I’m having a crisis in my mind… can’t even call it a mid life crisis cause I think I had that in my 30s a decade ago.

What if you realise you aren’t who you think you are?  You aren’t who you try to be – you aren’t who you want the world to see you as?

and…..

If you aren’t being true to who you actually are… and being true to yourself means you are going to hurt other people…. do you be true to yourself or do you be true to the ones you would hurt if you chose yourself.

Context….  It’s 25 years of marriage and I know I can never love my husband the way he deserves, and he will never love me the way I need to be shown.   My walls are so high they are almost impenetrable.  So I’m staying here why?  Because I’m too gutless to leave?  Because I don’t want to hurt anyone?  For 30 years I have chosen my family, but (aside from Max,) never myself.   But I’m not this happy married woman.  I’m deeply sad, and deeply lonely.  Keeping up a facade that isn’t real because I know if I don’t I will hurt so many around me.  But really I just want to choose me.  I’m so tired.  So done.

The last few weeks have been very confronting in a lot of ways and I’m not sure what to do. 😔