My kids are where this week?

So after a lot of thought and discussion, B and I decided to send our kids to a local vacation bible school this week. It is being sponsored by a large Baptist church in the area. We were both raised Methodist -both of our dads were Methodist ministers for a short while when we were young- and after looking quite a while for a Methodist church in the area that would not just tolerate but honestly welcome our family- a whole other blog post- we finally discovered a Unitarian church that welcomed us with open minds and hearts. We love this church but sadly they do not offer any kind of summer program for the kids. So our kids are happily singing about God and Jesus every morning this week. I have to say I have been a bit paranoid the whole week- I stay every morning through the assembly time to make sure nothing 'unfriendly' is said. Do I really think something about gay marriage or gay rights will be said in front of 600 k-6th graders? Yep, that's how my mind rolls. The only questionable, somewhat uncomfortable moment was this morning when they were asked to accept Jesus into their hearts. Seems a little young to me but I guess that's how you hook em'.

The real issue is not with the church and its mission- it's with my opinion of organized religion. Needless to say, I have not been real impressed with 'Christians' over the last 30 years. God- yes. Jesus-yes, with some unanswered questions. Christians telling me that my love for my wife is a sin that needs to be forgiven- nope.  Do I think I am a sinner? Yes, I think we all make mistakes and are not always good people. Do I think love is a sin? How is that possible? If I was not faithful to my wife- if I murdered and was a thief- if I went out of my way to hurt others- then yes, I would be a sinner. The whole argument of hate the sin, love the sinner just does not fly with me when it comes to homosexuality. God made me this way- how can our love be a sin?

So there is definitely some conflict when it comes to our boys and church. I want them to believe in God. I want them to understand how to be good in a world where there is a lot of pain and bad people. But I never want them to think less of themselves or their family because some 'Christian' tells them their family is evil and that their moms are sinners and not worthy of the love of God.

R enjoying an icee at the family night

P and R before the bouncy house

P enjoying his icee

R going to town on a hot dog

B and her boys before the family night service

P and I singing some songs during the family night service

old friends

I have a very close friend from high school that I have not spoken with in almost 12 years. Before that time we talked daily on the phone and spent many evenings and weekends together. I was one of 2 bridesmaids for her wedding and that event sadly ended up being a major source of contention and strife for our friendship. As she was planning her wedding I helped by organizing the bridal shower as well as helping shop for gowns and other wedding related items. At the time I was comimg to realize some truths about myself, namely that I was gay, so I was definately going through my own journey at the same time as her. Because of several incidents related to the wedding our friendship ended. I was heart broken at the time and felt slighted but being the extreme coward that I am I could not pick up the phone and apologize for hurt feelings. And because of this I lost my friend.

We reconnected 3 years ago on Facebook but even after messages sent back and forth numerous times I have not been able to talk with her on the phone. I miss her and the closeness that we had. She has known me longer than any other friend in my life. Throughout my senior year in HS we sang in a Madrigal group together, we were friends through my time at Peabody and she came to visit me during my Master's degree program at Juilliard. She was even able to come to a coffee house I organized for the dorm students at Juilliard and where I heard Audra McDonald sing for the first time (one word-wow!)

I've come to realize that life is just too short to hold on to hurt feelings and lost friends. I need to acknowledge the mistakes I made in the past and move towards a new friendship with her. I made the first move tonight- I messaged her on FB and gave her my phone number and asked her to call tomorrow. And she is going to call. I feel nervous after so much time but also excited to have this connection again with someone who once meant so much to me.

Have you reconnected with an old friend after hurt feelings and time passed?

Wish me luck!

Mah-widge, or wuv, twue wuv

I had an interesting discussion with my older brother the other night about our polictical differences. He is a staunch Southern Baptist, very conservative and a great friend and brother. We don't often talk politics, we have learned over time to agree to disagree. I found it interesting to hear him talk about why he feels the way he does about our country and the direction it is going. I listened respectfully and even agreed with some of the points he made. I think he was hoping I might be persuaded to join the dark side (vote Republican :P} and I really tried for the first time to explain my reasons for thinking and voting the way I do. I didn't come out until I was 30 and I think this revelation was harder for him to accept than anyone else in my family. Fear for my eternal salvation as well as my future happiness fueled his anxiety but I feel that over the last 12 years he has seen my happiness with B and our boys and is making great strides in accepting us as a family.

But even so, he still does not understand my desire to marry B. Scripture was not thrown at me as we discussed the issue but I felt like it was just under the surface. I tried to explain the legal and financial ramifications (the fact that in the state of Virginia B has no legal rights to the boys if something were to happen to me)as well as the desire we have for our friends and family to witness in a very public forum our love for each other. And most importantly, for our boys to see us married- committed together forever. I think it is important for kids to feel that some things in life are permanent (although I am keenly aware of the divorce rates in this country).

Even with these explanations he would not voice his support. Why doesn't he get it? Is it the religious beliefs that he holds so close? Is it the fear that if Virginia allows us to marry that means other "less desirable" gays (in his eyes obviously) will also marry? We are hoping to have a ceremony next Spring in DC to officialy tie the knot but of course that paper will mean nothing in our state and community. It will mean something to us and our boys. I guess it will have to do until times change for the better. And lately, the times are changing. Let's hope it will happen in our lifetime.

