Archive for the ‘church’ category

what will it take to make it? part 1

September 11, 2008

I have a friend who blogs on myspace, and started a very good discussion on making it as a Christian in this day and time, as well as a Christian Leader, and following Christian Leaders.  I thought it was so good I wanted to bring her discussion over here in hopes of hearing what others think as well:)

Here is her blog, and my response-

“What will it take to make it to the end as a believer?
I’ve been asking myself and pondering.  So many powerful and respected men and women of God throughout the years have arisen and then fallen – most falling prey to the basics: lust of money, sexual misconduct, or some other basic character flaw.  Rather “unimpressive”, if you ask me.  And then the people of God, usually shocked and feeling violated, reel from their fallen leader’s choices and some even abandon the faith entirely.  They followed them because they thought that the presence of supernatural power, or financial success, or charismatic preaching was an indicator that these individual had a “cart-Blanche” letter of commendation from God.  Obviously spending hours in prayer and study and flowing under a powerful anointing are not enough to sustain the man, or woman, of God – never has been enough it would seem…
Look at Adam: walked with God Himself in the cool of the day, every day!  Talk about revelation, intimacy and prophetic insight!
How about Eli?  This guy was trained in the “word” and spent more time in the sanctuary and pouring over the scroll than anyone else in his time – ok, maybe an exaggeration, but you get my drift!  He was horrible parent and fell, no pun intended, to a bad end…
How about David?  A man after God’s own heart…and Bathsheba’s body!  Oh, did I mention murder too?  Talk about character flaws.  Now, remind me, how did he stay in office?  Oh right!  His actions fell within what was culturally acceptable – though God made it clear He did not find it acceptable at all!
The list is a long one, and those are just the Bible characters.  The past 2 centuries alone could give one pause to say:  “How can anyone walk holy and in Your acceptable way?”
Now, let me be clear lest any one think I am saying it’s impossible and excusing those who fall.  Neither am I saying that signs & wonders or good teaching are to be rejected.  Sin is sin and that’s why we have a Redeemer; however, I believe leaders are held to a certain standard – at least that’s what I see the Bible saying!  No, my pondering began more as a “woe is me, for I am undone”… “what am I missing here, Lord?!”  Okay, so there was a little resentment mixed in because I see so many seemingly unappreciated leaders with impeccable character and awesome marriages who have laid down their lives and paid the price yet they do not have these “awesome manefestations” or the financial funding to really make an impact for the Kingdom!  So we chose to follow those who have “the resources” and we ignore the signs of weak foundations …  Are we power hungry or truth hungry…but that’s another matter all together… Many of us in the spirit filled, charasmatic, Word of Faith (whatever you call it today) have been taught or at least lead to believe that if we will pray and study our Bible every day that we will be able to stand “in the day of adversity”.  Look at the recent ones who have fallen – they never stopped loving God, praying and studying!  That is until they actually started “acting” on their sin, even then some of them didn’t stop!
So, what gives?  If we are to “know those who labor among us” and “follow them as they follow Christ”.  We have a responsibility to be able to chose to follow “good” and “godly” leaders.  We have to KNOW IF THEY ARE FOLLOWING CHRIST!  Obviously the level of perceived anointing on their life and the display of the miraculous is no measure of their character, and neither is an “awesome message – even if it is biblically sound” that really fed us…so, how do we know?
I have my opinion…but I’d like to hear yours first.”

Myca

The Restaurant

August 26, 2008
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Their once was a restaurant in a city that had the reputation for being the best restaurant around. What was so special about this restaurant, and different, was that the owners would spend the day and evening sitting with the people that came to eat, and just enjoy their company. That’s why so many people came to this restaurant. The owners sat with the patrons. They weren’t “owners from afar”. They sat at the tables with those eating, and they didn’t spend all of their time talking about their restaurant and their food and how they ran the restaurant. They just let the patrons experience the atmosphere, the delicious food being served, and good fellowship and conversation about life outside of the restaurant. They didn’t focus on the patrons eating. They knew the food was good, well seasoned when needed, sweet when needed, with just the right drink to wash it down. They believed in the culinary talents in their chefs. They knew that true chefs couldn’t be taught a recipe from a book, but rather the recipe was inside of them. And from the inside of them, they know just how many handfuls, pinches, or sloshes to put in everything they created. And they didn’t just cook, they created. They were convinced they had the TOP chefs.

And the wait staff, there was none like it. The person overseeing the wait staff knew well all three parts that the wait staff was involved in…from waiting on the patrons, to interacting with the chefs, and interacting with one another, so had the eye and wisdom to create this 10 lane intersection in the middle of the restaurant where the traffic flowed like a river.

Even the support staff, the hostesses and bussers, was led by nothing but the best. This staff was trained so efficiently by the one overseeing it that they seemed invisible. You didn’t see them clearing away the plates and food, or sweeping up messes, or laying out the tables or re-lighting candles or filling water glasses. It just seemed to always be done. It just seemed to happen without attention ever being drawn to it.

Even the live music that was provided every night…it was almost like they were invisible. They just helped create the atmosphere that made the restaurant so inviting, that made it so easy for people to come and be themselves around the owners.

Everyone knew the owners had gone to great care selecting every single employee for the restaurant, so that their own time could be free to eat with the guests. There was someone appointed over each area that was able to deal with whatever situation arose, and they knew the heart of the owners well. When you were talking to those appointed, you knew you were talking to the owners. They knew the very purpose of the restaurant was to create an atmosphere for people to just be filled, and know they were loved, and be treated like the royalty that the owners believed each and every person was. They each fulfilled their area with that as the end goal.

But then one day, a complaint arose from one of the patrons at the table where the owners were dining. Not just any patron, but a very important dignitary sent from a far country. His steak had so much salt poured on top of it that you couldn’t even put a bite of it in your mouth without it causing an absolute repulsion to the taste buds! The dignitary was offended, to say the least, and caused quite a commotion about it.

