All Anyone Needs Is Respect & Support

Posted on April 28, 2013 by imfluffyowl

All this week, I’ve been sharing information about infertility. It’s one of the few weeks out of the year where I’m actively using facebook as a way to get information out there. I normally use facebook in a very superficial way. I update my daily photo for project 365, I have a couple of ongoing chats with a handful of friends, I check in on our private group for the parents of our Brownies, I stop by my secret girls night group to check in with my girlfriends and laugh at some racy cartoons or photos that either my dad or some of the ladies from darts decided to share or share something funny on a friends wall. I just simply don’t have much use for facebook. Many of my friends will share pictures of me from stuff I do with them, I let them tag me in whatever they want because I never do anything racy enough to garner any negative feedback from anyone. And other than an occasional article on infertility that I share with the heading “for those that might be interested” knowing that I have a handful of friends on my feed struggling privately with infertility, I generally keep quite on facebook. I like to leave most of my ranting for other social media.

Prior to the start of NIAW, I shared a status update to let everyone know I was taking part in social media activities for NIAW and apologizing upfront for any news feed spamming through the week. While many in the past have shared their dislike in my posts or have come to me with questions wondering why I can’t simply be happy with all that I already have, I still ended up shocked (in a good way!) by the response I received. Many applauded me for sharing and expressed their eagerness to learn more. One person in particular, someone I went to high school with no less, was the most supportive. She was saddened by the fact that I felt the need to preface my participation. But she was also the one to understand more than anyone else. She has opted not to have her own children because she is a step-mom to her husband’s two children from a previous relationship. She shared with me her frustration at people questioning her decision to not have biological children. Her own frustrations helped her to have empathy and understanding for my own struggle, even if we were on opposite ends of the family building spectrum.

The reason that I’m sharing this information with you is because my response to her comment received a lot of positive comments and really gave me my direction for this week:

“If I learned anything over the last 4 years, it’s about respecting everyone’s decision on family building. It’s not for everyone and not everyone will fall into a perfect cookie cutter idea of a family. Some have step children they adore and don’t need to add to their family. Some want to adopt. Some choose to live child free. Some want to have many children. Some prefer to go the foster care route. Others need to pay for expensive treatments out of pocket for just a chance. Many of those people dealing with other conditions that are causing their infertility. And no matter what, every single one of those people and their choices need to be respected and supported.”

And that right there is the point of everything we are doing. Everyone’s family building choices need to be respected and supported. Whether you never wanted children in the first place, you are infertile and choosing your family building options or anyone else in between. All any of us want is to be treated as equals. That it be the same for everyone. That we have access to whatever resources we need to reach our goal. To have those options available to us regardless of how much money we have or don’t have. To have access to treatments without it costing an arm and a leg.

We just want to be treated with respect and want our choices to be respected and supported.

Such a simple request falling on deaf ears…

Winter Shed Week 10

Posted on March 16, 2013 by imfluffyowl

Hey guys,

Here it is, the last week of the winter shed. Next week I’ll be joining up for the spring version of this. I’ll adjust the goals here I still plan to work on and add new ones as I feel it. I will spend the week determining my goals I want to accomplish.

If you want to join in on the spring shed, I’ll have the icon and link set up next week when sign up is set.

But since its the last week, I want to look back, not only at what I accomplished this week but what I accomplished overall and if I considered it a success or not.

Living a healthier life in 2013 in preparation for “Future Baby B”.

Last week, I joined the gym. Its a 24 hour gym and so far I love it. i tend to be in a 2 days on, 1 off while my body adjusts to working muscles its not used to working. I weighed myself on Tuesday and found out that since my first weigh in in November, I’ve lost 30 pounds! I feel wonderful and my clothes are loose on me. People are starting to notice the weight loss. This makes it much easier to continue my lifestyle and diet change. I consider this goal both successful and still a work in progress. I don’t want to give up this healthier lifestyle now that I’m getting into a routine with it.

To make progress towards resolving our infertility.

