evil sil | Waiting No More

Confession (not a bfp announcement I swear)

Posted on December 4, 2009 by Amanda

I had to add the no-bfp to the title because I’ve seen posts on other blogs that start out similar to that and then announce someone starting their second trimester. Yeah, don’t want to do that to anyone. Now on to my confession.

I. Feel. No. Pity. For. Her. None at all. Not one single iota. Who am I talking about? Evil SIL.

It turns out that doctors are really wrong about Evil SIL. They told her ages ago that she would never have children. She now as one that she constantly neglects. She’s had a minimum of 2 miscarriages. She has also now had her second ectopic pregnancy. I felt badly for her with her other losses, but with this most recent one I have no pity whatsoever.

My Mom called me to let me know that I needed to pray for Evil SIL because she was in the hospital. My mind jumped to OMG-is-she-about-to-die? Since I’m confessing here I’ll admit that I was hopeful this was what was happening. I’m sure that makes me a horrible person, but this thing my brother calls his wife is a miserable excuse for a human being and not even remotely an excuse for a wife or mother. Aaaaanyway…back to the story. My Mom then explained that she was having an ectopic pregnancy and was being rushed into surgery to have it removed.

I did pray for Evil SIL. So did my Mom and Sister. We all prayed that she came out of the surgery OK and that the doctors found the need to remove both tubes.

I DO feel sorry for my Mom, though. This is another grandchild that she will never get to hold. That breaks my heart. Even though she shares my feelings in regards to Evil SIL she would have loved that baby just as much as she does her other grandchildren. As a matter of fact, she would have had a very close relationship with her because she would be taking care of her at least every other weekend like she does my nephew (Evil SIL’s son).

So there. I got it off of my chest. My brother and his wife are both losers to the Nth degree and I feel no pity for them that this pregnancy was not successful. I pray that this little life will be born to amazing parents that truly want her and will love her like she deserves to be loved!

ps I wouldn’t have actually wished this on her, but I have wished sterility on her and continue to.

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Don’t pee on the snowman!!! (with added note)

Posted on November 26, 2007 by Amanda

So who all thinks I’m tempting fate by putting anything white and absorbent beneath my toilet bowl? Yeah…

Mr. W should be home in a few days…guess I’ll have to scotch guard it before then. Snicker.

*************************************************************

On the TTC front:

CD 29 is an hour away from being out the door. No AF, yet. She’s been sending her wicked sister (spotting), but not even enough of that to make me sure I’ll start tomorrow. The whole Cross-country-migration-conception plan won’t really work if CD1 doesn’t get it’s ass in gear and show up. If CD1 starts tomorrow and I ovulate on CD15 then I’ll be flying home on my second day of peak fertility. If CD1 doesn’t start tomorrow or I ovulate on CD16 or later…

I went to church. Shock! Gasp! I know. I went back to the same church that has the pastor that spoke in tongues; the same church with the pastors wife that blindsided me with late condolences. I had a good conversation at God while I was driving to church. I let him know, in no uncertain terms, that I had to have a pretty direct message if he wanted me to come back to this church ever again. Minutes later, as I sat squirming in the seat, the days sermon title popped up on the screen, “Why Attend?” OK. I got it! Point taken. I asked for direct and boy I sure got it! So I will be going back. I also spoke with the pastor afterwards and he alluded to the BCMEP so I brought it up for him. He gave me his condolences and then proceeded immediately to let me know he wanted to do something for me before Mr. W and I start TTC again. He told me that he wanted the church to especially pray for me at a service. After explaining it would have to be this coming Sunday if he wanted to beat the TTC re-kick-off, it was set. He asked me to start some faith-talking/praying. (I think it’s a good idea, and I’ll post more on this later.) So this coming Sunday I will have a congregation of about 20 – 30 people praying and thanking God for a successful pregnancy for me and Mr. W. I’ve got so much more to say on this subject, but I’ll leave it alone for right now.

I spoke to my brother today and he told me that evil SIL passed the “fetus” yesterday. I thought she was 4 weeks pregnant? This is where my ignorance about pregnancy shows…at 4 weeks can you distinguish it? (no answer is really necessary…i’m just effed up at the thought right now)

Maybe once I get my head a little settled and I can focus a little better I’ll get back to commenting. Maybe I’ll get back to blogging in some sort of coherent manner, too. I miss Mr. W.

***Added Note***

I even took an HPT this morning in the hopes that it would bring AF. I’m guessing you can’t fool those suckers, though. They seem to only bring AF when there’s an actual hope that a positive is an option. I guess the damned test knew that any swimmers that entered my body were kept from coming into actual contact with my cervix…much less any possible eggs. (on another side not…those dollar store tests are so much fun with their little droppers and all!!! and I’m being serious, here. I felt like a little kid with a baking-soda and vinegar volcano kit!!!)

Filed under: Christmas 2007, evil sil, random, spiritual, the plan, twin brother | Tagged: Christmas 2007, evil sil, random, spiritual, the plan, twin brother | 10 Comments »

Thank you and No Thank you

Posted on November 23, 2007 by Amanda

Yeah, Thanksgiving just wasn’t what it usually is, yesterday. I wasn’t very thankful. I’ll try to keep this in proportion, though.