Normally if something was not right, the owners would just make sure the head chef was aware so that he could take care of the situation. This day however, at the advice of the dignitary, who said that as owners they should be preparing the meals for important people themselves, they chose to take matters into their own hands. They headed back to the kitchen, and instead of relaying the situation to the head chef , they drew the conclusion that the head chef just wasn’t able to perform his job properly, and that they, the owners, indeed should be preparing these meals for important people themselves. They relegated the chefs to the back of the kitchen, and took over all of the cooking, trying to make up for the bad meal that had been served to the dignitary.

Except the owners were not chefs at all. The food that they were able to create was that of friendship and love, not meat and desserts. As they began cooking, they realized that they couldn’t understand the shorthand of the waitresses, all of the codes they used for each specification, so the owners wife decided that the tickets needed to be changed to be understood by all, not just the chefs. More often than not the food they prepared would have to be returned to the kitchen as it was not prepared to the specifications of the patrons. The owners began to marvel at all of the unhappy patron comments that they were hearing from the kitchen. They were amazed at all of the complaints about their chefs that they had previously been unaware of. They thought it was a good thing they came back there to bring order. They certainly did agree with that dignitary, this kitchen was chaos because they themselves had not been in charge of it. They noticed the Head Chef was so frustrated, and concluded that this certainly must have been the source of the chaos. They decided that he wasn’t as qualified as they once thought to be the head chef, so demoted him for a season of training as just a chef, underneath themselves.

And the owners worked all the harder to bring order.

What they didn’t see though was that the waitresses were getting bombarded by the complaints of the patrons. They began to grow weary of all the complaining, and lost their joy in serving. One by one the wait staff began to quit. While the owners wife stayed in the kitchen cooking and trying to retrain the chefs in between orders, the owner himself decided he had better go out and bring order to the wait staff. Seeing the frustration and chaos and discouragement of the wait staff, the owner concluded that the Team Leader of the wait staff must be going through some personal problems at home or something for his area to have gotten so out of control, and it was only confirmed by the grief and discontent written all over the team leaders face. So the owner decided to lay him off for awhile so he could get his personal life in order. Even suggested counseling and offered to pay for it.

The owner had to do much of the waiting on tables himself, as so many of the wait staff had already quit. The young bussers and hostesses simply could not handle the atmosphere of the restaurant any longer to work here. In wisdom, so that they would not be affected by the chaos and disorderly way this restaurant was being run, their team leaders sent them all away. He told them to go to another restaurant and work there, until order returned once again. He knew they were so young and impressionable that whatever they learned here would stay with them for a very long time. He also saw the potential in each of these kids, they had a servants heart like he had never seen before, and wasn’t about to let that be stolen from them. For that he was fired.

And now the owner and the few wait staff that were left had to not only do the wait job of so many that had quit, but also had to do the bus work and clean up the tables. There simply was no longer a hostess, and no one to do it. People would just have to come in and find their own seats and menus and wait.

The owners wife could no longer keep up in the kitchen either, and decided the menu selection must be changed, pared down to accommodate her exhaustion level. As much as she was trying to train the chefs in the kitchen in between orders, she wasn’t getting much of that accomplished. She was simply too busy. She began instead to send some of them out to get the ingredients she needed and prep them, as the prep people had quit also. She ascertained that this was a good thing for them to do indeed, because it was apparent from the state of this kitchen, the amount of chaos and disorder, that they too needed to be brought down a step and return to prep work, to train under her by serving her. Others she sent out to help bus the tables. Many of the giftings inside of these chefs began to simply die, as they chopped food for prep, or cleaned up after the mess in the dining room, left mostly by the owner and his few wait staff that still served tirelessly with him. They were no longer even using one bit of the talent they had to be a chef. Many of them quit, or were let go because the owner decided that they were just bringing so much gloom to the atmosphere that they needed personal time to get their issues in order.

The patrons could not believe what happened to their beautiful restaurant. It was now such a mess! And the owners they used to come to sit with and find such sweet fellowship with were now so exhausted from the work of trying to bring order back that they had no time to even say hi to patrons. The owner himself was always in such a hurry that he wanted their orders as quickly as possible, and grew wearing of constantly telling them about all of the changes to the menu and what they no longer offered, as they had not yet found the time to reprint the menu. The meals coming out of the kitchen were no longer to the patrons likings at all, as the owners wife decided the only way to keep up with the volume was to serve everyone the same thing. There was no longer even selection available. There was no time to fill salt and pepper shakers any longer, or ketchup bottles, so they would just have to be satisfied with the seasoning and condiments she chose to put on their plates before they were sent out to them.

The owner had to keep going to his wife and bringing back food that had been sent out too quickly that wasn’t cooked completely. Or food that had salt when it should have been pepper, or ketchup when it should have been salt, or even chocolate where ketchup belonged. She simply could not keep up with the physical task any longer and began to get sick. Because of that she allowed a few of the chefs to begin cooking again, under her supervision. They were instructed, however, to stick to the newly pared down menu and offer only those items, even though they were capable of producing so much more.

Although many of the regular patrons had left, and there were very few that remained, there began to be a new trickle of patrons that came in on occasion. That gave the owner new hope that all of the changes that had made were indeed good and beginning to work.

What he didn’t know was that the sweet music that once played, still played in the background. The sound became so sweet that it began to draw people off of the street, inside, just to listen. It seemed to capture them and touch their souls in a place that they were so hungry for.

But the owner began to notice that people were coming in to hear the music, and very few were actually eating the food. He knew that if they didn’t order food, he wouldn’t have the money to keep the restaurant open any longer, and they wouldn’t even be able to hear the music that was drawing them in. To remedy the situation, he decided that the sweet music would only be playing after people ate their dinner.

Some patrons came for dinner and ate what was served even though it had lost it’s flavor and savor. It used to taste good, but after eating the same “house special” night after night after night, they almost preferred not to eat at all. Others showed up and waited outside the restaurant talking with each other or in the bathrooms until the music started.

Eventually there was not enough money to keep the restaurant open any longer, and it had to close down.

