Robin taught me to laugh. From a young age I saw him as the genie and grew to love him in movies and in shows. Once I was older, mom introduced me to Mork and Mindy. I watched him in Dead Poets Society, Mrs. Doubtfire, Jumanji, and Aladdin just to name a small few. He made me happy when I was sad.
Robin is mourned by so many because he touched so many lives. Many of us grew up with him and others are passing his work onto their children. But because he is loved by so many, this gives the public a chance to really open up about the reason why he died. The terrible responses in regards to his death and struggle have already started. While other have already started discussing the reality of depression. We need to talk about depression and suicide and I’m willing to start this discussion.
If you’ve ever read an article, interview or watched his standup act, he made no effort to really hide his struggle with depression and substance abuse. Robin ended his life because he saw no way out. Someone, anyone, who commits suicide truly sees no way out of their deep hole of misery and emptiness. You would have to be so consumed by depression that you could no longer find the fight to keep living to actually take your own life.
Here’s the thing about depression. You can’t force yourself out of it. You can’t pray your way out of it. You have no control over the feelings. Depression is poorly named. The spectrum on depression runs from having the blahs for an extended period of time to the extreme of not being able to function. And yet when people hear depression, they always expect the lower end of the spectrum with no real knowledge of the extreme. In truth, its brushed off. It’s seen as something you can ‘get past’ or you can ‘shake it off’. While for some, this is the case, for most, it truly isn’t the case.
How do I know this? Because not only do I suffer from bouts of depression, but my husband suffers from severe depression, anxiety and panic disorders. My husband has had suicidal thoughts. I’ve had to listen to my husband in his lowest moments admit to me and the nurses at an ER in the middle of the night that he’s had suicidal thoughts. I’ve had to listen to a nurse ask him if he ‘made a plan’ without batting an eyelash, as if that was the next logical question. Which when you think about it, it really is the next logical question. It broke me. The first thing I wanted to ask is, am I not enough to keep you happy? Is living with me so bad? I instantly went to me and what I was doing wrong, but I wasn’t doing anything wrong, and neither was he. He has a chemical imbalance that affects all areas of his life. It has nothing to do with how happy I make him. He loves me. He loves our life. I know that he loves me more than words can express. I’ve been told that sometimes the only reason he keeps fighting is because of me and his all consuming love for me. But this chemical imbalance in his brain makes it hard for him to sometimes do basic things like getting up out of bed and getting dressed, hanging out with friends or even talking. These basic functions are sometimes impossible during what I call a low spell, an attack or an episode. So while I get mad because he won’t talk to me, the truth is that he can’t. He truly can’t and there is nothing either of us can do to fix it.
Our own infertility diagnosis doesn’t help it at all. In fact, it adds to his depression. It is the main trigger for my own bouts of depression. And when I say depression, I don’t mean having the blahs. I mean crying constantly, shutting down almost completely and not getting out of bed for days on end.
My husband is thankfully doing so much better than that night. That was his rock bottom. Now his medication has been readjusted, just as it will be readjusted for the rest of his life. We finally found a psychologist that was willing to do anything other than just medicate him until he was numb. We had to go outside of our mental health system around here. We pay out of pocket, but its worth it. He goes to physio once a week to help build his muscle strength back up. This winter was hard, extreme depression and a lot of low points coupled with a change in diet had my husband drop over 100 pounds. The physio helps his body while the psychologist helps his mind. He still has bad days, but the days aren’t quite as bad and it doesn’t last for quite as long. He’s committed to fight and I’m so proud. His end goal? To be a dad and to be able to enter the work force again and become a functional member of society. He has no grand schemes, he wants to be healthy and active again.
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The reason we need to talk about Robin’s death and about depression and suicide in general is that people don’t talk about depression until someone famous dies from it. Mental Health in our country is in shambles. No one wants to talk about it and no one will recognize that this is becoming a major problem. Since it is not a physical injury, its hard to get ER doctors and nurses to take it seriously. They won’t really do anything unless you admit to trying to hurt yourself or others. Since they have no physical booboo to fix, they suggest that you go home and come back to see someone from Crisis in the morning since they only keep 9-5 operation hours. Because no one tries to kill themselves at 3 am. That’s foolishness. You can have yourself committed, but once in there, they will drug you to numb everything instead of dealing with the issue head on.
Funding and resources easily available to the public are desperately needed for mental health. I know, myself and my mother in law have begged doctors, nurses, helplines for help. What we get in return in a run around of “we don’t deal with that, see this person”. We need more resources and doctors and nurses willing to take it seriously and treat it.We shouldn’t have to wait months for a referral to a psychologist just to have a 15 minute appointment and them suggest that you take drugs to numb yourself instead of addressing the issue and finding ways to cope and manage with the condition. Someone dealing with severe depression needs to see professionals who specialize in depression regularly, not every 3 months. They need proper SSRI’s to deal with the chemical imbalances. They need to talk to psychologists. They need to know they have support. They need to know that medical professionals are taking them seriously.
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Robin was not weak.
He simply fought so hard and for so long that he simply couldn’t fight anymore. Someone dealing with debilitating depression has to either fight through it everyday or let it take them over. Robin fought til he couldn’t fight anymore. The act itself was selfish in so much that it was something he did to himself, but he wasn’t selfish. He did not do this for attention, he did this because he was suffering and couldn’t handle it anymore.
Now a family who watched him fight for so long have to learn to live without him. To Robin’s wife and 3 children: I send love, light and peace during this heart breaking time. And know that he didn’t end his life because he doesn’t love you, he no doubt loved you more than life itself. He just simply couldn’t fight anymore.
If you or someone you know is suffering from depression or may have thoughts of suicide, please seek medical attention. You are not weak for feeling this way. People can help you. Go to your doctor, an emergency room or call a suicide prevention hotline.
Click here for a list of Canadian National List of hotlines and websites.
Click here for links to International information and support lines.
Suicide should never be the answer. But lets not let what Robin and others like him did, be in vain. Let’s talk about it. Let’s make mental health an important issue. Let’s show the world that dealing with this does not make you weak. Let’s fight for the resources so desperately needed. Let’s fight for those that can’t fight for themselves.
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The academy posted a picture after the news of Robin’s death hit the media. I cry every time I see it. They sum it up in one heart wrenching image:
Yes genie, you’re free.
Rest easy Robin. May you finally find peace.
If You Don't Stand For Something 