Things I was not thankful for

Mr. W is out of town. (military life. yay.)
My sister let the cat out of the bag that evil SIL got another BFP
My sister also let it out of the bag that evil SIL’s beta has already begun to drop
My brother was supposed to tell me all of this the day before
My mom told me that evil SIL’s beta was already down from 5 to 3 and my only comment was, “She’s not pregnant, then. How did they even consider this viable?”

So yeah, I really miss Mr. W. This is the first holiday that we’ve been apart. I knew it was something that would eventually happen. I’m not even really complaining, I’m just down about it, right now. And he’ll be back soon. I’m lucky that he’s not one of the guys that gets sent places for months at a time.

My sister felt horrible for telling me about evil SIL. She assumed that since I had spoken to my brother, that he had actually told me. Especially since the rest of my family told him that he really needed to do it before Thanksgiving (given that I’m an emotional basket case, right). She really was afraid that it ruined my day. She didn’t know I’d already spent part of the morning crying for no reason other than the fact that I was feeling sorry for myself.

Any why couldn’t my brother tell me? Who knows. I’ve given up on wondering why my brother does (or does not do) the things he does. I love him and accept him as he is. It would be nice if he would step up to the plate once in a while, though.

Seriously? That’s the comment I had? Am I that big of a bitch, now? Wow! I really have to work on that one. I do feel sorry for evil SIL. Really I do. And I’m sure her beta had to be above 5 for the docs to say she was pregnant. (now I really don’t understand why they would give her another blood test if her beta was already down to 5…that’s considered negative.) My brother told my mom that they were going to “get a shot that wouldn’t let this happen again). I can only assume that this means she’s going to start getting a birth control shot. So be it. I’ve previously stated that I really don’t think she should procreate anymore than she already has.

Things I am thankful for

My sister lives across town from me (this is not our hometown) and welcomes me into her home anytime. She is there for me.
My parents drove down to spend Thanksgiving with me and my sister.
Mr. W called me the day before Thanksgiving just to wish me a happy Thanksgiving.
My brother is “up to the plate” and is there for evil SIL in what I know is a difficult time (even for an evil person)
It’s the day after Thanksgiving and I can start putting up Christmas decorations!

So now I’ve got to jump into the shower so I can head over to the sister’s house. I’m going to make dinner for the parents, sis, bil, the angelic niece, and the heathen nephews! Yummy!

Hopefully I’ll get home in time to do some more cleaning around the house so I can have my tree up tomorrow. My parents are coming over for dinner and I’d like to have, at least, the inside of the house decorated. Does crab and corn bisque go with Christmas decor? Haha!

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Just one of those things

Posted on September 7, 2007 by Amanda

So I finally had one of those reactions. All my IF friends know what I’m talking about. The life-isn’t-fair-why-is-it-easy-for-them-kicking-screaming-crying moment.

My mom called today to let me know that my evil SIL was going to the hospital in the morning. “She didn’t know” that she was pregnant and only found out because of some serious abdominal pain that sent her to the hospital. A urine test showed positive for pregnancy, but the US showed nothing in the right places. So now they think it’s ectopic. She has to go in the morning to have “uterus scrapings” and to see if it’s in her tubes. If so they’ll have to remove it.

I cried. And cried. And I’m ready to cry right now. I’m an evil horrible insensitive bitch…but why can she and my loser brother have babies without even trying and I cannot!!??!!??!!?? Now my logical side kicked in as soon as the words were out, but the thought and feeling are still there.

This is the conversation between brain and heart:

Brain: “Now Amanda…Poor SIL is not having a baby. She is going through a tough time. She is losing a baby. You know you feel badly for her.”
Heart: “Bitch”
Brain: “How would you feel if it were you. And remember, you love your brother. Even if you don’t give a crap about SIL, you know he’s heartbroken”
Heart: “They both suck as parents. They already have one neglected child that they weren’t trying for 9 years ago”
Brain: “Didn’t Mom tell you that SIL was told she could never have kids. Don’t you realize that puts you and her in the same boat. Didn’t you hear that SIL and brother wanted another child.”
Heart: “They are crap! They don’t deserve the child that they have! They didn’t want the child that they have! And she got knocked up on accident both times!!! Why can worthless people get knocked up on accident and so many who are so worth it and so want it can’t even pay for it!?!?!?! Why!?!?!?! Where is the fairness in this!?!?!?! When is it my turn? When is it her turn? Or her turn? Or her turn? When???!!! Why do we have to go through so many invasive-unnatural things to even come close to obtaining our goals!?!?!?! WHY WHEN WHY WHEN” trail off into random tears at this point

Brain: “Grow up. Life isn’t fair. And what are you complaining about! You haven’t done IUI or IVF or even had an HSG, yet!”
Heart: “AF is 3 or less days away. 2 1/2 years of accidents waiting to happen and they haven’t. A few months of POAS to see if the elusive O is happening. Knowing that a phone call to move on to the next step is days away. And don’t forget about the past. Don’t forget about trying years ago. Don’t forget about the “chemical pregnancy” the “early-term miscarriage”. DON’T FORGET!” trail off into more tears

Brain: “Get over it.”
Heart: “Fuck you.”

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