All of the employees who had originally been let go and sent home went in much rejection and discontent. At home they tried to to take over any area of oversight they could, to fulfill the deep desire they had inside of themselves to create and lead and reproduce. Taking over other peoples areas in their own homes, to fulfill the purpose inside of them, brought the same chaos from the restaurant right inside of their own homes. Their children began fighting with one another, and some spouses feeling pushed out and rejected by this behavior even left the home.

The band simply took their music out into the streets, and the streets were filled with the sweet music that once filled the restaurant. Multitudes gathered together to listen to the sweet music, and their souls were so filled with the very sweetness of it. The only problem was, they were so hungry. Some were even starving.

Compassion began rising up in the hearts of the chefs and they began to cook and prepare food in their own homes, and bring it out to the multitudes that were gathered around the sweet song that was playing. Those who were once wait staff began to gather together in the crowd and disperse the food to the hungry. Those that had once been hostesses or bussers were so thrilled to see the joy of the restaurant once again, coming back to life out in the streets, they they joined in. They helped people find seats and told them what there was to choose from. There wasn’t yet much selection, as the restaurant owners who had access to the wholesale food weren’t willing to share their wholesalers with the “rebellious chefs” that they were sure were trying to go out and start their own restaurants to the owners demise. However, what little selection their was tasted like heaven! Perfectly prepared according to each chefs talents. And with the chefs working together, they were sure to each prepare something different, so that each course of the meal could be covered.

All were invited to come and eat and drink and none were charged. For the joy of giving, the chefs brought the food and the wait staff and bus staff and hostesses gave of themselves. None were paid, and none were charged. From among the people gathered food was brought to the chefs to prepare, as were the instruments they needed to cook with. From among the people tools for the wait staff and bus staff were brought to help them accomplish their tasks.

One by one the families of those who had left began to return as the sweet music brought healing to their wounds, and they longed more and more for the fellowship of the one’s they had once loved so much.

Eventually, out of hunger and desperation, even the original restaurant owners showed up. They had been at home, poor, naked from poverty, hungry, and blind by anger and judgment against all of those out in the streets that they were sure were starting up their own restaurant just to run them out of business. It was only when they noticed that all that was done in the street was freely given that the blindness began to leave them and they began to see clearly.

As they came, hungry for the fellowship that they themselves once had a passion to give, the patrons began to clothe them and feed them out of compassion and thankfulness for the sweet fellowship they once received from them. That’s what this music did….instead of returning evil for evil, it made them want to give freely to even those who didn’t deserve it.

They began to realize that all that they had given to these people, was now beginning to be given back to them, but so much more than they could ever contain. Where they had come out empty, they now were full, and as they healed and were cared for, they even began once again to fellowship among the people.

What no one ever realized, was that way back in the very beginning a man was hired. Hired by an evil man who also owned a restaurant across town. A restaurant that fed people with food that only caused them to be malnourished and never have their hunger satisfied, with music that caused them to feel worthless and defeated. Then they were given drink that intoxicated them to the point that they didn’t notice their hunger and depression, and only left them with the false joy of intoxication. This evil man’s patronage, however, began to decline as more and more of them were invited to the restaurant across town.

The hired man was sent into the restaurant across town to pose as a great dignitary from a far away country. He was ordered to invite the owner to his table, after he had poured salt all over his meal, before he took his first bite. He was carefully instructed on exactly what to say that could possibly cause doubt to come to the owner about how he was running his establishment, and begin the process of the owner bringing the entire establishment down to the ground at the workings of his very own hands.

What the evil man never realized was that the salt that he used that was meant to destroy the restaurant , was the very salt that caused multitudes to be drawn to the music that sang the sweet song of heaven and changed the people from the inside out, like no meal ever could, and brought the people together like never before in history. The people had now become one. There was nothing they couldn’t accomplish. There wasn’t food, service, or music to be found and compared to it anywhere on the planet. A restaurant without walls was created that poverty could never bring down.

And the evil man’s plan was defeated.
Kelly Chorley
8/25/08

The heart of the Lewis House…My road to Emmaus (Toledo) part 4

July 26, 2008

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So, where was I? Oh yeah, the warehouse full of stuff. Well, after that, George was tired and off to bed. Stacy decided to show me the rest of the house. Yes, there was still more. I hadn’t yet seen the basement. Which, of course, holds amazing stories all of it’s own. Part of which are a couple in their 50’s living down there. I’ll share about them later. The basement is set up with part of it being a game room, I can’t remember exactly what was there, pool table, ping pong table I think. Couple of couches. And the other half is a dining room area, with a kitchen. Well, okay, it’s big, so more like a cafeteria, not dining room. This is where they have dinners every week, and where they have services. As in worship, preaching, ministry. I hesitate to call it a “church service” because our brain slips into religious slumber and we have a picture that goes along with those words. But, WE, people, ARE the church, and when we gather together and worship…well, that IS the church worshiping together. I just have a feeling that the Lewis House is not all about a nice, neat and tidy church service, that’s all. LOL!

The cafe/meeting area looks pretty rough. Hasn’t been remodeled down here yet. I would imagine that most “refined” people (translated:living life for their own purposes) probably wouldn’t sit down here eat on purpose. To me, it was SO beautiful! Because of WHO gathers and eats in this room! Which I will get to…don’t rush me!

Kelly, one of the interns who was showing us around this level, told us that they just had their first wedding there. Wedding and reception in the dingy basement hall. Now, you probably got married in a beautiful church with amazing windows overlooking some incredible scenery, and sweet church bells ringing afterward. But when you understand who the Lewis House is reaching out to…this was a reason for celebration all in it’s own!! I was imagining that the people who were married there probably would have just been standing in a courthouse to get married, had not George married them at the House. I could just imagine the excitement and celebration there the day of the wedding!! So, finally, off to bed. Not like I could sleep, but it was close to 2am, so I figured I had better try.

