Red-breasted Fat Ass
Great Northern Dipshit
Longtailed Fucktard
Captain Skinny Tits
Common Fucklet
Red-headed Stepchild
Double-crested Shitlord
White-fronted Twat Waffle
Upland Taint Biscuit
Ruby-throated Ass Clown
Baltimore Areola
American Cock Socket
Eastern Wooded Shart Balloon
Blue-winged Knob
Lesser Dicklet
Connecticut Spotted Putz
Short-eared Shit Kicker
Fashion-illiterate Twit
Dickwit
Johnson’s Tiny Woodpecker
Vaping with the Stars
Game of Scones
Brooklyn Six-Nine
Cake Middle Manager
The Marvelous Mrs Klobuchar
America’s Got HPV
Naked and Afraid of Commitment (also spiders)
Something About Some Guy Named Kevin
Queer Eye, Bi Elbow
That KFC Mrs Buttersworth commercial
Rick and Morphine
•
Presenting my unique and quite brilliant method for naming Spotify playlists which all but guarantees that, when you’re in the mood to hear something, you won’t remember which playlist is which so you might as well just go back to iTunes anyway.
You know how it is. When you write, you look at everything as a writing opportunity, right? And Spotify playlists are no different. This is an easy one anyone can do. Simply combine song titles and viola! you’ve added more useless and confusing bullshit to your life!
And then it hit me: WOULDN’T SOME OF THESE BE AMAZING NAMES FOR BANDS THAT COVER EACH ARTIST!?
Can you guess the artists behind these Spotify playlist titles?
Sympathy for My Thumb
Tattooed Love Pocket
Strawberry Walrus Revolution
King of Invisible Murder
More Than a Mining Disaster
Today was a Girl
Viva La Yellow Scientist
One More Pink Hypnotist
My Stupid Neon Love Emoji
The Hissing of Chelsea Morning
Late to the Rainbow
I Can See My Baba
Tougher than Rosalita
Chuck E’s All Star Skeletons
I could go on forever.
That’s not a name. I’m just saying. I could go on forever.
Q: Are women people?
•
Q: Why do the gays have to be so gay?
•
Q: Global warming. Bring it on, amirite?!
•
Q: What kind of Mexican are you?
•
Q: Libtard says what?
•
Lowly Worm Takes a Bath With Your Mom
Mmm, Postman Pig Tastes Good
Busy, Busy House of Ill Repute
Best Get-Up-and-Get-It-Yourself-What-Am-I-Your-Goddamn-Slave? Book Ever!
Best Babysitter Ever! (Shh, Don’t Tell Your Mother)
Watch Your Step, Mr. Rabbit, or Imma Fuck U Up
The Cat Family Takes a Trip. In a Bag.
Cars and Trucks and Things That Go Right Up Your Ass if You’re Not Careful
WTF, Huckle Cat?
10. Wait, what? What kind of psychopath buys gifts for Thanksgiving?
9. Your company is more than enough, sweetheart.
8. And a simple ‘thank you’ would be nice.
7. Okay, maybe you could bring a little something. Maybe a nice green bean casserole? I read that the woman who invented it just died. It’s the least you could do. She died.
6. And how about this year you taste it before you say you don’t like it.
5. Can we not spend all afternoon glued to the TV watching the goddamn Lions and Matt Patricia that traitor bastard for chrissake?
4. Wipe that smile off your face.
3. Be a dear and look in the pantry closet for the good gravy boat Evelyn Broadwater got me last Thanksgiving.
2. Really look.
1. A wreath might be nice.
Mike is happy. 