Tag Archives: marijuana

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Fibbing Friday #308

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Here are last week’s questions from Pensitivity101:

1.  What is a canopy?

A larder or cupboard for storing tinned foods.

2.  What is a cookie?

Dagwood Bumstead’s daughter – and his wife is Blondie – and their neighbor is Tootsie – no real names, and all before marijuana became legal.  I’m surprised that his son isn’t DUDE.

3.  What is a pup cup?

It’s the cap that screws on the top of a Saint Bernard’s rum keg.

4.  What is a typhoon?
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A rich, powerful person who is full of…. hot air – and other, less pleasant, substances.

5.  Why are nails sharp at one end?

Because the other ends are still attached to my fingers.

6.  What’s the difference between a chip and a fry?

A chip is found either in an electronic device, or at a golf course, while a fry is most often found at a tailgate in a football stadium parking lot.

7.  What is a shoe horn?

A source of merriment and celebration at footwear stores.  C’mon!  The clerks need all the help they can get.  It’s not like they’re a cell phone kiosk.  All the salespeople ever see – and smell – are feet.

8.  Why do spirit levels have bubbles?

They were originally manufactured in the Champagne region of France, and filled with second-grade wine that hadn’t passed the Quality Assurance standards.

9.  Why do we have tea leaves but coffee grains?

You keep tellin’ the cops that the stuff in the baggie is tea leaves, while “your cousin,” Manolito, shipped you that coffee from Colombia.

10. What is a diplomat?

A man who always remembers a woman’s birthday – but not how many she’s had.

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Fibbing Friday #302

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Pensitivty101 had some rerun fun with the questions last week.

1. What are florins, tanners and bobs?

Varietals of high-society marijuana that you can obtain at dispensaries

2. What is Dead Man’s Fingers?

Slow heart rate, and restricted blood circulation – If I lived in Britain, I could chill my own beer

3. What killed the Triffids?

Trump’s tariffs

4. What’s the difference between a buck and a quid?

The difference between a buck and a quid, is a little bit of cross-dressing, dahling!

5. How much is an old crown worth?

Being First In Line for 60 years – Boring
Dumping a beauty-contest winner, and marrying a horse – Got a letter from Freud
Finally getting to sit on the throne – Priceless

6. What can be known as a ‘Little Gem’?

Whatever it’s called, most men can’t find it, or don’t bother to stop and search.

7. What is pearl barley?

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Rerun question??  Rerun answer!  I can be only so creative.
Alternate response – soup for supper

8. Finish the sentence: ‘I came, I saw, I………………..’

….did a gag about this, last week.

9. Who said ‘Smile, it enhances your face value’?

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10. Where on the human body is the zygomatic bone found?

The zygomatic bone is harder to find than Waldo.  Let’s face it, I have no idea.

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Fibbing Friday #299

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Last week, Pensitivity101 wanted us to have some fun with these, and not worry if you think your answers are old and tired!

1. What’s the difference between a bow and a curtsey?

A bow is that thing that looks like a set of McDonald’s arches that Cupid carries on Valentine’s Day.  A curtsey is holding a door for someone.  They don’t even look the same.  Have you been smokin’ that shit again??  I thought you were banned from the dispensary, after the last incident!  Skunkweed??  What skunkweed?

2. What’s the difference between a bison and a basin?

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When a young, male, American buffalo leaves home to go to Uni, his father just says BISON, and hopes that he doesn’t end up playing Dixieland Jazz in a cheap bar on BASIN Street, in New Orleans.

3. What’s the difference between a pocket and a pouch?

Someone might pick your pocket, but Joey says that if they can pick your pouch, they’re standing entirely too close.

4. How do you poach an egg?

Climb over the fence after dark, and sneak into the henhouse.

5. What is smog?

Isn’t he the dragon with the bad-breath problem, from Lord of the Rings – lives in an east-end London borough named Desolation??!

6. What is triage?

That’s when you convince your girlfriend to bring along her younger sister for some horizontal tango lessons.

7. What is a tripod?

A milking stool’s grandfather

8. How many legs does an octogenarian have?

They are a special breed of Scottish cows, developed to graze on the sides of steep hills.  They have the usual two legs on the uphill side, but three on the downhill side, so they don’t fall off.  There are left-hand, and right-hand, versions.  If two of them meet, going in opposite directions, they can’t get out of each other’s way, and starve to death.

9. What is a buzz cut?

That’s when the juicy gossip in the break room comes to a sudden stop, and the hardly workers try to remember where their work station is, when the boss saunters through.

