Fibbing Friday #289

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Last week Pensitivity101 asked, R U sitting comfortably?

1. Ripsnorter

I sneezed so hard, I activated the automatic paper towel dispenser

2. Rinky-dink

A curling bonspiel groupie

3. Rapscallion

Negro soul food cooking and music school

4. Recalcitrant

The medication that I take to improve my bone density, and prevent osteoporosis

5. Rickrack

The name of my co-worker’s favorite pool hall

6. Rut-roh

The motto embossed on all Scooby-Do merch  See Shit happens

7. Redonkulous

A friend of Crocodile Dundee – strong like ox, almost as smart

8. Rammy

Mary had a little lamb.
She called her wee friend Lamby.
The pet grew up and became wed,
And called her husband Rammy.

~ That’s the Great-grandson, following in his father’s footsteps and rammin’ all over the place with his late toddlerhood energy!

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~ My daughter told me this is a type of fiber that is processed from natural plant fibers. It is one of the oldest fiber crops, having been used for at least 6,000 years, and is principally used for fabric production. It is a bast fiber, which comes from the inner bark of the vegetative stalks and unlike other bast crops, it requires chemical processing to de-gum the fiber.

9. Rickety-crickety

Pretty much describes my body since I retired.  I’ve had noise complaints from neighbors, just for hobbling down stairs

10. Roodle

A cross between a Rhodesian Ridgeback dog, and a poodle

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’25 A To Z Challenge – O

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HELP!!

Someone stole my blog-post prompt word for the letter O.

Never mind – it was me.

Pensitivity101 distracted me with a Fibbing Friday list, and I put the word

OBFUSCATE

here.  It means to make something unclear or hard to understand, especially deliberately, which I don’t approve of doing – except to get my cheap laugh.

I discovered roller skating at about 15 and used it as a means of exercise and entertainment for 50 years.  With my lack of balance and muscle control, I was never really good at it, but I liked it.  When I moved to this town, there was one roller rink.  Roller skating continued to increase in popularity, until three new rinks were built.  After about 15 years, and the introduction of roller blades, popularity waned.  One rink became a furniture store, one a pharmacy, and one became a dance club.

The original rink held on for years, but as attendance dwindled, eventually found that they could generate more income by offering the space for seminars, craft shows, wedding receptions, and company banquets.  I took to driving 15 miles to our Tri-City, to a rink a block off the Golden Mile.  Finally the value of the land was greater as a hotel, than a roller rink.

For over ten years, there has not been a rink within 75 miles – which is probably a good thing for me, or I might have been seduced into something foolish.  I still own my skates, and a carry-case.  The pendulum is swinging again.  Interest in roller skating – and roller derby – is on the rise.  A small shopping plaza, a mile from the house has put out a roadside sign, announcing the imminent opening of a roller rink.

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Religious Horseless Carriage

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In order to attempt to justify their beliefs and faith, many Christian debaters make pre-suppositional claims that are the complete opposite of logic and observed reality.

With respect, his entire point on meaning is that Atheists cannot ground *their* sense of meaning in anything and therefore any sense of meaning is illusory. His argument is entirely that meaning must be grounded in something ultimate and, unless it is, it is ultimately meaningless. That strikes me as self-evidentially true and the Atheist must show how whatever subjective meaning they insist to be meaningful is, in fact, ultimately meaningful. There may be answers to that, but it is for Atheists to offer them. One cannot simply sneer one’s way out of answering.

“Meaning” doesn’t prove God. It would take the confirmed existence of a God, to prove meaning. My sense of meaning is grounded in what I think and feel. I can prove that I exist, and have opinions – which is more than the greatest winner of Hide and Seek can do. 

Nobody was arguing that the ability to provide subjective meaning proves God exists though the argument being made was that subjective meaning is not ultimately grounded and so it is ultimately meaningless. It requires something ultimate to ground ultimate meaning otherwise it isn’t ultimate. Everybody recognizes your subjective sense of meaning is grounded in what you think and feel.

This author has no evidence for his claims, and simply insists that meaning in one’s life has to be “objective” to be worth anything.  He has put the cart firmly before the horse, but sadly, I can still see the horse’s ass.  If God cannot be shown to exist then, no matter how much he wants and needs an ‘ultimate’ ground for (his) morality, my/our ‘subjective’ one is the best there is.

Businessman/philosopher Charlie Kirk went to college and university campuses to debate with students.  When he was discussing politics, education, or finance, his thoughts were clear and hard.  When a subject like abortion or transgender led him into his Christian beliefs, an eighth-grade student could embarrass him.

Archeology has never proved the Bible wrong.
In 1000 pages, the Bible says a thousand different things – some good, some bad, many irrelevant.  With the same degree of accuracy and truth, it could be said that Archeology has never proved Harry Potter wrong.  We found this magical castle/campus, but it’s not Hogwarts.  A negative cannot be proven.

