Things are going well.
The scale has moved a little more. Yay!I've worked out every day but since a week ago Thursday. Yay! I decided not to be afraid of food, of carbs, of eating out. Tonight we went to Perkins and I had PANCAKES. Heaven forbid. I checked their website first to get calories, and had two eggs and pancakes. It was difficult to estimate the amount of syrup, so I went very light.
When I got home and had a chance to digest, I did two more workouts. This morning I hit the gym and rode the bike, tonight I did a FIRM and a Cathe workout.
I'm feeling empowered.
Sometimes you just have to fake it until you make it. And I faked happy and, well, I'm feeling a lot happier. Not where I want to be, but a few weeks ago I was at rock bottom. So, I'm thrilled with my progress.
My feet are better. I've been wearing my yoga toes and the tendon pain that runs from the "ring finger" toe (LOL, lack of the proper term, but I thought that was funny!) is getting MUCH better. Right now I just have light plantar fasciitis in my left foot, tendon pain in each foot and neuropathy. But it's better.
Tonight I did a very short and easy step aerobics video. My feet are fine. Tomorrow I'm going to do a beginner Cathe high step video. My fitness videos make me happy.
I'm feeling good. I'm doing better. I faked it until I found my groove. A good friend helped me, but told me that I inspired myself and that she had nothing to do with it. Maybe, but sometimes you just need someone to listen, care and take the time to talk things through.
This same friend told me tonight that now that I'm on a roll, I need to stay consistent. I know first hand that consistency is the key. I will make it so.
It was an awesome day, and physically I feel terrific. Now, let's get that fat off!!!
11.22.2014
11.20.2014
Weigh-in Day
I used to do weigh-in days on Mondays. Why is Monday so important? I got my groove back last Thursday, so I decided from here on out, Thursdays would be my new weigh-in day.
And here it is:
I lost nine pounds this week. Yup, that's a 9.
I know, much is water, but not all. I can feel the reduction in the belly. I also know that I'll be back to much lower from here on out, but...
DAYUM, nine pounds!!!!!!!
Happy girl this morning!
And now........to the gym!!!
And here it is:
I lost nine pounds this week. Yup, that's a 9.
I know, much is water, but not all. I can feel the reduction in the belly. I also know that I'll be back to much lower from here on out, but...
DAYUM, nine pounds!!!!!!!
Happy girl this morning!
And now........to the gym!!!
11.19.2014
Wednesday 11-19-2014
Today was a rest day. My legs were absolutely fried. I did paperwork and worked on my office. I got a lot done, but I did not have a high step count. I rested.
If I have learned anything on this journey, it's that I need to rest when my body tells me to. I do not want any further injuries. It's important, as the body has to regenerate and recover.
BUT, rest is over, tomorrow it's back at it.
Today I consumed 1382 calories and did a Cathe yoga workout.
It was a good day. I was not weepy, I practiced being "in the now." It was productive.
I laughed a little, talked on the phone with two friends, and enjoyed my son and doggies.
I'll take it, with a smile on my face.
If I have learned anything on this journey, it's that I need to rest when my body tells me to. I do not want any further injuries. It's important, as the body has to regenerate and recover.
BUT, rest is over, tomorrow it's back at it.
Today I consumed 1382 calories and did a Cathe yoga workout.
It was a good day. I was not weepy, I practiced being "in the now." It was productive.
I laughed a little, talked on the phone with two friends, and enjoyed my son and doggies.
I'll take it, with a smile on my face.
11.18.2014
Facing Myself
One night not long ago, I skimmed through my blog. I did not like what I saw. Depressed. Depressed. Depressed. Ad nauseam. I'm tired of that. Really tired of it.
I took a break from the internet for awhile. I can usually be seen on my wall on Facebook nightly, but I just stopped. It was liberating. Time to think, and wow, did I ever. I also visited with a very good friend who is super fit and dedicated.
My thinking is ALL SCREWED UP. I have been obsessing about being fat. Guess what happened? The more I obsessed, the more I gained. I took all my frustrations out on my body by overeating, by stressing, by wishing I was back to my lowest weight, by blaming myself, by hating myself, by wishing life was different.
My reality: I do not like my life circumstances right now. There is not a single thing I can do about it. So I can either cry, whine, stuff my emotions with food, or I can get my shit together and be proactive.
I recently went to a very small workshop on self-esteem. I stayed in a motel with an awesome gym. I worked out every day I was there. It was amazing. I felt proud, I felt good, and I felt empowered. Three days in a row on a bike.
I got home Sunday night, and Monday morning I was at the gym. I did a workout yesterday morning and yesterday evening I did a fitness DVD. Today I was back at the gym.
I am exhausted, I have DOMs in my legs, and tomorrow shall be a rest day. However, I worked out five days in a row. It's been a long time.
My friend that I visited with said something very powerful to me.
This was probably THE most powerful thing I have ever read. Ever, ever, ever.
I was there once. I was doing the kettlebell thing, I was doing the C25K, I ran three 5K's and boom, my feet went bad to worse to hell. And my life fell apart.
If I was once 282.5 pounds, and I was, there had to be something wrong with my thinking, my mindset. If I was once in the 170s and gained back 60 pounds, there was and is something wrong with my thinking and mindset. I think I just figured a part of it out.
Life is hard, there are ups and downs, and things don't go the way we want. Yet, life is beautiful. We meet wonderful people, see wonderful things, and have wonderful experiences.
Quit dwelling. It's not as easy as saying, "Be positive!" Because I have said that to myself and had many people say that to me multiple times. That just makes it worse. Right now, it's a DIG DEEP feeling.
I'll be honest, I hurt. I hurt bad. I have a lot of heartaches that I won't share with anyone, but I just hurt. So what. Monday at the gym I cried during the entirety of my workout. I wept. I wept when I got home. I wept off and on all day. It was triggered during the workout, but continued. Today I was better, but tonight it was back. So what. I think the emotions are just surfacing because I do not share all my heartaches with anyone. They're working their way out.
So I can choose to be depressed and hurt and sad and do nothing, or do what I've done, by overeating and not working out. My feet hurt all the time, I'm limited in what I can do now. That sucks. I can stay the course and be even more miserable.
OR I can push through the pain. I can let the tears flow, I can get my ass to the gym every day, push play on my DVD player, and count my calories. My heart will hurt either way, but I truly believe that the hurt will be less the more disciplined I become.
Being proactive produces results. It's just like a workout, like pushups. Maybe you can't do a pushup on your toes and think you'll die trying. But if you keep trying, eventually you can do them. I had worked up to doing 15 pushups on my toes without trying very hard a couple years ago. Had I put effort into it, I could have done more. The thing is, if I just focus on this discipline, I will get stronger.
A strong body leads to a strong mind. It leads to confidence, self-esteem,and a sense of wholeness.
So the reality is that my life totally sucks. So what. I choose to choose the discipline of fitness despite it all. I choose not to obsess about the scale, about weight, about being fat and ugly and all that negativity. Right now, I choose to go to the gym and do my DVDs. I choose to make this my lifestyle.
I've always said that it is important to make small goals, I call "I can do it" items. Well, this is it. I can do it. Then once it becomes habit, you move on.
Right now, I choose fitness. I choose to be honest and face myself. I fessed up to my weight last Thursday. (I've lost since then, but I only update my weight once a week on the blog.)
I choose LIFE. I haven't been living, and now I choose to live to the fullest. As hard as it has been and will be, I choose to just push through it.
I took a break from the internet for awhile. I can usually be seen on my wall on Facebook nightly, but I just stopped. It was liberating. Time to think, and wow, did I ever. I also visited with a very good friend who is super fit and dedicated.
My thinking is ALL SCREWED UP. I have been obsessing about being fat. Guess what happened? The more I obsessed, the more I gained. I took all my frustrations out on my body by overeating, by stressing, by wishing I was back to my lowest weight, by blaming myself, by hating myself, by wishing life was different.
My reality: I do not like my life circumstances right now. There is not a single thing I can do about it. So I can either cry, whine, stuff my emotions with food, or I can get my shit together and be proactive.
I recently went to a very small workshop on self-esteem. I stayed in a motel with an awesome gym. I worked out every day I was there. It was amazing. I felt proud, I felt good, and I felt empowered. Three days in a row on a bike.
I got home Sunday night, and Monday morning I was at the gym. I did a workout yesterday morning and yesterday evening I did a fitness DVD. Today I was back at the gym.
I am exhausted, I have DOMs in my legs, and tomorrow shall be a rest day. However, I worked out five days in a row. It's been a long time.
My friend that I visited with said something very powerful to me.
Physical fitness is a discipline. It is not about weight loss or who can bench press the most; it is about an entire lifestyle. Strength and the loss of weight come with it. It is just a natural thing.
This was probably THE most powerful thing I have ever read. Ever, ever, ever.
I was there once. I was doing the kettlebell thing, I was doing the C25K, I ran three 5K's and boom, my feet went bad to worse to hell. And my life fell apart.
If I was once 282.5 pounds, and I was, there had to be something wrong with my thinking, my mindset. If I was once in the 170s and gained back 60 pounds, there was and is something wrong with my thinking and mindset. I think I just figured a part of it out.
Life is hard, there are ups and downs, and things don't go the way we want. Yet, life is beautiful. We meet wonderful people, see wonderful things, and have wonderful experiences.
Quit dwelling. It's not as easy as saying, "Be positive!" Because I have said that to myself and had many people say that to me multiple times. That just makes it worse. Right now, it's a DIG DEEP feeling.
