tender mercies

I had a rather traumatic experience on Saturday that made me think about God's hand in our lives. I do believe we are never forgotten by God or left alone, but when you have those why me? moments it can be temporarily difficult to see that. I saw on Saturday that many of those why me? moments probably benefit us, but we just don't see it at the time. It amazes me how God helps us in such tiny little ways. Everything happens for a reason and I think sometimes painful experiences may actually be tender mercies.

I ran into someone at the BYU Bookstore on Saturday that I never expected to see again. This was someone who broke my heart {twice} this year. The last time I saw him outside of Skype was April 30th, when he moved. He kissed me and said he'd be seeing me. That was my last really strong memory of him, one I always think about because all the phone calls and Skype conversations are not the same as actually being together. More than the heartbreaks and the hurtful things, I think about that last time I saw him, which is not good but not easy to stop.

I'm dating someone new, who is wonderful, but I have really struggled because I have been caught up in the Joe thing. I knew he was in town this weekend, and that was difficult for me. When I saw him a mere five feet away from me in the bookstore I felt sheer panic. I spun around, grabbed my friend's arm and then bolted out of the bookstore as fast as possible. I sat down and cried in the WILK. As that was happening I was thinking, "You have got to be kidding me right now! What are the odds? Why me?" I was pretty upset about having seen him again, even for a split second.

That night Becky and I had a Christmas party, which was the first time for the new bf to meet my friends. It was a nice party and my friends loved him. After the party I told T about my traumatic experience and he calmly asked why I cried and said he was sorry that it happened. As I was laying in bed that night, I realized that seeing Joe was actually a strange little tender mercy. Now the last memory I have of him is a feeling of panic. I had kind of wondered what it would be like to see him again, and now I know. I didn't want to talk to him; I wanted to get away as fast as possible. I wanted the comfortable company of T at our party.

I think that unpleasant experience was a little message to tell me, Hey you don't want to be with this guy- let it go for real and move on. Everything happens for a reason and that was for me. He didn't see me, I saw him, and it turns out that was just what I needed to feel better. I don't think that was a coincidence.

too nice

I'm not really into relationship books {or self-improvement books, for that matter}, but I think this book may have been written specifically for me. 

 {Pardon the language}

Just look at this description of the book:

I wish I had counted how many times in my last relationship I heard the words, "You're too nice." I think I have a problem, even though I generally think it's not my problem because I believe in being as kind and understanding as possible. Am I wrong? I think my problem is that I don't expect the same in return. Guys, I'm actually considering reading this book. {Gross!}

I would especially love an answer to the question: 

Why do men take nice girls for granted? 

Relationships... 

UGH.

parker's homecoming

As many of you know, my brother got home from his mission two weeks ago. It was basically the best day ever! I surprised him at his gate, so I was the first one to see him and it was so happy.

Before and After!

Dropping Park off at the MTC and then on the train at DIA.

Here we are coming out of the terminal and seeing the fam.

 With my brothers. I love this one!

 We went to eat at The Cherry Cricket, which is one of our favorite burger places.

Parker really wanted a burger and root beer for his first meal in the US.

Hanging out with my brothers was amazing. We laughed a lot and listened to music. It is so great to have Parker back. 

 Some of the things Parker brought home were a few hammocks, Brazilian soda, lots of Portuguese books (like Harry Potter), and this silly Brazilian cowboy hat.

This is the family after Parker was released. 

Robin was stuck in Utah because she had midterms, so we were missing our sister friend.

We also went to eat at Beau Jo's. It's my favorite pizza place in the world, Colorado style. 

It has a thick, delicious rolled crust that you put honey on and it's like dessert. Yummy. 

As you can see, we did a lot of eating. We watched Harry Potter and caught Parker up on some TV shows. I didn't take any pictures, but I also got to visit Brittny and have dinner with Chelsea in Denver. It was great to catch up them and spend some time in Colorado. 

 Home also means hanging out with the Rowdy dog. Man I wish I could have a dog!

Home Sweet Home

sweater weather

via

October is just about my favorite month. Except for maybe December or July. I think I have a favorite month of each season.  The month is flying by and I feel like I haven't appreciated October as much as I normally do; I haven't even taken a single drive up the canyon. I realized that fact this morning as I was thinking about how this is likely my last fall in Provo. I think fall in Provo might be one of the most beautiful things in the world, and I have not been enjoying it enough. 

It's rainy today, and maybe a little gloomy for some people. But I like it when the weather is melancholy, and matches the way I feel conflicted and quiet and thoughtful. If I were to choose a month whose weather most fit my personality it would be October. I love the sweater weather and the boots and the fall colors and hot chocolate and cuddling up in blankets. October seems peaceful to me, and that feels especially nice today. 

I also love my fall playlist. Are you ready for some of the favorites?