10. What’s the difference between a baggie and a bagel?

After you smoke what’s in the baggie, you might want to eat a bagel, and/or a pizza, and/or some Doritos….

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Fibbing Friday #297

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It was Boxing Day, and the questions from Pensitivity101 last week were a mixed bag of whimsy and anything else!

1. Why is there a fairy on top of the Christmas Tree?

Because a bunch of drunken anti-LGBTQ bullies chased him up there

2. Why is the 26th December known as Boxing Day in some countries?

To honor the birthday of Mohammed Ali.   He wasn’t really born on that day, just like Jesus wasn’t born on Dec. 25th.  He switched it to the Muslim calendar when he changed religion.  Jesus switched His when he went from being a Jew, to Christianity.

3. What would be the gifts from the Three Wise Men today?

Some Bitcoin, a 23 And Me kit to establish who the true father is, and some free therapy sessions.  They’re gonna do WHAT to me??!

4. What is Hogmanay?

That’s what the Irish call bacon.

5. How much is a monkey?

All except the tail

6. Do crows crow?

Yes!!  Especially the ones who got a part in the movie remake of The Raven.

7. Why do milking stools have three legs?

To get to the other side

8. What is meant by perfect pitch?

That’s when the Nigerian Prince convinces someone to supply their banking information.

9. Where will you find a palm tree?

Unlike stigmata, these are marks on the insides of your hands, which show your Grandma that you’ve been indulging in too much self-gratification.

10. What is rolling stock?

Incidental supplies, available at your local cannabis dispensary

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Fibbing Friday #285

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Mixed bag from Pensitivity101 last week with familiar words that need fibbing definitions.

1. What is a winklepicker?

A Jewish cucumber-harvester for kosher gherkins.  Oy!! My back!

2.  What is a pipsqueak?

An English house-mouse.  Pip, Pip, Cheerio, and all that, old chip chap.

3.  What is a beatnik?

That’s the Nik-At-Nite spin-off, aimed at very tired senior citizens.

4.  What is a sequin?

That’s the bonsai version of a sequoia

5.  What is spiel?

A bunch of Scotsmen, sliding rocks across the frozen Loch Ness

6.  What is asphalt?

That’s when no one is willing to take the blame…  It’s Ash’s fault.

7.  What is a hologram?

That’s when you pay a street dealer for Maui Zowie, but wind up smoking oregano, when you get home.

8.  What is a dickie seat?

Isn’t that one of those bicycle style ice cream sellers?

9.  What is sinew?

What those Christian folks try and call you when you’ve done something they don’t approve of.

10. What is a collage?

It’s a post-secondary institute of supposedly higher learning, attended by some of the rich, but none-too-bright, social scions.  Daddy’s money buys guaranteed enrollment, a diploma-mill diploma, and enough social, financial, and political connections to give the appearance of a real job/career.  See George W. Bush, and Donald Trump.

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Blowing his brains out

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General Fibbing Friday

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General knowledge questions from Pensitivity101 last week, so wrong answers/fabrications please!

1. What three symbols are featured on the game invitation card on Squid Game?

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2.  What do Sumo Wrestlers use to purify the ring before a match?

Kikkoman Soya Sauce, and Gillette Full-Body Deodorant Spray

3.  What is the name of the sport played on broomsticks in Harry Potter?

Curling

4.  What is the name of the unique language spoken by Furbies?

Gobbledegook

5.  Which chocolate product had the slogan ‘The lighter way to enjoy chocolate’?

Willie Wonka’s THC Brownies

6.  What unit of measurement is used for electrical resistance?

Mormon chastity ring

7.  In what sport would you use the term ‘Daily Double’?

Bar shooters truth or dare

8.  Which fashion label popularized the velour tracksuit in the 2000s?

That was Bratva Russian Fashions LLC, soon a hit with Communist mobsters and American wannabes, alike.  The loose, roomy outfits hid the fact that the nouveau riche wearers had no culture or manners.  Their capacious pockets were ideal for concealing huge amounts of ill-gotten loot, and illegal firearms.  The most popular colour was BORSCHT RED, because it hid the bloodstains so well.

9.  Where would you find the Mariana Trench?

She’s the Irish Goodtime Girl currently working the local pub.

10. Which two words begin a darts match?

En Pointe

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’24 A To Z Challenge – W

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My mission – if I choose to accept it – to find a socially or linguistically significant word for the letter W has been an utter failure.  Woe is me.  Wah!  No wisdom, witticisms, or wisecracks to offer.  Let’s just go with infrequent, and lackluster

WAMBLE

  1. to move unsteadily.
  2. to feel nausea.
  3. (of the stomach) to rumble; growl.
  4. an unsteady or rolling movement.
  5. a feeling of nausea.

