Here comes the sun

of all the lies i have heard

i love you

was my favorite

tonight, we passed by the Malang exhibit

it was the fourth time in two weeks

but this time you entered the gallery and admired Malang’s works

the angular shapes

the bright pastel colors

the expressionless faces

it amazes me that such simple faces could elicit so much of your attention

how the dots and dashes capture your imagination so fully that time passes by quickly

you are so enthralled by his works;

but i stayed outside the gallery

while youre having your fill of Malang

im having my fill of you

you are my Malang 

your quietness

gentleness

blends so perfectly with your beauty;

it amazes me how such quietness can be so consuming

how the silence can be so addicting

how the uncertainty could be so captivating;

for like Malang’s works

youre emotions are mere dashes and dots

nothing to reveal what you truly feel (for me)

not a single sign of your intentions

not a hint of anything that would show me that youre my future

but i dont care

im captivated

my imagination has been engaged

and if the time comes when its time to change exhibits

i would hurt

but i would smile

for even though you would not be in the gallery of my tomorrow

i was able to take a glimpse of the true beauty of your art.

im tired.

physically and mentally tired.

i have been working for three straight weeks without any weekend break, and im tired.

and the worst thing is that im not happy-tired

its not the kind of tiredness that plasters a smile on your face when you sit back exhausted from your efforts

Nor is it sad-tired too

its not the tiredness that would make you wail and struggle against your present situation, motivating you to claw your way out of it

its more of a numb-tired kind of tiredness

its the tiredness that deadens

 its like having an out of body experience and you see yourself blindly going through the day doing as much as you can without making any dent in the pile of duties that you have to accomplish

its the kind of tiredness that makes you forget about time. you just work, work, work until you realize that a whole year has passed by without you noticing it

its the tiredness that lulls you to complacency inspite of your current situation

you get used to it day after day until it seems normal to you. you wake up. work. sleep. then do it all over again.

a new breed of robots.

youre tired but youre not struggling against it

there are no smiles as you put yourself to sleep at night

nor any determination to escape as you wake up every morning

there is just tiredness

and nothing else.

how do i love thee?

i love thee at arms length

flinching

conditional

with reservations.

i love thee less than i love myself

i would give up my sleep for you but not my life

i would offer my time but not my dreams

i would forget my wants but not my needs.

i love thee with my feet on the ground

hopeful but realistic

enjoying our moments of togetherness

but knowing these moments may not last.

i love thee as I want to be loved

honestly

truthfully

without lies and deceptions.

i would love thee as honestly as possible

though it may hurt the both of us

at least i have loved thee clearly

with pain maybe

but at least without doubt