To write or not

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I’m sitting here in one of my fave cafes on a Sunday morning, (drinking hot chocolate because it’s gloomy out) thinking back to the last 15 yrs.

April 24th, in 2011, I came home to Denver. My world opened up in ways I never thought it would and shrunk down in ways I never thought it would! 

Overnight, I looked at my fellow Indians here and thought- WTAF?! Did I step back in time?! I’ve written about this… so many posts! lol!

My world shrunk down to these weirdos I didn’t relate to, my Zumba/barre friends and K.

It opened up to a whole new world of online friendships- friends I trust and treasure to this day! We’ve seen each other through the best and worst in these past 15 years. 

It became a rarified world of books, libraries and librarians and this blog.

I wrote for myself as much as I wrote for my friends. The comments section is filled with laughter, bonding, critique and of course validation.

Then, I decided to go back to University- my real world opened up just a little more and my online world shrunk just a little bit. The posts were fewer and it became harder to commit to fun things like “write everyday or themes”.

Then, after a brief 20 months stint at the state department, I started to work at my current job. The blog posts slowly disappeared, friends (fewer) remained thanks to WhatsApp and Insta reels. The past 6 years have taught me so much. It’s been a learning experience with respect to my work, relationships, and of course corporate dancing. Touchwood! 

The question is – do I write about how much I love audit and everything about it or do I write about my life again? 

Or maybe a combination of both – for myself and the few handful loyal readers I have left.

It’s all about the stories that need to be told and this place works best.

C – Consistency regarding Chutney :P

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The best part of writing for A to Z is my attempt at being more consistent with my writing.
I’m consistent when it comes to most of my thoughts and I’m vocal when I change my mind about something..
I’m also consistent with most of my friendships. There are times when I don’t want to participate in a particular friendship and that’s because I’m having a weird day/month/year or I’m just done. Does that sound selfish?
I’m also consistent in my love for chutneys. I love a good chutney – whether its with rice or chapathis or dosas or pooris. I’m very particular about what kind of chutney I eat with dosas – it has to be the one mom taught me (with ginger, coconut, coriander etc) or a good old fashioned peanut chutney! That’s it. I’m not eating dosa with tamarind or chaat+mint chutney.
I’ve been writing this post for the past 3 days! So, since it’s not going anywhere, I’ll leave you all with my favorite chutney recipe: Let me know if you do try out my amateur cooking recipes! 😀

Soak a chunk of tamarind in water to add to the chutney – take a small bowl, add a chunk of tamarind and enough water to cover it. If you are using tamarind paste – then about 1/2 a spoon ought to do the trick.
A good chunk of ginger – 2 – 2.5 inches? finely chopped
3 green chillies – add more if you like your chutney very spicy. I prefer the taste of ginger to come through, so I stop at 3-4 chillies depending on spicy the chillies are.
A chunk of coriander and if you have mint, go be adventurous and throw some of that in too.

Now, freshly grated coconut with that yummy taste and earthy smell and crunchy taste – about half a shell will do. If you are in the US like me and don’t like the taste of the coconut we get here, then use the frozen coconut we get here – about a bowlful will do. (If you need tips on how to defrost without ruining the entire packet – drop a comment and I’ll add my tips.)

Ok.. where were we? Yes.. now that you have all the important ingredients – make sure you have hurgadle too or bengal gram as its called in English. One cup of this will do the trick nicely.
Add hurigadale, coconut, tamarind water (make sure you’ve squeezed the chunk of tamarind into the water nicely), salt (to taste), jaggery (1/2 sp) to the mixer jar. Be careful with your tamarind – I trust you all know how tamarind-y your tamarind is and will add the right amount.
Now, take a little oil – abt a tsp in a pan and heat it and add the chopped ginger and chillies to that. Let it fry until the ginger is cooked and then throw in the coriander and mint into the pan.. let it whittle down.
Now, add all this to the mixie jar. Add enough water – you decide if you want gatti chutney or hotel-style watery chutney 😀
Give the mixie jar a couple of whirs.. taste.. add salt if needed or maybe a chilli? If anything feels extra, you can adjust the tamarind taste, chilli spice by adding a little extra coconut and bengal gram and grinding it once more.
Then transfer to a bowl. Add tadka of mustard seeds, urad dal, curry leaves (if you want a couple of red chillies) and hing. mix well! Ta-da!! Best chutney in the world is ready!
Am I biased? yes! Will you be able to change my mind about whether this IS the best chutney or not – no 😛

Now, off to blog hop and spread some of my cheer! 😀

B – backbenchers and bakwaas!

