breathing became difficult
my thoughts were rebounding
off the walls like balls
and sometimes I got hit
often I got hurt badly
but there was nothing
I could do
I had forgotten the outside
it never occured to me
to open the door and leave
then I felt someone write
words on my eyes
and in pain I screamed
though somehow
memory returned
and I ran out of
my room
and am still running.
from moment
to moment
how time
stands still
how everything
seems peaceful
and the sunset
is suddenly there
it lights up
your spirit
and your words
quietly go to sleep.
leave a big trauma
in your life
I found them killing
my spirit
first of all I found
them monotonous
and boring
I’ve worked in
the book trade
journalism
call centre
and content writing
and over a while
I found them
ridiculous
then the politics
you have to put up with
the madness and the evil
of colleagues and bosses
I found that to be
terrible and unacceptable
we have such different
views on ethics
the workplace is hell
only when I started
doing my own thing
doing my own writing
when I was independent
and doing what I loved
was I able to bring
the passion the devotion
and obsession
that turns time
into something irrelevant
the seconds the minutes
the hours the days disappear
into a magical haze
and I feel like a sorcerer
blazing with visions
building the universe
with words.
with the sound of the electric driller
like the top of my head had been lifted
and words just floated out of it
a little girl today bought candy
shaped like a crocodile
the chickens were crowing so loudly
so early in the morning
so crazy to go on like that
and now the Earth is shaking
and the blue sky opens
its bloodshot eyes
and children and women and men
start butchering each other
with whatever they can
get their hands on
nobody wants this madness
nobody wants this situation to continue
and the babies at the very end
tear their bodies out with their tiny hands.
and is blown away
in the wind
and what is my voice
I wonder
the sky is gone
there are only
colours and lights
and I have no body
just this weightlessness
that is so disorienting
and there is silence
like the tomb
but where is it from
who does all this
belong to now
what is this emptiness
that is holding me
and these words
through which
I spin a web
like a spider
like a horse
looking for its rider.
like leaves from the trees
floating down into
my courtyard
like so many people dying
every moment
like so many babies
being born
like violent crimes
and heart touching
acts of humanity
at once
like the confusion
that reigns
like silence that is
not oblivion
like pain
like noise when
you’re happy
like dogs that bay
like people that pray
like jobs that don’t pay
and so I take your leave
if I may
because hmmm I have
nothing more to say.
and you have to wait
to catch what it is saying
and when you do that
the world changes again
it eludes your grasp
and you have only these
words of consolation
for yourself and others
to share with
now that we have failed
to trap the stars in our net
and we are left
with ourselves to deal with
our humanness
and we sit under the moon
and ponder
and then we know
we are not gods
there are things
beyond our control
and that we are like thoughts
which remind us of people.
so much pain
disorienting the brain
disappointment drags
your face on the Earth
your body your limbs
worthless
your words zilch
nothing matters
and you taste
the indifferent world
on your tongue
and you are in shock
your heart breaks
and when you look
out of your eyes
life cries begging
for everything
to be over
and you lose
your breath
speechless
you curl
like a worm
while evil hands
squeeze
the sky’s neck
killing everything
there is
blood flowing
from your mouth.
my words
in the breeze
in the singing
of the bulbuls
is my poem
in the waves
of the oceans
and seas
I scribble
and my letters
are instantly
washed away
but I keep at it
scrawling
and now there
are so many
languages
I hear
on my street
and my mind
is open
like the air
whose talk
is so beautiful
life turns
so colourful
I laugh in
its embrace
and it roars
in rhyme.
inside this embryo
I write
and the day
embraces me
like a mother
and in this cocoon
I am full of love
giving birth
to these words
for you
my brothers
and sisters
we who live
together
in our
father’s house
the Universe
I hope this verse
brings peace
to all of us
those who have
and those who
have not
missed the bus.
Dominic Alapat 