I'll be honest, I hurt. I hurt bad. I have a lot of heartaches that I won't share with anyone, but I just hurt. So what. Monday at the gym I cried during the entirety of my workout. I wept. I wept when I got home. I wept off and on all day. It was triggered during the workout, but continued. Today I was better, but tonight it was back. So what. I think the emotions are just surfacing because I do not share all my heartaches with anyone. They're working their way out.
So I can choose to be depressed and hurt and sad and do nothing, or do what I've done, by overeating and not working out. My feet hurt all the time, I'm limited in what I can do now. That sucks. I can stay the course and be even more miserable.
OR I can push through the pain. I can let the tears flow, I can get my ass to the gym every day, push play on my DVD player, and count my calories. My heart will hurt either way, but I truly believe that the hurt will be less the more disciplined I become.
Being proactive produces results. It's just like a workout, like pushups. Maybe you can't do a pushup on your toes and think you'll die trying. But if you keep trying, eventually you can do them. I had worked up to doing 15 pushups on my toes without trying very hard a couple years ago. Had I put effort into it, I could have done more. The thing is, if I just focus on this discipline, I will get stronger.
A strong body leads to a strong mind. It leads to confidence, self-esteem,and a sense of wholeness.
So the reality is that my life totally sucks. So what. I choose to choose the discipline of fitness despite it all. I choose not to obsess about the scale, about weight, about being fat and ugly and all that negativity. Right now, I choose to go to the gym and do my DVDs. I choose to make this my lifestyle.
I've always said that it is important to make small goals, I call "I can do it" items. Well, this is it. I can do it. Then once it becomes habit, you move on.
Right now, I choose fitness. I choose to be honest and face myself. I fessed up to my weight last Thursday. (I've lost since then, but I only update my weight once a week on the blog.)
I choose LIFE. I haven't been living, and now I choose to live to the fullest. As hard as it has been and will be, I choose to just push through it.
9.06.2014
A HaPpY Update!
I have been on program, eating within calorie range for 13 days now. I'm losing fat, my body is changing.
I've been okay with exercise--I've skipped the last three days due to schedule and nerves. (When I get stressed, my body revolts.)
It's so awesome when you NOTICE the change. I'm still over 200 pounds, but I can tell where I'm losing. I can see it, feel it, and appreciate it in the way my clothing fits.
I have not cheated once on my food. I have been meticulous about food prep. It's done, ready for the week--or days I'm out of the house.
This is a huge plus to my self-esteem, my depression, and my overall well-being.
I made a chart in July with each weight, pound by pound, down to my goal weight. It is SO MUCH FUN to make a big, fat X when I leave a number behind!
Two steps forward!!!
I've been okay with exercise--I've skipped the last three days due to schedule and nerves. (When I get stressed, my body revolts.)
It's so awesome when you NOTICE the change. I'm still over 200 pounds, but I can tell where I'm losing. I can see it, feel it, and appreciate it in the way my clothing fits.
I have not cheated once on my food. I have been meticulous about food prep. It's done, ready for the week--or days I'm out of the house.
This is a huge plus to my self-esteem, my depression, and my overall well-being.
I made a chart in July with each weight, pound by pound, down to my goal weight. It is SO MUCH FUN to make a big, fat X when I leave a number behind!
Two steps forward!!!
9.01.2014
I Can Do This
My battle with mood continues, but I shall win the fight. I've been reading a lot of bedtime books. Freebies from Amazon, stories about weight-loss success! Most are "junky" but yet they still are telling their story, and it's always inspiring to read success stories. I also actually coughed up the dough and bought a book. One of the Biggest Loser winners, Believe it, Be It. It was good--okay.
The thing about reading these books is it plants the seed in your mind. I, myself, have been a weight-loss success story. I *know* what it feels like. I *know* for me, it's all mental.
And guess what--the last eight days I have been perfectly on plan, ate within my self-designated calorie range, and added consistent movement.
Goodbye, three and a half pounds of fat!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm feeling it. So many times I had the opportunity to cheat, go over calories and indulge. I made the conscious choice to not. It tasted better to not eat. The pride swelled at night when I would go over my calorie diary knowing I nailed it.
That, my friends, is victory.
Even better, this was an extremely stressful week. I started school again, and was traveling daily, had to pack my food, plan meticulously. Learning my new schedule, work load, etc., was stressful--but I prevailed.
I was GENTLE on myself. I quit beating up on myself. I told myself that I should just do my best and not expect perfection. I told myself to take it easy on exercise: BE CONSISTENT, but not expect to go all out.
Consistency is the absolute KEY. This plan worked. This week, I will add even more movement.
The great thing about all this: my confidence soared this morning when I reviewed my week. That is exactly what I needed!!!
Gentle steps, consistency, and forward progress. We ALL can do this!!! Go, go, go!
The thing about reading these books is it plants the seed in your mind. I, myself, have been a weight-loss success story. I *know* what it feels like. I *know* for me, it's all mental.
And guess what--the last eight days I have been perfectly on plan, ate within my self-designated calorie range, and added consistent movement.
Goodbye, three and a half pounds of fat!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm feeling it. So many times I had the opportunity to cheat, go over calories and indulge. I made the conscious choice to not. It tasted better to not eat. The pride swelled at night when I would go over my calorie diary knowing I nailed it.
That, my friends, is victory.
Even better, this was an extremely stressful week. I started school again, and was traveling daily, had to pack my food, plan meticulously. Learning my new schedule, work load, etc., was stressful--but I prevailed.
I was GENTLE on myself. I quit beating up on myself. I told myself that I should just do my best and not expect perfection. I told myself to take it easy on exercise: BE CONSISTENT, but not expect to go all out.
Consistency is the absolute KEY. This plan worked. This week, I will add even more movement.
The great thing about all this: my confidence soared this morning when I reviewed my week. That is exactly what I needed!!!
Gentle steps, consistency, and forward progress. We ALL can do this!!! Go, go, go!
8.18.2014
Well, That's Depressing
I was looking for something on my blog the other night and I ran into post after post after post about DEPRESSION. A topic that is in the news right now due to the tragic suicide of Robin Williams. His death made me stop social media for a few days, because I found it overwhelmingly depressing.
I don't want to be depressed. Many people are, and no one else wants to be, either. I read a book recently that said it's very easy to stay in that depressed rut because it's comfortable. I didn't like that. Is that me? Perhaps. Maybe not.
If you are depressed, see a doctor. Because I am neither a physician nor a professional, I must put that caveat in. I have learned that besides, or in addition to, prescription medication, there are two things that can help relieve depression with about the same success rate as medication. Also, I read that if 50% of your symptoms dissipate while on medication, that is considered a cure! 50%! Not very good.
The first thing to do is exercise. It produces all those feel-good hormones and brain chemicals. It's SO difficult to exercise when you are depressed, but it makes you feel better. Last night I was very down and did not work out. However, my son and I went for a drive and we ended up parking the car and walked for 45 minutes. I felt so much better. It was night and day difference.
Secondly, meditation. It is proven to help with depression, stress, and life in general. It's hard to learn to do, and I'm working diligently on it. I found a free How To Meditate series, courtesy of the author Sara L. Stein. Go here for a free download. I practiced this "release" meditation tonight for five minutes. I set the timer on my phone, and was surprised at how quickly the time passed. It helped a great deal and the tension was gone from my body.
I know my biggest struggle in life is that I do not handle stress well, I have depression, and self-esteem/body confidence issues. This can all be overcome. I believe that with all my heart.
Right now I am going through a very tough time. Personal matters, a new semester in school is about to start, and other things that I cannot mention are hanging over my head. It does not have to weigh me down. It does not have to bring me down. Stay the course, take breathers, when my thinking gets to stinking, I just need to bring myself into check.
My eating has not been good at all. I've been craving and consuming carbs and milk. I learned that is a natural response to try to get more serotonin. Tomorrow, first thing, it's off to the grocery store to make sure I have adequate protein, veggies and healthier good carbs. Tomorrow I will also get a good workout in. A walk is good, but I can do better. And I will.
There will be no loss on the scale tomorrow. That's okay, because tomorrow is one day. There will be in the future.
I don't want to be depressed. Many people are, and no one else wants to be, either. I read a book recently that said it's very easy to stay in that depressed rut because it's comfortable. I didn't like that. Is that me? Perhaps. Maybe not.
If you are depressed, see a doctor. Because I am neither a physician nor a professional, I must put that caveat in. I have learned that besides, or in addition to, prescription medication, there are two things that can help relieve depression with about the same success rate as medication. Also, I read that if 50% of your symptoms dissipate while on medication, that is considered a cure! 50%! Not very good.
The first thing to do is exercise. It produces all those feel-good hormones and brain chemicals. It's SO difficult to exercise when you are depressed, but it makes you feel better. Last night I was very down and did not work out. However, my son and I went for a drive and we ended up parking the car and walked for 45 minutes. I felt so much better. It was night and day difference.
Secondly, meditation. It is proven to help with depression, stress, and life in general. It's hard to learn to do, and I'm working diligently on it. I found a free How To Meditate series, courtesy of the author Sara L. Stein. Go here for a free download. I practiced this "release" meditation tonight for five minutes. I set the timer on my phone, and was surprised at how quickly the time passed. It helped a great deal and the tension was gone from my body.
I know my biggest struggle in life is that I do not handle stress well, I have depression, and self-esteem/body confidence issues. This can all be overcome. I believe that with all my heart.
Right now I am going through a very tough time. Personal matters, a new semester in school is about to start, and other things that I cannot mention are hanging over my head. It does not have to weigh me down. It does not have to bring me down. Stay the course, take breathers, when my thinking gets to stinking, I just need to bring myself into check.
