mania is coiled
like a serpent
in my brain
and I lose my trail
from moment
to moment
life doesn’t help
it is fast asleep
totally indifferent
and here I am
thrown against
walls again
and again
screaming
in bewilderment
bleeding
in pain
and I feel calm
only as I die
because
I become
a bird
and begin
to fly.
so much pain
disorienting the brain
disappointment drags
your face on the Earth
your body your limbs
worthless
your words zilch
nothing matters
and you taste
the indifferent world
on your tongue
and you are in shock
your heart breaks
and when you look
out of your eyes
life cries begging
for everything
to be over
and you lose
your breath
speechless
you curl
like a worm
while evil hands
squeeze
the sky’s neck
killing everything
there is
blood flowing
from your mouth.
in this world
the mind breaks
and becomes
useless
I sit staring
at life
and see nothing
how I wish
I was gone
and the wind
just blows
and blows
so meaningless it is
and everything else
death seems
so much better
than this
indifferent
universe
this terrible curse.
until you begin to cry
tears of blood
your body is flooded
with sadness
and pain hurts
your brain
but what can you do
you’re feeling so blue
and you find the world
so indifferent
you begin to crack
and with sobs you are racked
you can’t take this anymore
life is a sore
that finally bursts
and in which you drown
and are gone
with the ugliest frown.
in the morning
I shouted out
my outrage
against the sky
asking what kind
of world is this
in which so much evil
keeps happening
all the time
and my voice
went hoarse
as I screamed
and then
I realised
that it did not
make any difference
to the firmament
it was completely
indifferent
and I was
breathing heavily
and my heart burst
and I died.
and this world
is stirring the pot
my thoughts
mesh together
and become confusion
and the universe
laughs wickedly
as I burn
and cry in horror
and life is indifferent
and now I know
that beauty is rubbish
love nothing
as the cosmos howls
like a demon
while bubbling
in unbearable
pain and terror
I burst and die.
in my head
till I forget
myself
slowly
and I am lost
then I notice
the world
how alien it is
how indifferent
and my heart shakes
like a rattle
and I feel like a beggar
wandering
through life
and I find
that no one can see me
that people pass
through me
and then I realise
I am a ghost
and I weep
in terror
wondering
how long
I will be like this.
that a truck ran over
and it is now raw and red
splattered on the road
and its teeth show
the emptiness of the world
its lack of feeling
and how indifferent
we are to
other people’s suffering
and we all suffer
as a result of it
how we are so stupid
and I realise that I have
only myself to blame
and that we have failed
as humans
we have failed others
and the planet
and I feel ashamed.
and makes you walk lost
and the world doesn’t know you
it is indifferent
and your thoughts circle
like motorcyclists
inside a globe
in a circus
and if you could see
your face
you would know
how miserable
it looks
and you are stumbling on
disturbed and broken
and every breath you take
makes you more disoriented
and gloom flows
like blood in your veins
and pain fills
your mind
and you’re hurt
that life is so unkind.
Dominic Alapat 