(WARNING, ADULT CONTENT. Be advised that if you disagree with anything that follows, you’re on the wrong side of several Doctors of the Church, as is explained. In the sections that have been abbreviated for modesty, the citations are provided so you can look them up. I also recommend THIS. Comments are off.-nvp)
Marital Chastity: What is permitted between Christian spouses?
Warning: This is an article for adults, not children.
The topic today is this: What is permitted behavior in the bedroom between Catholic spouses? From the start, I have to give this disclaimer: I despise writing about this topic, especially since I endanger my own soul in bringing potentially-immodest writings to the internet (as if the internet does not already have enough.)
However, I have discovered that the question of exotic behavior in the bedroom is unfortunately on the minds of countless Catholic couples across the globe. Similarly, I have unfortunately found that 98% of priest-confessors out there are misleading the Catholic laity on this topic. By what authority can I claim they are “misleading” them while I seem to know better? Because we actually have the answers from the Church Fathers and the Doctors of the Catholic Church.
Some will already protest in fear of my upcoming answers: Why should we trust the Church Fathers and the Doctors of the Church so firmly? First, the Council of Trent and Vatican I assert that the “unanimous consent of the Fathers” is to be considered infallible when interpreting the Sacred Scriptures. Secondly, a Doctor of the Church is a saint of the Catholic Church whose writings have been so meticulously evaluated by the Church that we know there is nothing contrary in their writings to the Magisterium. It’s not a guarantee that everything they wrote is infallible, but it’s pretty close.
We will begin with St. Thomas Aquinas on this topic of bedroom morality: “Marital relations are contrary to nature when the right receptacle… required by nature is avoided… It is always a mortal sin because no offspring can result, so that the purpose of nature is completely frustrated (unde totaliter intentio naturae frustratur.)”—In Libros Sententiarum, IV, 31, 2, 3.
This is a strong line, but perhaps not strong enough, for it has led some heretical moral theologians of the 20th century to believe that oral sex and anal sex in marriage is permitted as long as there remains the possibility of offspring (that is, the couple execute a normal completion to the act of intercourse.)
However, this interpretation is wrong. St. Alphonsus Liguori, another doctor of the Church, writes on oral sex: “It is more generally and truly affirmed [to be a mortal sin] by [various theologians], because coitus itself of this kind (even if without climax) is true sodomy, even if not consummated, just as copulation in the natural vessel of another woman is true fornication, even if climax does not take place.” (In that quote, I replaced a couple antiquated terms transliterated from the Latin to modern biological terms in English.)
Notice above that St. Alphonsus does not hesitate to label oral sex (or anal sex) in marriage as “sodomy” even if the act is ultimately completed in the correct location. The fact is that placing any organ where it doesn’t belong (even temporarily before climax) is “sodomy.” This is true, even if St. Alphonsus may have allowed brief “brushes” (or superficial kissing without penetration) in all locations. But even such kissing must avoid the sin of lust, for lust—even between spouses—can be found in anything done in a depersonalizing manner in the bedroom.
The author at that same site then quotes Fr. Brian Harrison revealing that St. Thomas Aquinas actually taught the same thing as St. Alphonsus Liguori when one does a deeper dive into his writings.
For the sake of brevity and modesty, I will not include the entire quote. However, he comes to this conclusion: “So it is clear that Aquinas, even though he does not spell this out, would logically consider even unconsummated oral and anal sex between husband and wife to be mortally sinful, thus creating a need for sincere sacramental confession prior to approaching Holy Communion.)” (emphasis mine… See also St. Thomas’ Summa Theologiæ IIa IIæ, Question 154, articles 11-12.)
The Fathers of the East (Greek writers) and the Saints of the West (Latin writers) have always taught the same thing as St. Alphonsus. But most of it was written in Greek and Latin, so few priests translated it for the laity. They refrained from translations for the sake of modesty. Thus, you won’t find it online too easily. I only write this delicate article hesitantly, and I do so only because so many priests are misguiding you laity on this topic. But please know that 100 years ago, every priest knew the above things were mortal sins from his training in seminary before being ordained to hear confessions. (This is true for both Roman Catholic priests and Eastern Orthodox bishops.)
One proof we have of this is that the most solid of all the Eastern Orthodox clergy today still teach the same thing. (And yes, they have married priests, so they have to follow their own advice.) In fact, it’s more than advice. What the best of their eparchies still teach on bedroom moral theology comes directly from the early Church Fathers, most likely informed by the Apostles themselves.
One Eastern Orthodox parish in Pennsylvania publicly explains what is permitted: Question: Is oral sex permissible in a Christian marriage? What about toys? Answer: Oral sex, whether open to conception or not, is a perversion of the use of one’s sexual organs and is never permissible. The same goes with the use of toys, viewing of pornography, etc. Likewise, pornography and masturbation as well.
I’m not saying that the Eastern Orthodox have Magisterial authority over a Catholic, but the above is evidence that the Church Fathers unanimously taught against such perverse bedroom behavior. This is obviously true since the Orthodox attempt to take all their dogmatic and moral theology from the Fathers. In other words, the above is an a fortiori argument that if even the Eastern Orthodox recognize such actions as sinful, so much the more should a Roman Catholic reject them.
Thus, like everything on this website, take it or leave it. You can disobey the Church Fathers and the Church Doctors at your own peril, especially if you prefer the Theology of the Body mountebanks. I know that on my judgment day—at least on this website—I did nearly everything I could to get you married folks to heaven by approaching the marital bed as saints, not filthy pagans.
But if you believe me, please go to confession before you put the Son of God on that same tongue at your next Holy Mass, especially if you believe the Church Fathers and Doctors of the Church more than all the modernist priests who misled you in the confessional. Yes, mortal sins must be named and numbered, as embarrassing as it is. If you don’t remember how many times, just say dozens or hundreds or thousands of times for this sin, or that sin. A good priest will not embarrass you further in the box when you actually have the courage to confess that sin.
As for the priests who misled you on these delicate topics in the confessional—even many traditionalists—I apologize on behalf of the Catholic priesthood to you lay people. I know most of you have never read this stuff before, and I’m truly disgusted to be the one to break it to you, because it belongs in the confessional, not on the internet. But desperate times of heresy call for desperate measures in teaching.
Finally, please do not email me further questions on this topic because I will not answer it. It’s a though topic and I have already written everything pertinent from the saints. (By the way, the question you all still want to ask me was already answered in the seventh full paragraph.)