My eating has not been good at all. I've been craving and consuming carbs and milk. I learned that is a natural response to try to get more serotonin. Tomorrow, first thing, it's off to the grocery store to make sure I have adequate protein, veggies and healthier good carbs. Tomorrow I will also get a good workout in. A walk is good, but I can do better. And I will.
There will be no loss on the scale tomorrow. That's okay, because tomorrow is one day. There will be in the future.
8.12.2014
Food for Thought
I am reading a book that I really enjoy. It by "a fat" psychiatrist. I have highlighted so much on my Kindle, it's amazing. These passages stood out to me. I look in the mirror with disgust. That's really stupid, isn't it. This book is slow reading for me because I put it down and think and think about what she has written. I'm sure that would make her happy.
"Obese people have become enemies to their bodies. They view their bodies as traitors, ugly horrible things that have failed them."
"Your body is not your enemy; it hasn't sabotaged your pleasure. It doesn't deserve your hate. You pour toxic poisonous food into it and your body works endlessly to clean it out. And to heal. And when you do it again, your body starts the whole process over. Your body never says to you, 'I hate what you're feeding me, I hate you.' Instead, your body says, 'I will make energy from what you have given me. I will move you closer to whatever you desire with the energy I make. I will gulp bad air and poisonous food and I will sit in one position even though it causes me pain, if that is what you want me to do. I am here to serve you. I am your best and oldest friend in this lifetime. I know you when you are tired, and sad, and when you hate me, I will still take what you give me and make energy for you. I love you. I forgive you, I'm sorry if what I do is not enough. Thank you for being one with me.'"
~Sara L. Stein, Obese from the Heart: A Fat Psychiatrist Discloses
"Obese people have become enemies to their bodies. They view their bodies as traitors, ugly horrible things that have failed them."
"Your body is not your enemy; it hasn't sabotaged your pleasure. It doesn't deserve your hate. You pour toxic poisonous food into it and your body works endlessly to clean it out. And to heal. And when you do it again, your body starts the whole process over. Your body never says to you, 'I hate what you're feeding me, I hate you.' Instead, your body says, 'I will make energy from what you have given me. I will move you closer to whatever you desire with the energy I make. I will gulp bad air and poisonous food and I will sit in one position even though it causes me pain, if that is what you want me to do. I am here to serve you. I am your best and oldest friend in this lifetime. I know you when you are tired, and sad, and when you hate me, I will still take what you give me and make energy for you. I love you. I forgive you, I'm sorry if what I do is not enough. Thank you for being one with me.'"
~Sara L. Stein, Obese from the Heart: A Fat Psychiatrist Discloses
7.31.2014
Deep Thoughts
Oh, yes, my humor shines through...Deep Thoughts with Stuart Smalley. Ahem.
I had a down day today. I chose a cheat meal tonight. That's okay, because I have planned on that--life happens. That way I don't go crazy when I crave something, I plan it. However, I had a down day and didn't work out.
I called a friend and talked over an hour. She mentioned it, and I had to agree. I am very lonely. I know a lot of people in my town, but I have no friends here. Those that I did have moved away. Summer is difficult because I'm not on campus and around people. Isolation sucks. It does not help the ongoing depression.
My friend that I visited with worked with me. She saw me around people, she got to know me very well. She has since moved across the country, so I'm thankful we have phones! She said I was very likable and a people person. That sounded so odd to me as I just have not clicked here. I have lived here for 17 years!!!
That's okay. I think tomorrow I will force myself out. I will go to the gym just to be around people. That helps. I might dig through my change jar and go for a cup of coffee and take a book. Just getting out does so much.
Stagnating in my home does no good. It's an excuse, and it fans the depression. Getting out, getting new energy, sights, sounds and smells--maybe smiles is a good way to conquer it. Being active is as well.
So tomorrow, hitting it hard. Forcing myself. NO EXCUSES
7.29.2014
Goals
For me, goal setting is very important. When starting out at 282.5 pounds, losing ALL that weight was overwhelming and seemingly impossible. So I made a bunch of goals. There is a page somewhere on my blog with my former goals.
When I sat down to plan my re-start, I made new goals. This morning I hit my first mini-goal. Feeling pretty awesome.
I have also made a completion date. I never gave myself an "I will be done by" date. I think that was a missing element. So the date is set, and I have a countdown ticker on my phone and I know how many days I have got to kick some fat.
Within that allotted time, I plan to lose 70 pounds to finally hit goal weight. I have never been firm about my goal weight, but now I am. When I did the math to figure out how much I have to lose each month until I get to that date, I was surprised. It's not the 10 pounds per month that this perfectionist always tried to get. It's half that.
When I realized my goal is to lose 5-6 pounds a month, a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. That just seems easier to obtain. It gives room for life. I like it.
Time to kick some fat!!
When I sat down to plan my re-start, I made new goals. This morning I hit my first mini-goal. Feeling pretty awesome.
I have also made a completion date. I never gave myself an "I will be done by" date. I think that was a missing element. So the date is set, and I have a countdown ticker on my phone and I know how many days I have got to kick some fat.
Within that allotted time, I plan to lose 70 pounds to finally hit goal weight. I have never been firm about my goal weight, but now I am. When I did the math to figure out how much I have to lose each month until I get to that date, I was surprised. It's not the 10 pounds per month that this perfectionist always tried to get. It's half that.
When I realized my goal is to lose 5-6 pounds a month, a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. That just seems easier to obtain. It gives room for life. I like it.
Time to kick some fat!!
7.21.2014
Food Scale
In the blink of an eye today, my food scale died. I bought it less than a year ago. Boom, dead. As I measured out my lunch, I could barely see the numbers. Then I went to tare it and it turned off. Put new batteries in, nothing.
Panic!!! I cannot live without a food scale. So to Amazon I went (small-town living, I searched last fall and only found junk here). I do not care about looks, I do not care about anything but accuracy. And my scale was the most accurate food scale I had ever owned. Ever. And I've owned a few in my day.
I ordered the same, damned scale. Horror. Please work this time. THIS time I will save the receipt/info and if it dies again, the company will get a letter from me! Right now, though, I need accuracy.
I am down a half pound this morning. Yay! I'm shrinking, but it was nice to see the scale move. Let's hope BOTH continue.
Tonight I am a little panicked about eating. I will measure the old-fashioned way with measuring spoons. It is not nearly as accurate--for me. It is what it is.
LET NOTHING STAND IN THE WAY!!!
Panic!!! I cannot live without a food scale. So to Amazon I went (small-town living, I searched last fall and only found junk here). I do not care about looks, I do not care about anything but accuracy. And my scale was the most accurate food scale I had ever owned. Ever. And I've owned a few in my day.
I ordered the same, damned scale. Horror. Please work this time. THIS time I will save the receipt/info and if it dies again, the company will get a letter from me! Right now, though, I need accuracy.
I am down a half pound this morning. Yay! I'm shrinking, but it was nice to see the scale move. Let's hope BOTH continue.
Tonight I am a little panicked about eating. I will measure the old-fashioned way with measuring spoons. It is not nearly as accurate--for me. It is what it is.
LET NOTHING STAND IN THE WAY!!!
Calorie Burns
I keep looking back to the period of time when I lost over 40 pounds in only four months. I worked my tail off. Looking at my Fitbit records, I averaged above 40,000 steps a day and 3,000 or above for a calorie burn.
There's no way I can move that much now. First, I don't have time. Second, I have issues with my feet. Third, I don't have the energy! So the task at hand is to work out smart.
This coming week is the week of experimenting. I have a list of workouts in DVD that I will do and check calorie burns. Ranging from Ilaria, Cathe and even Christi Taylor, I will do them and log the burns. Then, I will log burns on my treadmill. I have interval and endurance programs I can do on it. Also will check my burns for kettlebells and weight training both at the gym and at home. I will do Alwyn Cosgrove's progression of 15 kettlebell swings then 15 burpees, then 14, then 13 down to one. That's supposed to be a great burner. I will modify the burpees and do them on a chair or lower stool, though. I hate burpees, but no matter.
I will find what works. I will make this happen.
I am not showing a loss from last week on my scale. However, this morning I put on a pair of shorts that I bought at the beginning of the summer that were tight. I can put both arms down the sides now. They are just TOO BIG! WOO-HOO. I have been told I'm gaining muscle, losing fat the body is changing, even though the scale isn't. Thing is, I want it both. I want the muscle gain and the scale lower. It will come.
This is a process. I have to have the patience of Job to get through this and figure it out. If my feet weren't wonky, it would be easy. Instead, I must deal with the given circumstances.
I have a plan, and will stick to it.
Eating has been great. I'm "in the groove" with that very well.
It's all good. I LOVED those loose jean shorts. Last week my capris were falling so much I kept pulling them up. YES!!!
Moving forward, the week of tons of hard work and lots of experimenting is about to commence!
There's no way I can move that much now. First, I don't have time. Second, I have issues with my feet. Third, I don't have the energy! So the task at hand is to work out smart.
This coming week is the week of experimenting. I have a list of workouts in DVD that I will do and check calorie burns. Ranging from Ilaria, Cathe and even Christi Taylor, I will do them and log the burns. Then, I will log burns on my treadmill. I have interval and endurance programs I can do on it. Also will check my burns for kettlebells and weight training both at the gym and at home. I will do Alwyn Cosgrove's progression of 15 kettlebell swings then 15 burpees, then 14, then 13 down to one. That's supposed to be a great burner. I will modify the burpees and do them on a chair or lower stool, though. I hate burpees, but no matter.
I will find what works. I will make this happen.
I am not showing a loss from last week on my scale. However, this morning I put on a pair of shorts that I bought at the beginning of the summer that were tight. I can put both arms down the sides now. They are just TOO BIG! WOO-HOO. I have been told I'm gaining muscle, losing fat the body is changing, even though the scale isn't. Thing is, I want it both. I want the muscle gain and the scale lower. It will come.
