Archive for the ‘grace’ category

choose life

September 25, 2008

I will not look at me

So don’t tell me what you don’t see

I’m gonna look at who I am

by the blood of the the Great I AM

Who I am is Who He is

Not who He was Not who I’m not

Don’t tell me what you see

If you can’t see Him in me

Cause Him in me is all there is

I died with Him and I am His

I’m a dead man walking in a place called earth

His life and breath came with new birth

I had to die to be born again

and I’m not gonna stare at crucified sin

I’m setting my eyes up above

HE lives again, I’m filled with His love

Don’t try to get me looking at dead flesh

I’m not focusing on a dead mess

Jesus suffered and that was enough

He died and took with him with all my dead stuff

but that wasn’t the end so I’m not stopping there

He tromped on the devil and broke his snare

the devil aint got nothing on me

Jesus said he’s powerless and I believe

if I choose to focus on all he does

I lose sight of Amazing Love

I start to believe that’s who I am

a deafeated, broken, miserable scam

So I’m gonna keep looking at what is true

Jesus didn’t just die for me and you

He also tromped on the devils head

and then he came back from the dead!

He’s not a story in a History book

He’s not a future promise for us to wait and look

He’s right here, and He’s right now

He says as He is, so am I, Wow!

Stop looking at dead flesh and stories gone by

Stop hoping that someday we’ll see Him in the sky

Waiting to fly away to be free

When freedom is now, can’t you see?

It’s not all gonna change when you’ve done enough

It’s not all gonna change when you’ve finally fixed your stuff

It’s not all gonna change when you live as perfect as a nun

It’s not all gonna change till you recognize the Son

Who He is, not Who He was, 

Him here now with life giving blood

You can’t do what’s already done

Stop paying for your sins, Father sent His Son!

Start cashing in on the check He’s given

Receive His love, and just start living

I’m not just talking about getting saved

I’m talking about dying for the life He gave

How can you walk in New Life alone

if you keep dragging up all your dead bones?

Maybe if you peek at who He says you are

You’ll stop seeing who they say you aren’t. 

Kelly Chorley 

2008

what will it take to make it? part 1

September 11, 2008

I have a friend who blogs on myspace, and started a very good discussion on making it as a Christian in this day and time, as well as a Christian Leader, and following Christian Leaders.  I thought it was so good I wanted to bring her discussion over here in hopes of hearing what others think as well:)

Here is her blog, and my response-

“What will it take to make it to the end as a believer?
I’ve been asking myself and pondering.  So many powerful and respected men and women of God throughout the years have arisen and then fallen – most falling prey to the basics: lust of money, sexual misconduct, or some other basic character flaw.  Rather “unimpressive”, if you ask me.  And then the people of God, usually shocked and feeling violated, reel from their fallen leader’s choices and some even abandon the faith entirely.  They followed them because they thought that the presence of supernatural power, or financial success, or charismatic preaching was an indicator that these individual had a “cart-Blanche” letter of commendation from God.  Obviously spending hours in prayer and study and flowing under a powerful anointing are not enough to sustain the man, or woman, of God – never has been enough it would seem…
Look at Adam: walked with God Himself in the cool of the day, every day!  Talk about revelation, intimacy and prophetic insight!
How about Eli?  This guy was trained in the “word” and spent more time in the sanctuary and pouring over the scroll than anyone else in his time – ok, maybe an exaggeration, but you get my drift!  He was horrible parent and fell, no pun intended, to a bad end…
How about David?  A man after God’s own heart…and Bathsheba’s body!  Oh, did I mention murder too?  Talk about character flaws.  Now, remind me, how did he stay in office?  Oh right!  His actions fell within what was culturally acceptable – though God made it clear He did not find it acceptable at all!
The list is a long one, and those are just the Bible characters.  The past 2 centuries alone could give one pause to say:  “How can anyone walk holy and in Your acceptable way?”
Now, let me be clear lest any one think I am saying it’s impossible and excusing those who fall.  Neither am I saying that signs & wonders or good teaching are to be rejected.  Sin is sin and that’s why we have a Redeemer; however, I believe leaders are held to a certain standard – at least that’s what I see the Bible saying!  No, my pondering began more as a “woe is me, for I am undone”… “what am I missing here, Lord?!”  Okay, so there was a little resentment mixed in because I see so many seemingly unappreciated leaders with impeccable character and awesome marriages who have laid down their lives and paid the price yet they do not have these “awesome manefestations” or the financial funding to really make an impact for the Kingdom!  So we chose to follow those who have “the resources” and we ignore the signs of weak foundations …  Are we power hungry or truth hungry…but that’s another matter all together… Many of us in the spirit filled, charasmatic, Word of Faith (whatever you call it today) have been taught or at least lead to believe that if we will pray and study our Bible every day that we will be able to stand “in the day of adversity”.  Look at the recent ones who have fallen – they never stopped loving God, praying and studying!  That is until they actually started “acting” on their sin, even then some of them didn’t stop!
So, what gives?  If we are to “know those who labor among us” and “follow them as they follow Christ”.  We have a responsibility to be able to chose to follow “good” and “godly” leaders.  We have to KNOW IF THEY ARE FOLLOWING CHRIST!  Obviously the level of perceived anointing on their life and the display of the miraculous is no measure of their character, and neither is an “awesome message – even if it is biblically sound” that really fed us…so, how do we know?
I have my opinion…but I’d like to hear yours first.”

