Women Need To Talk About Their Reproductive Health

Posted on January 28, 2014 by imfluffyowl

Sex Education.

Why are schools and teachers so scared of Sex Education?

Huffington Post had an article about women and their knowledge of reproductive health, and sadly, I wasn’t surprised by the results:

“In addition to incomplete understanding of reproductive concepts, the survey also showed that many women who were not actively attempting to get pregnant nevertheless had concerns about their ability to do so down the road. Among the women not currently trying to conceive, 40 percent said they were worried about their ability to get pregnant once they started trying, and 20 percent said they thought they might need fertility treatment.”

When I was in high school, our sex education was a sad state of affairs.

Picture this:

Band class of 30 students, 26 girls to 4 boys. Junior high. Our male gym teacher is given the task of teaching health class as part of his gym duties. The male teacher is young, teaching only a couple of years and not really trained on how to teach sex ed. He blushes as he passes out the sex ed books and looks mortified to teach 26 girls and 4 guys about reproductive health, safe sex, ovulation, a woman’s cycle and the male reproductive organs. His embarassment brushes off on us because he doesn’t take the lead and tell us its nothing to be embarassed about. His lectures are made up of him reading page for page out of an already outdated sex ed book and his prep for tests are, ‘read this section and those 3 sections because that is where the questions on the test are coming from’. He powered through it, never encouraged open discussion, never asked if we had any questions and once we powered through it, he tells us to read amongst ourselves but doesn’t say a word when we all put our books away and chat amongst ourselves for the rest of the class.

On top of that, he never shows us how to properly put on a condom, he powered through the lesson on birth control for women, and his final statement was “don’t have sex.”

Sounds funny and completely unprofessional right?

Yeah, this was my sex education in junior high. This is where my first bit of knowledge, outside of my parents short talks with me, of my reproductive health came from.

He left us feeling that it was uncomfortable and wrong to talk about our sexual health. No one felt comfortable talking to him about more information. No one knew that there was more information out there.

My parents, as much as I love them, didn’t really offer me enough information for me to remember it. I know we had “the talk” but I don’t remember the details and the gist of it was wait til you are older to have sex and when you do, make sure you use protection. Mom was great about talking about my first period but the sex side of the talk was lacking. Of course it was approached awkwardly and I was a teenager and fed off of their awkwardness and still to this day will find it hard to talk about sex education without first having to push down the awkward feelings that comes with it.

I spent at least 10 years not knowing that my thyroid could affect my reproductive health. I didn’t know that my levels were as high as they were. I only learned in the past couple of months that its possible that my extremely high thyroid levels may have stopped my ovulation and I possibly haven’t ovulated since before I started dating my husband. The doctors truly don’t know how long I’ve gone without ovulating. I ovulated for the first time in possibly a decade, maybe more, last cycle. I always thought I ovulated because I got my period. I never knew that just because I bleed a couple of days every cycle, it doesn’t actually mean that I’m ovulating.