Kids say the darndest things...

well- specifically R. These are quotes from R over the past 3 years- he is quite an original thinker. Last weekend R came downstairs wearing a tux that I bought at a consignment sale for $3.00. I asked if he was a secret agent and he said "no, but my next office will be oval." OK, Mr. President! •We were reading a book called "Amazing Snakes" at bedtime last night. There was a gross picture of a snake eating a mouse (just its little back legs and tail were sticking out). I asked the boys what the snake was eating and R, with a grin, answered "Scabbers." Ha! Love that Harry Potter! •At 5 am this morning R and I were snuggling in my bed. M*A*S*H came on TV- I was kissing his sweet head and said "I sure do love you"- he answered back-"I sure do love M*A*S*H"- gee thanks! •Another R quote- after telling me about his nightmares last night (which is why he ended up in our bed) he was slowly brushing his teeth this morning and out of the blue says-"I can get morningmares too you know, like nightmares." He is a creative thinker, that one... :) •R as I was combing his hair after his shower- "Mommy, my hair looks stunning" That's my modest boy ;) •this morning while playing Cowboys and Indians R said "look out, the lawyers are attacking" -I assume he meant warriors... •Driving home from the boys dentist appt. yesterday R said "Mommy, I'm ready to go get my drivers permit." *sigh* •R after dinner tonight-"Mom, there's something I've got to tell you- I'm a famous Wizard- I'm on one of those chocolate frog cards." Harry Potter, anyone? •R quote from yesterday- "sometimes I smell chocolate without even seeing it..." Me too- buddy, me too.... •R just told me his pirate name is "golden tooth knife eye"- the knife only comes out of his eye when he is fighting Darth Vadar. •R quote- curled up in a blanket next to me on the couch-"this is nicer than a beach clam." •R quote- "Mom, I'm the teacher at R's school for bats and I need to wear my swimsuit today so I can go underwater to fetch food for the bats." Really, who can argue with this logic? •R quote of the day- this morning, R was telling mama about his "favorite" ( a blanket he has had since he was a baby) He said that his favorite is his buddy and that he likes to talk to it- he then whispered- "and you know what- he talks to me." Mama asked him what does he talk to you about? R answered quietly- "I can't tell you." Should we be worried or proud? •R says-"I want to be called stoplight because when I grow up I want to be a crossing guard." •At the end of the first Harry Potter movie we just watched R said "that was so good my stomach was full of fur." Love it! •Why I make dinner every night- R just said "thank you for dinner mommy, it was lovely"- ok- I'll feed you tomorrow little boy. •R climbed in the shower with me this morning- lifted his face to the warm water for a minute or so- stepped away a little bit and said "mommy, this water feels like sunshine at the beach." Did this poetic, smart little boy come out of me? I'm amazed on a daily basis.... When R was 3 he picked up his muffin with his fork- looked at me and said-"look mom, a fork-lift."

and 2 years later....

So I started this blog with the intention to let family members see current pictures and to read a little bit about our lives but as you can see I have not done a great job keeping up- primarily because I hate to write- so don't expect very frequent updates. P and R are in 1st grade and doing well. They are smart and funny- not bad for 31 week preemies- R was 4' at birth and P 2'11". We were so scared at the time- would the prematurity affect them negatively? But other than mild ADD (R) and ADHD (P) they are perfect. And stubborn. And mouthy. And opinionated. And sweet. Just depends on the day. Or moment.

This has been an extremely rough year for our family. I have had 4 back surgeries in the past 5 months and am finally getting my life and strength back. There was a time there that I thought I would be an invalid for the rest of my life and at 43 years old that was not a fun thought.

I'm going to include some random pics from the past to catch up a bit- enjoy!

P singing

5 years old

How do you talk about 5 years of loving, laughter, tears, boo-boo's, tickles, feeling like your heart will explode when you see them running towards you? I always knew that I wanted children- I just never realized how much they would change my life. They are the most handsome, smartest, funniest, sweetest, most frustrating and most joyful thing that has ever happened to me. R at 5- he is so into Harry Potter right now- he even invents new story lines. He will tell us his latest adventure and say "for real mom- this really happened!" He loves his kitties and all animals- he is very tender-hearted. I hope he continues to be that way as he grows older. He loves snuggles with his mommy and is smart as a whip. He is handsome and seems to be a natural leader- all of the kids at pre-school follow him around. We hope he will grow to use his power for good and not evil :)
P- my sweet, loving boy. He so desperately wants our approval and love- he is the ultimate snuggle bug. He tries to be good but sometimes his frustration and anger make him say things he should not say. We are working on filtering his words so they do not get him in trouble. He loves his R so much and wants his approval almost as much as ours. He wakes up with boundless energy and greats each day with a smile.

They are starting kindergarten in the Fall- where has the time gone? I am holding on to each kiss, hug, flower clutched in sweaty hands, smile and shared secrets- I know this time is as fleeting as their babyhood.