Myca

Consider

July 29, 2008

Image

You are trustworthy and You are faithful

You are trustworthy and You are faithful

and I will only consider You

yes I will only consider You

I won’t consider how dead my body is

I won’t consider how empty my wallet is

I won’t consider how small my job is

I won’t consider how much the gas is

Cause You are trustworthy and You are faithful

You are trustworthy and You are faithful

You are trustworthy and You are faithful

and I will only consider YOU!!

Yes I will only consider You!!

Even the flowers they wear such glory

beauty that captivates and tells a story

but they don’t sow all their tithes and offerings

they don’t put all their money in savings

they don’t consider all the work to do

all they know is that they’re blessed by YOU!

Cause You trustworthy and You are faithful

You are trustworthy and You are faithful

You are trustworthy and You are faithful

and even the flowers know it’s true!

Look at Solomon in all his glory

He can’t even tell near the same story

yet we marvel at the things that he called his own

so much stuff it came plowing down the road

Cause he was a King who answered the call

but God says the flowers don’t work at all

it’s just that He is trustworthy and He is faithful

He is trustworthy and He is faithful

He is trustworthy and He is faithful

Consider His love cause it’s more than enough!

It’s not about who you are or what you do

it’s not about giving in the right place too

it’s not about diligence and saving it up

it’s just about Him cause He’s more than enough!!

So run after the Kingdom with passion and fury

believe that He’s faithful and so trustworthy

and everything everything everything that you need

will be poured out deeper than deep

Cause He is trustworthy and He is faithful

He is trustworthy and He is faithful

He is trustworthy and He is faithful

I will consider You,

I will consider You

Your more than enough Lord

and I believe Your word

Your love for me is endless

overflowing greatness

Rocking my world with Your amazing Grace!

Filling up my life in every single place!

Bring it on bring it on bring it on God!

Bring it on bring it on bring it on God!

A song, a book and a man full of tatoos

May 27, 2008

Wow, I feel like I haven’t written in so long! I just need to write. I need to let the river out! I was meditating on how much my life has changed in the past 2 months. Not much outwardly has changed yet, but inside, I am simply not the same. A friend at church told me that God said He was “catupulting” me. I realized about a week ago that that is exactly what has happened. One day I was one “place” inside, and the next day I was in a completely different place. I feel like I have been turned inside out, upside down and backwards, to say the least. But it’s the best “mess” I have ever been. I want to write about it, because I don’t want to forget where this all started. I never want to forget. It started with a song, went to a book, and then exploded with an outpouring.

The song? “He loves me” by John Mark McMillan. I first heard it when Kim Walker was singing it with the Jesus Culture conference. The words to that song have transformed my life to say the least. “He is jealous for me, His loves like a hurricane, I am a tree, bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy….I realize how beautiful You are and how great Your affections are for me….we are His portion, He is our prize, drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes…He loves me, oh how He loves me!” I feel like I saw love, grace, redemption…HIM, for the first time all over again when I heard this song. It woke up something inside of me that has long been asleep. PASSION!! Such a deep revelation of His love for me was planted so deep inside of my heart, I don’t think it could ever be uprooted!

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The book? Destined to Reign by Joseph Prince. Just as much as that song was LOVE, the breath of love on my heart, this book is GRACE, the breath of grace on my heart. It is just full to the top of the Word of God, a ‘Word feast”! One amazing reminder that it’s not about me, it’s about Him, and His love for mankind, and all that HE did, all that HE gave, all that HE is. That His eye is not on my shortcomings, my lack, my “humanity” and my inability. I am the apple of His eye! His eye is on His daughter, the one that He made clean through the blood of His son. The one that He declared righteous, through redemption. The one that He whispered “restoration” over, by the Resurrection. This book reminded me that I can reap what I sow, or I can reap what GOD has sown…..His Son…the blood of Jesus….resurrection in every area of life! Not because I have great faith, not because I’m a minister, not because I read my Bible or pray so much, but because of HIS LOVE!! Reaping what God has sown….yeah….that’s called forgiveness. What a refreshing release from all of my mistakes, shortcomings and inadequacies I have experienced! How did I forget the joy of when I first believed? When I was first forgiven? I’m wearing that same quirky smile once again. 🙂