*The beginning of the Lewis House*

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The next morning, I meet Sarah, Georges wife, in the kitchen for coffee. “Sarah”, I said, “Tell me how all of this started”. I knew I had just opened a door to the most beautiful sunrise in a story I had ever seen, complete with the song of morning birds singing:) Forgive me if I splotch some of the details, and Sarah, feel free to correct me on anything I share. 12 hours is not a lot of time to take in all that I took in that day!! I am so going to have to ask you to tell me this story again, because much of it is already so blurry, except what God burned into my heart.

Sarah tells me that her and George are 26 years old, and have only been married 2 and a half years. Both of them were part of a church in a ministry capacity, as a help to the Minister, I believe. George’s mom decided to look for a place for her frame business, and found what is now the Lewis House, up for sale. She bought it, but for some reason I can’t remember, asked George if he would like to buy it from her. So, he and Sarah did. But it was a MESS. BIG MESS. If I remember right, it wasn’t even livable at the time. They really didn’t have anything quite in mind with this house, but knew that God would use it somehow for ministry. The Lewis House just happened to unfold in front of their path one footstep at a time. I don’t remember the timing, but I believe this gentleman who has a construction company came to them and said that he wanted to help them remodel this house. A nice well-to-do couple, living in their own nice house. And not only was he going to work on the house, but they wanted to live there, in the basement, while they worked. They were also prayer intercessors. That would be the couple living in the basement. And the remodeled parts of that house are absolutely beautiful!!

*Hot chocolate, peanut butter and jelly, and buckets*

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So Sarah is telling me that they still don’t quite know what they are doing with this house, but that they have it in their hearts to reach out to people in inner city Toledo. They started off making a giant water cooler/thermos full of hot chocolate down to the bus stops when it was cold, and handing out cups of hot chocolate to the people waiting there. She said many of the people there are physically or mentally impaired. They would give them hot chocolate and just tell them that Jesus loved them. Then their were times they would make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and go to the parks in the middle of the night and give sandwiches to the homeless people, and eat dinner with them there!!

Another outreach they started, and yes, this is outreach, TRUE outreach, was they took buckets down to this park where a group of Goth teens hung out all the time, and just played music on the buckets, like drums, and sang in the park. She said they were not exactly musically inclined, but the kids would come around. And they began to build relationship with them. That’s how they met Naomi. She was a goth kid that they reached with the gospel, and she gave her life to Jesus. Then her mom died. And her dad decided he really didn’t want anything to do with her or her brother, so he left. George and Sarah decided to take her and her brother in. They became the first residents in the Lewis House. And Naomi, she was rockin saved! Quite the fireball! And she just joined right in with the ministry that George and Sarah had begun. As I shared earlier, Naomi’s part of the ministry is the bread ministry. She takes bread to the homes in the inner city that are in need, and just gives them loaves of bread and tells them how much Jesus loves them, or prays for them, or whatever they need. She’s the official Bread Girl now.

*Bring them home*

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Sarah said they did this all summer, meeting with those kids in the park, until it started getting cold out. Then they started praying, “God, what do we do now?” God said “Invite them into your home”. Her reaction…WHAT??? Those kids do lots of illegal stuff down there!! But God did not relent on what He said. George and Sarah decided they would feed them. They would make a spaghetti dinner on Saturday and invite them all to eat, and have hang out time, and worship and ministry. She said at this time, they barely had enough money to buy their own food, but took $20 and bought the stuff for dinner. She said for a long time, somehow, it was never more than $20, no matter how many people came.

So the outreach and purpose of the Lewis House was started with hot chocolate, peanut butter and jelly, and $20 spaghetti dinners; those who were emotionally and mentally impaired, homeless people, and forgotten kids in a park.

*And two became three*

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Naomi and her brother were the first “mission house interns” to live at the Lewis House. Which, let me backtrack. Sarah said that her and George had no intentions of living at the Lewis House. They had their own apartment and were going to keep the house seperate for ministry. Except the cost of living for both places wouldn’t allow that, so they also were living at the Lewis House. So, Naomi and her brother are there. They are having a group over every week for dinner and worship. Somehow, I can’t remember how, George and Sarah met a crack addict named Diane. Diane had been addicted to crack for 45 years, since she was 10 years old!! Diane gave her life to Jesus, and came to the Lewis House everytime there was something going on. God delivered her miraculously from crack addiction, with no withdrawl!! The only problem was, she still lived in a crack house. So everytime she was go back there, there was nothing but trouble and problems. Diane had been giving her government check of some kind over to a couple of guys at the house who would spend it on crack. Every month. Sarah said that one day Diane was at the Lewis House, and these guys came banging on the door. They wanted Diane to sign the check over so they could cash it and get their drug money. Somehow Sarah convinced them to come back the next day, since the bank was closed. I don’t remember if they ever did or not, but that night Sarah decided they couldn’t ever send Diane back to that crack house again. She had already been praying about it for awhile, so that was when she made the final decision that Diane was going to stay with them. She was their third intern. And the one who would bring the love of Jesus to the crack houses.

Over the next few months, somehow word must have gotten out about what they were doing. I don’t know the details, but they began to get stuff donated to the ministry there. Lots of stuff! Such favor! And they also started taking interns into their program. The dorm area of the house was finished, and I believe they have 5 interns now. All there to go into the inner city and rescue the hopeless with God’s love.

*Deliverer*

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Diane, Kelly, Eric, Amanda, Jeana, Me, Naomi, George & Sarah @ The Lewis House

It was a good 2 hours past when Stacy was suppose to pick up her friend at the airport in Detroit. We prayed that God had her on an assignment of her own so she wouldn’t be upset at the wait! (She did know we were late, so all was well) I didn’t want to leave without these people praying for me though. I wanted what they had. I wanted my eyes off of me, off of the “function” of the organization of the church, and onto those who we are called to go into all the world and be God’s love to. I was DESPERATE for that!! They all gathered around and prayed over me. I can’t really remember what any of them said. But I do remember Diane. The former crack addict. I knew she had a word from God to speak over me, and I told her so. So she came over and stood in front of me and began to pray and prophecy over me. I don’t remember at all what she said, but I do remember one thing. Standing in front of me, in a body named Diane, was Jesus, The Deliverer. I recognized Him. I remembered Him. I had met Him before…when I first gave my life to Him. That morning, My Deliverer took my hand and delivered me once again. He walked me out of complacency, out of the four walls of the church, and into the very purpose that I was put on this earth. And I’ve not been the same ever since.