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The hard part of writing for A to Z is coming up with innovative posts for each letter of the alphabet.

A was kind of easy. I have a post ready for I (I know! Weird letter to be prepared for)
Now, I’m stuck with B .. do I write about the Bakwaas that I have to listen to as a person of color and a minority woman or is that too serious a topic? I also thought about writing about being a backbencher all throughout high-school and college! 😀
But then, over the weekend – it was Ugaadi and then Sunday. Not much of an excuse really. Just that I’ve gotten so out-of-habit that I couldn’t sit down and write. We did manage lunch outside on Sunday and walked around a lot so that’s always a win.

Being a back bencher meant that teachers/lecturers always had the least expectations from us. But, unfortunately for them and fortunately for us, we were also some of the most intelligent folks in class. (I’m not bragging; it’s just a matter of fact statement and if you’ve met K, you know I’m right)
My favorite classes were always Math and Physics. I also loved English and Sanskrit during my undergrad days. The problem with loving these classes were that I was good at assignments, and tests and it would make my Sanskrit lecturer really mad that I refused to answer his questions in class! One of my friends met him when she was enrolling her niece in our college and he asked her if I was still wrecking havoc and making things difficult! 😀 I can’t believe he remembered me even after 15 odd yrs (at that point). Now, its been 22 yrs since undergrad!! Woah!
I can’t remember what my favorite courses were in Grad school 1 – I’m going to go with Numerical Techniques which was a Math paper and I always used to get full marks in that.

For Grad school 2 – easily it was all course related to project management and cyber security. Here, I was a backbencher for a few classes. But, most the classes were very interesting and engaging and I used to keep my phone away and actually engage in class. I wasn’t technically a backbencher but sat in the back more for convenience sake rather than anything else. I had more space and less people to talk to. 😀

One of my favorite memories is of my pre-university days. Our college was housed in an old old ancient house in a residential neighborhood. And as you can guess, we would get a lot of complaints about noise and the next door uncle would constantly complain that we girls made a LOT of noise! *eyeroll* So, early mornings, during summer season, my friends and I used to climb the college walls and pick fruit from the trees because it was prohibited! We had jackfruit, guava and gooseberries (As far as I can remember!). One time, we were sitting up in the trees (I helped the other girls get up there) and our Math professor caught us from the staff room window! He didn’t say anything then but, in class he called me out to do a math problem and seeing me struggle a bit, he asked me if the math problem was easier or getting up on the tree easier. As you can guess, there were sniggers which turned to full fledged giggles as I got the Math problem right on the blackboard!

I guess this is the backbenchers’ bakwas post for B! 😀
Abysmal writing IMO but I really really don’t want to quit! And it was fun writing and reminiscing about the old days! I have a few more stories up my sleeve and will use it in case I panic like I did for B! 😀

A – Anything

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I finally understand why film stars make such a big hue and cry about their “comebacks”! It’s hard.. you need the right group of people and you also need a slightly safe space because you hope everyone who remembered you during your most popular days to come back and see your film and say kind things! Whew!

I feel that. Really! 😉 I’ve been trying to make a “comeback” to this beautiful space of mine since forever and life keeps taking different turns. I need to make this a priority again but there is always the fear – who is going to read me again?
And then, the conflicting thought – But, do I write for others or for my pleasure? Do I need validation for my writing? visibility again? I used to get a lot of foot traffic on my blog even 5 years ago.. but that has faded. It’s now the trusted few who come and read and comment.

So, as you can read – I’m in a weird headspace but don’t want to give up writing because it is one of my greatest joys. It is also one of the few things I’m good at (Or so I’d like to think). I love spinning stories and writing random stuff here. This is my longwinded way of saying – I’m writing again.. Writing for the A to Z challenge this year and I hope to finish! 😀

Do I have a theme? Yes! Randomness! Do I have the discipline to write everyday – let’s find out together! 😉

The best and safe part this time is that I have a small community helping me and encouraging me to write. I’ve read these brilliant bloggers over the years, been in awe of their organizational skills and writing skills! So, I’m hoping I get to write again AND get some of my readers back as well!

So, A to Z – here I come! You might just see these random scribbles and I’m hoping to write fiction again. Fingers crossed!

If you are new here – tell me what brought you here and if you are here because I coerced you into reading my blog again – thank you for being a good friend 😀

Random thoughts from 4 yrs ago!

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I wrote these lines 4 years ago and never published them! (Don’t ask me why!)