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The outpouring? The Florida Outpouring. It’s been going on for 56 days straight, every morning, every night. God pouring out His love, His healing, His forgiveness, His restoration on mankind. Lead by a man that, in appearance, goes against ALL religious expectation! (Kind of like Jesus did when He walked the earth huh?) Wears jeans, t-shirts, some times a suit coat, whatever he feels like. Has tatoos that he got AFTER he became a minister, face and ear and eyebrow piercings. I had seen him before, and heard some of his teachings. I thought he was a bit “out there”, and I’m from the “out there” crowd! That’s a good “label” if you must have one, don’t ya think? The “out there” crowd:) So many people have asked “what” denomination we are. Can’t say non-denominational, because even that carries it’s own “flavor” now. I guess my background is pentecostal/charismatic/word of faith/full gospel. I just believe the Word. Okay, where was I? Oh yeah, outpouring. I don’t care if it’s through a nun or a 5 year old child….God is touching people in a magnitude like I have never before seen or experienced. Do I believe there is something special about Todd Bentley that God will only heal and touch people through him? No. But there is something special. He just believes the Word. He believes it when it says that he can lay hands on the sick and they will recover, or can flow in the gifts of the Spirit and people will be set free, or can cast out demons that torment people and keep them bound by sickness and depression, confusion and unforgiveness.

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So, what has so “captured” me about this outpouring? God’s heart for people to be free. My heart has been captivated, taken captive, captured….and I don’t ever want it back! Passion for people to know His love that SAVES them, FREES them, HEALS them, and DELIVERS them has filled me to overflowing!

But I also realize that if I hadn’t had the life changing experience and revelation of His love and His grace FIRST…I would still be where I was before….where so many still are….feeling inadequate to give or receive such a touch from Father God, and being skeptical of whether or not any of these “manifestations” are even real. Inadequacy and skepticism. He’s delivered me from them both. By His love and grace. He IS love, He IS grace. I have met LOVE, I have met GRACE. And the result…I believe TRUTH….that He delivers His people. That His love is far beyond my understanding. Far beyond.

I like to keep everything in a very nice “understanding” box when it comes to God. I always have to see a purpose in whatever I’m doing, whatever He’s doing, the direction things are moving. Well, He’s taking me beyond understanding. And I’m letting Him.

I decided this past Sunday, when I was schedule to minister, that I would open up the gates and make room for the “KING of GLORY” instead of “King preacher” or “King church service”. He came in. Wow did He come in. And people, including myself, felt the presence, the power, and the love of God in church like we’ve never felt before. I prayed for one lady who had MS…put my hand on her back and commanded a spirit of infirmity to get off of her…..and then saw it go. Can’t say that I’ve ever had that happen before. Then I stood there and cried like a baby, in front of the whole church, because if we just BELIEVE His Word…it works! And the result is people being delivered and set free! A couple of weeks ago I got a word of knowledge about sparks in lungs, no idea at all what it meant. This same lady came up, said her brother in law had been sent home to die because his lungs were so filled with cancer and there was nothing else they could do. Only months to live. I didn’t even pray. I just laid my hands on her and she started inhaling like it was her first breath of oxygen ever. God told us both that that is exactly what her brother in law was doing at that moment. 2 days later he had a full exam, and the cancer is completely gone!! THAT IS GOD’S LOVE!! I don’t even know if that man was a believer! He wasn’t even at church and doesn’t go to church! But God LOVES him!! And touched him!!

I have always stayed very far away from “strange manifestations” that some ministers are so inclined to share about that happens to them when the presence of God is so strong in a service. Including glitter and gems and such things. I just saw no purpose in it. Unless of course we can cash those gems in and pay off our debt LOL! Imagine my face when I looked down at my hands on Sunday when service was over, and saw tiny little crystal “glitter sparkles” all over them, and my arms. And the Worship Leader, and the other 3 ministers, and another leader. What on earth?? No, probably not. Maybe in heaven. Maybe people shine like diamonds up there, who knows. I know I didn’t roll myself in glitter like I used to think other people did who claimed this happened to them. I don’t understand one bit. But I guess I don’t need to anymore either. I really don’t care. I just want people saved, healed, delivered, set free. I want them to know God’s love. That’s all that matters. And if God wants to make me look goofy and eat my own words about sparkly manifestations being fake, well, I guess He’s God, He can do whatever He wants to. I’ve given Him permission. And I have a feeling I’m in for quite a ride.

But I’m not going to forget where it started…..His love….His grace….and a man who just plain believes it’s all about God and not about us.

The knock at the door…a true story about yesterday:)

May 10, 2008

Kelly had been sitting at her computer for most of the day, writing, reading, following the silly string of the lives of her new found on-line friends through the blog world. While she was certainly enjoying her lazy day, her thoughts did wander occasionally to all that she should be doing. The house had not been cleaned for at least two days, she needed to pack as moving day was not far ahead, and for goodness sakes, she was still even in her pj’s!

