I didn't post a single thing all of August.
It was a mixed month. There were some really great times (I'll post about the good stuff later in the week) and there were some well... really horrible times. Nothing life threatening. I'm fine. The baby is doing great. Doug is good. Doug's parents are good. My parents are still hanging in there - mom's using a walker now due to a broken foot and my dad is sporting not one, but two canes. But all in all - everyone is OK.
But it was still one of the
hardest months we've had as a married couple. We are getting along great... it's not that. It was just one of those months that we wanted to put behind us and never see again. I thought we had done that.
Until yesterday. Welcome September.
I got a call from Doug who was at work about an hour away from our house. I asked him what he was doing and he said,
"Standing next to my dead car."
I held it together while he told me his plan. Luckily, his parents live in the town where he works and help was on the way. I hung up the phone, took a deep breath and then just started crying... and screaming... and yelling... and crying. I didn't stop for a long time.
It should not have been such a big deal. It was a car. It would be fixed and he would drive it again. No problem. But it all just added up to everything that happened in August and it was overwhelming to me.
To put it mildly,
August sucked.
We started the month with high hopes.
We were having a few *minor* home repairs done. I considered it part of the 'nesting' process. We wanted it all done before Doug headed back to school in the fall. We needed to get the trim on our house painted. We got paint on sale and found some great guys to scale to the very top of our house to do the job! Yippee!
They were also going to fix up a little rotted wood on the front of the garage.
They did paint. It looks great. But they couldn't fix the garage. Why???
Well... that little spot of rotted wood that had just appeared, was actually an entire frame of our garage that was rotted.
ROTTED to the freakin' core!
What was going to be a few hundred dollar repair, ended up costing several upon several thousands and thousands of dollars and then some. The damage was probably there for years and had finally made it's way to the surface. There was no way we could have known it was there. We had to bring in a structural engineer. The garage had to be re-framed. Siding taking down. Garage door down. New frame.
It still makes me sick. It all had to be paid in cash. We were lucky we had it.
However, letting that money go has come at a really high cost.
You see,
it was my maternity leave money. It was all the money we had saved so I could be off work for several months and be home with the baby.
NONE of my maternity leave is paid. UGH! And now all the money we had saved, that we needed for me to stay home, is gone - spent on the very much needed, but ugh repair of the freakin' garage.
That dang garage.
At the very same time of the garage repair, we had an electrician at our house for repairs. We had carpet people. And my car was getting lots of work done and it was in the shop.
Dang August.
Now I stew everyday in a big ball of stress.
I found out this week that I have to pay all my insurance premiums while I'm off on my unpaid maternity leave. I was thinking it would be a few hundred dollars. Silly me. Think again - it will be several thousand of dollars. Which we don't have because of that dang garage. That on top of not getting paid for several months, makes me feel like I can't breathe.
I'm trying not to stress. Not to think about all the stuff we still need for the baby. I've been searching for items at thrift stores, finding great deals at garage sales and selling a ton of stuff too.
I'm really trying to sort out wants from real needs for the baby and our lives in general. But it's hard.
I want so much to buy great baby gifts for all my friends. I had some all ready to purchase and I couldn't do it. I'm in a bible study that is costing money for the next several months. I never thought that doing a bible study would be stressful, but hitting the 'purchase' button and signing up was hard to do. My phone is on a quick spiral downhill and I was hoping for a new camera to take pictures of our little miracle. And heck... this girl wants a baby jogger city mini stroller!
But those are my wants. They are not needs right now. In the end, I know that it will all be fine. Everyone goes through this, we are not unique. Things could be much much much worse. That is not lost on me. I know that despite that dang garage and August, we are still very very blessed.
But right now, it's just scary. I know we will make it, just haven't figured out the plan. I like a plan. So today, it's overwhelming and I needed to vent. I'm trying to just trust that God will provide... and I know He will. But it still feels overwhelming. I don't know how to relinquish it all over to Him. I know I need to.
I/we need some prayers. So if you could spare some, they would be greatly appreciated.
I came across this on FB the other day... it's true. Easier said than done... but
I'm working on it. Thanks for the prayers ladies.
