Tag Archives: music

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Fibbing Friday #307

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Mish-mash from Pensitivity101 last week, so your suggestions please!

1. What is a cannery?

A little, yellow, cartoon bird named Tweety, who t’ouht he taw a puddy tat.

2. What is a rookery?

Any online scam, where you have to prepay with iTunes gift cards

3. What is hooky?

Any person – especially a teenager – who gets a five-finger discount, by walking out of a store without paying for merchandise.

4. What is pinochle?

The non-brand-name, generic version of Nutella.™ ©

5. What is a ricochet?

An Irishman with vertigo/balance problems.

6. What is hubbub?

It’s a big yellow clamp that the traffic warden attaches to your wheel, if you park illegally.

7. What is a podcast?

See ‘Wingnut,’ below.

8. What is a wingnut?

A maple key/seed.  With climate change, we may soon have winds so strong that Abu Dhabi will have a maple syrup industry.

9. What is a switchback?

A knife with a spring-loaded blade that pops out when you push a button.  Get the point??

10. What is a cacophony?

A nonet.  A small musical group of nine people, including a vibraphone and spoons.

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Fibbing Friday #299

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Last week, Pensitivity101 wanted us to have some fun with these, and not worry if you think your answers are old and tired!

1. What’s the difference between a bow and a curtsey?

A bow is that thing that looks like a set of McDonald’s arches that Cupid carries on Valentine’s Day.  A curtsey is holding a door for someone.  They don’t even look the same.  Have you been smokin’ that shit again??  I thought you were banned from the dispensary, after the last incident!  Skunkweed??  What skunkweed?

2. What’s the difference between a bison and a basin?

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When a young, male, American buffalo leaves home to go to Uni, his father just says BISON, and hopes that he doesn’t end up playing Dixieland Jazz in a cheap bar on BASIN Street, in New Orleans.

3. What’s the difference between a pocket and a pouch?

Someone might pick your pocket, but Joey says that if they can pick your pouch, they’re standing entirely too close.

4. How do you poach an egg?

Climb over the fence after dark, and sneak into the henhouse.

5. What is smog?

Isn’t he the dragon with the bad-breath problem, from Lord of the Rings – lives in an east-end London borough named Desolation??!

6. What is triage?

That’s when you convince your girlfriend to bring along her younger sister for some horizontal tango lessons.

7. What is a tripod?

A milking stool’s grandfather

8. How many legs does an octogenarian have?

They are a special breed of Scottish cows, developed to graze on the sides of steep hills.  They have the usual two legs on the uphill side, but three on the downhill side, so they don’t fall off.  There are left-hand, and right-hand, versions.  If two of them meet, going in opposite directions, they can’t get out of each other’s way, and starve to death.

9. What is a buzz cut?

That’s when the juicy gossip in the break room comes to a sudden stop, and the hardly workers try to remember where their work station is, when the boss saunters through.

10. What’s the difference between a baggie and a bagel?

After you smoke what’s in the baggie, you might want to eat a bagel, and/or a pizza, and/or some Doritos….

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Fibbing Friday #289

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Last week Pensitivity101 asked, R U sitting comfortably?

1. Ripsnorter

I sneezed so hard, I activated the automatic paper towel dispenser

2. Rinky-dink

A curling bonspiel groupie

3. Rapscallion

Negro soul food cooking and music school

4. Recalcitrant

The medication that I take to improve my bone density, and prevent osteoporosis

5. Rickrack

The name of my co-worker’s favorite pool hall

6. Rut-roh

The motto embossed on all Scooby-Do merch  See Shit happens

7. Redonkulous

A friend of Crocodile Dundee – strong like ox, almost as smart

8. Rammy

Mary had a little lamb.
She called her wee friend Lamby.
The pet grew up and became wed,
And called her husband Rammy.

~ That’s the Great-grandson, following in his father’s footsteps and rammin’ all over the place with his late toddlerhood energy!

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~ My daughter told me this is a type of fiber that is processed from natural plant fibers. It is one of the oldest fiber crops, having been used for at least 6,000 years, and is principally used for fabric production. It is a bast fiber, which comes from the inner bark of the vegetative stalks and unlike other bast crops, it requires chemical processing to de-gum the fiber.

9. Rickety-crickety

Pretty much describes my body since I retired.  I’ve had noise complaints from neighbors, just for hobbling down stairs

10. Roodle

A cross between a Rhodesian Ridgeback dog, and a poodle

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Meaty One-Liners

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What disease….
….did cured ham actually have?

If you overturn a canoe, you can use it as a hat….
….because it is capsized.

What do you call twins who both decide to become policemen?….
….Copies.

I got an online survey that asked, “What motivates you to go to work each day?”….
…I responded, “Probation officer.”

The only nice thing about being imperfect….
….is the joy it brings to others.