Still contemplating all that she needed to do, the lure of the meaty conversation that was available to this stay at home mom was stronger than the mundane everyday tasks that lay waiting. But then she heard the back door open. Uh oh. Her husband was home from work an hour early! Thinking quickly, she decided to make light of the state of the house, or rather un-stately appearance of it, before he could even say a word.

“Honey! You’re home early, the maid doesn’t show up until 2:15!” she laughed weakly. Would it work? Judging from the look on his face, he wasn’t seeing the humor in it. You’d think she was laid up on bed rest again like she was during her pregnancies for all that she’d been keeping up on lately. He was working two jobs, and getting a bit impatient about having to fish for clean socks out of a basket every morning.

It wasn’t just the blogs that were taking all of her time up though. There had been a revival going on in Florida for the past month, the likes of nothing they had ever seen before, and their entire family had been glued to the computer screen every night as it was broadcast live around the world. Never in history has there been a healing revival that people could participate in from any place on the planet that had internet access, as it was happening, without ever leaving their home!

She and her husband and kids sat in awe nightly watching blind eyes and deaf ears open, dozens and dozens of crippled people get out of their wheelchairs as their twisted up fingers and feet straightened right before the camera, not to mention the salvations! People were coming forward in droves to give their lives to Jesus! Kelly’s favorite was a big, huge, burly motorcycle guy whom could suddenly move his neck in full range after it being partially paralyzed for years. He was so overwhelmed with being healed he just stood up there and cried like a baby, shaking from the sobs. Another favorite of the entire family was the drug addicts and alcoholics who willingly came forward and asked for prayer for deliverance. One by one over the next week they would come up and share that the desire to drink or do drugs was completely gone! For some it had been decades of abuse. Even teenagers who had been addicted since being children! With no detox effects either! Such love Father God was touching so many people with!

The children were the best though. To see little children who had been sick their entire life come forward and share that they were healed, and to see their smiling faces, was such a joy! Even diabetics who knew they were healed and under doctors supervision and orders, completely stopped taking their insulin! Weeks later they are still alive, well and healed! Yes, this was certainly capturing Kelly’s attention, and her husband and children’s. The kids had been sleeping in the living room every night for a month, just so they wouldn’t miss watching God pour out His love and touch people in such amazing ways. They had all found a new excitement for God, His love, and sharing Him with a hurting world. She also knew deep inside of her heart that people didn’t have to go to Florida for God to touch them, heal them or save them. Yes, many had been so disappointed and discouraged in their own brokenness that hooking up with someone else’s faith for their healing and deliverance seemed like their last hope. Kelly knew though, that this same God lived inside of her, and determined that she could take Him anywhere He wanted to go, and give all that He is to anyone who wanted Him.

None of that however, helped in getting her house clean or the laundry caught up. After her lighthearted comment about the maid not showing up until 2:15, Eric responded with, “And what will you do if the landlords show up at 2:30?” Which was definitely a possibility as they would most certainly be around to begin landscaping their beautiful flower gardens before the house turned back into a weekly vacation rental. “Hide in the bedroom and not answer the door!” she exclaimed with assurance.

Half an hour later, at exactly 2:30, there was a knock at the door. Her eyes grew wide with fear as she began to contemplate her escape route! Her son Dakota then noticed the young lady that lived next door walking to her porch, and then walking away, and then back again. Of course, sitting at the computer still in her pajamas, Kelly freaked out to say the least. “You answer it!” she whispered to her husband. “Nope” was his only answer to her. He had a bit of a smile on his face while he said this. Finally she just got up and went to the door.

“Um, someone at the grocery store told me you would know someone who could help me”, the young lady said looking as if tears were going to spill over at any moment.

“What do you need help with?” Kelly asked, still too focused on her pajamas and messy house to discern what was happening at her own front door.

“My marriage”, said the young lady. “I need someone to help me figure out when it’s okay for me to get a divorce”, and with that the tears could no longer be contained.

Kelly finally got the picture. Goodness, God was sending people right to her front door now! Someone at the grocery store told her neighbor that she knew someone that could help her? Did she even know anyone at the grocery store that knew that much about her? Nonetheless, there was not time to think about that, she had a girl in tears on her front porch.

“Let me change my clothes, and I’ll be right over” Kelly said, and then ran into the house on a cloud feeling like she had just seen a miracle in person herself.

She went to the young lady’s house next door, sat on her couch with her, and listened intently as her 22 year old neighbor, who barely knew her except for a few “hello’s” in passing, poured out her heart and her tears freely.

Throughout the conversation, Kelly learned that this young lady, after two short years, just didn’t feel like she was in love with her husband anymore. She wasn’t really happy with anything in life for that matter. No matter what she does, or who she’s with, it all gets boring after a year or two, and she just can’t seem to find happiness.

Kelly finally looked at her with such compassion and asked, “Do you know who Jesus is?”