 

1300–50; Middle English wamle, obscurely akin to Norwegian vamla to stagger

While the meaning, spelling, and pronunciation are similar, it is not related to ‘wobble.’  Their parents are two different languages.  For several years, the son had a co-worker, universally known as ‘’Wobbles,’ not because he ingested alcohol, or the fumes of burning…. incense – although some of that did happen.

Do you remember, like me, from 1970 – Weebles wobble, but they don’t fall down?  That was him.  Ovoid, bottom-heavy, short, bandy legs, looked like he spent lots of time straddling a log – or a barstool.

On the other hand….
I worked for four years with a man who everybody – from the boss/owner on down – knew he brought a 6-pack of beer in each morning, dunked it in a toilet tank in the washroom, and finished it by noon.  Then he went home for lunch, and returned with another 6-pack for the afternoon – at a Precision machine shop.

No-one ever said anything, because he pumped out loads of parts, to ten-thousandths, and hundred-thousandths of an inch – no wobble…. Or wamble.

See if you can wend your way back in a couple of days.

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Boring Fibbing Friday

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Bored with your job title? Here are some really creative ones Pensitivity101 thought she’d share.
What do you think these are?

  1. BD Ninja – is Luthor Lothario in Accounts receivable. He’s got a wife and a mistress, but he’s also had sex with 12 other women in the last year.  There’s an office pool about when he’s going to die, and who, or what, is going to cause it.  Exhaustion is a strong candidate, right after ‘Angry Husband’
  2. Head of Schmoozing – Was the Baptist preacher who was the biggest reason that I stopped going to church. After a 30-minute, hellfire and brimstone sermon, he would race to the front door to glad-hand every parishioner trying to exit.  People just wanted to go for lunch.  Hell, people just wanted to go to the loo, and he was stuck in the doorway like a corpulent cork.

  3. Ambassador of Buzz – Would be Snoop Dog. A comedian talked about being on the same bill, and being invited into Snoop’s STAR dressing room after the show.  He said that there were six guys in the room, but seven blunts being passed around.
  4. Colon Lover – My proctologist. It wasn’t the most fun I’ve ever had, but it was way up there.

  5. Digital Dynamo – Is the rowdy road-warrior who races up the rapidly-reducing merge lane, cuts me off, honks his horn, and then gives me the middle finger. Were he British, I’d receive two.
  6. Wizard of Light Bulb Moments – Is the male hillbilly neighbour. He saw Chevy Chase’s “Christmas Vacation” movie, and wants to be just like his character.  It’s a good thing we live near the Niagara Falls Power station.  You can see his house from orbit.

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7. People Partner – Is the term that Melania Trump wants to be known as, after the inevitable attention-span divorce.  She’s sick and tired of her Secret Service FLOTUS codename being, Orangutang Wrangler.

8, Dr. Fix – Is my hillbilly neighbour’s veterinarian. He has a sign out front that reads, “Have your dog spayed.  It makes them less nuts.”  She took her pedigreed puppy in last year, when she first got him, but this year she’s screaming, “You didn’t tell me that I couldn’t breed him.”

9. Captain of Multitasking – That’s our Office Clown Manager, Jack. Jack of all trades – Master of none.  So many projects started – So few actually completed. 😮   We’re thinking of taping him to his office chair, and force-feeding him Ritalin from a Pez dispenser.

10. Money Maestro – Is my darling wife. I’m glad someone is taking care of the bills.  I have all the financial credentials of a drunken sailor on leave.  I think she picked up her skills from that five loaves and seven fishes Bible story.

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Family Fibbing Friday

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Familiar, or maybe not so familiar, phrases from Pensitivity101 last week.
What are your interpretations for these?

  1. “A few sandwiches short of a picnic”
    I came home to find that the wife had laid out a lovely lunch for me. How was I to know the food was for her Ladies’ Group park brunch?

    2. “Bagsy”
    A chicken in every pot…. and some pot in every chick. Marijuana dispensaries in every strip-mall, is still better than the methadone clinics.  A better class of clientele.  One of the customers asked me, “Spare a pound, mate?”  I told him that I only had big bills, so he asked for one of those.  I gave him the one from the electric supplier.

