The only month that is also a command.
And if we don’t know where to march, this Mother Teresa quote is a timely directional sign.
Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.
On your mark. Get set. Go!
Follow the leaders who have made the most difference with love.
I am weak and you are strong
I move fast and things go wrong
With callous words or a careless heart
I forget your love, the important part
Then end up empty, back on my knees
To begin again. Help me please.
I’ve discovered it the hard way; if I start the day (or the new year) without the humility and the curiosity to question myself and ask for wisdom, it will be a false start–and not without casualties.
If so, you may be in the category of those who are old and experienced in trouble and disappointment–braced against the world.
When I catch myself with this resting bitch face I rush to change it quickly to an I am ready and interested face, no longer braced but embracing.
That might sound awfully naive. Yet, it might be wiser to take the chance of giving joy than settling for a life not worth living.
Check your face.
Everything done in love
Beyond the boundaries of ego-driven, self-absorption
Counts for someone
Whether we know it or not.
Mostly we don’t know it
Because of the distracting minutia
That steals the time and effort it requires to say so
Or, frankly, because saying so may be humbling or scary.
And we may not remember how much it meant to us
When someone made the simple effort to
Put love first–hands and heart held so wide open
With the offer of such an important gift.
Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.
“I tried that already,” was my second favorite response.
“It won’t work,” was my third go-to.
Stuck was the result.
What did I think would happen if I just said, “Thank you, that’s something to think about,” or “Tell me more about that,” or “Interesting.”
Could I not just pause, breathe, and think for a few seconds before springing the trap closed on whoever was brave enough to suggest something to me or to start an open discussion?
“Why are you so much better than other medical doctors?” I asked Dr. Edie Shulman.
“Curiosity is my highest value. I love to learn and the more I listen and learn from you, the better I can partner with you to get you what you need.”
Thanks, Dr. Edie, for helping me become less eager to throw in my two cents.
Sometimes happiness can’t reach me because my half-formed ideas of myself, others, and the Universe are clogging the pipeline.
Often light is gone from my eyes because I have allowed these half-formed ideas to be my truths and they have choked out the possibility of light getting through to my soul (which is the source of light in my eyes).
Then, because I cling to the idea that my ideas are whole, my pain continues to back up, forming cesspools that will eventually drain into the gaping holes of ignorance in others, inevitably clogging their pipeline.
Or clogged pipes become the norm.
For example: I feel wronged and spend hours forming my case against the one who wronged me with only limited information about their side of the story.
My mother was married nine times. She raised five kids on her own. I never saw her cry. That happened at night–along with the struggle that no one else was allowed to know about. When a question concerning blame came up in the daylight hours, there was always a lynching of the other party.
That is one way of dealing with guilt with which most of us (including me) are familiar: always pin the blame on someone or something else.
But, it takes a lot of energy to do that:
And the cost of doing so, is:
Guilt can either hold you back from growing or it can show you what you need to shift in your life.
When the guilt doorbell rings–I will answer it and ask what it wants from me.
Most of life is about making questionable choices
and recovering from them
learning to use them
rather than to be derailed by shame
or stifled by regret
owning our human condition for what it is
enough to forgive others’ questionable choices
so they will have a chance to use them too
and recover–
ad infinitum.
“Love is the law of life, and foolish is he (or she) who tries to win over someone any other way (including ourselves).
-Anurag Shrivastava (modified by me)
(First of all, this blog is not about gums, bad breath, or digestive issues. I just have to start here.)
I learned about water flossing after a dentist warned me that my gums were in such bad condition that nothing could be done to repair them. But water flossing reversed the damage. It also fixed my bad breath which I had been trying to fix for decades. Who knew? (Many people that I did not ask, apparently.)
Had I only known that taking vitamins and magnesium oxide at bedtime would prevent indigestion and constipation, I would have saved myself decades of trouble.
Had I known that The Phantom of the Opera was really about the war with my own dark side, and not just people singing about a made-up story, I would have paid attention to it.
I missed many life-changing adjustments due to a lack of curiosity, character, or willingness to listen.
The sad thing is that most of my relationship problems could have been avoided had I known:
Naturally, things tend to drift into mediocrity, things such as relationships, meetings, or initiatives.
Laziness, distractions, or a lack of focus may be the culprit.
In my case, the main offender is my own lack of preparation. I sometimes forget to bring my whole self to “the party.” I assume I know how things are going to go. I assume I know how people are going to act. I assume that all will be predictable. Yada, yada, yada.
By default, I have chosen to live as if my thoughts and needs are more important than anyone else’s.
Yet, when I prepare for (days, encounters, work, etc.) by asking the right questions–
Things change. Relationships. Events. Initiatives.
Even boring meetings.
Life is no longer adrift.
Two-Minute Tune-Up 