“No” she answered. “I mean, I’ve heard His name, but I don’t know anything about God, or Jesus, or anything religious at all. I’ve actually been trying to read a Bible, but I can’t understand it, and there’s no one to explain it to me. I mean, where did God come from? Who made Him?”

Kelly spent the next hour and half walking her through the story of a loving Father who created man for relationship with Him, brought the Law to show man his need for a Savior, and of His Son Jesus who took all of the sin of mankind on His own sinless body, died, and was raised back to life all so we could live free and have a relationship with our Heavenly Father who loves her so very much.

After listening intently for awhile, the young lady spoke through tears once again, “Someone told me that I don’t know how to love anyone else, because I don’t know how to love myself.”

“That’s probably very true”, said Kelly, “and you don’t know how to love yourself because you’ve never met God, who is Love Himself”.

“So what do I do? How do I meet Him? How can He come live inside of me like you said? I don’t understand”.

Kelly opened up the young ladies Bible, which was her husband’s teen Bible from when he was younger, and showed her the verses in Romans 10:9, 10 about salvation. She also showed her the book of John.

“It’s so easy, just like it says, all you have to do is confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, and salvation is yours. Salvation is so much more than just going to heaven after you die. The word actually means deliverance, peace, healing and freedom. It’s like you make a decision to get in the back seat of the car of your life, and invite God to get in the drivers seat. It’s really not about your marriage, it’s about your own heart and your need for a Father who loves you so much. When He is in the drivers seat, He will drive your marriage where it needs to go, and every other area of your life if you will trust Him. He will always make sure you end up at the right destination, no matter what you see along the way. It may not always look the drive is easy, or fun, but His love for you is His motive. His Word will be your road map so that you know your heading in the right direction.”

And then Kelly said something that even surprised herself.

“I don’t want you to do what Romans says just yet though. I want you to read John, and learn about Jesus, Who He is and why He came and died for you. I want you to see His love for yourself, so that when you are done, you will be able to say from your own heart, ‘yes, I want You to be my Lord, and yes, I believe’. I want you to meet the One who loves you so much, and not just pray something you don’t understand simply to fix a hard situation. You can pray and ask Him to be your Lord when you are ready, and I am right next door, you can come knock on my door anytime you need to. I will help you understand what you are reading in the Bible, so you can get to know the One who loves you so very much, and allow Him to fill every empty place inside of your heart, which He will do.”

“Yes, I agree, that’s exactly what I want to do. I want to read about Him first, I want to know Who Jesus is. Thank you for coming over. I’m exhausted now, I think I need to take a nap.”

Kelly smiled and said goodbye. She decided to go home and get her house in order. She knew this was just the beginning. Apparently someone at the grocery store “knew she knew Someone”!

Secrets like that don’t stay secrets for long;)

His story….my fig leaves

May 5, 2008

This is my page, but I am His story. He’s writing me. Everyday He adds another mark, a word, a sentence, a paragraph. Eventually a page is done and something in my life makes sense. And then a chapter, and wow, it all starts fitting together. There have been words, and pages, and chapters…and suddenly I’m painfully aware recently that HE is the author. I thought I was. I really did. I thought He ever so kindly gave me His pen, His paper, and some inspiration, and the story was mine to write. Oh, He would give me some hints here and there for what needed to come next to keep the story moving in the right direction, but still, it was my story, right?

Well, suddenly I am amazingly and painfully aware that I am not the one writing the story. I am neither the hand that holds the pen, or the source of what dances on the paper. I am the paper. I am the ink. I am the picture and story on the pages that dances according to the song of the Artist and Author. I am HIS artwork. I a HIS creation. Fearfully and wonderfully created by Him.

I think I may have recently gotten a picture of the ‘fearfully’ part of this. He is asking me if He can write the story now. Every letter, every punctuation mark, every sentence. ./;… That little bit was added by Katie. I think that would be a prophetic confirmation though a two year old?!

This morning I had the thought that I think I am ready to let go. For good. Let go of me. I’m so in awe of the One who wants to hold me together now. And completely and thoroughly afraid. I have given over so much control of myself to Him. But there is this one part of me left. One part that I’ve held onto. And I really am so afraid to let go. Why? It has defined me for a very long time. Not that I “need” this definition. I am so ready to lose this part of the definition of me. So what am I so afraid of?

Losing my ability to be naked and not ashamed. Kind of ironic, when I think about the context of this process surrounding fat loss. Um, fat, naked, shame. Not fat, naked, no shame. But that’s not what I mean. I didn’t realize until this morning exactly what I mean. I finally put my finger on the fear. The reason I have tried so hard to shrink away from “success”. I have a book that I have seen in my spirit the results of it’s publishing, and the financial results. The results have God’s finger on them to say the least. Yet it still sits so neatly hidden in my computer, while a publisher has been waiting for my phone call for 3 weeks. I’ve had the word of God burning in me, His fire, His anointing. Yet until just a couple of weeks ago, I refused to preach. And I see the truth, the power, the ‘whammy’ the world has been waiting for…especially the body of Christ….the ‘God answer’ for a body laden in fat. Yet for a week I have stepped back out of that place of breathtaking truth that has set me free, and chosen to not yet take the ‘dose’ of what is offered. Why?