When I finally decided that something wasn’t right, I had to bring proof to my doctor. He ran the tests when I asked, but he was never forthcoming with me about any of this, even though he’s been my doctor since childhood. I had to research my options. I had to beg my own doctor to help my husband because my husbands doctor didn’t know how to send a referral. I was the one who found my clinic. I was the one who made contact. I was the one calling for results. I was the one doing the research and asking the questions. I was the one who took to the internet and googled infertility at a moment of pure panic and pain. I was the one who found the infertility blogging community and it was their help and resources that helped me get the education I so desperately lacked.

~~~

I’m out to family and friends about our infertility. I don’t hide our struggles despite how it makes some people around me feel uncomfortable. Despite people telling me that its all I talk about and that its not something I should be public about. I post information. I remind people to ask questions about their reproductive health and to seek second and third opinions when their doctor won’t help.

Then something happened.

People I knew. People I went to school with, that I worked with, family, friends of the family, people that were friends of friends started approaching me privately. Messages telling me that they thought they were the only ones. Messages telling me that I wasn’t alone. People telling me that they were scared and didn’t know what to do. People who silently dealt with this for years and never knew that there were options or that there were even fertility clinics and doctors who specialize in infertility in both men and women. I carry their secrets and check on them regularly, but they push me to talk.

I want women to be prepared. To have the knowledge. To know how their body works. To not be ashamed of their reproductive health and to have easy access to support, information and resources. I want them to be comfortable learning and talking about their bodies at a young age. I want teachers properly educated on teaching sex ed and be comfortable enough to approach it much the way other topics and subjects are approached. We should not be ashamed of our bodies. We should not be uncomfortable talking about our bodies and how they work. This isn’t something we should have to fight for.

Something needs to change. And I’m no longer scared or ashamed to step up and speak up. We need to be the change.

If you are a parent, talk to your kids about their reproductive health, but also teach them that there is nothing to be embarassed about. Don’t shame kids. Don’t think your job is done when you say “don’t have sex” or “put a condom on it”. Ask them what they know. Have open dialogue. Push for better sex ed in your child’s school. Remember, kids are curious and they will experiment no matter how much your tell them not to. So prepare them for that as much as you can.

They deserve that much. We all do.

All Anyone Needs Is Respect & Support

Posted on April 28, 2013 by imfluffyowl

All this week, I’ve been sharing information about infertility. It’s one of the few weeks out of the year where I’m actively using facebook as a way to get information out there. I normally use facebook in a very superficial way. I update my daily photo for project 365, I have a couple of ongoing chats with a handful of friends, I check in on our private group for the parents of our Brownies, I stop by my secret girls night group to check in with my girlfriends and laugh at some racy cartoons or photos that either my dad or some of the ladies from darts decided to share or share something funny on a friends wall. I just simply don’t have much use for facebook. Many of my friends will share pictures of me from stuff I do with them, I let them tag me in whatever they want because I never do anything racy enough to garner any negative feedback from anyone. And other than an occasional article on infertility that I share with the heading “for those that might be interested” knowing that I have a handful of friends on my feed struggling privately with infertility, I generally keep quite on facebook. I like to leave most of my ranting for other social media.

Prior to the start of NIAW, I shared a status update to let everyone know I was taking part in social media activities for NIAW and apologizing upfront for any news feed spamming through the week. While many in the past have shared their dislike in my posts or have come to me with questions wondering why I can’t simply be happy with all that I already have, I still ended up shocked (in a good way!) by the response I received. Many applauded me for sharing and expressed their eagerness to learn more. One person in particular, someone I went to high school with no less, was the most supportive. She was saddened by the fact that I felt the need to preface my participation. But she was also the one to understand more than anyone else. She has opted not to have her own children because she is a step-mom to her husband’s two children from a previous relationship. She shared with me her frustration at people questioning her decision to not have biological children. Her own frustrations helped her to have empathy and understanding for my own struggle, even if we were on opposite ends of the family building spectrum.

The reason that I’m sharing this information with you is because my response to her comment received a lot of positive comments and really gave me my direction for this week:

“If I learned anything over the last 4 years, it’s about respecting everyone’s decision on family building. It’s not for everyone and not everyone will fall into a perfect cookie cutter idea of a family. Some have step children they adore and don’t need to add to their family. Some want to adopt. Some choose to live child free. Some want to have many children. Some prefer to go the foster care route. Others need to pay for expensive treatments out of pocket for just a chance. Many of those people dealing with other conditions that are causing their infertility. And no matter what, every single one of those people and their choices need to be respected and supported.”