I started a band called 999 Megabytes….
….We haven’t got a gig yet.

What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?….
….Re-Morse code

A clean house….
….is a sign of a broken computer.

I’m having an introvert party….
….and you’re all not invited.

I used to be a people person….
….until people ruined it for me.

My brain….
….is giving me the silent treatment today.

Apparently rock bottom….
….has a basement.

I’m not a hard drinker….
….I actually find it quite easy.

Getting to work on time….
….seems to make the day feel so long.

I wanted to make a joke about leeches….
….but it sucked.

You can’t believe everything you hear….
….but you can repeat it.

There was a heated debate about theft at the restaurant….
….so I decided to not take sides.

My friends keep pressuring me to go spelunking….
….so I finally caved.

A girl walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre….
….so he gave it to her.

I, for one….
….like Roman numerals.

They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian….
….Well, they’re not laughing now.

Who is this Rorschach guy?….
….and why did he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?

There’s a fine line between….
….hyphenated words.

I organized a threesome last night….
….There were a couple of no-shows, but I still had fun.

I told the kids I never wanted to be in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle….
….so they unplugged my computer, and threw out my wine.

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Fibbing Friday #284

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Last week Pensitivity101 summarised as ‘Oh My’.
Some of these are bound to be familiar, but put your fibbing hats on and be inventive with these:

1. Oxymoron

Is the idiot who keeps taking Percocet long after he needs to, and gets addicted.

2. Ooky

Is the sweet, round biscuit that my 4-year-old Great-grandson asks for

3. Oodleplex

This is the McDonald’s-type ball-pit that the local Google building supplies, full of Furbies, teddy bears, Beanie-Babies, and Minions, for employee destressing, and daycare play area.

4. Obfuscate

That was me at any of the local roller-rinks, back before my joints began to make more noise than a lobster going into boiling water.

5. Obstreperous

Isn’t that an ancient symbol depicting a snake or dragon eating its own tail?  That would certainly keep it quiet.

6. Oddsock

That’s our pet name for our dryer.  I believe that, when all the lost socks mass together, that’s what causes black holes.

7. Orzo

He’s the drummer in the heavy-metal band – Five Finger Death Punch.

8. Onomatopoeia

That’s what my dog will do, if she won’t let us know she really should go outside, because it’s raining.

9. Oodles

This is the brand name of the ramen that the son buys, by the case.

10. Oompah

The tuba was invented to mimic the sound made by Germans who had consumed too much bratwurst and sauerkraut.

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Fibbing Friday #282

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Questions from Pensitivity 101’s monthly newsletter last week:

  1. Which is the highest ever grossing show on Broadway?

Rent!  They are expensive, charge more & more each year, get captive crowds every month, and have very mixed reviews…

  1. How many times has Rafa Nadal won the French Open?

I don’t know about good ol’ Rafa, I prefer the French Onion Soup!

  1. Who played the Young Victoria?

Emma Watson, but The Spice Girls biopic was still a flop

  1. Who sang the 1957 original of That’ll be the Day?

John Wayne, from the soundtrack of the movie, The Searchers

  1. What’s the Buddhist state of happiness called?

Ohio, where they serve cats and dogs on restaurant menus

  1. Which lake has a mythical creature named after it?

Ogopogo.  It even got its own comic strip

  1. Which year was the Chevrolet Corvette introduced?

That was the year that GM/Chevrolet decided to get into the penis substitution business.  With the number of insecure males around, it could have been any year.  Those who lack a big dick, often act a big dick.

  1. What kind of cells are found in the brain?

Padded cells, for the ones under MAGA hats

  1. How many different actors have played James Bond?

If you read my TILWROT VI post, you’ll know that the answer is a definite maybe!  Barry Nelson did for a one-hour TV episode in 1954.  Beginning in 1962, the Broccolis, pére et fille, gave us Sean Connery, George Lazenby, Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton, Pierce Brosnan, and Daniel Craig.

In the 1967 non-Broccoli send-up of Casino Royale, David Niven was the only real James Bond, but to confuse the opposition, MI5 named every agent they sent in, as Bond, including Peter Sellers, and Usually Undressed Ursula Andress.  It depends on how you ask – and answer – the question.

  1. Which is the world’s oldest active volcano?

It’s the one on the little island near Bali, where the weekly sacrifice is a sack of bran.  You can smell that one all the way to New Zealand.

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Fibbing Friday #281

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Last week, Pensitivity101 hoped that we could get our fibbering hats on for this batch………….

1.Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because her friends were egging her on

2. Why are eggs oval in shape?

Because they’re a lot easier to lay than square ones.  If you think chickens squawk now….