I was in a bad place, but I gave myself to Jesus, and I turned my life around, and became a successful businessman.
No He Didn’t!!  He gave himself to the belief in Jesus, and the placebo effect.  He was told that if he did X, Y would occur.  He did X, and Y occurred, but the two were not related.  He was told that he needed a crutch, but never noticed that he accomplished it with his own strength and resolve, and never actually needed the crutch.
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Fibbing Friday #288

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Fleeting odd moments flashed in Pensitivity101’s brain last week!

1. Why is there no ‘three-quarter backs’ in American Football (you have a quarterback, halfback and full back)?

Government fiscal restraint.  Trump is spending so much to pay all these ICE agents that they can’t afford them.

2. What is a stickleback?

It’s what a Geordie Scotsman calls a hedgehog.

3. What is a boogaloo?

A pair of ‘60s, retro bell-bottom pants – oops! Trousers.  That’s an irregular noun – singular at the top, but plural at the bottom.

4. What is Victoria’s Secret?

That she’s not wearing the knickers they sell in her store, that are more expensive – ounce-for-ounce – than saffron.

5. What is in a Victoria sandwich?

We do not know.  We do not care, and we are not amused by whatever it might be – are we, Albert??

6. What is the secret of the Black Magic Box?

The Black Magic Company has actually gone bankrupt, and disappeared beyond the event horizon.  All the sweets are now manufactured by Godiva.

7. Why do mice squeak?

Because, even when cats catch them, they won’t oil them.  A little lubricant between friends is quite pleasant.

8. Where will you find a TRV?

It was a document that Goldilocks had to obtain, before she was allowed to go live with the Three Bears.

9. What is a Demo?

One side of the great American, political, continental divide.  The other side is the Repo.

10. What is a toadstool?

If you pick a fungus, fry it, put it on pizza and enjoy it – it was a mushroom.  If you tripped, it was a ‘shroom.  If you hallucinated and died, it was a toadstool.

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Meaty One-Liners

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What disease….
….did cured ham actually have?

If you overturn a canoe, you can use it as a hat….
….because it is capsized.

What do you call twins who both decide to become policemen?….
….Copies.

I got an online survey that asked, “What motivates you to go to work each day?”….
…I responded, “Probation officer.”

The only nice thing about being imperfect….
….is the joy it brings to others.

I started a band called 999 Megabytes….
….We haven’t got a gig yet.

What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?….
….Re-Morse code

A clean house….
….is a sign of a broken computer.

I’m having an introvert party….
….and you’re all not invited.

I used to be a people person….
….until people ruined it for me.

My brain….
….is giving me the silent treatment today.

Apparently rock bottom….
….has a basement.

I’m not a hard drinker….
….I actually find it quite easy.

Getting to work on time….
….seems to make the day feel so long.

I wanted to make a joke about leeches….
….but it sucked.

You can’t believe everything you hear….
….but you can repeat it.

There was a heated debate about theft at the restaurant….
….so I decided to not take sides.

My friends keep pressuring me to go spelunking….
….so I finally caved.

A girl walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre….
….so he gave it to her.

I, for one….
….like Roman numerals.

They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian….
….Well, they’re not laughing now.

Who is this Rorschach guy?….
….and why did he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?

There’s a fine line between….
….hyphenated words.

I organized a threesome last night….
….There were a couple of no-shows, but I still had fun.

I told the kids I never wanted to be in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle….
….so they unplugged my computer, and threw out my wine.

Fibbing Friday #287

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Rubbish questions from Pensitivity101 last week. No doubt your definitions will be more interesting!

1. Baloney

In The Excited States, it is also known as ‘Hillbilly steak.’  Fry up a thick slice of that, and slap it between two slices of Wonder Bread™ with lots of ketchup, and it even makes Spam seem like an epicurean viand.  On the other side of The Pond, it’s a stone in Ireland, which a lot of people want to stand on their heads and kiss.

2. Hogwash

This is a money-raising, charity event, where scantily-clad young women clean and polish Harley-Davidsons.

3. Codswallop

That was a comedy bit from the old black and white movies, that wasn’t quite as funny as the pie fights.

4. Bunkum

That’s the semi-sticky stuff that looks like kids’ Play-Doh, which people use to mount photos or signs, without damaging walls.

5. Claptrap

Tradition is peer pressure from dead people.  Live people now give a standing ovation at the end of movies, or when a pilot lands a plane, when the person just doing their job can’t even hear it. I produced three-quarters of a million Jeep CJ sound-abatement panels, and nobody applauded me.

6. Fly tipping

That’s what happens when I don’t wave the beer-bugs away from my bottles of liquid inspiration.  I’m not drinking that 3%/alcohol American mouthwash, or even the 5% They all taste the same, the only difference is the labels Canadian excuse for beer.  I’m drinking 7.4% imported Bavarian dark ale.  Anybody see a weekend lying around??  I seem to have lost one (or two).

7. Tripe

When the colours in the knitting are all off on an angle or scattered into weird colour groupings.

8. Balderdash

He was the younger brother of Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, in the Shakespeare play, Hamlet.  He was a carpenter/woodworker who built little dollhouse porches around King Claudius’ ears, so that Hamlet could pour poison in.

9. Trash

This was the style of music that eventually gave way to Heavy Metal.