Imagine Dragons - It's Time

John Mayer - A Face to Call Home

Band of Horses - The Great Salt Lake

Gregory Alan Isakov - Light Year

Rusted Root - Send Me On My Way

The Avett Brothers - Live and Die

The Naked and Famous - Young Blood

The Lumineers - Ho Hey

Peter Bradley Adams - Trace of You

KT Tunstall - Someday Soon

The Neighbourhood - Sweater Weather

The Weepies - World Spins Madly On

Right The Stars - We Got It All

Mumford and Sons - Hopeless Wanderer

Book on Tape Worm - Defcon 5

Finally, I am employee of the month for October, and that feels pretty good.

I really, really love my job.

set-up

Blogging is funny to me sometimes because I'm never sure how much I want to share. Soon I will update with pictures from my brother's homecoming {which was the greatest thing to happen all year!} and some other thoughts, but tonight I just have to say:

If I had a dollar for every old person who wanted to set me up with their son or grandson or nephew, I would be rich-- 

like fill my gas tank all the way up rich. 

{New Girl, anyone?}

On my flight back from Denver tonight I was chatting with the old couple sitting next to me and eventually they asked if I would go out with their grandson. This has also happened in recent months with my Stake President, one of my professors, and various patients at the hospital. I never know what to do in those situations, but in this case I actually ended up giving them my phone number. I always score big points with the old people. Guys who are under 30 and actually know me don't want to date me, but married people and older people are always trying to set me up. 

Weird.

riding

I have frequently been using Free Fallin' as my theme song lately {see: "about me"}. I especially love the John Mayer cover, but that's another story. This post is about how the line: "loves horses and her boyfriend** too" also applies to me.

Around the end of April I decided that I needed to do something new and fun and just for me, so I decided to start taking horseback riding lessons. I have loved horses since I was little, but I never got to ride except for random special occasions here and there. I actually think the idea to start riding was inspiration because it was exactly what I needed. It's ridiculous how amazing riding has been for me. Riding builds patience, confidence, self control, trust . . . I could go on and on.

This is me getting Cheyenne ready to ride. In case you were wondering, that thing on her face is a fly mask. It's mesh so she can see through it and it protects her eyes from the flies. 

Cheyenne is my very favorite horse to ride. She's so pretty and sweet. Cheyenne is an Arabian and she's very smart and sensitive. She is a dream to ride and I love jumping with her! 

 That's my trainer Jessie and her silly dog Louise, who likes to try to herd the horses. 

This is the arena where I ride at Zephyr Ranch. It's the most beautiful setting and a great place to ride. 

 Isn't this beautiful? I love the little green tractor and the mountains and this pretty little horse. 

**I don't quite have a boyfriend at the moment, but I do have an update for anyone who has been wondering. I'm heading out to see my favorite Marine in November for the Marine Corps Ball. Whoo hoo! I'm not sure what will happen with us, but I'm excited for a fun trip!

update overload

Well after not blogging for like two months, I'm going on a photo posting rampage. 

Here are some more pictures from the past couple months. 

 Bees game for Becky's birthday. We did more people watching than game watching, but it was great. And the fireworks were fabulous. I was a little excited about those. 

Robin with the Banksy in Park City

My brother

 The hippest little musician in Park City.

Climbing in Rock Canyon

I love the Colorado Rockies. 

I was excited to go to a game in August when I went home.

The view at Zephyr Ranch, where I've been riding. 

graduation

 With Grant & Robin. Occasionally we're actually really attractive & photogenic.

I can't believe how tall Grant has gotten. My brother is so handsome!

We saw Jimmer at Magleby's Fresh. Grant was pretty excited.

 Mom & Grandma

The Fam.

 My mom graduated in August 30 years ago. Crazy!

Becky & I at Helaman Halls, where it all began!

 With my grandma. She graduated from the U, but we're making her a BYU fan.

 I got this fortune the night before graduation: pretty much perfect.

twenty-three

Now that I've been 23 for two months, 

I figure it's about time I share some pictures from my lovely birthday back in July. 

I went in to work at midnight, and Becky solidified her position as Roommate of the Year by waking up at the crack of dawn to have this amazing crepe breakfast ready when I got home from work at about 6:30. She also had You've Got Mail playing. Can you think of a better way to start the day? I sure can't. 

For my birthday dinner I went to Gourmandise in Salt Lake with my awesome friends. 

1. Becky & Emme laughing at something  2. Abbey & some of our delicious desserts

3. Freshman roommates!  4. The porcupine: my chocolatey treat

Heather, Me, Abbey, Becky & Maddi. Freshman friends!

Heather, Abbey, Me, Becky& Emme.

I'm so thankful for my great friends and a fun birthday to kick of 23!

I tend to reflect more about the year on my birthday than I do with the new year in January, and I must say I'm hoping 23 will be a better year. I'm hoping for some great things ahead.