….and I THOUGHT I was just going to Toledo for an awesome prayer and worship service!

As soon as I have time again, I will write and share about my recent trip to Grand Rapids. To a church without walls.

do you smell a donkey??

July 24, 2008

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I hear God saying that light has come.  Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord has risen upon you.  Yes, Light has come.  Revelation has come.  And glory has risen upon us.  But there is some hidden glory in places that we never expected.  It’s time to listen with open ears, to see with open eyes of the spirit realm, because the natural ears and natural eyes would have never listened or looked upon the places that His glory is NOW arising upon!  Our natural eyes and ears have taken stock and said, no, they don’t measure up, they aren’t ready, and dismissed the word of the Lord from them.  We’ve spoken it for years, that He will use even a donkey.  and yes, these are donkey’s speaking, but don’t think they are the dumb one’s that God uses. For the donkey discerned, the donkey heeded the angel from the Lord and dared not move forward when the angel stood in the way.  The man, the prophet, now he was the one who was walking in dumbness.  Blind to the Lord, deaf to the Lord, yelling at the donkey and telling the donkey to stop hindering his plan!  But we have spoken so many times…”even through a donkey God can speak!”  Yes, He can and will speak through His donkeys, for they see Him, they hear Him, they heed His direction and word and they declare what He says! Yes, to be a donkey in the Kingdom right now, how glorious it is!!  Oh, the one’s you have called donkeys!!  The one’s you have looked upon as those just good for “carrying” the prophets, carrying the “man of the hour”, you will hear them speak, you will see them stop when you think they should go, you will see them go when you think they should stop.  You will say left, they will go right, you will say right, they will go left! Because they see Him, and they hear Him!  They may crush your foot against a wall, they may cause your plan to be crushed that you have mapped out, they may lay down and stop carrying you where you have determined to go, because they see the angel of the Lord and because they fear the Lord in His awesome power they refuse to move forward.  And you may be tempted to strike the donkey for disobeying, for not working according to it’s use for your plan.  And the donkey says “what have I done to you that you strike me?” because the donkey was not concerned about the man, the donkey was submitting to the Lord, but the man took it personally.  The man saw that what the donkey did was all about him.  To hinder him.  Man sees the donkey as a tool, a resource to carry out his plan, and so takes all that he does personally against him or for him.  And even after hearing the donkey speak, even after the one speaks that you thought shouldn’t speak because they are just a donkey, and the word of God comes from their mouth, even then you will not marvel that he spoke, the man still has his eyes on himself.  He says “If I had a sword I would kill you, because you abused me, if I had a sword, I would hold you accountable for your actions!”.  It was still all about the man, and the abuse he endured.  And the donkey speaks and says, “am I not your donkey that you have ridden since I first came to you?  Have I been disposed to treat you this way before?  Why are you not believing the best, because Love believes the best!”   and it will take a supernatural manifestation, because of your blind eyes and your deaf ears, for you to see that the donkey did indeed heed the Lord.  The donkey did indeed heed the Lord over the man of the hour.  And because of the donkey, the life of the man is saved.  The angel spoke and said, if the donkey had not turned aside, if you had driven that donkey further, I surely would have killed you and let that donkey live.

Oh to be a donkey in the Kingdom right now.  Lord!  Make me like the donkey!  To see You even when others don’t!  To hear you even when others don’t!  To obey You even when it means going against earthly authority!  To know to stop when one says go, to know to turn aside when one says go forward, to love so much that I would save a life even at the expense of crushing the very foot of the one who has ridden me for so many years.

WHO is King?? ….my road to Emmaus part 2

July 3, 2008

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We stopped and picked up Jeana, a 17 year old from my church, who was also “along for the ride”. Naomi and Jeana chatted in the back seat, having fun painting their faces with purple and blue make up and taking pictures, giggling and jabbering all the way. Such a sweet sound. Stacy and I spent most of the drive talking. Actually, Stacy did a lot of talking, and I did a lot of listening. I don’t remember all that we talked about, but I know that I felt like I was seeing “Christianity” from a perspective that I had refused to ever see before. You see, Stacy didn’t go through the spelled out ministry protocol that I had been taught to “qualify for” to go out and minister. She just did it. She loved Jesus, and gave His love away. While I “prepared”. For 10 years.

I’m not saying that I was taught to spend 10 years preparing to minister and never share the light and love of God with anyone until I was matured, finished and “arrived”; but somewhere in my walk, I let everything outside of the 4 walls of the church dissapear and focused completely on ministry inside of the church. Which does take more preparation to stand before the people of God and lead them and shepherd them. The problem was, I made it ALL about them, and from the appearance, ALL about me; yet it really wasn’t, because inside, I died. The vision God gave me when I was first born again, the passion that burned in me to share His love with the unlovable, the broken, the abused, the addicted; to take that same beautiful, unconditional love that reached down into the pit of my life and saw past all of my failures, addictions and hellish lifestyle and brought me tightly into Papa’s arms, and be that love to others who were in that same pit. The pit of running from drug to drug, man to man, even having a baby just to feel loved. The pit of self-hatred, God-hatred, religion-hatred, family-hatred and rejection from every side. His love reached past it all when no one else and nothing else could! And all I wanted to do was bring that love to others who were wounded and hurting and miserable and lonely and addicted and desperate and searching for love just like I was.

But then I started Bible school. And my pursuit was holy, and right. I was hungry to know His Word. I wanted to KNOW Him! The first year. By the second year, apparently I had lost my focus. My focus was now “the call”, “the church”, “the ministry”, and “the qualifications” to achieve it all. Only I didn’t realize that my focus, what I was pursuing, the passion that drew me, had changed. Until now, 10 years later.

