breathing became difficult
my thoughts were rebounding
off the walls like balls
and sometimes I got hit
often I got hurt badly
but there was nothing
I could do
I had forgotten the outside
it never occured to me
to open the door and leave
then I felt someone write
words on my eyes
and in pain I screamed
though somehow
memory returned
and I ran out of
my room
and am still running.
from breaking into my head
I distinctly heard my stomach
call my surname
though that was of no help
then a hammer said
it could sort out the problem
and rose to the sky
banging away at its corners
to realign it
shouting out to me push push
and I used all my strength
till I moved the damn thing
now when I look at my hands
there are two paradises there
and I rub my eyes with them
as the dead come alive
pumping their fists
in the air
when everyone finally makes it
the universe cries
hurrah hurrah hurrah
and starts running
its solo race again.
fluttering in your heart
it is serenity in your eyes
and the sky
it is the green pasture
that enters your mind
just before the mountains
and trees
and people are happy
the children playing cricket
running in delight
last evening they
opened my gate
in wild excitement
sprinting in glee
and I was taken back
40-45 years under
the night sky glowing
with the moon and stars
I run home with my friends
I remember the buildings
but I know they don’t
remember us
these kids will also
grow up one day
and realise these places
have forgotten them
to myself I say
and everything becomes
fonder to me then
the Earth rises into my arms
and pats me like a mother.
so dark
so soothing
I could feel
I was being
born
and infinity
seemed like
the embryo
I was breaking
leaping into
the world
catching
the morning sun
in my hands
and running
on the Earth
jumping in joy
soon I meet others
like me holding
the moon and stars
and we begin
to sing
as animals join us
then the trees
the mountains
and the oceans
and our song
makes the sky red
and yellow and blue
and we roar
in happiness
knowing
what life is.
but you are fighting back
in the streets there
are wild children
and dogs
whose attacks
you ward off
the world
is now
a horror show
a scary movie
you don’t want
to see
but you
are the hero
you are brave
so you give it back
and you feel
like a superhero
running down
the streets
where entire
cities and towns
and countries
have become evil
and you knock
things down
and you leap
across the oceans
saving all that is good
and dive into
the burning sun
bringing back light
to a new world.
and there is sunlight
after rainy days
the trees and mountains
look so green and happy
while the birds sing in delight
and small black monkeys
in the high branches sit
and watch the world
that is beautiful
the children are friendly
they all chat with me
and a few days ago
some of them
had gathered
in this house
behind mine
and were running
round and round
their ecstatic laughter
ringing against
the purple walls
and I felt the Earth
go around the sun
and I smiled at
memories of
my own childhood
and the air
was full of voices
of people gone
as I nodded in greeting.
is turning my surroundings
to paradise
green trees grey blue mountains
and the blazing sun
with the bird chirp
make it magic
and a few days ago
I saw a giant Malabar squirrel
maroon and brown and black
cross the road and later that evening
it hung motionless between the branches
of a bare tree for long barely moving
and now the wind is special like it is
desperately trying to tell a story
and these little girls go past my house
happy and running and soon
another little girl goes
beep beep beep beep and I smile.
in the air
and its fragrance
so fine
stirs my heart
on the horizon
the world glows
golden
and life comes
running into
my arms
and I know
what love is.
in the world
of truth
you become
happier
and happier
running
with the wind
in your face
and your heart
beats so beautifully
your body merges
with the universe
you become every
little thing
in the cosmos
and you sing
in such ecstasy
all is transformed
by love and how.
and I hang my head
and close my eyes
but that doesn’t help
the pain just grows
and grows
and the sadness
is stuck in me
and I see the world
as the mind
of a giant mad person
and we are rats running on it
and there is no escape I know
we will be killed
I feel the sorrow of everyone
the whole terror of it
which is now inside me shaking
as I burst into tears
and breathless die.
Dominic Alapat 