Blessed to be a Blessing

It’s interesting how my actual B’day is quite close to my spiritual B’day. It’s been 24 years of time spent on planet earth and 10 of which I was walking with Christ. Was just reading one of Steven Furtick’s posts about moving ministries and was really reminded of how important it is for one to check his heart.

Quoting him:
I don’t know how many years you’ve been in ministry. And I don’t care. I don’t know what moved you in the early days of your ministry. And I don’t care. Whoever you are and whatever got you into this, you’ve got to make sure as you get more mature in the ministry that you’re moved by the right things.

Shall spend this blessed B’day with God doing some stock taking of my heart. 🙂

Proverbs 4:23
“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.”

Recently a lot has been going on and haven’t been able to rest properly since the past week. It has kinda led to an accumulative bomb of distasteful things happening to my body that really doesn’t benefit one bit to every other part of my life… Now I’m just gonna try and ensure I have ample rest and take greater precautions to my health and diet. What an intriguing statement coming from a post at such an hour. Lol.

Well, Will Schuester of Glee feels better when he watches “Singing in the rain”. Maybe I’ll feel better watching this.

VERSE 1:
On that day when I see
All that You have for me
When I see You face to face
There surrounded by Your grace
All my fears swept away
In the light of Your embrace
Where Your love is all I need
And forever I am free

PRE CHORUS 1:
Where the streets are made of gold
In Your presence healed and whole
Let the songs of heaven
Rise to You alone

CHORUS:
No weeping no hurt or pain
No suffering You hold me now
You hold me now
No darkness no sick or lame
No hiding You hold me now
You hold me now

VERSE 2:
In this life I will stand
Through my joy and my pain
Knowing there’s a greater day
There’s a hope that never fails
Where Your Name is lifted high
And forever praises rise
For the glory of Your Name
I’m believing for the day

PRE CHORUS 2:
Where the wars and violence cease
All creation lives in peace
Let the songs of heaven
Rise to You alone

BRIDGE:
For eternity
All my heart will give
All the glory to Your Name

The power of love. The power of forgiveness. The freedom from this power, this I yearn.

Today really felt like a test that God had specially put in place for me. Things simply didn’t go the way I had planned and hoped for it to be. And it’s in more ways than one, such that eventually it led to much discontentment that was hidden and blurred behind spiritual excuses such as having an armour-bearing spirit and so on. The root of it all was simply that I didn’t have things going MY way and I do recognize more and more how silly and childish I can get when things don’t go my way. Though I speak of persuasive words that makes sense, deep down inside I know what self-righteousness, what pride and what insecurity I have that was hidden behind that mask of spirituality.

Felt that in the end I did pass His test somehow but with much help granted from Him. God knows what I need to help me bring my focus back unto Him and I thank Him for all the lovely people He sent to talk with me, leading me to confess my faith in Him. In the end, the last conversation I had was really a blast. I felt like rather than myself sharing for the person to learn, I was shepherding and counseling myself. One of those moments when I managed to turn emo-moments to teaching moments for myself. Yay! 🙂

Shall continue to grow and I hope I do, coz I do foresee more of such insecure and self-righteous moments.

2 Timothy 1:7
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.

Holding on to Him – onward!

Praying for my mid-terms later and tomorrow!

Today’s devotion is a rather interesting one, I must say. It is, perhaps, only normal for people to seek to be significant. In fact, we all have a need to be needed. When such significance is taken away from us, we can easily feel worthless, unnecessary, insignificant; that we do not belong here and we are not needed (buzz off!). And that feeling really really isn’t something pleasant.

This is perhaps one of the many insecurity traps in which “do-ers” can fall into. We do a lot of things (from helping others to simply making an impact) and it makes us feel good that we are needed, we are useful, we are necessary, we are SIGNIFICANT! And it’s not just anyone, but to the people who matter to them.

Reflecting this upon myself, I know that there is much within me that needs to be worked on in my heart (Psalm 139:23-24) and it is always easy to say “God is all that matters!” when sometimes people you care about see very little of you (Sometimes I even get jealous of God, seriously. Lol!) BUT BUT BUT, I shall anchor myself deeper into His Word with each passing moment knowing that I have always been significant in His sight even before my birth; from the point when I first came into His very thoughts. 🙂

And of course, knowing that, I know God will send to me people who will love me and care for me for who I am. 🙂

Had one of the weirdest dreams that really made my heart wrench and almost cry. Hai… It was weird. But nonetheless it still scares me and reveals my own insecurity…

Had a long day. And it was so farny when I mentioned this to a particular person, the person responded by asking me how was it a long day while taking the newspaper from my hands…

Well, anyway, I woke up at 5 plus in the morning to reply C’s msg (out of the blue like what the heck. I know.) and then ended up waking at 7:30am to have breakfast and do some preparations for follow-up and type my LG meet plan. Then rushed down to hall (bumped into A.) before my morning lesson. Ran an errand for pherd at ulu pandang area. Rushed down for follow-up at SMU. Met sheep at City Hall. Went home to dump my stuff while finishing up my LG meet plan. Hitched a ride with B. to D’s party and back. And finally home.

I can’t believe I summarized it in a paragraph. Well, that was about it. But I must say, I didn’t plan for so many things… Makes me wonder how it became like this. Lol. Nonetheless, I thank the Lord that His hand was in every event, every step of the way. 🙂

Been feeling very sleepy recently and I know that God gives sleep to those He loves but makes me wonder where did all that sleep go… Okok. It’s not like I sleep a lot either… If my sheep reads this, he’ll probably whack me.

Praying for a few things, including my own breakthroughs and the breakthroughs of others in some areas. Tomorrow’s the prayer “meat” so… a good time to activate audacious faith of prayer. 🙂

Shall begin my day soon. Nitez world! 🙂

Psalm 23:1
¹ The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

Flee negative thoughts, pursue the things of God!