  • Laughing together is therapeutic and laughing alone will make sure you are called loony! 😛
  • I’m so sleepy!! It’s 3 pm and I wish I could just lie down for a quiet little nap! 😀
  • Maybe I should just go shopping… I saw these insanely pretty red shoes the other day. But, really how many pairs of red shoes does a gal really  need?  *wait! Don’t answer that question! :P*
  • Uniqlo opened its branch in Denver last week. I’m about a block away from it and I haven’t been able to go check out the store! That’s how insane life has been… I should just publish this post and go check out the store. I have so much unnecessary shopping to do! 😉
  • This year has been all about change – of doing certain things for the first time or doing certain things after a really long time. 
  • I can safely say that monotony has not been a part of my life! 😀

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Present Day! 😀

I can safely say that even 4.5 years down the line  – I still love shoes (whew! 😉 ) and still love red shoes! However, 2020 saw me buying 2 pairs of blue shoes, cleaning out my shoe collection and buying a pair of purple-ish walking shoes. The numbers did reduce, I donated more pairs than I bought 😀 😀

Uniqlo is still a favorite place to shop! Sadly, 2020 was not the year for shopping. I suppose I should rectify this mistake immediately and shop online from Uniqlo! 😀

2020 was the year of change – the pandemic, lockdowns, buying rice and dals and atta in bulk and canned greenbeans (they taste yuck BTW and never mind them!), new job, getting used to, and then enjoying the work from home opportunity. (especially during winter months!)

I don’t know if I feel sleepy at 3 PM anymore. I do feel sleepy all day, on some days, but that’s a different story and I now have the excuse of “but, I’m 40! A nap is good for me!!”  😉 😛

I still laugh alone, when something strikes to me as funny, you’ll catch me grinning or laughing. Loony is still probably a good fit 😉

I realized that I haven’t had Starbucks coffee since October. I go through these random, totally senseless phases where I don’t eat or drink something. I don’t miss it. Also, I haven’t eaten pizza since August! It’s not like I’m dieting. I don’t diet. We make changes in our diet as and when appropriate, but I don’t do cleanses or diets.

I should probably stop rambling about and maybe go get a Mocha (we have a Starbucks exactly 5 mins away from the house)  and end my Starbucks drought. However, I still don’t feel like eating a pizza, but hot pepper rasam and papad sounds perfect for this weather 😀

Snowy Tales

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The snow fell like billowing cotton;
The ground disappeared, slowly but surely, covered with ice and then snow
She stood by the window with a mug of hot coffee
And watched as man and dog slid down the road.
She could hear laughter and delighted barks;
He hugged his dog and looked up,
She raised her mug as a toast
He grinned and waved and slipped and slid his way to his doorway.

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I wrote the above lines a few years ago when we were still living in our first apartment after watching a neighbor play in the snow with his dog :). That apartment had huge windows in the living room and since we faced the street and the golf course across the street, it was an endless opportunity for photos and entertainment! I remember, one afternoon, as I sat reading by the window, I watched a grown man throw a humongous tantrum while playing golf! He threw his clubs, stomped around, yelled at his caddie, shook his fist, threw his hat down and stomped on it before getting into his golf cart ad driving away. I had laughed until my stomach hurt from all that laughing! LOL!
It was a window to the world when storms hit. Be it snow, hail, or rain – the effects were simply brilliant. Scary, but breathtaking! I don’t miss the apartment, but I do miss that view!
The next place we lived, our apartment faced the pool and parking lot. So the view was dull unless one of us was waiting for the other to get home. It also shielded us from the winds because the apartment was shielded from the streets and so we never realized how bad a storm was until it was done with or we went and stood looking out some of the hallway windows!
Our current place is also similar – We have a window but we face a small street and other houses, there’s no open space as such and we share walls with our neighbors so we can’t tell how windy it is, unless we peep out the window and see the small trees swaying! Our neighborhood is only a few years old and so, the planted trees are still very young. But, if we step out our front door, we have an absolutely stunning view of the mountains. The sunsets we’ve experienced have been surreal (I should post a few pics here too). I’ve shared so many pics on Insta and Facebook and each pic is different. I watched as the storm rolled in yesterday and the mountains disappeared from view to be replaced by swirling clouds… it looked ominous and yet reassuring… As the snow started to fall, gently (it wasn’t a storm), I stepped out and lifted my face to the snow and let it settle on my nose, the tickling sensation of cold snow made me laugh and also reminded me of the horrible storm I was caught in a year back (2019) and couldn’t find viable transportation back home. It reminded me of the biting cold as I waited for the train to arrive and how I couldn’t find an Uber. K was stuck at home and had no way of reaching me and I remember telling him not to drive in that mess. I made my way home, thankful for the layers of clothing that kept me from getting sick or worse, frostbite! It took me 2 hrs to get home that day and I remember gratefully sinking into a hot bath K had kept ready for me with a big mug of chai.
I walked back in, yesterday, after taking a few pics of the snow, grateful to be working from home, grateful for the warmth. Grateful that the wind was still and the snow that kept falling was still gentle and calm.