And that right there is the point of everything we are doing. Everyone’s family building choices need to be respected and supported. Whether you never wanted children in the first place, you are infertile and choosing your family building options or anyone else in between. All any of us want is to be treated as equals. That it be the same for everyone. That we have access to whatever resources we need to reach our goal. To have those options available to us regardless of how much money we have or don’t have. To have access to treatments without it costing an arm and a leg.

We just want to be treated with respect and want our choices to be respected and supported.

Such a simple request falling on deaf ears…

The First CD1 To Look Forward To

Posted on November 14, 2012 by imfluffyowl

Things have been a bit hectic, but I finally have a few minutes to sit down and write about the trip.

Thursday afternoon we took off for Halifax with my MIL in tow. Chris was having a very bad day so MIL offered to make the trip and surprise her best friend (who we were staying with anyway) with a visit of her own, and really, just to be there as emotional support for me and Chris. The trip up was both wonderful and terrible. MIL is awesome, easy to be around and is very little fuss so traveling with her is awesome. Chris spent most of the trip asleep in the back, just trying to sleep through the worst of his breakdown. What is normally a 5 hour drive at most turned out to be a 7.5 hour trip because of the heavy rains for most of the trip. At points, the rain was coming down so heavy that I just kept the brake lights of the guy in front of me in my vision and hoped that he didn’t go off the highway or I was gonna follow. I must’ve done something right because my MIL is still talking about how great of a driver I am. I guess I hid my fear of losing control well…

We stayed with “Aunt Moe” (the mother of the guy we stayed with in March) who is my MIL’s childhood friend. They are best friends and essentially their kids grew up together. They are family in every way but blood. Moe has MS, but is still able to get around and incredibly stubborn. She was determined to have us stay with her. I love her dearly and she spoiled us from the moment we walked in the door. MIL shocked Moe with her impromptu visit and we all got an earful for hiding the surprise from her. Thursday was an early, quiet night. We relaxed, caught up and watched TV. My nerves were a little on edge for the appointment.

Friday morning, we were up early to get ready for our appointment. We were staying about a 40 minute drive from our appointment. Moe’s husband offered to be our chauffeur for the day and refused to let us drive into downtown Halifax for the appointment. He drove us to our appointment and since we landed almost an hour early, we walked up the street to my favorite cupcake shop (that sadly only exists in Halifax) and I bought some yummy cupcakes. Then we went to AART for the appointment and let Moe’s husband go do his own thing with a promise to call when we were ready.

When we got to AART, we were early, so we signed in and had a seat in the waiting room. While waiting, a girl who clearly worked for AART came out and poked her head into the waiting room. She said, “Kim?” and instantly I knew it was Kendra. Kendra, the wonderful secretary who literally bent over backwards, listened to me cry in frustration, tracked down doctors and even when our appointment for that day had to be cancelled because our doctor had a family emergency, begged other doctors to take our appointment because of how long I was waiting for this appointment. The same girl who refused to call and tell me about the appointment time change until she confirmed another doctor and then apologized profusely for the time change. When we saw each other for the first time, we were both big smiles and she sat down to talk to us for a few minutes, asked how our trip was, and it felt like i was talking to an old friend. It quickly eased my nerves and she told us that she would come and get us as soon as our doctor landed, he was on his way from the IWK.

Dr. Murphy was wonderful. He made us feel at ease almost immediately. He took our family history, mine and Chris’s medical history, and went over the basic questions that we already filled out on the questionnaires. Explained the basic causes of infertility and a run through of how you actually get pregnant medically. Chris was attentive, but I already knew all of this mostly due to my time in this group. He was surprised to hear that I had found and embraced the help of an online community. He asked some questions about this ALI community, more so to pass onto his other patients, and applauded me for looking for support and embracing it. From there, he asked what tests I’ve had to date, tracked down my last round of blood work, told me that before I left the office, he wanted another pap test run. He is sending Chris for another semen analysis through our local hospital just to check to see if there is any change since the last test in March. They had no explanation for his low count, so they are hoping that there’s been a change. From there, he started with sending the referral for me to get that lovely dye test on my uterus, set up a referral for a local gyno, and a battery of blood tests. I have CD2 blood work to check EVERYTHING, literally, EVERYTHING. They are even taking over tracking the levels for my thyroid and any changes to my thyroid meds will come directly from AART. They are sending me for more blood work on CD21 and CD23 to check my progesterone levels to make sure that I am, in fact, ovulating. Dr. Murphy seems confident that with my symptoms and the length of my cycles and my periods that I’m ovulating normally but he wants the tests to back up his thoughts. He didn’t seem too concerned with my handful of long or longer cycles but he said if anything is wrong, we will know after the tests. He wants every i dotted and every T crossed. And thankfully, to cut down on travel, they will arrange to do results via teleconference to limit my travel time and expenses.

