my face is distorted
and they look at me
and I try to smile
life is squeezing
my throat and what
can I do but choke
and collapse
and get up again
and go on and I look
at the world around me
and I see how evil it is
how it growls and blood
spills somewhere
how it howls
and children die.
free like air
and the little girls
in the neighbourhood
laughing as they play
in the evening
and the sky smiling
at me its blue melting
into white into dusk
and Ben Webster
on his horn blowing
so coolly I feel
I am floating in water
though I’m lying down
in my bed
and I become the music
the golden slow notes
spreading till I fill up
the universe and glow
in bliss.
I drop
and that is all
that is happening
to me
and I find it beautiful
my mind cleansed
and free
and air becomes
my element
enclosing me
in its invisible hands
of love
and I am so happy
I am suddenly
released to the night
and I sing out in gratitude
I kiss the moon
and touch the stars
all around me
for this life
for this beating heart
in my body
and now I dance
I am ecstatic
I embrace
the future
and I look at death
in the eyes
and we hold
each other
and sway
like lovers
till I fall
into its arms
and die.
the tears of all of us
and the ones who are gone
and in this much sorrow
we drown
no one has a chance
the greedy arms
of grief
snatch us under
and serve us to
its master
death.
live in the sunlight
my eyes are full
of illusions
and the world outside
is strange like my mind
appearing and disappearing
my desires glow and go out
and I am all doubt and wonder
I am a leaf blowing in the wind
I am my washing machine
full of ants
living my silences and screaming
my rants
and then there is war and children die
and hurt and saddened we all cry
for those hunger steals and the ones
accidents take and of course the murders
that go on and on without a break
till we are broken and the heat of this life
burns us and turns us into ashes from this strife.
floating in the wind
and we make such music
people have transcended themselves
and sleep in the sky singing along in joy
when they wake and the world is a happy place
our children safe and sound and we are touched
by this show of respect of love we dance and everyone
holds hands and jumps along and the Earth is thundering
with our feet our happiness and we embrace the moon
holding it close to our hearts and it feels so good
we are overwhelmed and we know what it is to be alive
and we lie down on the ground and kiss it in gratitude full of tears.
how Manikandan laughs
on and on
as the birds chirp
in the morning sunlight
and now his wife Panchamma
joins in and it is fun and earlier when I was
on the terrace this little girl was calling
out to me and when I asked her what
she wanted she said something I couldn’t hear
and then her two sisters caught up with her
and I asked them what she wanted
and one of them said nothing
shaking her hand in the air
and now the breeze blows like it is happy
and a variety of birds chirp and the wind is now
so beautiful blowing on and on
rearranging my mind in such ecstatic patterns
of transparence I turn into the universe dancing.
is turning my surroundings
to paradise
green trees grey blue mountains
and the blazing sun
with the bird chirp
make it magic
and a few days ago
I saw a giant Malabar squirrel
maroon and brown and black
cross the road and later that evening
it hung motionless between the branches
of a bare tree for long barely moving
and now the wind is special like it is
desperately trying to tell a story
and these little girls go past my house
happy and running and soon
another little girl goes
beep beep beep beep and I smile.
with thoughts
like bombs dropping
from a plane
and I flinch
from the noise
inside my head
the screaming
the dying children
make me burn
and turn ashen
like a ghost
and now I run
as fast as I can
as the explosions
continue
till I am hit
so many times
I fall
on the ground
and die.
as I walk on the street
and the world begins
to crack
and buildings start
tumbling down
and birds fall
from the sky
and I and others
like me are
thrashing about
on the roads
blood flowing
in the rubble
the noise terrifying
and now the waters
flood everything
and we drown
as the Earth
breaks apart.
Dominic Alapat 