only fruit that you can eat, drink, and wash your face in.  The main difference between it and American watermelons, is that, instead of the inner flesh being red, it can be lemon-yellow, or a bright, lime-green.

60% Fibbing Friday

Image

Last week Pensitivity101 was asking for our definitions of these, please:

***

I had four responses completed, and ideas for three more of these words, but I let daughter Lady Ryl have a look at the unfinished six.  Sure enough, the next morning, as reliable as a six-slice toaster, she popped up six crisp and tasty definitions.

Cachinnate

When your barista replaces your espresso shots with Decaf for being a total POS/Karen to them.

Cacoethes

The belief that there is no caffeine in hot chocolate.

Callipygian

“That” actress who played in Golden Girls.  You know the one.  The one who was the opposite to Steve Tyler’s song – Lady Looks Like A Dude.  Crocodile Dundee met her in a bar once.

Confabulate

Join a Taylor Swift fan club

Cankerblossom

What you call a person with STD (Socially Transmitted Dumbassery).

Chicanery

A significant part of a municipal plot to protect Darwin Award candidates who are too stupid to look both ways before they cross their own living room.  First, we’ll drive over here.  Then we’ll drive over there – cones and curbs and K-rails, spring-mounted pennants in the middle of the roads, traffic-calming, slow-down lumps, and bumps, and humps.

I begin to see the attraction for work-at-home.  If this keeps up, the average travel time will soon be back to 1890s’ levels.

Cloff

That half sneeze/half cough that people get.

Canorous

That person who is so dang perky and “You can do it!”, they are like a roaring dino in your face.

Coxcomb

What a fancy man uses to manscape the hair around his other head.

Clishmaclaver

She’s the new (although she seems well-used) Irish ‘working-girl’ who’s set up at the local pub, and is blowing more than a breeze up Scotsmen’s kilts.

Image

Cold Turkey

The blogpost that you are currently not reading, is brought to you by the words

LASSITUDE, INDOLENCE, AND PROCRASTINATION

As well as the number

Image

TWILLINGATE

I found that I couldn’t just ‘STOP’ posting on Wednesdays.  I always want to have something to say – even when I’ve got nothing to say.  Next Wed. will probably be blank, although I’ve got a post ready to publish on the 26th.

There will be a Fibbing Friday post.  I didn’t have to, but I farmed out a large portion of it.  Maybe that will give me enough time to select and compose something for the letter X for next Monday.

Image

Cowboy Comedy

Image

A police officer saw a man dressed with a huge cowboy hat, spurs, and six shooters in a big city.
“Excuse me, sir,” said the police officer, “What’s up with the cowboy get up?”
“My name’s Tex and I’m a cowboy, officer. ”
“The police officer said, “So, you’re from Texas?”
“Nope, Louisiana, the cowboy replied.”
“Louisiana? So why are you called Tex?”
“Don’t want to be called Louise, do I?

***

A rabbi, a priest, and an atheist walk in to a bar.

The bartender looks at them and points to a sign, labeled: “NO JOKES SERVED HERE” and asks the gentlemen to leave. They reluctantly get up and leave before any discussion between them occurs.

The next day, a horse walks in to this same bar. Once again, the bartender points to the sign: “NO JOKES SERVED HERE”. With a long face, the horse gets up from his bar stool and leaves the building.

The day after that, a chicken walks in to the bar. The bartender approaches the chicken as it sits down. He once again points to the sign and says, “I am sorry, but we don’t allow jokes to be served here.”

“Fine!” says the chicken, clucking with disapproval. “But can you at least tell me where else can I get a drink around here?”

The bartender replies, “Yeah, there’s another bar right across the road.”

***

Las Vegas McCarran International Airport experienced two power outages.
Several travelers suffered broken arms beating on slot machines when they stopped spinning.

***

Thank God Smokin’ In The Boy’s Room was released in 1973.  Today, it we’d have Vaping In The Gender-Neutral Area.

***

I watched my first porno yesterday.  I looked so much younger back then.

***

My ex-girlfriend tried to humiliate me by telling all her friends that I was terrible in bed.
Imagine her surprise when they all disagreed with her.

***

I bought a new pair of shoes with memory-foam insoles.
No more forgetting why I walked into the kitchen.

***

The skulls of your enemies are more environmentally friendly than plastic cups.  Just sayin’!

Pensioner’s Fibbing Friday

Image

Image

Last week the questions were courtesy of Pensitivty101’s works pension newsletter quiz.

1.  To the nearest mile, how many miles of nerves do we have in the human body?

I’m not sure, but that neighbour bitch is getting on my last one.

2.   Of the 300,000 different edible plants on earth, how many do we eat?

COWS EAT GRASS
I EAT COWS
I AM VEGAN!!

I did not claw my way to the top of the food chain, to eat crap that’s dug out of ditches – watercress, endive,  mint, nettles??!  A nice baked potato with my filet mignon, smothered in clotted cream with some chopped green onions is okay – along with perhaps some sliced cabbage Cole slaw.  Oats in my porridge, rye in my whiskey, wheat in my baps.  Brussels sprouts – little green brains.  Broccoli – the earliest GMO.  French beans are for Frogs who eat snails.

3.  What colour is snow on Pluto?

The snow underneath Pluto is yellow.

4.   What is the dot on the letter ‘i’ called?

Well, really, it’s Emily, but she likes to be referred to as Pangloss
.
5.   How many presidents of the USA died on July 4th?

Nobody, according to the current US Hierarchy!  They aren’t going to admit to anything that doesn’t benefit them.

6.  What does Pinocchio mean in Italian?

Pedophilic fetish

7.   What are the six official languages of the UN?

Coffee, tea, wine, vodka, sangria, and “hold my beer”

8.   What city was Italy’s first capital?

Italy’s first capital was LSD – Silver coins in Librum, Sesterces, and Denarius values – a system imitated by Britain, with their £ Pound, Shillings, and d pence.  It worked well for over 2000 years, until some carpet-bagger bureaucrat unified the country.

To prove that it was equal to France (a low bar – probably in Toulouse) he gave it the new Lira.  At first, I thought that the word meant that people could read his name on their new money, but it was just mumbo-jumbo-gumbo.  Mouthfuls of pasta devolved librum to lira.

150 years later, a new generation of Nigerian Prince con artist bureaucrat convinced Italy to join the EU, where everyone was equal, like Animal Farm, where some were more equal than others. From this side of the pond, I think that England was wise to vote Brexit..  They got to keep their dignity, as well as their monetary system.

9.   What does an average human head weigh?

Extraordinary human heads weigh deep, philosophical, socially-significant things like the total mass of dark matter in the Universe.  Average human heads only weigh things like, WTF!!  How in hell did Donald the Trumpet get elected president again??!

10.  Who was Spencer Perceval?

Alan Turing’s last boyfriend

Image