Once upon a Dream

Weird dreams happen to me a lot but here lately they have been getting weirder. The other night I dreamt about someone I haven’t seen in almost a year. When I woke up I was upset but I couldn’t remember why. Later on that day I was on Facebook and I started talking to his brother and as we were talking the dream came back bit by bit.

It started out at my Mother’s house. I don’t know why I was there as I tend to avoid that place an awful lot as there are always arguments when I go. It was me, my mother, my step-dad and my younger sister. My mother was cooking and I don’t know why she never cooks. My step-dad was being the typical step-dad and hounding me for something or another. Suddenly there was a knock at the front door and there M was with another man. I don’t know who the other man was but I remember he was tall and tan with dark black hair and amazingly green eyes. I didn’t recognize M at first. They came in and was talking with my mother and step-dad like they were old friends. I was doing something or another. I walked through the kitchen and M was sitting at the table the other three were walking out the back door and that’s when it hit me who M was. I ran up to him and hugged him around the waist. We started talking all while I was sitting in the floor hugging him. That was when I realized how skinny he had gotten. My mother came back inside and I started crying. I don’t know why I was just all the sudden very sad. A few more words were exchanged between the three of us and then I remember nothing else. I know that there was more to the dream but I don’t know what it was. I keep hoping that it will come back to me.

M in real life was a regular customer at the coffee shop I used to work at about a year ago. We started talking and became friends when his brother moved here. I had a small crush on his brother N for a while before he moved away. M got married a little over a year ago. He was an awesome person and I wish we were still friends but it goes the way of life. The longer I sit here and write this the more it sounds like it was unrequited love or something but it never was like that. I hadn’t thought about M or N for that matter in quite sometime now. It was always friendship between the three of us. M would occasionally buy me liquor or the two of them would come in from time to time to eat dinner and would end up staying for a couple of hours talking with me as I closed up the shop. I just wish I knew why after all this time M showed up in one of my dreams.


Nothing Taste as good as Skinny Feels

“Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.” -Kate Moss

I came across this quote on accident and being the fat kid that I am and having the insecurites that I do it pised me off. How can someone that influential say something like that?

I get that not everybody loves the love handlesbut I mean seriously? Most of overwieght people don’t love the fact that they are in fact fat (chubby, big boned, bloated, pudgy, obease, whale-like, whatever you want to call it) I know that I don’t and believe me I am going on a diet and going to try and be healthier but, you don’t say that to any one. Believe it or not Kate Moss but there are people who look up to you and thier are people who die from eating disorders.

This is a prime example of where stupidity and popularity riegn supreme.


Lost

How would you describe the word? Would it mean that you are unable to find your way back? Or that you don’t know where you are? Or that the meaning of something that was said was distorted and took on a new meaning in a new Langue? What if you know exactly where you are and how to get to where you are going but you still felt as though you were lost and that no matter how hard you tried to ignore or forget the feeling it was still there in the back of your mind growing and changing its shape until it was almost all you could think  about. Lost. Lost in the same mindless day-to-day routine. Lost. Lost in your own mind. Lost in the small town you live in. Lost in your family. Lost without a purpose.

It’s a Friday night and once again I am spending it at home alone.  I really should be in bed considering that I have to be at work at 4 a.m. But I can’t sleep and my mind doesn’t seem like it is going to shut up anytime soon. So my remedy for tonite is to blog and watch useless YouTube videos. I wish I could spend tomorrow curled up in bed with a book, but bills have to be paid and so in turn I have to work. 😦 

Today has been a pretty much useless day. One of those days where you do absolutely nothing of importance. But that seems to happen a lot here lately. I feel like I have lost my purpose and I rally wish I could find it again.

someone was supposed to come out today and fix our heat but lo and behold it is almost 10 p.m. and no heat guy. I really hope that they will be here sometime tomorrow because my little heater has decided that it no longer wants to cooperate with me. So early mornings suck. 😦

I really hope things start to work out soon


It Feels very much like a Joan Jett Day

I may as well go ahead and tell you that my name is Mercedes Layne Richards. I began my third decade in this body at the end of August. As to where I live it‘s a small town in Alabama that you probably never even heard of. I don’t even think it’s on the map. I feel as though I belong in a big city. Now my favorite Color, how often I brush my teeth and just how much I really love making people angry is of little significance to you so we’re gonna skip that part. I am a part-time romantic and a part-time cynic. I am an old soul in a new body, I am a lover filled with self hate, I am a writer with out a subject, I am rich with no money, I am many things and yet I don’t really know what I am. I write, a lot, random things mostly filled in with the philosophical. I dream of being an author and of loving my self. I hope before this decade is over I succeed in at least one of the two. I am a hopeless romantic without a love interest. I have recently became addicted to You Tube. I smoke like a train and cuss like a trucker. No offense meant! It happens. I love contradictions and the weird and unique.

I am on a journey to discover myself. I wish I could tell you more about it but I’m still trying to figure it out myself.

My passion has always been writing. I have been writing poetry and short stories since I was a little kid. My mother always told me I had a huge imagination. I would have these amazing adventures by myself on the playground at school because no one wanted to play with me. You know children are cruel. They don’t meant to be but they are. They don’t like anything different and I was different. I found happiness in stories I would make up and in the adventures I had with my imaginary friend (whose name was Ashley because she was normal so she got a normal name). One day I want to be an author. I want to be able to go into a book store and pick up a book that I wrote. I want to be a top 10 best seller and I want people to know my name. I know this sounds a bit conceited but I really don’t care. Take from this what you will.

I need to have something to focus on right now because things are a little fucked up so what I’m going to try to do is focus on blogging. I want to write a new blog every day or every other day. I want you guys to be able to know me better and I want to get to know you better so comment follow and ask me questions.

I also have a Myspace Twitter And  Facebook

Truly Yours

~Mercedes


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