i wanna soar,
fly across the ice like i used to
when my mother filled my thermos with cocoa
and my skates took me anywhere
i could fly back then,
skate circles around even you
although i was invisible
and no one noticed me twirl
not then
not when my legs were coltish
and my eyes too big for my face,
but i could soar across the river when i wanted
a bubble around me to catch me if i crashed,
now my skates have rusted from lack of use,
though my feet have been itching to fly again,
slide and soar through the night
thankful for the invisible
making it easier
for you to catch me when i crash
{March 8, 2014}
To Soar
{October 28, 2013}
Princess Of Nothing
two steps forward
and one step back, although,
it could be the other way around,
i have a tendency to mix things up,
sometimes i can fake my way through,
but you always manage to see right through me,
i’m not sure if that’s your talent or mine
i wear it well, or so I’ve been told,
but that was back when i believed those things,
when all my friends weren’t dead yet,
and i could reach as high as i wanted,
while rolling in the mud,
i was a princess once,
with a throne made of red velvet
and anything i wanted was mine,
i never asked for anything though
maybe i would have been better off if i did,
in retrospect, i should have taken all those hearts,
wrapped them in foil
and tossed them into the sea,
to sink deeper than i ever did
at least then i would have something to reach for,
assistance,
to pull me out of these depths
{September 6, 2013}
You Save Me
i wonder if you know how much you save me,
keep me from crumbling to the floor
or closing my eyes and stepping on the gas till i fly into the sea
of course i exaggerate greatly,
well, except for the crumbling to the floor part,
how did you know this beautiful september day rained on me
while everyone else breathed sunshine,
just words maybe, but a lifeline pulling me back in
keeping me from drifting out to sea without a compass,
that blend of perfect that reads me before i do,
till i wonder who’s in charge,
and yearn to hand you the reins,
or just a tiny little string that attaches me to you
invisible, like we are
{August 21, 2013}
When I Slip
when i slip into the dark
it wraps around me
like a comfortable sweater
till it chokes me
stealing my breath
holding me in place
silencing me
there is no way for my words to reach you
when the demon down deep howls in my ears
i can’t compete with the noise,
it’s exhausting hiding from my misery
that familiar black dog relentlessly nips at my heels
wearing me down till I begin to spiral,
i can’t seem to explain
to you or me or a roomful of empty pages
why the words don’t come, they just don’t,
i try but i just feel stupid
i can’t imagine anything really,
not when it hits me as it does,
when it crashes over me in abundance
and you so easily drag me out of myself
or the dark
or whatever mess i manage to mangle myself into,
don’t think i don’t notice
{August 11, 2013}
Tabula Rasa
i’ve forgiven a multitude of sins
committed a few of my own along the way
it’s easy to get lost in the day to day grind
to cross lines before looking and go into free-fall,
grasping at straws on the way down
in search of a lifeline to crawl my way up out of the dark
looking for my own salvation,
it doesn’t come in a bottle
or wrapped in pretty paper
there is no secret password
and no key to unlock what only counts when given freely
i can erase everything
wipe it all away
my slate will be blank to the naked eye
but underneath
my sins remain etched
smudged upon my soul
so i seek absolution
as i remain in seclusion
trying to unstain my slate
{July 2, 2013}
Not For You
they won’t let up
these thoughts you got me thinking
whisper in my ear chant-like
bringing out my primal
making me feel an amazon
i always was a warrior
but somewhere along the way i lost my self
forgot who i was till you showed up
like a superhero swooping in to save the day
you stirred the pot and split me in two
putting me back together again
this time in the correct order
without effort you tended the neglected
watered this dying wildflower
urging me on bringing back the succulent strength
pushed down and forgotten
until you pointed out the way
i saved myself for me though,
not for you,
because you wouldn’t have it any other way
joannebest 