Thank you 2020!!

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It’s been a year hasn’t it?! Jeez! When I look back to May, I thought that this would end by September or so and we’d be back to “normal” by the end of the year! I can hear you cackling at my ignorance! I’m laughing at how optimistic I was! It’s the last day of December and I know that nothing will change in 2021 – at least not the first 6 months or so! Maybe the vaccine is our best bet to some sort of normalcy? We can only hope!
2020 has been a year of ups and downs for the Pixie/K household.
Downs include – no travel, no meeting friends, no going to the office for work. I miss giggling with friends and coffee breaks (giggling over zoom is just not the same!) It’s also the year I discovered how much I dislike video calls. I’ve had more zoom fatigue in 2020 than PMS!
Ups – we realized that our marriage is perfectly fine (touchwood!). Of course we argued, raised voices and lost our patience with each other. But that happened without malice or temper. We spent all free time with each other – reading, watching TV, TV series or simply playing games on our phones! We made it a point to order takeout from local favorite restaurants, walk more, exercise, and supported local businesses and charities. Never have I felt more thankful and grateful for all that we have.
I changed jobs because K nagged me into it – I have never been more grateful to the man for pushing me into my current workplace.
I’m thankful to all my previous colleagues (who are now friends I can’t do without!), and my current team. I have taken days off just by saying – “I don’t think I can put on my best face and work today” and my manager has been more than understanding! (Touchwood!)
It’s the year that has cemented friendships with like-minded people and also the year that has shown me how selfish some people are. I’m grateful for 2020 for showing me the true colors of a few so-called friends and for bringing the much-needed distance.
It’s also been that year where I questioned – “Do I really have good friends who will ask me how I am even if I don’t ask that question first?” I think I ranted in front of Leo and him being the sweetheart has made it a point to ask me once every few days how I’m doing!
This year saw me be more introspective, more in touch with my feelings. It’s been a year where I’ve been kinder and also saw me drawing boundaries and standing firm in what I believe.

What a year its been! It’s the year where K has worked harder than ever with plenty of continuous late nights.. a year of dreams being fulfilled with his new and shiny MacBook Pro! 😀 He’s cooked more this year and it’s been the year of him taking charge of our health, workouts, and exercises. The year we bought a treadmill and we’re grateful that we have the space to actually have a treadmill!

The only thing that might change tomorrow morning is what time we wake up and as the days pass with the new everyday, when we look back along the year, everything would’ve changed!
After all, “Change is the only constant”

Here’s wishing you all a Happy, Safe, and Healthy 2021! ❤ I hope you all stay corona-free and healthy and your mental and physical health remains well as we get through the worst of the pandemic!

What’s happening!

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Here’s a snippet of what’s happening at the Pixie+K household!

It’s been a dream… A dream nurtured and stroked for almost 10 years! The sigh of desire every time it came up… Every time we talked about it, the practical reasoning of budgets and plans came up.
Every single time I brought it up, there was a long sigh, a dream in his eyes, a wistful look and then straightened shoulders with a shake of his head. He said “no” every single time I have brought it up in the past… But, I guess he underestimated his wife’s stubbornness to grant his every wish… finally, he said yes! And what a triumph it was for me! With a glitter in my eyes, chin held high, I clicked before he changed his mind again! Since the day it arrived, he’s been excited! The glitter and utter joy in his eyes refuses to abate!
The man, ladies and gentlemen, is now a proud owner of the latest MacBook Pro! 😁

It’s been a long 2 weeks – work has been hectic and there have been a lot of changes as well. Do I like the changes? I’m not too sure, yet. I did know they were inevitable. So, that’s happening on the work front.
Home-front – I haven’t stepped out to go anywhere! Groceries were shopped online, walking has been done on the treadmill and my books/social media/K have been my companions. I’ve also been encouraged to write poetry for a book group I’m part of – it feels like they have more confidence in my poetry writing skills than I do! LOL!
A friend of mine graduated this past weekend (online!) and it brought back memories of my graduation 3 years ago. I am so proud of her! I can’t wait to see what adventures she has next and all the amazing things waiting to happen! My favorite graduation moment – when the chancellor leaned across as I stepped on the stage and said “nice shoes”!! 😀 😀 😀 I remember picking up my degree with a skip in my step and a twinkle in my eye! I couldn’t wait for what was next and what a ride it’s been! Whew! 😀
This change in jobs hasn’t given me friendships that might last (except one guy and he is an amazing person and very kind and helpful). I miss my friends from my previous job. I miss the laughter, the walks with my intern to get smoothies and coffee. Conversations and the inane giggling! The lunch at the corner Mediterranean place (The hummus was to die for!)

