Archive for April, 2008
Tic Toc Tick a Tock
Well…seems the lines arent cut yet…so ill make the best of my last days here on blog earth. Apparently three people still read so you know…I appreciate…
Things are well with me, I am in a place of acceptance that has alot to do with my ex having a warrant out for his arrest for not paying support. that idea fills me with glee. my bills are under controll for the first time in 6 months. the job is going well. my family is good. and god all fucking mighty spring is FINIALLY here. every year i am certian I am not going to make it. every year I curl up in a angry ball of winter hatred. the truth is, i would not appreciate spring and summer nearly as much if i did not have to endure the winter. and such is my life. the good times are so much richer for all of us because of what we go through to get there. This is not been a good year for me, but my struggles and trials did not go unrewarded. I am here. I have food and everything is ok.
having said that, I want to mention a few things that piss me off.
there are people, science people that are wasting their sciency talents producung porducts that we either do not need, as the general public or simply do not even work.
male enchancement products. first of all I am not even sure what these fucking pills do but the advertisements creep me the fuck out. what is up with that bob guy? why is he smiling like jack from the shining? is his dick so hard he cant fucking stop with that creepy grin? are there people watching that add that say “hey, i want to look like thatt guy”
well i dont. and if you are going to have an add like that on tv i want to know just what the fuck you are selling. is it a pill? a cream? a patch? i demand answers. will you look like you were in the “blakc hole sun” video if you take this shit, because erection or not no one will fuck you with a fack like that.
or maybe its not an erection…does it make pee pee’s bigger?
and all these diet pills. puhhhhhleeeseee. just stop eating. as much. and move around a little. results will follow.
and that mother fucker with the amazing putty that can pull a tractor trailor…..yeah well it woudnt even hold my fire place screen in place.
wanna make something usefuel? how about making me an underwire bra that the fucking underwires dont snap and put my boob in a vise grip…yeahhow bout that?
or maybe you could make a cure for cancer instead of a cure for the male ego? and futher more i just read an article about vaginal prolapse…WHAT THE HELL? MY VAGINA CAN FALL OUT? why is no one making a cream for that…because i gotta tell ya…id fucking buy it.
bottom line is this….i am a consumer. make me things i want. here is my list
1) anti prolapse cream, for anus or vagina
2) period bee gone pill that does not involve mood swings or weight gain
3) pocket flame thrower
4) dry wall and putty that is already your chosen wall color. i hate wall painting
5) portable tramp o lene. because hey you never know when you feel liek jumping
6) another source of energy. i think we shoudl enslave little animals
7) a pen that has a chain attached to your purse
8) shovel with wheels. i am lazy as hell
9) self cleaning car
10) a knife that will not go dull on me.
enjoy spring but not before you take your allegra, clarittin, male enhancement, weight loss, proactivve, sylvin learning drugs.
The End of All Things
I have only threatened this once, and then I continued blogging.
I have struggled for many many years over many many stupid things. And for what? Nothing. All the worry, the inner turmoil, the strategic planning have left me in the exact spot. I should have just sat around on welfare and smoked weed. I would have been happier.
But enough about me being a moron. This will be the last post. There won’t be another. My mom is cutting the phine line and informs me that she will also be disconnecting the internet. Seeings how I cannot seem to feed my family or pay my bills I will not be paying for the phone bill or the internet charge. So that’s it. all over.
I would have liked to make this last one a fucking good one, but lets face it…i am all done. I had a fleeting idea that perhaps id do a ripped from the headlines…well let me explain
I was in the restroom at work and naturally someone was pooping, yeah, i know always about poop with me. And the noises she was making sounded a whole lot like labot pains. So this made me chuckle for several reasons….
First remember the streak of teenage pregnancies that ended with a newborn in a toilet, or other horrible ways? yes well I was dying laughing thinking about someon taking a shit and wrapping it gingerly in toilet paper, like a blankie, leaving a note that says, “please take care of my baby”
not funny to you? shit I was peeing my self laughing over that one…i could almost hear the whispers around the department…”betty…yeah i think it was bettys poop babay…she looked a little full around the middle”
So thats it…youll now have to find more pathetic things to read about than me. it will be tough to beat my level of despair…but try, try if you will…
im sure I will make appearances here and again…just not every day and not every week. In seven days this site will no longer be viewable.
Id like, for you all to stroke my ego one more time and tell me your favorite post.
Mine, without a doubt was the origional poop story. and the subsequent comments.
Again, thank you all, I almost felt at times, like a star. or a cult leader..actually alot like a cult leader but thats another story….
the next time you see a newborn shit abandoned in the restroom, dont cal the police, call me, ill be wanting to get pictures and ill need to get in there quick to glue the goglie eyes on it before the fuzz shows up.
Spanky Strikes Back 
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