Because I’m afraid. His glory is quaking on my insides. It physically rattles me on the inside, feeling like I’m attached to an electric fence. His heart, His truth, is oozing in and over and around and through me like warm honey. He’s literally consuming me.

The fear?   The command. Or rather the result of the command. I’ve heard Him whisper it for years. It’s been buried like a hidden treasure in my heart for years. And He would like me to dig it out and brush it off now.

Arise, shine; for your light has come. And the glory of the Lord is risen upon you. For behold, the darkness shall cover the earth, and deep darkness the people; but the Lord will arise over you, and His glory will be seen upon you. The Gentiles shall come to your light, and kings to the brightness of your rising.

There’s so much more in that chapter. And I can’t even bare to go there. I can’t even finish writing it out. Every word is death. You would think every word would be rejoicing. I feel like it’s a call to a martyr’s pole ready to be set with fire. I don’t think many people really realize the cost of glory. Of His glory.

There will be nothing left between me and the hell on this earth except for the Glory of God. I’ve apparently grown quite sickeningly fond of my ‘fig leaves’. Fig leaves that keep me covered….my fig leaf called “hidden”.

What am I so afraid of losing?  My childlike heart. My childlike faith. My childlike love for Him. There’s so much I don’t share, don’t speak, but just keep so sweetly tucked between me and God. Because so many people want to mold me and make me into who they think I should be, what they think I should look like, what they think I should say and how they think I should say it.   See, I’ve been His poem, His painting, His song…..but with an audience of none. God has never created anything and kept it in the dark. And He’s telling me He doesn’t want to keep me there either.   He wants to share His song and let it dance on the ears of the broken, the lost, the hurting, the rejected, the dying.

But what I’m so unsure of is…will the song still be as beautiful, will the painting still be as breathtaking, when the rocks of judgment and the tar of control are thrown at them??

The Bible says the “Kingdom of Heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and hid; and for joy over it he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.

I always thought the treasure represented the Kingdom. I don’t think that anymore.

I am the treasure. God is the man. The field is this earth. But He didn’t own the field. So He sold all that He had. His Son. To purchase the field….that held me, His treasure. And now that He owns the treasure, He wants to unearth it. He wants to clean if off and wash it and let it’s splendor and glory radiate for all to see. This process….

is the Kingdom. Thy Kingdom come…on earth as it is in Heaven. Jesus prayed that. Father, let the story that was painted in Heaven before time began, come to this earth as powerful and pure as it is before time began.

He’s standing over me, He’s dug the dirt from all around me, there’s just the “film” left directly on the outside of me now. He’s calling to me. He’s saying…Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord is risen upon you.

I’ve been so protected, cared for, kept, loved, secure…in this dirt. But He’s calling me to arise. But I’m afraid. But I’m captivated. I’ve known His love that kept me hidden, and now He’s offering me His love that will shine from one side of me clear through to the other in so many different directions and facets that I will be a complete reflection and refraction of Him. I haven’t a clue what that means.

But I do know that this film on me has guaranteed rejection. Keeping the world at arms length. A barrier between the world and my heart. It’s a film called “not good enough” in my eyes, because of the appearance of my body. It has strangely been my own “self-disqualifier”. The only problem is, now He tells me that I’m not the one who qualifies me anyway. Jesus does. Jesus did. This outward film that I’ve trusted in is of no effect in His eyes.

I’m the very reason He bought the field to begin with. How can I deny Him? How can I reject His request? The price He paid was so high. There is no higher price in existence. How could He do that? Why? Why would He pay so much for me?! How can He find me so valuable? Why wasn’t it enough that He owned the field I have been engulfed in for so long?

I’m beginning to see why. The earth is falling away from me all on it’s own. The dirt, the film that I’m trying so hard to clutch around me, is dissolving with no effort of my own. How could this be? I begin to feel a washing. Warmth. Soothing. Cleansing. I look up and see a tree next to me. The dirt begins to clump and crust and cover the tree. And blood flows from it and washes me.

I’ve done nothing. Yet all of my dirt has ended up there. And light begins to penetrate my very being. But I’ve done nothing! What if I’m not ready?! What if I’m not good enough?? What if my simple heart is stolen away, snatched in hatred?? But I didn’t do it! I couldn’t do enough. But enough was done.

And I hear His voice once again. “Arise, shine, for your light has come! And the glory of the Lord is risen upon you. For behold, the darkness shall cover the earth, and deep darkness the people; but the Lord will arise over you, and His glory will be seen upon you. The Gentiles shall come to your light, and kings to the brightness of your rising……then you shall see and become radiant and your heart shall swell with joy…..and they shall proclaim the praises of the Lord.