I think I’ve mentioned before December is such a lovely month. Twinkling lights, snow, the spirit of Christmas, the kindness of friends and strangers. Christmas is around the corner and so is the new year – 2021. What a monumental year this has been. Tumultuous, crazy, unpredictable and underneath all this, friendships have been forged. Friendships that will last a lifetime! 🙂

Fiction Monday – 22: Coffee

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I’m so rusty when it comes to writing! So, I’m taking all the help I can get including this really awesome Fiction prompt on Vinitha’s blog. This week’s prompt:

coffee and book on comfortable bed
Photo by Daniela Constantini on Pexels.com

More than the coffee, he worried about his Moka pot. He took great pains to keep it clean and dry before brewing his next cup. It was perfect for just one person, him. He spent the first 20 minutes of his morning, perfecting his coffee, it had to be at the right temperature, and the right beans. There was no compromise with his morning coffee and that’s why he didn’t understand his mother. He didn’t understand why his mother disapproved of it or why she insisted on getting her coffee at the corner bakery. He had been there and the smell of the beans had not been superior. He knew that those roasted beans could not compare to his very own blend.
Today, he was determined to brew her the perfect cup, so he set everything up on a wooden tray and used his mother’s favorite mug. He carried it in to her room and placed it on her bed next to her open, but unread book. And then, just as he called out to her, he saw her hurrying out the door. He followed her, the first time he had ever done so and watched as his mother step into the bakery. He rushed to talk to her before she went in and was only puzzled to find the door locked and the bakery dark. He pressed his nose against the cold window, hoping for a glimpse of his mother and as he stood there watching, his life changed before his very eyes and he wondered vaguely whether he should now try to convince two people to drink the coffee he made every morning or whether he should get a bigger pot…

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HOPE

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My dear friend G wrote these lines as her Facebook post and it stuck a chord and I couldn’t help but write 3
different scenarios all with the underlying message of HOPE. Let me know what you think okay?
(I took G’s permission before posting her words here)

Late last night, I stood by my living room window, and gazed outside. A light from a house was visible through the trees, and it warmed my heart.
I was reminded of the tale from Birbal about the man standing in the cold lake, warmed by a light that shone from yonder!
Precisely at that very moment, I heard the horn of a train and I thought, if I were to be asked to name two things that symbolise HOPE for me, it would have to be these two~ a light from a window of a home, late at night, and the sound of a train’s horn!
“Why those two? “I then asked myself~ and I think it is perhaps, because it meant I could still see and hear~ (how much we take for granted those two faculties of ours!)
It also meant that someone somewhere was up reading or writing, or perhaps keeping watch over a child or an aging parent.
It meant, that there was perhaps atleast one traveler, and the train driver going home after a long day.
And for those brief moments, an interconnectedness came over me, from the light from a stranger’s home, to the sound of the train cutting through the stillness of the night and me! I suppose that is what this Pandemic has taught us to continue to hope, and that interconnectedness has nothing to do with physical presence!

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The day was done and kitchen cleaned. She leaned back and stood in the blessed quiet, sipping her chamomile tea before going up to say good night to the kids. Her eyes invariable looked for the light across the woods and like clockwork, it switched on. She stood with her tea mug slightly raised in toast to another mother.

He loved coming downstairs at the end of the day and loved looking at the kitchen across the street. He pretended for just one minute that there was similar chaos and love in his house too. He stood watching until the light flickered off before dousing his own kitchen light and went back upstairs to care for his dying wife.

She loved this part of her train ride. As the engine master, she loved every aspect of her job. This lonely stretch was usually dotted with 2 lights. She loved blasting the horn to let unknown people who kept their kitchen lights burning for her. As she chugged along, her eyes drew to the picture of her beautiful daughter. She fingered the new pair of earrings she had for her child and couldn’t wait to see her. As she turned the corner, the lights went out and she looked ahead to reuniting with her family after 2 weeks on the tracks.