This is a process. I have to have the patience of Job to get through this and figure it out. If my feet weren't wonky, it would be easy. Instead, I must deal with the given circumstances.
I have a plan, and will stick to it.
Eating has been great. I'm "in the groove" with that very well.
It's all good. I LOVED those loose jean shorts. Last week my capris were falling so much I kept pulling them up. YES!!!
Moving forward, the week of tons of hard work and lots of experimenting is about to commence!
7.14.2014
Never Give Up
It seems the older I get, the slower the weight comes off.
That's okay. Not how anyone wants it, we all want it off yesterday, but steady progress in the right direction is okay. My favorite quote of all time:
Down 1.5 for a total of 9.5 since my restart.
I think back to the time, not so long ago, that I lost over 40 pounds in four months. I walked daily, a lot. I averaged above 40,000 steps a day. I cannot replicate that today due to the problems with my feet and time. I knew then that I had the luxury of time which most do not. According to my fitbit, I averaged over 3,000 calories burnt daily. I have not hit that yet since my restart. I am continuously looking at ways to improve my calorie burn. I've been averaging 2400-2600. Amazing, that 500+/- makes a huge difference. I am so limited due to my foot issues, but that is no excuse to give up.
The bike I love at my gym I can no longer use. It hurts my tailbone terribly. Last night I rode my real bike, outside. It never hurts my tailbone, but I do not enjoy riding in traffic at all. Nor big hills. I am wondering if a trainer and indoor usage would be a good solution. Perhaps for winter. Ellipticals hurt my knees and feet, both. The recumbent bikes hurt my feet terribly. So it's slow walking at an incline and the bike at my school gym. Sad, it's an hour away and I don't get to use it daily.
I broke down and did a Richard Simmons video yesterday just for fun. Love the music and energy, but alas the beginner-level workouts that he produces are just not enough for me to get a big calorie burn. My heart rate only averaged 114. That is not good enough. It is not productive use of my time.
So, never give up--will continue to look for my sweet spot. It's all going in the right direction, just tweaking along the way!
That's okay. Not how anyone wants it, we all want it off yesterday, but steady progress in the right direction is okay. My favorite quote of all time:
Don't let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use. ~Earl NightingaleIt all adds up.
Down 1.5 for a total of 9.5 since my restart.
I think back to the time, not so long ago, that I lost over 40 pounds in four months. I walked daily, a lot. I averaged above 40,000 steps a day. I cannot replicate that today due to the problems with my feet and time. I knew then that I had the luxury of time which most do not. According to my fitbit, I averaged over 3,000 calories burnt daily. I have not hit that yet since my restart. I am continuously looking at ways to improve my calorie burn. I've been averaging 2400-2600. Amazing, that 500+/- makes a huge difference. I am so limited due to my foot issues, but that is no excuse to give up.
The bike I love at my gym I can no longer use. It hurts my tailbone terribly. Last night I rode my real bike, outside. It never hurts my tailbone, but I do not enjoy riding in traffic at all. Nor big hills. I am wondering if a trainer and indoor usage would be a good solution. Perhaps for winter. Ellipticals hurt my knees and feet, both. The recumbent bikes hurt my feet terribly. So it's slow walking at an incline and the bike at my school gym. Sad, it's an hour away and I don't get to use it daily.
I broke down and did a Richard Simmons video yesterday just for fun. Love the music and energy, but alas the beginner-level workouts that he produces are just not enough for me to get a big calorie burn. My heart rate only averaged 114. That is not good enough. It is not productive use of my time.
So, never give up--will continue to look for my sweet spot. It's all going in the right direction, just tweaking along the way!
7.07.2014
Just One Pound?
Yes, just one pound! That's how much I lost this week. Same as last week. Since my re-start, I've lost a total of 8. When you think about ONE pound, it doesn't seem like much! They add up, though! I'm three pounds from my first mini-goal.
One pound is always a good thing and a step in the right direction.
I am happy!
One pound is always a good thing and a step in the right direction.
I am happy!
6.27.2014
49
Today is my 49th birthday. My, how time flies. I was asked what I wanted for my birthday, I shared what i wanted, and told to order it. My Champion EZ Barbell arrived and I love it! I also got a kettlebell DVD which is on its way and lifting straps. It's a fitness birthday.
I could go to a nice restaurant for dinner, but instead, much to the family's dismay, I chose Subway. I can count my calories, get some veggies, and get full. No chance of messing up there. I may get an ice cream cone at McDonald's for 150 calories. Or not. I need to check their website, it's been awhile.
My birthday gift to myself was the best: On plan. I've been on plan, working out, counting calories, not dinking around, since June 17. Ten days now. You have to love yourself, and that was the best thing I could do for myself. I have lost pounds, my body is changing, my legs are screaming at me LOL. Yup, that is the best gift.
6.25.2014
YES!!!
I am really psyched this morning. I have lost 6 pounds since June 17. While technically some of it has to be water, I KNOW it's not all water. My body is changing. My core has changed. The fat is loose. My belly button has changed shape. The consistency of the fat is completely different than when I started.
My hard work is working.
I struggle with the foot pain still, I have extensor tendonitis, peroneal tendonitis and the neuropathy left. They say for foot problems to ride a bike. Some days the foot pain on the bike is worse than walking--so I get off the bike and walk on the treadmill. Much better. Adapt and overcome. I refuse to let anything stand in my way.
I got new shoes which helped on the bike.
I have worked my way up to 70 minutes straight cardio. I do steady state. I have ready every study out there, I know they all hate steady state. However, it works FOR ME. That's not to say I never do interval training--I do with kettlebells. But every single day I do 70 minutes of steady state. I do some form of weights daily. Yesterday I trained my back. Today I will train chest. I also do kettlebells.
I will also be adding in one of my beloved videos daily. Class FIRMs, Kick Butt and FitPrime all three by Anna Benson and can be found at Fitness Favorites, plus some Ellen Barrett for the yummy, stretchy feel good stuff.
I am happy. I'm in the groove. I don't know if blogging was the key to getting me going or what. I'm on a roll. My calories have been perfect.
When you do the work, it works. That's the easy part, the hard part is the mental work.
Live in the moment. Don't look forward to what will happen, enjoy the NOW. I'm working a meditation program as well, and that is changing my perspective on LIFE.
It's all good!!!!
My hard work is working.
I struggle with the foot pain still, I have extensor tendonitis, peroneal tendonitis and the neuropathy left. They say for foot problems to ride a bike. Some days the foot pain on the bike is worse than walking--so I get off the bike and walk on the treadmill. Much better. Adapt and overcome. I refuse to let anything stand in my way.
I got new shoes which helped on the bike.
I have worked my way up to 70 minutes straight cardio. I do steady state. I have ready every study out there, I know they all hate steady state. However, it works FOR ME. That's not to say I never do interval training--I do with kettlebells. But every single day I do 70 minutes of steady state. I do some form of weights daily. Yesterday I trained my back. Today I will train chest. I also do kettlebells.
I will also be adding in one of my beloved videos daily. Class FIRMs, Kick Butt and FitPrime all three by Anna Benson and can be found at Fitness Favorites, plus some Ellen Barrett for the yummy, stretchy feel good stuff.
I am happy. I'm in the groove. I don't know if blogging was the key to getting me going or what. I'm on a roll. My calories have been perfect.
When you do the work, it works. That's the easy part, the hard part is the mental work.
Live in the moment. Don't look forward to what will happen, enjoy the NOW. I'm working a meditation program as well, and that is changing my perspective on LIFE.
It's all good!!!!
6.20.2014
The day I last entered a blog post was a bad day for me. Something happened that shook me to my core. I am still not recovered from it, and I don't think I ever will be. However, it was the impetus to start something new...
I started researching meditation. I need to relax. My stress was sky-high after that day. I've started a program I found on cassette at the library by Jon Kabat-Zinn. He runs some big stress-reduction clinic through an east coast university. Or something like that. I really like it. I've only listened to the first few cassettes, but have already been putting the breathing techniques to work.
Someday I will conquer the demons in my mind.
Yesterday, for the first time in nearly two years, I walked a 5K. I was thrilled. That night I did a kettlebell workout. Today depression hit me hard and I was weepy all day long. I have to beat this.
Tomorrow, the plan is to get to the gym in the morning. That is the best anti-depressant there is--for me.
Yesterday and today my calories have been spot on.
Bad things will happen in life. None of us can avoid them. I personally need to learn to not let them consume me. That is when I get all messed up.
Moving forward.
A quote that helps tremendously:
"You have made some mistakes and you may not be where you want to be, but that has nothing to do with your future." Zig Zigar
"
I started researching meditation. I need to relax. My stress was sky-high after that day. I've started a program I found on cassette at the library by Jon Kabat-Zinn. He runs some big stress-reduction clinic through an east coast university. Or something like that. I really like it. I've only listened to the first few cassettes, but have already been putting the breathing techniques to work.
Someday I will conquer the demons in my mind.
Yesterday, for the first time in nearly two years, I walked a 5K. I was thrilled. That night I did a kettlebell workout. Today depression hit me hard and I was weepy all day long. I have to beat this.
Tomorrow, the plan is to get to the gym in the morning. That is the best anti-depressant there is--for me.
Yesterday and today my calories have been spot on.
Bad things will happen in life. None of us can avoid them. I personally need to learn to not let them consume me. That is when I get all messed up.
Moving forward.
A quote that helps tremendously:
"You have made some mistakes and you may not be where you want to be, but that has nothing to do with your future." Zig Zigar
"
6.02.2014
Building Momentum
As days go on, I am building up my momentum.
