Less is More

Less is more, except when more is more.

The past few weeks, I have been building up my feet, ankles and calves.  I then went away for a few days and hit 20,000+ steps three days in a row. It was fabulous. The calorie burn was high, usually over 3000--that's weight loss numbers for me!

Yesterday, my first full day home, I had hit 12,000+ steps with a 2600 calorie burn.  That's much more doable.

I had planned in my brain to hit 20,000 from now on.  The reality is that I can't. That hurts.  I can't for several reasons, but mostly time.  As a student, I commute, I sit in class, I commute, I study.  That's all sitting. I take my studies seriously and give it my all, which takes time.  It takes me hours to hit 20,000 steps since I'm not a runner.  It just won't work.  My ankles, calves and feet thank me for that.

So, it's OKAY to not get what we want.  It's okay to go for less, because less is more. More is more when we realize this.  I'm thinking of the Rolling Stones singing we can't always get what we want, but we get what we need.

Goals are awesome, and I'm okay that I had a big goal and had to reduce it.  It will still work.

Adapt and overcome.

So, my goal is 10,000 steps a day.  Anything over that is calorie-free gravy.

Late Night Ramblings

Oh, my beloved blog--how I neglect thee.  I don't have time to read blogs anymore, either. :(

My summer stunk.  I was in a funk. I did read some good books on mindfulness and have started practicing meditation which is awesome.

But that was then.  The only time that matters is now.

I have exercised for several days in a row--almost two weeks now.

I have started doing Classical Stretch, and my feet are much better.  I'm able to have high step counts again.  It is imperative that I stretch, though.

You can check out Classical Stretch's streaming service here.   It is $14.95 a month. You can buy the DVDs, but they're expensive.

My neck is better, my back is better and my feet are much better.  I'm very impressed with what Classical Stretch has done for me.

I've been eating better.

I've lost 4.5 pounds in the last two weeks.

Moving forward.

I got myself in the groove by going easy.  Richard Simmons--great music, easy workouts, and FUN. Then I did Leslie, but her workouts aggravate my feet. That constant pounding.  Instead, I go to her You Tube channel and do five-minute walks.  I can get about 500 steps doing that--which is a nice break and much less pounding.

I've started swinging my kettlebell again.

Gentle, easy, but effective.

I'm about to get VERY busy, but I have a plan of action.

I'm a full-time, commuting student and time is of the essence to me.  I have to study longer and harder than I did years ago. I take school very seriously, and it has been my priority.

Well, now I need two priorities:  HEALTH and school.  Cannot miss a workout. My body needs it. I feel better. It helps with depression, stress and monotony.

So I'm on a roll.  I shall continue.  This is going to be a brutal semester for me, and I need to take care of my mind, body and soul.

Here and Now

Tonight I feel content.

My feet are killing me, I have had pain in my legs all weekend long, and I still do.  So what, nothing new.

I open my eyes, look beyond that. I have hope, desire, and dedication.

I know I have not been as productive as I need to be in order to be completely content on a daily basis. Content is knowing I'm doing what I have to do with food, fitness, and life.

It's time to step up to the plate.

I own it all: the good, the bad and the ugly.  I own it, who I am, and what I've done.

I do not like to ask for help, because in the past when I have, I've been turned down.  Learned behavior: asking equals rejection.

boom

I cannot get help from others, though--it has to come from within.  I know that.

There are lifestyles I admire and those I have no interest in.  Fitness is a lifestyle I admire. Hardcore, pouring sweat, giving it your all, consistency, kick ass fitness.  That.  That's who I want to be.  Feet be damned, I can work around bad feet.

Step one:  Stop shaming myself.
Step two: Meditate.
Step three:  Do the work.

I can and I will.  My way.

It's funny when you admire others and ask for help, they won't--but others sure like to dole out unsolicited advice.   And they sure as hell don't know what they're talking about.  I listen to those who practice what they preach, but only if their practice is something I truly admire.  I'm blessed to know three such people who live the lifestyle I want.  I've seen it, and I need to tweak it to fit me.

These three do not overeat, snack or obsess about food.  They work out consistently, faithfully and don't miss.  They do not log their workouts, wear tracking devices, chart things, have phone apps--they just do.  THAT is living.  That is what I want.  I want it so ingrained, so habitual that I don't have to think, just do.  I don't need to collect massive amounts of data, plot and record, analyze...just do.

That's where I'm headed.

My feet are good some days and not so good others.  I can work around that.  I must live in the here and now and go with the flow. Adapt and overcome.

Live.