3. Who said Humpty Dumpty was an egg?

Everybody who had Western omelets for brunch

4. What is fumigate?

A minor political scandal that took place in a seedy, rundown hotel in New Jersey

5. What is a wuss?

It’s a code word that means that the person who used it is socially illiterate and inept, and should be avoided if at all possible.

6. What is a spotter?

….Uh, something about Bill Clinton, and a blue dress

7. What is the speed of light?

It’s about how quickly green turns to orange, and orange becomes red, stranding me, while Willy the Wanderer blithely proceeds through, in front of an oncoming garbage truck.

8. What is a hangover?

See the definition of saga from last week.  I put a roof over my tool shed.

9. What is a grammy?

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Definitely not my Mother’s Mother.  That lady was a stern and (Protestant) God-fearing woman, who insisted on respect and propriety, and whom I always addressed as Grandma.

10. What is Lycra?

It’s a plucked, string instrument, used by Erato and The Muses, to compose and perform the best Rock music in ancient Athens.

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Fibbing Friday #278

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Last week Pensitivity101 asked, How’s your history and general knowledge? (I’m old enough to have lived through most of it, so you may see the occasional reference to Plato, or Julius Caesar)

1. Which Monarch famously said ‘I know I have the body of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a king?’

Queen Latifah

2. What is the rarest blood type in humans?

Canadian blood – we’re Eh-positive

3. Who wrote the novel Brave New World?

Elon Musk!  It was going to be the tale of using SpaceX to terraform and colonize Mars, but it became a how-to manual about surviving the last Trump.

4. Which famous composer was deaf for much of his later life?

Eric Clapton – in the beginning, his group played so loud that the Cream clotted.

5. What was the name of Rick’s nightclub in the movie Casablanca?

In honor of a broken knee that he got while on a drunken bender, he called it the Gin Joint.

6. What is the world’s largest species of penguin?

The one in the Batman movies

7. Who was the first female Prime Minister of the UK?

Lloyd George’s grandsomething – Boy George

8. Which painter cut off part of his own ear?

The contractor who was renovating the Roman coliseum.  He heard Marc Antony say “Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears,” and he wanted to Make Rome Great Again.

9. What is the most widely spoken language in the world by number of native speakers?

Profanity

10. Who were the Axis Powers of WW2?

Argentina and Uruguay  A lot of Germans who would have been considered war criminals, quietly spun out of sight in Europe, and rotated across the Atlantic, to become preferential citizens of these countries – because they preferred to bring gold with them.

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Off-Color One-Liners

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When you dream in color….
….it’s a pigment of your imagination.

My resolution was to read more….
….so I enabled the closed-captioning on the TV.

The prototype for the colander had holes that were too big….
….It was a mass-sieve failure.

If you haven’t heard about the movie, Constipation…
….it’s because it hasn’t come out yet.

I’m so grumpy….
….I’m not even talking to myself today.

Kangaroo steak is delicious….
….but it makes me jumpy.

A King’s fart is….
….a noble gas that causes no reaction.

KETO diet be damned!  There are no salad bars depicted….
….in any cave drawings.

What’s the difference between a hippo, and a Zippo?….
….One is super heavy.  The other is a little lighter.

What are 1000 angry lesbians with guns?….
….Militia Etheridge.

What do you call a group of British gays, standing on line?….
….An LGBT queue.

I took a picture of a field of wheat….
….It was pretty grainy.

A man has been stealing wheels off Police vehicles….
….They are working tirelessly to find him.

I’m not really good at giving advice….
….Could I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

You call it eating five boxes of Girl Scout cookies alone….
….I call it supporting young female entrepreneurs.

I recently heard a music group called Duvet….
… They’re a cover band.

I just did a reality check….
….Holy shit!!  Would not recommend.

It’s raining nickels and dimes….
….Climate change.

I make mistakes….
….I’m the second to admit it.

The highest form of flattery….
….is a plateau.

When I say, “Enjoy them while they’re young.”….
….I’m talking about your hips and knees, not your kids.

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’25 A To Z Challenge – H

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I have never let the cat out of the bag.  I have never bought (or sold) a pig in a poke – because I have never owned a

HAVERSACK

A haversack is a one-strap backpack.  The single strap can be draped over one shoulder, or looped over the head for greater security.  It is also known as a ditty bag, where I keep sheets of paper with all the lyrics to the songs I like, so that I don’t start belting out mondegreens, – Excuse me while I kiss this guy – and also a musette bag, where I keep all my little Muses, until they traipse away, leaving me with no inspiration, and a dry, dreary blogpost like this.

It came from the Old German word, havre + sack.  That meant just what it looked like it meant, if you remove the letter R – have, only with the subtle definition distinction of not being a sack that you have, but a sack that existed to have something in.

The French took the “contained and safe” meaning, and turned the word into a haven, like the seaport Le Havre.  I’m going to have to buckle down, and start to compose something for the letter I – besides Idiot, and Imbecile.