Things are becoming more consistent, more regular, more routine. My stomach is aware it is empty at the same time daily, my body craves movement when I typically move out, and I'm settling in well.
Mentally, I am facing ups and downs from people I don't even know, but I'm holding strong.
I make mistakes, I am human and subject to err. I don't have to be perfect.
I'd say things are going very well.
I'm pleased.
Consistency is the key.
Things are becoming more consistent, more regular, more routine. My stomach is aware it is empty at the same time daily, my body craves movement when I typically move out, and I'm settling in well.
Mentally, I am facing ups and downs from people I don't even know, but I'm holding strong.
I make mistakes, I am human and subject to err. I don't have to be perfect.
I'd say things are going very well.
I'm pleased.
Consistency is the key.
5.29.2014
Better Day
I felt so much better today. That is cause for celebration.
Tonight I hit the gym and did 25 minutes on the spin bike and some weights. I came home and did a kettlebell workout. Nothing like a really good workout to make the endorphins talk to you.
Calories at 1620 for the day.
It was a good day. Tomorrow I will have another good day.
Tonight I hit the gym and did 25 minutes on the spin bike and some weights. I came home and did a kettlebell workout. Nothing like a really good workout to make the endorphins talk to you.
Calories at 1620 for the day.
It was a good day. Tomorrow I will have another good day.
Thrift Store
I buy 99.999% of my pants at a thrift store. I get to wear jeans all the time, so it works easily. I like Levi's, and I scour thrift stores for them. Not so good at finding Levi's capris for the summer, though.
I bought a few pair of capris for the summer, but they were a touch too big. Today I put on my capris and could stand it no longer, they were much bigger and I had to pull them up continuously. So off to the thrift store. I found the next size down, tried them on, and they fit.
I came home and compared them to the current size of a clean pair. Much smaller. So I'm shrinking, because they were wearable until this morning. The scale does not compare with the size, but I'm going with it. The whole point is regardless of the size sewn in, physically they are smaller. And they fit.
Score.
Keep on keeping on!
I bought a few pair of capris for the summer, but they were a touch too big. Today I put on my capris and could stand it no longer, they were much bigger and I had to pull them up continuously. So off to the thrift store. I found the next size down, tried them on, and they fit.
I came home and compared them to the current size of a clean pair. Much smaller. So I'm shrinking, because they were wearable until this morning. The scale does not compare with the size, but I'm going with it. The whole point is regardless of the size sewn in, physically they are smaller. And they fit.
Score.
Keep on keeping on!
Perfection
More on perfection today.
I am a perfectionist. That is not a good thing. I am working on lightening up.
My eating was not on par today at all. I ate things I shouldn't have and too many calories. I was thinking about my blog tonight as I ran to Walmart for some groceries. When I started eons ago, I ate crap. I ate mac and cheese, processed foods, no vegetables...but I lost weight. I lost and as time progressed, I got better.
So here's my epiphany. I have always held that it is not good to throw everything out of your cupboards and fridge when starting a "diet." Moderation. Well, when you start, the thing is to start. So you weigh out your potato chips, count the calories. It's not healthy, but it works. For Pete's sake, no one can be perfect. And once we get some confidence built up, a few pounds gone, it makes it so much easier to ease into healthier eating. All of a sudden those potato chips don't taste as good, the craving is gone.
And that is how to be. Gentle. Easy on your soul. Nourishing to your soul. This is a big, huge endeavor and all or nothing thinking (cleaning out the kitchen and expecting yourself to be a completely clean eater) is not going to work. Gentle, step by step, and then one day you realize how healthful your dietary intake is.
That is my plan.
Either that or the Twinkie diet, but I really don't like diets. And yes, that Twinkie diet actually did work It's all about caloric deficit, however you choose to eat. We cannot hold ourselves to perfection, we will fail because none of us is perfect. Nor do we have to be.
Tomorrow, everything will be weighed, I will eat within calories, and not worry about perfection. And at the end of the day when I hit my target, I will be one step up that staircase to success.
I am a perfectionist. That is not a good thing. I am working on lightening up.
My eating was not on par today at all. I ate things I shouldn't have and too many calories. I was thinking about my blog tonight as I ran to Walmart for some groceries. When I started eons ago, I ate crap. I ate mac and cheese, processed foods, no vegetables...but I lost weight. I lost and as time progressed, I got better.
So here's my epiphany. I have always held that it is not good to throw everything out of your cupboards and fridge when starting a "diet." Moderation. Well, when you start, the thing is to start. So you weigh out your potato chips, count the calories. It's not healthy, but it works. For Pete's sake, no one can be perfect. And once we get some confidence built up, a few pounds gone, it makes it so much easier to ease into healthier eating. All of a sudden those potato chips don't taste as good, the craving is gone.
And that is how to be. Gentle. Easy on your soul. Nourishing to your soul. This is a big, huge endeavor and all or nothing thinking (cleaning out the kitchen and expecting yourself to be a completely clean eater) is not going to work. Gentle, step by step, and then one day you realize how healthful your dietary intake is.
That is my plan.
Either that or the Twinkie diet, but I really don't like diets. And yes, that Twinkie diet actually did work It's all about caloric deficit, however you choose to eat. We cannot hold ourselves to perfection, we will fail because none of us is perfect. Nor do we have to be.
Tomorrow, everything will be weighed, I will eat within calories, and not worry about perfection. And at the end of the day when I hit my target, I will be one step up that staircase to success.
5.28.2014
Well,...
No workout today. :( It was planned, my friend and I were on our way to the gym, but stopped by a professor's office and ended up talking almost an hour. I had a meeting to go to after that and didn't have enough time to work out and get cleaned up. By the time I got home, I was exhausted.
Excuses, excuses, excuses. Sometimes life gets in the way.
ugh
Another crazy day with my depression. I have the Kindle App on my phone and when I really struggle, I open up a book about changing negative thinking. That small thing really helps, even when it's hard for me to read.
Mind over matter. Exercise is the BEST cure for depression. I have read study after study about this. I'm not beating myself up over this, because the social interaction that took the place of my workout today was priceless and truly lifted my spirits.
Sometimes what we need comes to us, even when we have other plans.
It's all good.
Life is not perfect. I am not perfect, nor do I have to be. The point is the overall picture, not the nitty gritty details. It's cumulative, and consistency is imperative, but sometimes things get in the way. That's okay. Getting out of all or nothing thinking is a good thing.
Excuses, excuses, excuses. Sometimes life gets in the way.
ugh
Another crazy day with my depression. I have the Kindle App on my phone and when I really struggle, I open up a book about changing negative thinking. That small thing really helps, even when it's hard for me to read.
Mind over matter. Exercise is the BEST cure for depression. I have read study after study about this. I'm not beating myself up over this, because the social interaction that took the place of my workout today was priceless and truly lifted my spirits.
Sometimes what we need comes to us, even when we have other plans.
It's all good.
Life is not perfect. I am not perfect, nor do I have to be. The point is the overall picture, not the nitty gritty details. It's cumulative, and consistency is imperative, but sometimes things get in the way. That's okay. Getting out of all or nothing thinking is a good thing.
5.26.2014
My New Gym Bag
I tried. Oh, how I tried. I wanted another gym bag to keep in my car for when I work out at school, an hour from where I live. My bag doesn't fit in the locker very well. So I thought a backpack would work better--and I still think that. However, I found one on clearance and DH agreed to buy it. $22. Well, it's too small. My stuff, including a workout outfit, shoes, towel, heart rate monitor, arm band, and my workout log just barely fit. Barely. I didn't get the toiletries in there. Yet. That thing is stuffed.
He won't be happy, so I'll just keep it to myself. Maybe the back to school sales will have a deal? Or not, backpacks are expensive. So are gym bags.
And so it goes. All ready to hit the gym tomorrow and have my friend force me to do flutter kicks, push ups, planks and crunches. Those are my favorite things! (NOT!!!)
Another thing I'd really like to do is hit my chain gym in that town. They have a step mill and I still haven't tried that. The weight room at school is very cool but full of young studly guys, and my friend doesn't want to do weights. I think I just need to walk through it, maybe with my video camera going, and map out what's there and try it someday.
I like working out. It gives me a high unlike everything else. I like the school because the bike saddles are very comfortable. My gym's saddles hurt my tail bone. With my wonky feet, biking is all that I do. I need to become friends with the Concept2 Rower. Someday. Rome wasn't built in a day.
Right now the most important thing is consistency, getting in my groove, and doing. I need to add kettlebells back in, and push harder with the weight training--but one step at a time.
Every day, getting stronger and better. It will all come together!
He won't be happy, so I'll just keep it to myself. Maybe the back to school sales will have a deal? Or not, backpacks are expensive. So are gym bags.
And so it goes. All ready to hit the gym tomorrow and have my friend force me to do flutter kicks, push ups, planks and crunches. Those are my favorite things! (NOT!!!)
Another thing I'd really like to do is hit my chain gym in that town. They have a step mill and I still haven't tried that. The weight room at school is very cool but full of young studly guys, and my friend doesn't want to do weights. I think I just need to walk through it, maybe with my video camera going, and map out what's there and try it someday.
I like working out. It gives me a high unlike everything else. I like the school because the bike saddles are very comfortable. My gym's saddles hurt my tail bone. With my wonky feet, biking is all that I do. I need to become friends with the Concept2 Rower. Someday. Rome wasn't built in a day.
Right now the most important thing is consistency, getting in my groove, and doing. I need to add kettlebells back in, and push harder with the weight training--but one step at a time.
Every day, getting stronger and better. It will all come together!