Less Facebook, less computer, and more living.  Get out in that world and go--that's living.

boom

on it, boss

~~~~vulnerability ~~~~

vulnerability

What a word.  Thanks to dictionary.com, here's a definition of vulnerable.

Okay, so who on earth wants to open themselves up to being wounded, hurt, morally attacked, criticized, tempted, assaulted, etc.  Don't ask me about the bridge thing, I don't know what a rubber is in the game of bridge...

So what does vulnerability have to do with a weight-loss/fitness blogger?

Everything.

What does it have to do with you?

Everything.

According to Brene Brown, people who are happy and living wholeheartedly, have the courage to be imperfect. They have the compassion to be kind to themselves first, because we can't practice compassion to others if we can't treat ourselves kindly.

Brene Brown has a P.h.D. in social work and has written many great books--search her on Amazon. She also gave one of the top ten most-viewed Ted Talks.  It is powerful and will make you think.

So I am thinking back to when I was very happy.  It started in 2011, I was content, lost over 40 pounds in four months, and maintained it until I had a foot injury and couldn't work out/walk like I needed to.  

So what was different between then and now?

Now, I'm upset, frustrated, negative, and full of SHAME.  Why am I ashamed?  Because I gained back a lot of weight.  About half of what I lost.  That's just not easy to admit because I have to swallow my pride. 

I have looked at it from this perspective:

Hey, I'm such a loser, I lost all this weight, maintained, was happy, and BOOM, started gaining. I'm too embarrassed to blog, to admit, to put myself out there because I'm so ashamed. 

The first gain (16 pounds) was a medication side effect, and the rest is all on me.

Okay, so is that treating myself with compassion by looking at myself through a negative lens?

Noooooooooooooo!!! 

So I'm being vulnerable.

I lost 108 pounds.  I gained back 66 pounds.  Okay, technically that's a scooch over half, but who's counting.

I never wanted to be "that person"who lost and re-gained.  Well, life happens, and so here I am admitting it openly, and being VULNERABLE.

Okay, so I joined TOPS which I love.  I am also doing an online support group.  The bottom line is I have to make this work for me, which means my way.  It also means staying OPEN MINDED to other ways and incorporating what will work for me and ignoring what won't.

I wholeheartedly believe that we should not strive to be happy; instead, we should focus on being content.  There are happy times in our lives, but being content is certainly my goal.  What made me content?

Being vulnerable.  Blogging.  Sharing photos, my fitness and weight-loss journey, connecting with others and supporting others.

So here I am, working away behind the scenes, obtaining my happy (content) place.  I do it my way, but with an open mind.  And I'm vulnerable, I'm human, but I'm also courageous. 

Weigh-In

Last night at TOPS I was down 2.5 for a total of 6.5.

Yay.

Tonight I had pizza and beer.  However, I had a small amount of thin crust, a great big plan salad with dressing on the side (and I just dipped my fork in a couple times), and a Dos Equis.  Even with that, I still have a few calories left.

Gotta live, and while that's not a common occurrence, it's been a stressful week and it was a nice way to end the week.

Have a fabulous Memorial Day Weekend, everyone.

Remember the reason for Memorial Day, to honor those gave their lives for us--members of the Armed Forces.  Those men and women who perished for us are our truest heroes.

Consistently Consistent

I wish I could say that happiness was mine.  At the moment, it's not.  I'm taking summer school, and the class is statistics.  Five weeks, an entire book, and I have not had this type class (math) since 1986.  It's kicking my sorry a$$ from here to eternity.  I had a 4.0.  This will pull me down.  The one thing I can say is I'm giving it my all--I cannot work any harder.  So the work ethic is there, this just is not my forte.  It will be over soon enough.

The FABULOUS thing about this semester is that my class is every single day. That means commuting daily--ick!  BUT...I have hit the school gym every day after class.  They have a bike there, actually four of them, called Life Fitness, and this is my all-time favorite bike ever, ever, ever.  It's the bike found in nice hotels' gyms, and my campus.  It is awesome.

And.....working on my goal of consistency, I've pedaled every day for 45 minutes, yesterday I hit 55.  GO ME.

And......I have hit my calorie target every day this week.  The stress load is tremendous, two nights ago I was having extreme anxiety because I didn't understand my work.  But I stuck to it, got through it and didn't eat my way into oblivion.

So my goal is to pass this class (I'm hoping for a B), lose some fat, and get consistent.

Next week I will add my beloved kettlebells 4x a week by following the Skogg System's rotation. You can't just do cardio, but I needed it this week just to get into a consistent routine.