While there, he asked us if we had an idea what we were looking to do as he assumed I knew my options when I walked in. I told him that if Chris’s count was not high enough for IUI, we were willing to move forward with donor sperm. He told me that he’s not surprised that we have an idea of what we want considering how informed I am and considering how long we’ve been waiting to get to this point. He gave us the stats for each, broke down what we would need to do for each and then gave us information folders on IVF, IUI and Semen Donors. We are not really ready to start treatment right now, but since we clearly have some idea of our direction, he wanted to give us more information to look through and to prepare questions for our next official visit to the clinic post-results. Then doc sent Chris to the waiting room where his mom was babysitting my cupcakes and the nurse on staff did my Pap smear.

After the Pap smear was over, the doctor was talking to me and answering any last minute questions. I kept on thanking him throughout the entire appointment and finally after I thanked him again, he asked me why I kept on thanking him over and over again. I laughed at him because I didn’t realize how much I was doing it and then apologized. I told him that I’m really not used to having doctors do so much for us. We’ve been trying to get pregnant for 3 years and 8 months. Almost 3 of those years were spent convincing our doctors that something wasn’t right. I always had to look up what our next step was. Chris had to beg his doctor to send him for a semen analysis. Chris had to track down those results of the semen analysis himself. Nothing was offered after the results. I had to find that out on my own. Chris had to demand for the urologist’s referral. Chris had to check on the status of that referral. We had to fight for that referral to be sent to the right doctor 3 times. We were never contacted about that appointment and ended up missing the first appointment because of it. If I didn’t stay on top of that secretary, we would’ve never gotten the information needed for the second appointment. It’s new to us to have staff that actually try to do stuff for us, to have a secretary not only check on something, but to call us back in a timely fashion. And to finally be at an appointment where things are happening (ALL THE THINGS!!) without evening asking. I can’t help but be thankful and thank everyone who does it.

Upon hearing this, the doctor looked at me with the most honest look in his eyes and said, “You don’t have to beg doctors to listen to you anymore, we’re listening to you. No more worries, we want to help.” *cue the tears*. Every bit of weight on my shoulders seemed to collectively lift and I found myself at ease for the first time in our infertility journey. The rush to move forward seems to slow down and there was comfort just knowing that we were in the right hands. Competent hands. Then the appointment was over, I got to thank Kendra and Dr. Murphy again and we grabbed lunch and did some shopping. By the time we were back at Aunt Moe’s, I was relaxed, laughing and ready to spend the evening with all of Aunt Moe’s kids and their families.

Before we knew it, Saturday morning was upon us and we were heading home. Thankfully no rain but sunny and bitterly cold. By the time we hit Cape Breton, we were driving through snow flurries (the first of the season for us). Now it’s time to get back to normal. Blood work tomorrow morning and for once, this is the first CD1 I’ve looked forward to since before we started trying. Here’s to moving forward…finally!

A Quick Update

Posted on November 9, 2012 by imfluffyowl

I’m still in Halifax til tomorrow morning but we just got in from the appointment. Just wanted to stop by and give a quick update before I take off to enjoy the rest of my night with family.

My appointment can be summed up in these words:

“You don’t have to beg doctors to listen to you anymore, we’re listening to you. No more worries, we want to help.”

Stated by the wonderful Dr. Murphy *happysigh*

It doesn’t seem like much to some but when you spent that last 3 years of your TTC journey fighting with and begging Doctors just to listen to your fears, it’s a breath of fresh air!

More later!

The Countdown Is On

Posted on November 6, 2012 by imfluffyowl

It’s been a very, very stressful couple of weeks for me. I’m in no shape mentally to even try to recap it. Honestly? It’s not worth the crying and headache that will accompany it. But no worries, I’m fine, hubby is doing ok and everyone in our life is healthy and fine. No change on the infertility front. Everything else just went to the hell. We are slowly moving forward and trying to get back on track.

In other news, my “brother from another mother” got married on Saturday. I’m so incredibly happy for them. My brother was the best man. For a bit of back story on the whole “brother from another mother” and R’s importance in my life: R grew up two doors down from me. He was the same age as me (I’m one day short of a month older than him and he never fails to remind me of it). Myself R and a girl in the neighborhood were thick as thieves. As my brother got a bit older, R spent more time with my brother. Every winter, we would have snowball fights, make snowmen and he always managed to knock the glass out of my glasses at least once each winter. Before we knew it, my brother was hitting the teenage years and R would spend almost every weekend at our place. We stayed up all night watching horror movies together. He was my prom date because he was suppose to graduate with us but didn’t and I wanted to go with a friend instead of trying to find a date. I stood by his side while he fought for visitation rights with his daughter. We have a long and strong friendship and I’ve always loved him like a brother. He’s part of my family no matter what. Even now, with his new wife who doesn’t like me all that much, I’m still there, happy for him. I’ve chalked up her distrust and dislike of me to jealousy of a strong female friendship in his life, history that she will never have with him. And some people just have a jealous side. But regardless I couldn’t be anymore proud of my other brother if he was my brother by blood. It was a great night to break up all the bad stuff of the last 2 weeks.