Thank You and Good News
Thank you all for the lovely, supportive comments. I've been forcing myself to blog, just to get in the habit, I guess. I've always said if you surround yourself with that which you would like to become, you will. And I have been hanging with wonderful people, but those people do not have the same health/fitness goals that I do. So I need balance, I need to be around the amazing people that are on the same quest. I am humbled that you all remember me and are taking the time to comment. It is greatly appreciated.
Now the good news, I'm down two pounds!!!
And I fully expect to be down again next week. Gee, that's the only time it's good to be "down." LOL
I guess for the next couple weeks the best goal for me to have is get into good habits and routines. Prioritize my life, put myself first even though I have school--my health is most important.
It's all good.
Crush it!!!
Now the good news, I'm down two pounds!!!
And I fully expect to be down again next week. Gee, that's the only time it's good to be "down." LOL
I guess for the next couple weeks the best goal for me to have is get into good habits and routines. Prioritize my life, put myself first even though I have school--my health is most important.
It's all good.
Crush it!!!
5.25.2014
May 24, 2014
Today was better. No workout, but we weren't home most the day. My son wanted to try Chipotle, so we all drove to the big city and had some (900 calories of burrito heaven that sufficed as lunch and dinner!!!), we walked until I about dropped.
Hubby bought me a new pair of shoes. He walked by and said, "Those are you." And they are, I'm very patriotic, and it's red, white and blue--stars and stripes. These are my new gym shoes. Since I don't treadmill or do any cardio on my feet, these will work just fine. I do love them!
I have a date with myself for the gym tomorrow, my goals set for the day, and I even ran to the good grocery store before it closed tonight to buy my protein for the week. They are closed on Sundays and they'll be closed this Monday, too. So I planned ahead for that. Tomorrow is training day, homework and food prep.
Hubby bought me a new pair of shoes. He walked by and said, "Those are you." And they are, I'm very patriotic, and it's red, white and blue--stars and stripes. These are my new gym shoes. Since I don't treadmill or do any cardio on my feet, these will work just fine. I do love them!
I got to thinking about friendships today as we were driving back. Twice this week I've reached out to good friends to share my woes and ask for advice. Twice I've been let down with not only their responses, but the way they responded. I am usually the type to stay quiet, not complaining too much to *most* (not all) people and I've found when I need help, they don't like it. I find it amazing, because they can complain about something as minor as a hang nail as if it's the end of the world. Yet something so troubling to me, I'm not only blown off, but told to get a hold of myself--or worse.
One of the friendships, I decided was important enough to talk it through--and we did. The other? I just decided to let it go, back off. I care, I always will, but at this stage in life, I need to care about me more. If I ask for help and get yelled at, that's just not a good thing. I wouldn't do that to a friend, ever. And so it goes.
This morning before we left, I spent a couple hours de-stressing, watching You Tube fitness videos and reading my weight lifting books. My stress melted away. Getting out of the house helped a lot, too. I think I have a fresh, new perspective and am ready to face things head on.
I have a date with myself for the gym tomorrow, my goals set for the day, and I even ran to the good grocery store before it closed tonight to buy my protein for the week. They are closed on Sundays and they'll be closed this Monday, too. So I planned ahead for that. Tomorrow is training day, homework and food prep.
It's all good.
Never, ever give up.
5.23.2014
Today?
Epic fail.
That's all I got.
Weekends are not good for me, highly stressful. Will give it all I got to get through it.
Lots of pain in legs and feet. I'm so tired of it, not willing to accept it, but I need to. It has not gotten better, only worse. Two years now. It is what it is.
Onward and upward.
That's all I got.
Weekends are not good for me, highly stressful. Will give it all I got to get through it.
Lots of pain in legs and feet. I'm so tired of it, not willing to accept it, but I need to. It has not gotten better, only worse. Two years now. It is what it is.
Onward and upward.
5.22.2014
A Better Day
.
Today was better. That's good.
I met my friend at the school gym. I actually got there before he did, and I hopped on the bike. I put in 35 minutes on the bike, rode just shy of 9 miles, had an excellent calorie burn. Then the drill sergeant made me do planks, crunches, push-ups, and flutter kicks.
Flutter kicks will be the death of me.
I muttered profanity a few times, then went beyond muttering to just outright blurting it out. =)
I also kept saying this: I will get better.
Tonight I went for a half hour walk. I logged just shy of 15,000 steps. Had a great calorie burn for the day.
Food was interesting. I had 360 calories for breakfast and didn't eat until after 3. I went to Chipotle, and figured my meal was 900 calories. That's a lot. However, it was so filling that I didn't eat dinner. I did eat a snack and came in at 1460 calories for the day.
Attitude was better, although not perfect. I'm not perfect nor do I have to be.
Two steps forward!
Today was better. That's good.
I met my friend at the school gym. I actually got there before he did, and I hopped on the bike. I put in 35 minutes on the bike, rode just shy of 9 miles, had an excellent calorie burn. Then the drill sergeant made me do planks, crunches, push-ups, and flutter kicks.
Flutter kicks will be the death of me.
I muttered profanity a few times, then went beyond muttering to just outright blurting it out. =)
I also kept saying this: I will get better.
Tonight I went for a half hour walk. I logged just shy of 15,000 steps. Had a great calorie burn for the day.
Food was interesting. I had 360 calories for breakfast and didn't eat until after 3. I went to Chipotle, and figured my meal was 900 calories. That's a lot. However, it was so filling that I didn't eat dinner. I did eat a snack and came in at 1460 calories for the day.
Attitude was better, although not perfect. I'm not perfect nor do I have to be.
Two steps forward!
5.21.2014
So today, Wednesday, was a day of depression. I stayed in bed most of the day. Zero energy, extremely negative thoughts that I couldn't shake. I was so excited for my internship so that I could be in an office around people only to learn I don't go to the office, I do all my work on my own. I even bought new shirts. Frankly, I was devastated. I crave being around more people in a setting other than a classroom. I miss working for that very reason.
So tonight I bought yet another book not on depression, but on changing our thinking patterns, reprogramming our brain. It's the negative self-thoughts that are doing me under. I need to do some things:
1. Develop a routine
2. Set some goals
3. Try something new
Other things, that I am already working on.
My something new: I found a class for Buddhist meditation. I just need to get the specific info on how much and when, and do it. I'm not a Buddhist, but I think the principles of meditation would be highly beneficial. I have tons of goals, and I need to make a routine for the days I don't travel.
Sounds easy enough.
And I have to work on those negative thoughts.
One final comment. I have depression. It his highly stigmatized. Here's the deal: You wouldn't make fun of someone with cancer or tell them to pull themselves up by the bootstraps or get over it, so please remember that those who have depression deserve that same respect. It boils down to being a brain chemistry problem. I am fighting hard at curing this, and am well on my way. In reality, you also wouldn't make fun of someone who has obesity or morbid obesity--that is mostly a mental issue as well. So be kind, stop and think before casting judgment.
So tonight I bought yet another book not on depression, but on changing our thinking patterns, reprogramming our brain. It's the negative self-thoughts that are doing me under. I need to do some things:
1. Develop a routine
2. Set some goals
3. Try something new
Other things, that I am already working on.
My something new: I found a class for Buddhist meditation. I just need to get the specific info on how much and when, and do it. I'm not a Buddhist, but I think the principles of meditation would be highly beneficial. I have tons of goals, and I need to make a routine for the days I don't travel.
Sounds easy enough.
And I have to work on those negative thoughts.
One final comment. I have depression. It his highly stigmatized. Here's the deal: You wouldn't make fun of someone with cancer or tell them to pull themselves up by the bootstraps or get over it, so please remember that those who have depression deserve that same respect. It boils down to being a brain chemistry problem. I am fighting hard at curing this, and am well on my way. In reality, you also wouldn't make fun of someone who has obesity or morbid obesity--that is mostly a mental issue as well. So be kind, stop and think before casting judgment.
Fair?
Today I was reminded that life is not fair. It never has been, nor will it ever be. While that's not ideal, it's okay because it is what it is. I had a struggle with something, but talked it out with several friends. In the end, my soul is uncomfortable with what I have to do yet I am going for a piece of paper, and I must jump through the hoops. We chose our battles in life, and this isn't one worth fighting.
What is worth fighting for is health. Today after a stressful morning, a friend and I hit the gym at school. I had been there but never worked out there. The horror of dressing in a dressing room hit. I was the only one in there, until I wasn't. My pants were off, so very exposed, and in she walked. I quickly put on my capris. I was so uncomfortable that I didn't not change into my sports bra, but did put on my big, baggy t-shirt. I don't wear baggy t-shirts to my gym, but felt the need to hide at the school with all the young, beautiful bodies.
I decided to be proactive. I started talking to her. I showed her my feet and joked about my hideous attempt at a spray tan. It is funny, I look like an orange zebra. She laughed, and was very nice. We talked a bit about the gym, working out, and then we both went our way.
It wasn't that bad after all. You just need to get over your own insecurities. People generally are only concerned about themselves, and that's an important lesson to remember. It was a nice encounter.
My friend is in the Armed Forces. He works out differently than I do. I did 20 minutes of cardio, less than what I normally do. I did the bikes, while he ran on the treadmill. We were across the gym from one another. After, he told me something that shocked me. He said it was very noticeable that I was working out much harder than the other women there. My feet were going faster. I was sweating bullets. Not only were my feet going fast, but I had it on a higher setting to make it hard. I had a good heart rate and was sweating bullets.