It’s about Him. It’s about them. It’s about me. It’s His story.

Help me trust Lord. Help me trust that Your glory is enough, and that I will still be safe in your keeping while covered by Your glory. I’m so used to being covered in dirt. I am so sorry Daddy, that I’ve trusted the dirt more than Your glory. Father, I believe, help now my unbelief please.

Grace

May 3, 2008

katie

She’s Katie.

She’s 2.

She just dumped a bottle of bbq sauce out on my carpet.

An entire bottle.

Good thing I have Grace.

Hmph.

Captured

May 1, 2008

The wind blew, the rain fell, the thunder roared in violence

but somewhere in the midst of it, I am lost in the dance

death cried out, there was a shout, pain ripped through my chest

but somewhere in the midst of it, I am lost in the dance

the tears came, of childhood shame, of secrets kept in darkness,

but somewhere in the midst of it, I am lost in the dance

the smoke ripped, the bottles tipped, my innocence torn away reckless,

but somewhere in the midst of it, I am lost in the dance

the empty room, that no one knew, the vast expanse of loneliness,

but somewhere in the midst of it, I am lost in the dance

my insides shaking, a leper in the making, cast away in carelessness

but somewhere in the midst of it, I am lost in the dance

one still breath, came and consumed my death, breaking from the chrysalis

somewhere in the midst of it, I am lost in the dance

my wings spread wide, it’s time to fly, He’s blowing life on hopelessness

somwhere in the midst of it, I’m so lost in the dance

the memories come, just like everyone, the valley seeks such vengance

but somewhere in the midst of it, I’ve been lost in the dance!!

The thundar roars! Waves break the shore! He’s arising in Holiness!

right now here in the midst of Love, I’m captured in His dance!

The Time has come! the Song is being sung! The Heavens break Victorious!!

Captured, Consumed, Captivated….I have become….. His dance.

Lovesick

April 26, 2008

That’s the only way I know to describe how I’ve been feeling lately.  I’ve been so desperate for God.  So desperate to see/feel/hear/experience/know/be saturated with and in/be completly consumed…Father God’s love.  I’m seeing it!  I’m hearing it!  He is shredding the veils over our own eyes, our own hearts, that have kept us from receiving the fullness of Who He is.  It’s our own veils! He hasn’t withheld a single thing!  The Word says He has freely given us all things!  He gave His very Son!  He’s holding nothing back.  But us…our veils…skepticism, feeling inadequate….that’s the big one.  Haven’t prayed enough, read the Word enough, learned enough, worshiped enough, witnessed enough…..enough enough enough already!!  We will NEVER do enough!  But JESUS DID!!!  He did it all!  So it’s done!  So God’s extravagant love is  rushing at us like a Tsunami…it’s been here all along….but having our eyes fixed on what we haven’t done enough, or what we still need to improve in….has built a dam up.  A dam of our own unbelief.  Unbelief that there’s nothing we need to do except believe….that His love has accomplished it all!

I’ve taken my eyes off of me.  I’ve turned them to Him. The dam has broken, is breaking, is crumbling, is shattered!  The ginormous waves of His extravagant love have overtaken me…over and over and over….taking my breath away, taking the lies, bondages, hang-ups, dissatisfactions, hurts, selfishness…..washing it all away.

I can’t even stand to live where I was before.  Doing what I can to be a ‘better’ Christian.  Focusing on the areas of my life that need strengthening, or fixing, or whatever.  Thinking of ‘programs’ we can do at church to draw people to Him.  Blah.  Rocks in my mouth.  Mundane.  Compared to fixing my eyes on Him and His extravagant love!!  He took ALL of our sin, effects of our sin…poverty, sickness, heartache and heartbreak, shortcomings, inadequacy…..He took it ALL upon Himself on the cross…..and in return gave us RESURRECTION!!  The Spirit of Life!!  So why was I holding onto the former?  Because I was too busy thinking it would all ‘manifest’ when I got the formula right.  When I was holy enough.  Because holiness was all about the choices I made in life.  NO IT’S NOT!!  Holiness is about the choices HE made!!  Choosing to die for us!!  Choosing to exchange ALL of the effects of the curse for AWESOME AMAZING HOLY GHOST FIRE NOTHING LACKING NOTHING BROKEN OOOOZING WITH LOVE RESURRECTION!!!  I am loved by HIM!!  You are loved by Him!  That’s what matters.  Look at HIM!!

I can’t get enough of HIm, His love….it’s like it’s oxygen in the room and I just can’t breath enough in to satisfy me!  I’m watching the Florida Healing Revival and seeing God just RIP and SHRED and DESTROY the veils and dams we have plastered ourselves with!!!  He isn’t tearing open the canopy of Heaven…He already did that when He sent the Holy Spirit to indwell us!  He’s tearing open the grave clothes we’ve wrapped ourselves up in!  His bride….has been the living dead…and He’s unwrapping her and calling her out of that tomb…just like Lazarus!  COME FORTH!!!  and we are crashing head on into the Tsunami of His extravagant LOVE!!!