We decided, at the prodding of the teens in the back seat, to stop for a bite to eat at Burger King. I had no idea that feeding my body wasn’t the only thing God had planned at that Burger King. It was also time for blinded eyes to see, and deaf ears to hear. My blind eyes. And my deaf ears.

I ordered my food first, and Stacy was next. Jeana and Naomi were behind her, along with about 10 other people waiting in line for the only employee taking orders at the counter. The manager was running around like she had fire ants living in her pant legs, and the look on her face reflected the same. I think if she has been allowed a whip to snap at her employees to get them to work faster, she would have gladly used it! She was pretty intense to say the least.

I took my receipt and moved a couple of steps over to wait for my food while Stacy ordered hers. Only Stacy wasn’t interested in just ordering her food. She was interested in the teenage guy named Jordan, who was taking her order. And she was interested in him knowing just how much God loved him.

Jordan looked like your typical “I don’t care about this job, I’m just here to make my party money” kid. He had done some kind of piercing to his ears that made them look like he had taken a knife to them to accomplish the task, and the gaping holes were obviously infected. Do you think I paid any attention to that though? No. Sadly, no. I paid attention to the wigged out manager behind the counter, the 10 people waiting for their burgers and fries behind us, and my journey to a “fabulous glory service” awaiting at the Lewis house. Blind. Blinded by the rat race of this world. Blinded by selfishness.

Stacy asked him what happened to his ears. I asked him nothing, thinking it was so kind of me to not “bring attention” to whatever mistake he had obviously made trying to be so cool. He told her that he had quarter size “plugs” in them, and they became infected really bad. Of course, all said in the typical “just the price to pay for cool” tone, and laughed off by him as not any big thing. But apparently it was a big thing to God. Because He cares. Even when we don’t. Even when we don’t know how. Because He knows how valuable we are. Even when we don’t. Because He’s Papa. And we are His.

So then Stacy says, “Can I ask God to heal your ears?”, and this is where I want to crawl under a counter. Not out of embarrassment, but because my brain is assaulting me with reminders that “this is not the place, customers are waiting, they may be in a hurry, he is being paid to work not pray, and we are holding up the WHOLE PROCESS of THE WAY THINGS ARE SUPPOSE TO WORK HERE”. In that moment, I’m expecting him to roll his eyes and say “whatever” just to get us to move along. But he doesn’t. He tells her yes. Then she asks if she can hold his hand while she prays!! And to my surprise and shock, he says yes and gives her his hand! All she says is “God, please heal Jordan’s ears, Amen.” That simple. But she doesn’t let go of his hand. She looks at him and says “Jesus loves you Jordan. He loves you, and He made you, and He knows you and all that you’ve done, and all about your past, and He doesn’t care….He just wants you to know that He loves you, and none of that matters. None of that will keep His love from you.”

Now, one thing about Stacy is that if she’s on a mission from God, she is in no hurry. None. Whatsoever. She doesn’t even hurry up her speaking. If anything, she slows it down so he won’t miss one word that she’s saying. And in the midst of my freaking out inside about the line she was holding up, I noticed Jordan’s eyes. When she started telling him that Jesus loved him, his eyes were locked on hers, locked on God’s love through hers, and I watched this boys soul open up and every wall come down, and that simple truth that “Jesus loves him” penetrate down to the very deepest part of him. He didn’t move. He didn’t say a word. And he didn’t take his eyes off of her for one second. He was like a child in a dessert dying of thirst who had happened upon a well, and he wasn’t going to stop drinking this water until his dying thirst had been quenched. He even had tears in his eyes. God just changed this kids life forever, and I could see it with my own eyes.

I could also see myself clearly, and I was so grieved, so sad, so ashamed at what had happened to me. I had become “conformed” to the ways of this world. I had always thought that meant drinking, smoking, swearing, living it up in a lifestyle of lust. It’s not. It’s being conformed to this worlds purpose. The purpose of the world in that restaurant was “business”. Meet the needs of the customers with the paying cash, and do it as quick as possible. Honor the people’s time that were behind me in line by moving through as quick as possible. People were there for their burgers, and that was the purpose of that establishment. But was it? Is that really why the Great Creator of this Universe and the God of all heaven and earth allowed this Burger King to be built there?

While my brain is freaking about the people in line, God speaks to me. He says, “if Jordan had 3 missing fingers, and I chose to give him brand new fingers right now, do you suppose any of those people in that line would be concerned about their burgers?” Of course my answer was no. And as I witnessed God reaching into Jordan’s soul with His love, as Stacy shared with him, I noticed the people in line weren’t even paying attention. I mean, they were, but it was as if she were just standing there this whole time ordering food. It was like God put a sheild around Stacy and Jordan, and no one but me could see what was going on. Even his crazy manager who was running around behind him like a chicken with her head cut off didn’t notice. How?? I don’t know. But I know that God cared about this boy more than He cared about anyone getting another burger to add to their waistline that day. And I know that we aren’t suppose to conform to this worlds system. The only reason we as believers are still on this earth after we are born again is to bring the love of God, salvation, healing and deliverance to those who don’t know Him. And He said “Go into all the world”, He didn’t say “Get all the world to come into your church”. Not that the church doesn’t fit in somewhere. That’s what He would show me once I got to the Lewis House.

Stacy got her food and walked away, and Jordan was trying really hard not to break down crying so he could take the orders of the rest of the people in line. Stacy didn’t walk far though. She took her reciept and started writing on it. She wrote down everything she just said to Jordan, and then she handed it to him. She wanted him to have something to take home that would remind him that God interrupted life for him, just to bring him the truth about His love for him. I watched once again, as Jordan completely stopped taking the order he was in the middle of, took the time to read what Stacy wrote, and to soak it in, and tell her thank you. And the customer in the middle of the order once again seemed totally oblivious to anything at all going on, as if God had them in a bubble and they didn’t even know someone else “broke in” on their time.

I left there with tears in my own eyes and an overwhelming grief and repentance in my heart. Tears for watching a soul be transformed right before my eyes, and grief for realizing how blind I had been for so many years. How far away I had become from the purpose and passion that once burned in me so deeply. Oh God…..what have I been doing all of these years? What had I become? When did I forget??