Then instead of doing weights, we did the Army thing--body weight. My friend is so encouraging and gentle. I did one push up. One. And I didn't go down very far. I used to be able to do 15 on my toes. Today it was one. It's a start. We did planks, I did crunches and he did sit ups, donkey kicks, some yoga poses and called it good. I was shocked at how hard it was to do body weight stuff. It's not my cup of tea, never was. I realized it is imperative that I cross train and add some more in instead of just doing weights.
For a few months this summer, it will work out that we can work out together three times a week! I'm very excited about this. I will still have to do my own stuff at home, because 20 minutes of cardio isn't enough for me--but it felt so good. I'm excited to have a workout partner, something I have always wanted. He's a great kid.
I hit 15,000 steps today. I haven't had that high of a step count in ages.
All said and done, with the ups and downs of the day, it was a great day.
What is worth fighting for is health. Today after a stressful morning, a friend and I hit the gym at school. I had been there but never worked out there. The horror of dressing in a dressing room hit. I was the only one in there, until I wasn't. My pants were off, so very exposed, and in she walked. I quickly put on my capris. I was so uncomfortable that I didn't not change into my sports bra, but did put on my big, baggy t-shirt. I don't wear baggy t-shirts to my gym, but felt the need to hide at the school with all the young, beautiful bodies.
I decided to be proactive. I started talking to her. I showed her my feet and joked about my hideous attempt at a spray tan. It is funny, I look like an orange zebra. She laughed, and was very nice. We talked a bit about the gym, working out, and then we both went our way.
It wasn't that bad after all. You just need to get over your own insecurities. People generally are only concerned about themselves, and that's an important lesson to remember. It was a nice encounter.
My friend is in the Armed Forces. He works out differently than I do. I did 20 minutes of cardio, less than what I normally do. I did the bikes, while he ran on the treadmill. We were across the gym from one another. After, he told me something that shocked me. He said it was very noticeable that I was working out much harder than the other women there. My feet were going faster. I was sweating bullets. Not only were my feet going fast, but I had it on a higher setting to make it hard. I had a good heart rate and was sweating bullets.
Then instead of doing weights, we did the Army thing--body weight. My friend is so encouraging and gentle. I did one push up. One. And I didn't go down very far. I used to be able to do 15 on my toes. Today it was one. It's a start. We did planks, I did crunches and he did sit ups, donkey kicks, some yoga poses and called it good. I was shocked at how hard it was to do body weight stuff. It's not my cup of tea, never was. I realized it is imperative that I cross train and add some more in instead of just doing weights.
For a few months this summer, it will work out that we can work out together three times a week! I'm very excited about this. I will still have to do my own stuff at home, because 20 minutes of cardio isn't enough for me--but it felt so good. I'm excited to have a workout partner, something I have always wanted. He's a great kid.
I hit 15,000 steps today. I haven't had that high of a step count in ages.
All said and done, with the ups and downs of the day, it was a great day.
5.19.2014
Star Date: 5-19-14
It was a Murphy's Law day. I overslept, went to get gas only to discover I left my wallet at home, was late to my meeting for my internship, spilled half a cup of Starbucks in her office. I don't know which was worse, the fact I spilled it on her carpet OR the fact that I did not get to consume that half cup of Starbucks! LOL
Tomorrow I have a "date" with a classmate to go to the school gym. I'm nervous about this ONLY because I did a self spray tan and I am streaked terribly. I look like a white and brown zebra. I tried to fix it tonight. Oh, the things we do in the name of vanity. Aside from having ugly skin at the moment, I'm looking forward to trying the bikes at the school gym. I've been in there once, but never worked out. Tomorrow's the day. Yay. And if that doesn't kill me, I may go to my gym there in town because they have a Step Mill. That is supposed to be the ultimate cardio. I plan on climbing those stairs like a grandma!
I did not work out today. :p I didn't have time. Big excuse. I was gone all day, got home and had supper, had to run to the store, do homework and that consumed my time. I could have worked out about a half hour ago, but then I wouldn't sleep and I have to get up before the crack of dawn tomorrow. Sleep is more important.
Tomorrow I have a "date" with a classmate to go to the school gym. I'm nervous about this ONLY because I did a self spray tan and I am streaked terribly. I look like a white and brown zebra. I tried to fix it tonight. Oh, the things we do in the name of vanity. Aside from having ugly skin at the moment, I'm looking forward to trying the bikes at the school gym. I've been in there once, but never worked out. Tomorrow's the day. Yay. And if that doesn't kill me, I may go to my gym there in town because they have a Step Mill. That is supposed to be the ultimate cardio. I plan on climbing those stairs like a grandma!
Eating was okay, in my flurry this morning I left my lunch behind. I had a taco and burrito at Taco Bell on campus. Not the best, but I restrained from getting more garbage.
I did not fulfill the provisions in my contract to myself today. Tomorrow, I will. We can only get better and better. I am on a campaign to stop the self hate, so I'm not going to worry about my imperfections today. It was good enough.
5.18.2014
Sunday
I met many of my goals today, but not all.
I have one wish. I wish people would be nice. If they don't have anything kind to say, just shut up. Really. Words can be like knives, they stab and cut. It's uncool.
I got my big book/journal all done. Tomorrow I will print the color photos of myself and a couple motivational sayings and have the book bound.
I made myself a journal because I don't like what's out there, and I wanted everything mapped out in one place. I didn't want to have to think, I just want to grab and go. Here are the pages in my book:
Title
Favorite quote ever
Contract
Goal sheet
Countdown chart
Measurements
Quotes
Photos of me
Captain’s Log (data)
Supplements
Food--favorite recipes
Menu Planning pages
Training Regime
Video Breakdowns
Training Schedule
Workout Log
My quirky sense of humor had to be a part of it, so my health log was titled Captain's log, and instead of date, I wrote star date. It's the little things, you know.
I had contacted a few personal trainers and couldn't afford them. They also treated me as if I was stupid, like I still ate 100-calorie packs (never did), ate at McDonald's and knew nothing. For Pete's sake, I lost 108 pounds. That didn't happen by not researching, tweaking, and kicking a$!!! So I decided to give myself credit. I am my own coach/personal trainer now. I will work out at the gym, and use some Cathe Freidrich videos at home. I know how to eat, so I will.
I decided to name "my business." I don't need to share that here, but I made a beautiful letterhead, and put that at the top of 99% of the pages. It's in a pretty, girly font. I used my address and phone number. Did I need to? No! ha! I wanted it to look special, though, and I like professionalism.
The book is about an inch thick. The most important thing in it is the contract. I need to honor myself. I need to respect myself. I moved mountains. I will move mountains again. I'm that good. Yes, I said it!
So here's to me, a good, long progress, hard work, healthy eating, and honoring and loving myself.
Here's a couple pages from my book. My very favorite quote ever, which is at the top of my blog. Also, my captain's log.
Now it's time to crush it!!!
I have one wish. I wish people would be nice. If they don't have anything kind to say, just shut up. Really. Words can be like knives, they stab and cut. It's uncool.
I got my big book/journal all done. Tomorrow I will print the color photos of myself and a couple motivational sayings and have the book bound.
I made myself a journal because I don't like what's out there, and I wanted everything mapped out in one place. I didn't want to have to think, I just want to grab and go. Here are the pages in my book:
Title
Favorite quote ever
Contract
Goal sheet
Countdown chart
Measurements
Quotes
Photos of me
Captain’s Log (data)
Supplements
Food--favorite recipes
Menu Planning pages
Training Regime
Video Breakdowns
Training Schedule
Workout Log
My quirky sense of humor had to be a part of it, so my health log was titled Captain's log, and instead of date, I wrote star date. It's the little things, you know.
I had contacted a few personal trainers and couldn't afford them. They also treated me as if I was stupid, like I still ate 100-calorie packs (never did), ate at McDonald's and knew nothing. For Pete's sake, I lost 108 pounds. That didn't happen by not researching, tweaking, and kicking a$!!! So I decided to give myself credit. I am my own coach/personal trainer now. I will work out at the gym, and use some Cathe Freidrich videos at home. I know how to eat, so I will.
I decided to name "my business." I don't need to share that here, but I made a beautiful letterhead, and put that at the top of 99% of the pages. It's in a pretty, girly font. I used my address and phone number. Did I need to? No! ha! I wanted it to look special, though, and I like professionalism.
The book is about an inch thick. The most important thing in it is the contract. I need to honor myself. I need to respect myself. I moved mountains. I will move mountains again. I'm that good. Yes, I said it!
So here's to me, a good, long progress, hard work, healthy eating, and honoring and loving myself.
Here's a couple pages from my book. My very favorite quote ever, which is at the top of my blog. Also, my captain's log.
Now it's time to crush it!!!
Deep Thoughts
I get overwhelmed sharing too much on this blog. There are a lot of people out there that are not nice. And I tend to over share personal information. On the other hand, I am most inspired by those who are real, who put it out there. If I can help one person (like, oh, I don't know, myself??) okay, if I can help one person besides myself, it's worth it. The world is a better place when we care about others. So...
In short, awhile ago I moved into an apartment by myself. I got a job, and the pickings were slim. I barely made ends meet. I lived in poverty. I was happy. I was happier than I had been in years and years. Except for the money. So for many reasons, I returned back to where I started. And a depression hit me. Hard.
I quit my job, which I hated once I transferred. Plus it hurt my feet. I couldn't get another job. I couldn't get an interview for a minimum wage job. I was 48 years old and felt like a complete failure. We are a society that revolves around winners. I took all that to heart and wanted to die. I had zero self worth. I was a loser, and not when it came to weight loss.
One year ago as I was in bed crying, which I did every single day for a couple months straight, I realized I either needed to end it all or get up. And as stubborn as I am, I got up. What would I do? School. Education is the answer. What precluded me from getting a job was the fact I only had two associates degrees which in the eyes of employers are worthless. I thought for about 30 seconds about a career, and I knew. It came to me immediately. I knew. I just completed my first year at a university working on a degree in social work. And I did it with gusto, this kid got straight As.