    3. “Bog-standard”
    Acidic water in bogs actually causes small lumps of cold iron to precipitate out, which can be forged into knives and swords that elves are allergic to.  So, if you’re racist against elves, live near a swamp.

    4. “Budge up”
    The tube cars are already so crowded that Weird Al Yankovic says Another One Rides the Bus.  If you died right now, you couldn’t fall down, till Piccadilly Station.  You can only hope that the hand you feel near your crotch is simply trying to steal your wallet – and some yob in a transit uniform says “Make room please”  Not and still breathe!  Perhaps I could just fax myself to the office.  Whatever happened to “Work From Home??”

    5. “Chinwag”
    A blind man and his guide dog were waiting for a bus, when the dog lifted his leg and peed on the man’s pant leg.  A bystander saw it happen.  The blind man reached into his pocket and gave the dog a treat.  The watcher was appalled.  “Why would you give your dog a treat, when he peed on you??!”  ‘I’m just trying to figure out where his head is, so I can kick his ass!”

    6. “Faff”
    You’ll have to forgive me for not having an interesting/amusing response to this one.  I really meant to research it, but I played a few games of Mahjong…. then I researched the language and meaning of the surname Kense…. and then I fell down a YouTube rabbit hole, watching idiots at work.  I promise to do better next time.  Faff Trump and his Presidential campaign!

    7. “Full Monty” was the English breakfast that Field Marshal Montgomery was served at Alamein.

    8. “Give me a tinkle on the blower”
    I cheered when my room-mate bought an expensive stereo, but he only played either rap music, or Taylor Swift.  I demanded asked him nicely several times to stop, but I don’t have to ask anymore, at least for a while.  Suddenly last week, his high-quality Quadra-Phonic speakers stopped working, and they have a strange smell.  I blame the dog.

    9. “On it like a car bonnet”
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    That’s how the darling little Minis are decorated, to appear in the Gay Pride parade.

    10. “Tickety-boo” – is a paper cut that you get from a bingo card.
    Know how to get a 70 year-old, church-going lady to yell, “FUCK”?
    Let another one yell Bingo first.  It’s a rough game.

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Three Cubed Fibbing Friday

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I scream – You scream – The Police come – things are awkward.  I theme – You theme.  Pensitivity101 understands that this week has no theme at all and is just a mish-mash of silly questions inviting you to give sillier answers.

1.What is liquid gold?

It’s that first, really cold beer, when you finish mowing the lawn on a hot, sunny, late-July afternoon.

2.What is housemaid’s knee?
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It is a joint affliction suffered when you convince your wife/girlfriend to wear the sexy costume, and polish your Hummer, but forget to provide a cushion, or other padding.

3.Why is the Eiffel Tower so named?

‘Cause it’s a really big, tall thing that towers over Paris.  It is 300 meters (984 feet) tall.  I’ve stopped asking “How stupid can some Americans be?” because they’re taking it as a challenge.  In a recent meme twitter list, one of them claimed that the 154 meter (504 foot) replica in Las Vegas, was built first, and the French just copied it.  I’m surprised I haven’t heard, “I live in Paris, Texas.  Them Frenchies just copied that, too!”  😳

4.Can elephants swim?

They can, but they take up so much space that they’ve been permanently banned from the pool.  Other than Dumbo, none of them are allowed to fly either.

5.What is a pot hole?

That’s the ceramic throne, otherwise known  as a toilet, where we used to flush our stash if/when the cops raided, back before Canada decriminalized Mother Nature’s sedative.

6.What is a woolly pulley?

It’s a young kid who dragged their pet lamb on a leash, three miles, in an Easter Parade.

7.What is a tap washer?

Like a designated driver, he is the (perhaps) soberest, or most paranoid, OCD, frat partier, who cleans and disinfects the bung to prevent COVID and other diseases, when it is changed from one keg to another, at a toga party.

8.Why do we have warts on our fingers but corns on our toes?

Because God had just invented Magic Mushrooms, and wanted to try them out – strictly for quality-control purposes.  He said, ‘Hold my ‘Shrooms.  I’m gonna create some Hoomin Beans.’  Our nose runs, and our feet smell.

9.What is a pendulum?

My amply-endowed, Double-D wife has two of them, when she refuses to wear even a light, cotton sports bra on hot summer days.  She recently told me that she had seen something odd between her breasts – her navel.

10.Where will you find a pupil and iris?

At a school for landscaping and gardening.

I sometimes stay out late, in the company of good friends and much dark ale, and when I return home the truth is not in me.  Honestly though, there’ll be a great post on Monday and the hangover should be gone.  😀

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