To be continued…….

My road to Emmaus

July 2, 2008

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Worship at church had just ended, it was so sweet and precious, and the presence of God was just so beautiful. I was the service coordinator so it was my responsibility to greet the visitors, pray over the offering, and make any announcements that we had for the day. A group from our church was going to be leaving for a mission trip to Africa this week, so I called up Sally Jo, one of the moms who’s 3 daughters were going, so she could share about an upcoming fund raiser and also the days and times they were going so we could keep them covered in prayer. She shared, and then through tears asked Stacy, another woman going to Africa, to share a testimony of their Krispy Kreme fund raiser from the day before.

I’ve always thought Stacy was just kind of, well, flaky, and really never paid her much attention. She was a 45 year old “church floater” who seemed to never plug in and become grounded in the church establishment with a “covering” anywhere. I guess I’ve been taught that people like that have no roots. Apparently I’ve believed that the Word says that we are like trees planted by the rivers of living churches, instead of living waters like it actually says. As if living water from the Holy Spirit comes directly through the church only. Church membership. So I’m thinking Stacy’s going to start sharing about their great sale, and I’m smiling ever so politely, because I hate fund raisers. I don’t know why. I always have. I’m not a good salesmen, and I’m not a good beggar. She starts her story by telling us she’s going from business to business selling them, and God tells her, “you’re doing it all wrong. Go back to Wal Mart, you give away prayer, I’ll sell the doughnuts” What?? Oh my gosh. I can only imagine what’s coming now. (this would be me rolling my eyes)

So, they already have a table set up outside of Wal Mart where they have been selling there. Stacy tells Naomi, a friend from Toledo, “make posters, however you want to, but put on them that we are offering free prayer”. Oh my gosh. Now I’m really listening. She really is crazy! But is that really how I feel? Something inside of me is so suprised that she is bold/crazy enough to do this, yet at the same time, it’s like I recognize this zeal….like it’s a friend I haven’t seen in years. God has my attention now…maybe even more than just my attention.

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They put up their posters, set out a jar for donations for the doughnuts, and turned their back on the Krispy Kremes to pray for those who are asking for prayer. Yes, there are people asking for prayer! People are also walking by and just stuffing money in the donation jar, without even taking the doughnuts. People are in line WAITING for prayer!! One lady gets prayer, is concerned about a possible cancerous spot on her back, and also needs a $10,000 miracle, would they please pray for her. They do, she gives them an envelope with a check in it for their fund raiser. They don’t look at it until much later, but it ended up being $750! They spent the entire time there praying for anyone who came to the door at Wal Mart that would like prayer. They also took $20 out of their money in ones, and started giving one dollar bills away. But not just giving them away. Naomi prayed over the people that God knew the money would go to, and she began writing prophecies on the money, and then went and handed them out! This was crazy! But was it??

I listened to this story and realized that I had become so religious. Like a cloud without water. Having the form but denying the power. How? My Christianity existed inside of a box. A church box. I would have NEVER prayed for people outside of Wal Mart! I didn’t know why, until God showed me later, but I know that I wouldn’t have done it. But something inside of me was so desperate to be that person who would. I USED TO BE that person who would!! That wasn’t boldness, that was freedom. And I decided I wanted freedom. But I wasn’t sure how to find it.

After church, I spent some time talking with Naomi. Who’s Naomi? Well, she’s a sweet 17 year old girl who looks like a rainbow. Her hair is red and orange and blue and purple and whatever other color she wants it to be. And her clothes are the same. And the light and love of God emanates from her with just as much color! I knew she was from Toledo, and heard that she lived in a “ministry house”, but wasn’t quite sure what that meant. She told me that her mom died, and her dad didn’t want her, and that this couple named George and Sarah met her, and led her to Jesus, and took her in. So now she lives at The Lewis House.

I asked her what she does there. Why is this a “ministry house”. Is it because they take in people? No. She said it’s like a mission house. The people who live there are missionaries to inner city Toledo. She has a “bread ministry”. What does that look like? Well, businesses donate bread to the Lewis House, and Naomi is the “bread girl”. She takes the bread into homes in the inner city where they live, and gives it away to them. Every week. And tells them Jesus loves them. And gets to know people that way. And all of these little girls follow her home and come and hang out with her and play pool, or ping pong, or whatever at the house. So now she is reaching out to them too.

As she’s sharing this, I feel like I am suddenly becoming aware of this big, beautiful “structure” that I’ve built in my life that consists of ministry, but is completely empty. Empty of touching people in their place of need. Empty of BEING God’s love to people. Empty of true love for people. When did it become about the machine? When did it become about the “ministry establishment”, the structure, instead of the people? I stood there looking at Naomi, this girl with rainbow colored hair, who is eminating PASSION for giving BREAD to those in need, and saw who I used to be. Who I am inside. And who I wasn’t anymore. I’d become a recluse. A church recluse. And that girl full of life and passion and love on the inside of me had died.

By now, I was quite a mess inside. With tears in my eyes I asked Stacy and Naomi if they would please pray for me. Like right now. I told them I can see who I used to be in Naomi, and I don’t know how to be who I am again, but I am desperate. And yes, Stacy, who was an “immature church floater”, but knew why she was on this earth. So why have them pray for me? Because while I am using my faith for houses and offerings and church services, they are outside of the church living their faith for salvation of souls. For the love of God to touch people. Why have them pray for me? Because for the first time in 14 years I had to face the truth that while I am doing everything according to “ministry protocol” and lining up with the “ways of the church”, and Stacy is not…..she has fruit, and I do not. Much fruit. She’s touched many. They’ve been saved, healed, set free. It’s as natural to her as breathing. Oh, I have fruit too. Old fruit. The same old fruit. That we just keep rubbing and rubbing. Sitting in a box together. Spoiled and dried. I want fresh fruit!!