In other news, Friday is my appointment with my infertility clinic in Halifax. 3 years and 7 months into trying to get pregnant and I’m finally going for my first appointment with my clinic. I’ve been waiting for this specific appointment since my husbands appointment in March after a complete mess up with the urologist and the clinic losing my referral multiple times. Thankfully they are not charging us for this appointment because of the mess up. I know that this is going to be your standard first appointment, family history, my own medical history, go over my paperwork sent from other doctors, order tests and blood work and set up my testing through a local Gyno, but I’m still nervous and anxious. I’m so scared that they are gonna find something that is going to run our costs even higher. Costs that I’m already finding hard to digest. Reproductively speaking, I’m scared that something is wrong with me. I’ve been able to come to terms with my husband’s low count since his diagnosis but I’m scared to death that they will find more problems with me that will prevent us from doing IUI with donor. So if you could all send good vibes, positive energy, say a prayer, chant, anything really, that this appointment goes well and my stress level stays low. It would be awesome if you could.

We leave early Thursday morning, drive 5 hours to Halifax to stay with Chris’s Aunt Maureen, spend the evening relaxing with Moe and possibly visit with her two children and their spouses. Friday morning we are up early to drive into the city for the appointment and provided everything goes well, I’ll treat myself to a frap from Starbucks and a visit to my favorite cupcake shop in the world, Susie’s Shortbreads. Then depending on how we are feeling, we will either make the 5 hour drive home and get in late or stay for the night and leave first thing Saturday morning.

Also, I just found out that the 3 government jobs I applied for were accepted and they are all now in their specific inventory lists that they refer to when calling for interviews and testing. If you could say a little prayer or send good thoughts on that too, that would totally rock.

And in the “holy fuck, I’m freaking out man” file, I turn 30 in less than a month. I’m both excited (cause its the BIG 30!) and freaking out a bit (cause, hello! It’s the BIG 30!) I suddenly feel just a little old.

Otherwise, that’s all I have the energy to write right now. I hope everyone is doing well! And I swear, I’m only 75 deep in unread blog posts in my reader but I’m working on that. I WILL get caught up!

Is That Too Much To Ask For?

Posted on March 2, 2012 by imfluffyowl

Sitting here talking to my husband about our options and all the possible outcomes we could face at the appointment at the end of the month, my husband looked at me after a particularly difficult talk about donor semen vs. no donor. At the thick of the conversation he looked me in the eye, tears in his own eyes and said, “I will get you pregnant.” The resolve, power and heart behind that statement just made me break down. Then we talked about costs, how we would afford any of this. And we both cried. How many cycles can we really afford? What if we only get one shot at this?

I love this man so much and I want nothing more than to protect him from the pain we have to feel. The fertile world doesn’t see this part of the infertility world. They don’t see the pain this causes both emotionally and financially. I wish the insurance companies could feel what we feel right now. I wish the Canadian government could feel what we feel right now. Maybe then, they would actually push for coverage? Maybe then, they would treat this like the disease it really is?

We just want to get pregnant and have a baby. We want to be parents. Is that too much to ask for?

Finally!

Posted on March 1, 2012 by imfluffyowl

Finally got through to Dr. G’s office yesterday. She remembered me and was quick to grab me the appointment information. We meet with Dr. G on March 22nd at 10:30am.

We have been waiting 3 years to get to this point because of incompetent doctors and we are finally going to move onto the next stage. We are finally going to be in the hands of doctors who are trained to deal with our situation. It’s a relief. But at the same time, its so fucking scary. I’ve bounced back and forth so much between extreme excitement and gut wrenching fear that I’m starting to resemble Tigger from Winnie the Pooh on a strong caffeine rush. I hate being where we are at now, but its something I’ve come to adjust to, while on the other hand, I’m scared of whats to come because its the unknown. One minute, I’m fine just to be in the middle of panic induced shakes because of fear just minutes later.

We have to travel for the appointment so as soon as I had the information I called my mother-in-law and told her. She’s going to come over everyday to feed the cats and make sure the litter gets cleaned. Chris’s best friend and his girlfriend that live downstairs have our spare key and they have already come up to visit to let us know that they will check in on the cats in the evening. I’ve already cleared my time off from work with pay (thanks dad!) and we confirmed with Chris’s Aunt Moe’s son and daughter-in-law about staying with them during the trip. (Aunt Moe is technically his mother’s best friend so they really aren’t his cousins) We’re going to go up on Wednesday, stay til Saturday and hopefully get some visits in with Moe, Moe’s daughter, grand daughter and son in law, and hopefully do some shopping. I miss Aunt Moe and her kids and their spouses. We are pretty close to them and I haven’t seen her daughter in a couple of months and its been almost 2 years since we seen the son and his wife.

So things, for once, are looking up. We have some info, we have a timeline and we will make the best of it. At least that’s what I’m chanting to keep myself sane…