10. Scrap

What’s left, after a healthy teenage boy goes through the fridge after school – not scraps, a scrap.  You thought there’d be leftover roast beef for supper??!  😮  Maybe enough for one sandwich.

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The Moving Hand

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The moving hand writes, and having writ, moves on.

I was born in the front bedroom of my family home because, in 1944 small-town Ontario, that’s what happened.  Diagonally across the intersection stood a vacation lodge.  Already financially struggling, the Second World War guaranteed its demise.

After things returned to “Normal,” the town seized it for unpaid taxes, and converted it into a hospital, becoming the first, and only, Ontario small town with one.  Across the street stood a fire hydrant.  The only other fire hydrant that I remember in my entire town, was one on main street, not in the middle of the block, or in front of the bank or post office, but the movie theater.  Things that make you go, Hmmmm…

On the other side of our house, was the home of a man who owned and ran a machine/fabricating shop, located in the upper, slightly less commercial block of the main street.  He wore in his shirt pocket, a hearing aid pickup and battery pack, about the size of two decks of cards, for hearing loss caused by years of screeching metal lathes.

He made a fairly good living, fabricating braces and racks, and machining repair parts for three small local furniture factories, and a plywood plant.  On into the 1950s, as he was considering retiring, Globalization began to rear its ugly head.  One by one, the furniture plants closed.  The plywood plant went bankrupt, re-opened under new management, and finally merged its production with the large, economic parent plant near Toronto.  His wooden building is now part of an IGA store parking lot, and the four, small, locally-owned grocery stores are mere memories in my mind.

Thomas Wolfe said, “You can’t go home again.”  I wouldn’t want to.  Gertrude Stein opined that “There’s no there, there.”  There’s no industry – no life – no raison d’être.  It’s Ontario’s biggest retirement home.

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’25 A To Z Challenge – N

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I HAVE A HORSE THAT I NAMED ‘MAYO’
MY HORSE MAYO, NEIGHS

Now, don’t get your nickers in a not.

Just more proof that English will never be written phonetically, when we get to the meat/meet/mete of the problem.

English is Janus-like – two-faced.  You can dabble around the edge with clarity, problem-free, but you don’t need to wade in too far to find out how simply complex it can be.  Most dictionaries insist that

NICKERS

are the same as neighs, but my horsy friends who speak English, insist that it’s the difference between a giggle, and a guffaw.

Identical pronunciation aside, there are three quite different meanings for the word.  Nicker can be a sound that a horse makes.  It can also be a person or thing that makes nicks in something – like Stevie Nicks, of Fleetwood Mac.  As a Canadian, I was interested to find that it’s also a British, and Australian, slang term for a Pound, Sterling.

I never say nay, but I’m gonna ride off into the sunset of Wednesday.  Feel free to saddle up and follow.

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Fibbing Friday #286

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Pensitivity101’s newsletter questions last week.
Let’s see what porkies you can come up with for these.

1. Which was the original sport in Ancient Rome?

He was Flatulus Maximus, always trying to get Vestal virgins to take a ride in his V8 chariot, and perhaps park in the dark, down by the Tiber, to watch the trireme races.

2. What’s a group of ravens called?

A Karen…. No, wait!  That’s backwards.  A group of Karens is called a Raven.  SKRAWK!  SKRAWK!

3. Which food stuff never goes bad?

THC gummy bears

4. “Your mother is a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries” is a line from which 1975 film?

Star Wars, when Yoda insulted Darth Vader.

5. Which country has the largest population of tigers?

It might be Russia, but they’re mostly paper tigers.  When the Ukrainians hand them their asses, they have been folded, stapled, spindled, and mutilated.

6. What kind of phone was invented in 1963?

A special pay-phone, where it cost Superman 25 cents, every time he switched identities

7. The VCR Recorder was introduced by which company?

No lie!  Not funny, just archeological truth.
The first successful VCR was invented by Charles Ginsburg and team at the Ampex Corporation in 1956 for professional use. The first iteration, like the computer, was so large it took up a lot of floor space!
It took almost 20 years for them to be able to size the mechanics down for home use.

8. What is a Haboob?

That’s the special costume at a Muslim strip joint.

9. Who is the oldest man to be named as People’s Magazine Sexiest man?

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Janet Reno

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The British publishing division awarded it to Theresa May.

10. Who recorded “Too young” in 1951?

Roman Polanski – Donald Trump did an updated version in 2024.

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Contest #1 Answer

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I was in the back yard with my bare feet in the kiddies’ pool, eating Cakes And Ale, a sort of poor man’s tea, when someone flung a Frisbee in my direction.  As the disc approached, I wondered why it seemed to get larger as it got nearer.  Then it hit me.

Later, as I applied more internal anesthetic, I completely forgot to give Pensitivity any credit, and just decided that being the person who dreamed this challenge up, definitely rules.  I don’t remember you coming through the garden gate.  But then, after a certain point in the afternoon, things become a little hazy – shortly after I cracked the third 12-pack.  Did we have fun??  Shall we do this again, occasionally?