and my blood is stuck
I go out of this world
I eat nothingness
I piss absence
and my body is invisible
I have merged
with the atmosphere
gone into the sky
blended
with the darkening blues
the night begins
to forget
and the moon
comes out shining
and the stars sparkle
deep in the blackness.
but I can see myself
as a skeleton
I live
though I know
death is my pillow
my final sleep
and the sad part
is that despite all this
life is a bitch
people become demons
hurting you all the time
and then I understand
the end
and I embrace
my nothingness
with open arms
and love in my heart.
and blinks
like it could
go off
and disintegrate
anytime
or burn into ash
and disappear
altogether
and in my mind
are scenes
from my childhood
rushing past
as though
they were
trying to find
a place to hide
before the world ends
and I am contemplating
the cosmos coming
to a close
and it is suddenly
such a beautiful feeling
I am so lost
in nothingness
I am so peaceful
like I have never
been before
and this absence
is the best
I’ve felt
in my life
I will be nothing
and there will
be nothing
I tell myself
and laugh.
madness broke
like a spike through
my head
and then it pierced
the sky
and destroyed it too
now I am dead
and so is the world
and my ghost writes
this poem
in the ghost universe
where everything
keeps vanishing
and just to think of it
so many people
fathers mothers
brothers sisters
all mean nothing
words like water
wash away
and you face
your true element
and you bow
before this nothingness
which is so strange
and you don’t know
what to say.
have got married
in me
and they are making love
and the effect
is so terrible
my heart shakes like a leaf
my mind does cartwheels
in fire
and my flesh is burnt
and cannot keep up
this is what life is
the child of madness
brother of evil
sister of sorrow
mother of no tomorrow
father of nothingness
universal joke
a sharp poke
and when will all this be done
I ask
my voice withering
and I am lucky
because I am punched in the gut
I am kicked in the head
and then soon I am dead.
has lit the green forests
and mountains
they shine golden
and the sky is blue
with big white clouds
and the birds chirp
and then there is silence
which makes me
close my eyes
when nothing exists
only my breathing
and slowly the birds begin
to chirp once again
the cock crows
and the warmth
of the world
embraces me
like a mother
and I open my eyes
and feel protected
and I can hear my neighbours talk
and I think it is so good
the human need to be understood
and here the mountains
have life in them
they are all living
and in my armchair
on the terrace
it takes me nothing
to get up and fly
and madly in love
merge with the sky.
trembles
instead of beating
like a soft drum
and this sound
is the wild thrumming
of life running mad
scared of the horror
chasing it and we run
down the road in droves
like animals we humans
flee the catastrophe
that we see
when the whole history
of humankind
will be over
when the universe
itself will be gone
where it came from
forever
when there will be
truly nada
but stopping to think
about it for a moment
makes me feel good
as I slowly accept the truth
realising that it will make
no difference in the end
to anyone or anything
then finally all fear is gone
I am ready to disappear
into this emptiness
that has no space
I am ready to be part
of its contradictory face
I am ready for this strangeness
when everything is nothingness.
Dominic Alapat 