I’m not just praying over you, I’m prophesying that His grace is shredding your grave clothes and you are about to encounter the extravagant love of God without measure!!  COME FORTH!!!  He’s revealing the fullness of salvation in this earth, to His children….no more Christians in hiding…..FULLNESS is what will be seen!!  Healings, miracles….as the word says….”as He is, so are we in this world”  Yes Lord!!! Yes!!

Don’t forget to live!! (part 2)

April 19, 2008

I am just sitting here this morning weeping over fresh revelation of what Jesus did for me on the cross. I no longer have to carry the effects of my sin. I no longer have to carry the effects of my sinful actions in my body. I don’t have to carry extra fat around giving all of my time to redeeming myself from it. He has released me from my sin. And released me to Resurrection….restoration. I don’t have to carry sickness around, no matter what I’ve done to myself and how I’ve failed at making perfect choices concerning the health of my body. Because I’m forgiven! He has released me! Now I am releasing me. I’m setting my body and my mind free. Free to Resurrection.

My kids, my husband, this family…doesn’t have to carry in it the effects of my failures! My failures as a parent, as a wife, as a housekeeper. No, I’m releasing them from all of those effects. I’m done speaking that their behavior is a result of my weakness….that they are what we put in them, good or bad. They are not a reflection of me, they are a reflection of the Father!! I’m done with this family reaping what Eric and I have sown. We are reaping what Father God has sown…the blood of Jesus was sown for my family so we could reap Resurrection power in ever area of our life!

Rom 6:11-1411 Likewise you also, reckon yourselves to be dead indeed to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
12 Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body, that you should obey it in its lusts. 13 And do not present your members as instruments of unrighteousness to sin, but present yourselves to God as being alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God. 14 For sin shall not have dominion over you, for you are not under law but under grace. NKJV

I had reckoned myself dead to sin, but had forgotten about being alive to God! That’s the resurrection! I no longer have to carry sin in my body or life, or the effects of it…..but in return…all that He is, all that He has, all of His righteousness, holiness, power, health, peace, joy….in return it’s all mine! We are in the midst of a divine exchange!!

Rom 10:8-13 9 that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. 11 For the Scripture says, “Whoever believes on Him will not be put to shame.” 12 For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek, for the same Lord over all is rich to all who call upon Him. 13 For “whoever calls on the name of the LORD shall be saved.”

I’m trading my poor for God’s rich. I’ve been poor in so many areas of life. Poor in health, poor in love, poor in kindness, poor in parenting, poor in loving my husband, poor in finances even! I’ve been working all of these areas with self effort. Spending all of my time trying to “do what’s right”.

Instead of exchanging my weaknesses with Jesus, I’ve carried them around, putting my hand to all that I could to “better” myself. I’ve let sin reign in my mortal body. I’ve looked at where I fail, and lived according to “I reap what I sow” and spent all of my time trying to change what I sow, change my faults, better myself, learn more, come up with programs and plans to do everything better, so that the life being built around me would change. But when you let sin reign in your mortal body, you obey it’s lusts! You become exactly what you are trying to stop being or doing!
So, what then? What about all of the areas that I fall short that are effecting myself and my family? This then….this is what…..Father, I have failed in so many areas. But I know You still love me even in my failures. I receive release from my failures, because Jesus took all of my failures, and every effect of them, so I don’t have to. I release my family from the effects of every one of my failures. And I receive life, salvation, the power of the resurrection…in every area!

2 Cor 4:10-11always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. NKJV

I’m going to now carry in my body, in my family, the dying of the Lord Jesus….the sacrifice He made and is, and allow His life to manifest in every area.
The Lord is rich to all who call upon Him.

57.28 NT:4147 b: to prosper to the point of being rich – ‘to become rich, to become wealthy, to prosper.

The Lord is rich to me!! That’s what His word says. He is prospering my life, every area of my life, to the point of being rich. This is all tied to salvation, to receiving the work of the cross in my life…the death and resurrection of Jesus!! My sin is all there, His life is all here, and I am rich because of it!!

Let go of your guilt, of your failures, and of the effects of every one of them. They are not here, they are on Him, on the cross, He paid for every one of them. And not only that, He conquered the effects of them….He conquered death, hell and the grave!!! The wages of sin is death! He conquered them, triumphed over them, and was resurrected into new life! We have been buried with Him, now we arise and live with Him!

Rom 6:3-5 4 Therefore we were buried with Him through baptism into death, that just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life.
5 For if we have been united together in the likeness of His death, certainly we also shall be in the likeness of His resurrection,NKJV

CERTAINLY, we also shall be in the likeness of His resurrection!!! This isn’t talking about the resurrection one day when we are all caught up with Him in Heaven. This is in the LIKENESS of His resurrection, here on this earth!!


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