I think for me, I must add things as I go.  So start of "small" (I don't consider riding that bike small, I work hard), but then add to it.  So by the end of next week I'll have calories under control, consistent cardio and consistent kettlebells.

BOOM

And some MAJOR attitude adjustment has been going in--through the thick of stress.

Anything is possible!

Goodbye Dad

My dad died in 2008.  One of the treasures I inherited from him was the red, Foreman grill.  I have used that more than any other appliance. (Well, not the coffee pot.)  The Teflon started flaking, and that's not safe.  So today we went out and got a new Foreman to replace it.

The new grill has ceramic plates, and I had to figure out what temperature to cook at rather than "medium."  I loved the new grill--it's new and improved, and I loved my old grill, so that's staying a lot.

I grill the majority of my protein.  This is a must-have for me.  This new grill will see me through to my weight-loss goal and into maintenance hopefully for years to come.

I've had several solid days of eating in a row. I am counting calories, hitting my target, and quite pleased. Yesterday I stepped up to the plate and told myself that I now had to get 10,000 steps here day.  At 11 last night, I was 2000 short.  By 11:30, I had my 10,000.

Persistence, commitment, dedication--yeah, that. 

That's how it works. I've always known that, but I couldn't get it all to come together.  There will be no "right" time, though, so it's now or never.

Boom, GO!!! 

TOPS

I joined TOPS last week.  I lost 4 pounds this week.

Face-to-face social support--priceless.

I think when you struggle, you need to reach out. If you are not finding what you need, you must keep looking.  An online support group with the wonderful Sean Anderson at The Daily Diary of a Winning Loser  slowly started changing my mindset, and that has been invaluable.  I built from there, going to the TOPS.

I don't have time to blog or read blogs anymore due to school, but I can take 45 minutes a week to go to a meeting.

Never, ever, ever give up.

I realized something.  I've been at this a long time, and damn it, I want to hit goal.  I want to be a fit person. I was there for awhile, but I've lost it.  I have limitations with my feet.  That doesn't mean I cannot be a fit person again--and I'm in the process.

Every damned day, moving forward.

Never, ever, ever giveup.

Snarky

I'm feeling really snarky tonight.  I just need to vent.  When someone has lost 108 pounds, as I have, and kept it off a couple years, as I have and then gained back, they didn't gain back because they didn't know **how to lose and eat nutritiously.** They gain back because of psychosocial factors, emotional and behavioral issues.  It's that simple.  Well, at least that's why I gained back.

And my snark is this--I know what I'm doing. Period. I've read countless scholarly articles, books, journals, studies, etc.  My information is science based, not fad/trend.  It is experiential--I lived it. And I just hate it when someone who has not in my shoes, goes on the bandwagon telling me what to do and how to eat.

We all have our journeys, they are personal, and we have to find what works **for us.**  We don't have to follow trends, we don't have to listen to people who need to be judgmental and put their two cents in (or their wooden nickel.)

I had a couple friends PM me this morning with long diatribes lecturing me about hormones, that losing weight is NOT about caloric deficit, and to only eat organic meat, etc.  Well, they're right--there are always circumstances when our bodily systems are out of whack and those do become issues.  For most people, though, caloric deficit works.  And I don't appreciate being told to go Paleo, to go low carb, to not eat anything processed--while I eat little processed food, a life without it is not going to happen. I will feel deprived.  For ME, a 80/20% rule works. I don't like to waste my calories on crap, but last night I truly enjoyed two beers.  So what!!!

Our journeys are our own, what works for us may not work for others and vice versa.  Your mileage may vary.  You have to find your own path.  What matters most is that you get positive support.

The most important thing we can have on this journey is positive support, a social network that gives us support when we need it.  The worst thing we can have are arm chair warrior who like to lecture, belittle and act as bossy know-it-alls.

My weight struggle has nothing to do with food, calories, or fitness.  It has everything to do with what's going on in my mind.  My past collides with my now.  I am haunted by many things.  When I get squared away with that, I will be unstoppable.  I was there once, and I will be again.

Try Something New!!!

Well, I decided to try something new: I joined an online weight-loss support group that is run by a coach and moderated by the fabulous Sean Anderson, long-time blogging buddy!  We have had our first meeting and I think it will be a tremendous learning experience.  I will give an honest review of my experience when it's all done, but I think it will be tremendous!