The depression was bad all year long, the stress was phenomenal. I thought I would break. I made it. I learned a lot. I gained more than the college 15. I gained 24 pounds. Eeks. It came to me recently, life is about balance. I threw everything I had into school. I had to, because I wanted to die. I had no alternative, no other avenue. I hyperfocused just to stay alive. I don't think I would have made it had I not done that, I was that bad.
So now for the balance. I know I can do this. I know life can be good. I know it will be better. I know I have to live in the NOW. And now that I'm not as stressed or depressed, I know I need balance. I can manage my schoolwork and working on my body. There is nothing greater than an endorphin rush from a workout--nothing. It's a high that I love and cannot replicate in any other way. It's mine, and I need that good in my life.
I'm tired, I live with chronic pain, I have a lot of emotional pain as well, but it's time to balance and ALLOW good to come in. Physical fitness always makes me feel good, so I'm making room. I never quit working out altogether, but what I gave up was the consistency. When you are bawling your fool head off due to depression all the time, the energy it takes just to get up is astronomical. I would force myself on occasion to get up. Well, now it's not a matter of force. It's a pleasure, an indulgence, ME time.
I thank my husband for finally allowing me to get a gym membership. I have a place to go. I still do workouts at home, too, but it's social, it's different, it involves being annoyed by rude gym members ha ha! which makes me laugh, but mostly it empowers me.
Life goes on. It's going to be a struggle for me for a few years, that I know. I'm going to treat myself along the way, though, and that means gym time, endorphins, and the self-confidence that comes with it. Nothing greater than the gym owner telling me I had really good form doing an exercise. Me? Really? Cool.
It's time to smell the roses. My heart is still heavy, but there's room for a whole lot of good, too.
Crush it!
In short, awhile ago I moved into an apartment by myself. I got a job, and the pickings were slim. I barely made ends meet. I lived in poverty. I was happy. I was happier than I had been in years and years. Except for the money. So for many reasons, I returned back to where I started. And a depression hit me. Hard.
I quit my job, which I hated once I transferred. Plus it hurt my feet. I couldn't get another job. I couldn't get an interview for a minimum wage job. I was 48 years old and felt like a complete failure. We are a society that revolves around winners. I took all that to heart and wanted to die. I had zero self worth. I was a loser, and not when it came to weight loss.
One year ago as I was in bed crying, which I did every single day for a couple months straight, I realized I either needed to end it all or get up. And as stubborn as I am, I got up. What would I do? School. Education is the answer. What precluded me from getting a job was the fact I only had two associates degrees which in the eyes of employers are worthless. I thought for about 30 seconds about a career, and I knew. It came to me immediately. I knew. I just completed my first year at a university working on a degree in social work. And I did it with gusto, this kid got straight As.
The depression was bad all year long, the stress was phenomenal. I thought I would break. I made it. I learned a lot. I gained more than the college 15. I gained 24 pounds. Eeks. It came to me recently, life is about balance. I threw everything I had into school. I had to, because I wanted to die. I had no alternative, no other avenue. I hyperfocused just to stay alive. I don't think I would have made it had I not done that, I was that bad.
So now for the balance. I know I can do this. I know life can be good. I know it will be better. I know I have to live in the NOW. And now that I'm not as stressed or depressed, I know I need balance. I can manage my schoolwork and working on my body. There is nothing greater than an endorphin rush from a workout--nothing. It's a high that I love and cannot replicate in any other way. It's mine, and I need that good in my life.
I'm tired, I live with chronic pain, I have a lot of emotional pain as well, but it's time to balance and ALLOW good to come in. Physical fitness always makes me feel good, so I'm making room. I never quit working out altogether, but what I gave up was the consistency. When you are bawling your fool head off due to depression all the time, the energy it takes just to get up is astronomical. I would force myself on occasion to get up. Well, now it's not a matter of force. It's a pleasure, an indulgence, ME time.
I thank my husband for finally allowing me to get a gym membership. I have a place to go. I still do workouts at home, too, but it's social, it's different, it involves being annoyed by rude gym members ha ha! which makes me laugh, but mostly it empowers me.
Life goes on. It's going to be a struggle for me for a few years, that I know. I'm going to treat myself along the way, though, and that means gym time, endorphins, and the self-confidence that comes with it. Nothing greater than the gym owner telling me I had really good form doing an exercise. Me? Really? Cool.
It's time to smell the roses. My heart is still heavy, but there's room for a whole lot of good, too.
Crush it!
Thank You
I always knew in my heart that my blog helped me to get where I was going. The supportive blogging community was imperative to my success.
And when I'm down and out, wow, the responses to my last entry left me teary eyed. A heartfelt thank you!
And when I'm down and out, wow, the responses to my last entry left me teary eyed. A heartfelt thank you!
Day one following my contract: Success.
I met every single goal, including a little self-indulgence. Calories, steps, workout--and the scale rewarded me, I got rid of some water weight.
The indulgence: an at-home spray tan. Late last night, I exfoliated then sprayed. I was a sticky mess. This morning? I'm a zebra! I missed spots. I look hilarious. Actually, I see the humor in it. I have an awesome sense of humor and look down at the streaks on my legs and just laugh. If I can get this stuff applied evenly, though, I love the color. This shall be my self-indulgence for awhile. Why do I feel better darker??? It hides the fat. ha
Happy Sunday to all. Let's crush it!
5.17.2014
Contract
I typed up a contract for myself for a set period of time with provisions that I will follow.
Depression is severe, feet not doing well, and I'm just low.
I will get it turned around.
Silly that I have to resort to gimmickry such as a contract, but whatever. It's all a mind game anyway.
Depression is severe, feet not doing well, and I'm just low.
I will get it turned around.
Silly that I have to resort to gimmickry such as a contract, but whatever. It's all a mind game anyway.
3.23.2014
A Midnight Rant
I've gained a few more pounds--ugh. Up, down, up, down. The same six pounds just don't want to leave. Up, down, up, down.
Positives:
Joined a gym again. Really enjoying weight training. A lot. Have a great workout partner which makes it all the better.
Rehabbing my feet. I'm up to a half hour on the treadmill. OMG...this is a DREAM come true.
Plantar Fascia pain in right foot: GONE!!!
Neuropathy in right foot: GONE!!!
Pain in left foot: Much, much better. Still there, but almost healed.
Negatives:
Still have tendinitis in both feet. That will get better.
I would say, aside from the darned scale, things are looking up.
Kettlebells are swinging, weights are being pumped, cardio being done.
Doing yoga on occasion, Cathe Freidrich's Yoga Max and Yoga Relax.
Two steps forward!!!
Positives:
Joined a gym again. Really enjoying weight training. A lot. Have a great workout partner which makes it all the better.
Rehabbing my feet. I'm up to a half hour on the treadmill. OMG...this is a DREAM come true.
Plantar Fascia pain in right foot: GONE!!!
Neuropathy in right foot: GONE!!!
Pain in left foot: Much, much better. Still there, but almost healed.
Negatives:
Still have tendinitis in both feet. That will get better.
I would say, aside from the darned scale, things are looking up.
Kettlebells are swinging, weights are being pumped, cardio being done.
Doing yoga on occasion, Cathe Freidrich's Yoga Max and Yoga Relax.
Two steps forward!!!
1.10.2014
I'm Old
There comes a point in time in life when we must realize that we are no longer young and invincible. I am there. It started with going back to school. I'm 48. In one of my classes, of the 160 students in the class, about 95% of them were first-year students: 18 years old. Yes, I was momma age. And the students that sat by me weren't very nice to me. Can you blame them? Who wants to be sitting by mom? Being on campus was the first time I really felt old.
My body is old. It cannot do what it once did. The desire is in my heart, the competitive nature is there, but my body protests. June 2, 2012 I ran my first 5K and plantar fasciitis set in that afternoon. Today, January 10, 2014 I am still suffering from it along with a ruptured plantar fascia, a ruptured tendon in my other ankle, tendonitis in each foot, and other stuff. I can barely walk.
I'm old. Well, I'm middle aged.
I get REALLY mad at myself when I look at this blog. Why didn't I finish what I set out to do? Why have I had bumps in the road? And I start to beat myself up because I should be DONE by now. However, life happens. I am not perfect nor do I have to be.
My body is old. It cannot do what it once did. The desire is in my heart, the competitive nature is there, but my body protests. June 2, 2012 I ran my first 5K and plantar fasciitis set in that afternoon. Today, January 10, 2014 I am still suffering from it along with a ruptured plantar fascia, a ruptured tendon in my other ankle, tendonitis in each foot, and other stuff. I can barely walk.
I'm old. Well, I'm middle aged.
I get REALLY mad at myself when I look at this blog. Why didn't I finish what I set out to do? Why have I had bumps in the road? And I start to beat myself up because I should be DONE by now. However, life happens. I am not perfect nor do I have to be.
Why am I judging myself so harshly? Why?
Here's the deal. I may be "old." I'm no spring chicken, but I am still young at heart. Age is just a number. I go back to my very favorite quote of all time, "Don't let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use." ~Earl Nightingale So what to age, so what to time.
So I'm just picking up where I left off. It's a struggle, it's hard to work out with physical problems, but I can do my best. The weight will come off slower, but never give up.
October 12, 2013
One day at a time. It's not a race, it is a wonderful journey. And instead of beating up on myself for gaining some back, I think I'll just celebrate the changes I've made and be happy that I'm human and that I don't need to be perfect.
Onward!
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