We went into the prayer room and they began to pray for me. Stacy was praying for me, and it was good, she led me in prayer, but I was so desperate for Naomi to pray for me. When she did, it was just sweet, simple, pure, yet profound. She prayed that everything and every word that has been spoken over me or believed by me that is “not who I am” would just be broken off of me, and that God would show me who I am once again.

And then Stacy says, “can you go to Toledo for the night?” What?? I knew at that moment that I was going, as crazy as it sounded, and I didn’t even know why they were going there. Stacy explained that she was going down for one night to take Naomi home, and to pick up a friend of hers at the Detroit Airport the next morning, and then we’d be right back home Monday afternoon. She wanted me to see the Lewis House. To meet George and Sarah. To meet the residents who live there. And maybe they’d have a worship time that night, a soaking time together to just worship God.

Everything in me felt like I was suppose to go, but there

was one small issue. My husband and 5 kids. And Eric’s first day off in 9 months. In my heart, even though I’d waited 9 long months for him to finally have a day off for a family day, it suddenly became so very not important in comparison to the road I knew God was wanting to take me down. I knew there would be many more family days. But maybe not many more opportunities to follow the Spirit of God into my freedom. I told them I had to ask Eric, and that God would have to do it. And it would be a miracle if he agreed to this. They prayed for favor, and we parted ways agreeing to call each other in an hour when they were leaving. One hour. Favor, a family day, only one hour, and my road to Emmaus. What would God do?

Eric and I began our drive home, and very quietly I said to him “I want to go to Toledo for the night, until tomorrow morning”. His response…”WHAT?!” I explained to him the trip, and that I really felt like I was suppose to go, that God had something for me. I told him about how I was feeling, and how I had asked them to pray for me, and that I really felt like I needed to go to the Lewis House. Now, if you know Eric, he’s not so much all for me going and spending an evening in the ghettos of Toledo. Eric the “man” would have freaked out and said no way. Not without him, not 3 wo

men traveling alone, it would have just never happened. But he also knew how I have always felt about Stacy, and that I wouldn’t just hop in a car to go for a ride with her to another state just for fun, because I couldn’t stand spending 5 minutes with her previous to this. So Eric the “man of God” said yes. He was sad, because it was our family day, and I could see the struggle in him to let me follow where the Spirit of God was leading me. He even cried because we’ve waited so long for this day off. But he agreed. I knew that was favor. That was God moving in his heart. Eric had no idea where I would be, what I would be doing there, who these people were, or anything else. And he still agreed to stay home with the kids and let me go. I know that was a seed planted by him that was bigger than any seed he’s ever planted in his entire life. I know it is. And he planted it through tears and anguish, grief and disappointment.

I made a phone call, threw some clothes in a bag, and left half an hour later….and began my walk….on my road to Emmaus.

to be continued…..

might get some rocks thrown at me for this one

May 9, 2008

Been blog surfing.  Finding some interesting/scary/interesting blogs.  I read this this morning.  It scares me that if I were brave enough to admit it…..this makes sense to me.  Really scares me.  There is a group of people out in blog land…large group, who used to be part of charismatic spirit filled churches…and are no longer.  Reasons being what she states below. Even reading what I just wrote….”spirit filled churches”, perhaps that’s the problem right there.  We’ve been focusing on making sure our CHURCHES are Spirit filled, instead of us, or our people?!? UGH!

Here’s what I read:
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I’ve decided. I’m going to the next level in God. I’m going to be empowered by an incredible, enthusiastic, visionary leader and take this city for Christ. I’m going to be a vibrant, passionate, charismatic believer who takes excellence seriously. I’m joining a vibrant, contemporary, growing church with a powerful message that impacts the world and has a vision statement that involves loving life, loving people and loving God. I’m getting connected to a small group that will move me into that next level and take me into the unknown, teaching me to drink that living water and walk by faith. I have a vision for this nation, I’m going to see revival sweep across this land.

Apologies to those who just choked on their coffee, but does any of that sound familiar?

These are words that echo in my mind. I used to love them, these broad sweeping christianese terms. They made me feel powerful and excited. They swept me up in emotion. They were often accompanied by music from the keyboard and shouts from the pulpit. They called me to action. Well, for a moment anyway. Then I had coffee.

Unfortunately, after all those years of proclamations, nothing changed. I didn’t change. I got whipped up into a frenzy, but I certainly didn’t impact anybody around me. I most definitely didn’t get to any “next level”. I really wonder what the “next level” is anyway. Is it like a coloured karate belt? A school diploma?

I also wonder what would actually have happened if I did instead of proclaimed. If I visited instead of excelled and gave that cup of water instead of drinking it myself.

I’m sure the lack of action can come down to my own decisions. After all, you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. It just would have been nice to have an actual water trough in sight, though.
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What an opportunity to hear the “voice of disappointment” in the church today.  I wonder what “we” the church, will do with this knowledge?  Anything?  Or just chalk it up as “their issues”, or “this is how deceived you get when you leave the church”.
This may be the very root to the disappointment I myself have felt often. (Though I have recently had my eyes opened in a major way to ONE who IS, as opposed to the CHURCH that is trying to BE)  Perhaps the very root to disappointment in the church as a whole.  How to be “Jesus” and His light to these ones, when we are still wearing this “ugly” garment called “it’s all about the church”??
What will happen to me when this begins to make more sense to me than what we are currently doing in the church?  Or when God says “okay, these are the one’s I’ve called you to”.  Or when He says “go to them”.  Because they sure are not going to come to a church.  Neither are they going to listen to someone promoting one.  So, what happens when I stop promoting “the church” and promote Jesus instead?  I’d like to hope the answer to that would be thrilling applause, but I also highly doubt that will be the case.
But I do hear the call.
This is exactly the disappointment He yanked me from when I first heard Him whisper His love to me in 1994.  I was a victim of “churchianity”, and “ministryanity” and “notenoughtimeforyoucauseweareintheministryanity” from my parents.
Perhaps this is why I just cannot every find satisfaction in any “niche” I fill in the church.  Even as a minister!
Not that I’m leaving the church.  No way.  I’m just the kind of person to believe that God can do miracles:)  After all…I am one.


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