I am a social work major. One thing I have learned in every class, it's discussed almost every single day, and that is this: in life, social support is KEY.  You have to have social support.  So while this blog served as a good social support in years past, at this point I do not have time to read others' blogs due to my studies, so the support element is gone.  Yes, people leave positive comments here for which I am grateful, but you have to give support, too.  So a group setting is a fabulous tool.

I'm excited.

I will share my main group goal here:

Consistency.

If I've said it once, I've said it 100 times: consistency works. It is how you succeed.  I need to consistently work out, consistently count my calories, and consistently relax, de-stress.  Those are all important components to a healthful lifestyle.

There was once a point in my life where I didn't have to think twice about any of that--I was consistent, and my consistency paid off with improved health and fat loss.  It felt good.  That is my ultimate goal, because once a person is consistence, the weight will take care of itself.

So hat's off to Mr. Anderson for providing a great service plus a big dose of inspiration!!!

Don't Be Stupid

Don't be stupid, like I was.  Last week, I forget the day, I had only eaten about 300 calories' worth off of food.  It was supper time, my family and I were in Walmart, and boom.

I was walking next to my son and I told him I felt like I was falling to the left. I wasn't dizzy, but my balance was off.  He said I was perfectly straight.  As we were finishing the shopping, we ended up in the frozen food aisle.  And then IT happened.  That off-balance feeling hit me again, only I lost my balance, took about three steps back completely out of control, and the freezer door caught me.

I was sweating profusely and I felt sick.

And this blogger learned her lesson.

EAT.  

I was in the groove, feeling it, but that day for some reason I just didn't eat.  Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Good health is not something that can be bought, it is a very precious gift.  Everyone does stupid things from time to time, but this?  This was crazy.

And I know it.

I was eating 1200 calories a day, too.

Sure, the weight was coming off.  But at what expense?  MY HEALTH.

So I took a few days off.  One thing is certain: I will NEVER GIVE UP.  Re-thinking.  Time to up those calories, re-start my consistency campaign, and focus on health.

Don't be stupid.  We have one life to live.  Health is not rushing things, it's CONSISTENTLY exercising, eating nutritious foods with the right amount of calories.  While it's important to not be obese, taking weight off in an unhealthy manner exacerbates  things.

Be smart.  Eat.

Monday Morning Weigh-In

Down a whopping 6.5 pounds.

That's the way to start a Monday!!!

I'm Feeling It!!!

You know that feeling deep down in your soul when the stars are aligned and everything is just--right?  Yeah, I'm there.

I made a new and completely different plan for myself.  I calibrated my kitchen scale. New foods, new ideas, a new perspective.  I am starting fresh, and boom. I got "it."  I have the excitement, the desire, the determination, and the recipe for consistency.

I'm feeling it. That's what it takes.

In case you're not feeling it, please take this advice:  Fake it until you make it.

It takes confidence: I have it.  It takes determination: I have it.  It takes getting your head squared away:  There.

I haven't had this feeling in a very long time.  I like it.

I'm riding this wave, and if that feeling dissipates, I'll just fake it until it's back.

I'm worth it.  No matter what life is like, no matter how sad, depressing, happy, beautiful, whatever...health is always of utmost importance.  Follow your heart, listen to your soul.  Don't look in the mirror and see ugly, look into your soul and see your beauty.  We are all beautiful, we are all strong, and we all can do this.

Ugh--photos

Today I had my son take "before" photos.  They made me sad.  I have to focus on the fact that I have maintained a 50+ pound loss for years.  I still did not like what I saw.

Yesterday I spent the entire day reading, researching, deciphering, and thinking things through.  Due to my feet and inability to work out like I would like, I am dropping my calories.  Today I consumed 1263 calories.  It wasn't that bad, it just took careful planning.

I went to the store last night, stocked up and I'm good to go.

It HAS to stick, because those photos.

Funny, a photo is what inspired me to start this journey in the first place.  A photo says a thousand words.

Perfectionism

Perfectionism is unhealthy.  Repeat after me, perfectionism is unhealthy.  Get that ingrained into the brain!  Perfectionism is woven throughout my life.  If I direct it in a healthy manner, it can be good; however, normally it is not good.

I have been sick with the flu the past few days.  I'm feeling better.  I have actually stressed over my inactivity because I am a perfectionist.  Breathe.  My body needed to fight the virus, the fever, the aches and pains.  It's okay to rest when sick.

Today I'm better, and about to embark on my daily workout. What shall I do? Another area I exhibit freakish, perfectionist qualities is regarding exercise, specifically rotations. I can never come up with the perfect rotation in my mind.

I did very well when I did The Skogg System and walking.  I lost over 40 pounds doing those two things with "good" eating. I wasn't perfect with my caloric intake, but I was very good.  The little secret in this that I have seen but failed to actually "see" was the simplicity.

Keep it simple, sweetie.  Kiss.  Muah!

To be consistent, which is my goal, one must choose a fitness program that one can maintain.  I have always devised grandiose plans in my mind, then felt like a failure because I could not be consistent and perfect.  Well, a friend shared a Yahoo article with me about kettlebells.  According to a study (which I read but can't link because I read it on my school account), HIIT with kettlebell snatches will raise one's VO2Max.  That's awesome.  In the study, for eight weeks participants used a 12kg kettlebell, and for 20 minutes they did snatches for 15 seconds, then rested 15 seconds.  How easy is that.

Hello, KISS. My beloved kettlebell is making an appearance in my life again. Every other day I shall do a HIIT session with my kettlebell. I plan to Skogg first and then do 20 minutes of snatches.  SIMPLE.  The perfectionist in me can easily accomplish that.

Kettlebells incorporate both strength and cardiovascular training, so I will just add more cardio via step aerobics, walking, kickboxing and now that it's spring, biking.  Easy peasy.

In the study, the participants also did strength training and played soccer.  Well, easy peasy once again--on my off kettlebell days, I shall do Body Pump.

Consistency is my main goal right now, and I can obtain that by taking my bad traits and using them in a positive way. The perfectionist in me likes to fill in my charts and follow through with my plans.  Fabulous--so now I have a plan that I can maintain.

Time to raise the bar with Body Pump!

Fitbit

I love my Fitbit.  I have been a member since 2010.  I will never go without a Fibtit, because I love it.

That said...

As I was folding laundry today, I was thinking about my mighty quest for steps. In the early days I averaged over 40,000 steps daily.  My highest day was 65,576 steps in October of 2011.  And then my feet got messed up.  And my step count went in the basement.  Now? I have good days and bad, and my goal is to hit 10,000 on bad days and 12-15,000 on good days.  Does that work? Nope.

I am sick today.  The flu has been upon me the past few days, but today the fever, the aches, the pains, the everything else--my step count is at 1,000.  And that's what spurred my thinking.  I wanted to go to Jo's Gym (my basement) and do a strength training workout.  Then I realized I had best do something cardio because my step count is low.

BOOM, right there is the epic fail.  I have always done strength training in the form of kettlebell or with weights/barbell at home or with the machines and cables at the gym.  I love to strength train.  BUT today I realized that I don't do near enough of it because I'm on a quest for high steps.

And that, my friends, is the epic fail.

I want to lift. And it takes a lot of energy, yet it yields superior results.  Fitness is not just about steps.

Saying that again:  Fitness is not just about step count!

I'm competitive. I like to compete with myself and get good numbers. The Fitbit is superior because it fuels my competitive nature.  But--but-but--does it do so at the expense of weight training?

YES!!!  Absolutely, 100% positive that answer is a yes.  I know it.

This post is deep from my soul.  I realized a flaw, an epic fail on my own part, and I'm putting it out there.

Maybe, just maybe, it's time to re-think my fitness routine.  As I said, I do not neglect strength training.  However, I don't give it my all.  I do when I'm doing it, but I don't do it CONSISTENTLY to yield the results I am capable of obtaining.

Bingo.

Yup.  Time to re-map.

Body Pump, Cathe Friedrich, Cory Everson--you all are going to become a greater part of my life.  Kettlebells, too.  And I may start hitting the gym now that spring is back, because I haven't gone since January because I hate going into -0 temps when I'm all sweaty.  Well, that's done now.  (That's one big, fat excuse, but it's true.)

Get with it, girl.  Everyone always says to get rid of your scale, it's just a number, ignore it.  I need the scale daily as it sets the tone for me.  However, I think I need to eliminate my fascination with STEP COUNT on the Fitbit.  Feet need to heal still, and I need to find balance.

Consistency right now is my biggest goal.  I'm throwing in a dose of balance with that.

Never Give Up

Trying again.  Have my head on straighter than it was.  There's no excuse for the fact I gained, but it is what it is.  I know what to do.

I'm dedicating four full months to get in the habit.  "I can do that" is my motto (I hate baby steps because I'm not a baby.)  Habit one: Consistency.

I am sick today.  Throat raw, sinuses icky, massive headache, chills and body aches.  So what.  I can do a light workout.  I'm going to try Zumba Step for the first time--and I will take it easy.

Do I feel like it?  Hell no.  Am I worth it?  Hell yes.

Consistency.  That is the key.