Today was finally the day of my HSG test. While I never want to do that again, I am pleased to say that Dr. D proudly announced with a smile on her face that my tubes and uterus are “clear and perfect”! So she thinks that my biggest hindrance on my end at this point is my thyroid. I’m about 2 weeks out for my 6 week thyroid level check in. My family doctor is still on vacation so I called my fertility clinic and asked if they could mail me a requisition form for my thyroid levels. The secretary is sending that out first thing Monday and she told me that my last progesterone level results are in but she doesn’t have the ok to share it with me. But she will have one of the doctors call me first thing Monday to go over the results with me. So right now, everything is going smoothly in the testing area. I’ll just be happy when my thyroid levels are normal again.

I consider this one a success and a work in progress as well. Things were completed but there is still lots to go in this goal.

To stop making people a priority in my life when I’m not even an option in theirs.

The passion party was great. I was sad that some people said they were coming and then didn’t bother to show or even let me know that they wouldn’t make it, but people will always do this regardless of how much you plan. But for the people that came, we had a great night.

Overall, I consider this resolved. I accomplished everything I set out to do.

To work towards making our house a home.

The house continues to stay functional. But the big news here is that we finally got a dog!

I’d like to introduce you to Mia:

We had this perfect alining of events that led us to finding her. Hubby always wanted a beagle, we needed a dog that was already at least partially house trained and worked well with cats. Chris’s uncle was looking for a dog for himself and seen the ad with this beautiful girl. The owners were moving, she was a year and a half old, house trained and great with cats and free to. A good home. We called that day, went over an hour later and came home with her. She is possibly the friendliest dog I’ve ever met. All she wants to do is cuddle and sleep curled up to us. She won’t lick your face, doesn’t jump all over you, but if you invite her up on your lap she will jump up and sleep there til you want her to get down. We are madly in love with her and in 3 days she’s already a staple in our life. Me and a friend went out and got her a pretty collar, name tag and some jackets. She sleeps with us every night and the cats are slowly coming out of hiding even though they are still hissing at her if she gets too close.

Having Mia has made our house feel more like a home than anything else we’ve done. I consider this goal only mildly successful. I want to revisit this and maybe make some adjustments to this goal.

To expand my reading collection.

I’m gonna claim this one as a failure but possibly adjust this before next week. I want it to incorporate more of my need to alternate between reading and crafting as they are something I do equally.

It’s been a great couple of weeks and this shed had really helped the winter months fly by. Each week I had a goal and it really helped stop the winter blahs from taking over my life.

I hope everyone else is doing well. See you next week for the start of the Spring Shed!!

The Uncomfortable Nature Of Not Believing

Posted on March 10, 2013 by imfluffyowl

Recently, due to our recent acquiring of Netflix, I’ve had the chance to start watching shows that I wanted to watch but either started them too late or didn’t have the channel they were on. I have a soft spot for cheesy teen dramas. All those made for TV movies about cyber bullying or teen pregnancy, I flock to them without much thought. So it’s no surprise that channels like ABC Spark or ABC Family are some of my favorite channels to get caught up in. Chris has zero understanding for my little addiction to teen dramas and constantly tries to get me to give it up for something better. What can I say though? It’s my guilty pleasure.

One of the first shows I sat down and watched from beginning to end when we first signed up for Netflix was “Make It Or Break It”. The show is over and it is 48 episodes long. It was an ABC Family show about 4 elite gymnasts working their way towards becoming Olympic athletes. Since the girls are 16, its all about them as gymnasts, and trying to juggle life and regular teenage problems while struggling to become the best gymnasts in the US. It also shows their families, and all the politics of the day to day runnings of an elite gym.

I have a love/hate relationship with the girls themselves but loved the stories dealing with the families, coach and the running of the gym. Growing up, I loved the show Full House and even now I’m known to watch it all the way through when I need something light to watch. So when one of the actresses from Full House showed up in this show (Candace Cameron-Bure), it was sort of the final thing that dragged me in for the long haul. Now I used to follow Candace on twitter and Instagram, always respected her as an actress. It never really bothered me that she was as crazy about her religion as her crazy, way too overly outspoken religious brother. Then one day, she posts about going to Chick-Fil-A with her children to support “the sanctity of traditional marriage” and splayed her support all over her twitter and Instagram but she voiced that people were so mean when they gave her a hard time over it. I just stopped following her because I have and always will stand for equal marriage rights for all and I just didn’t want to read about her close-mindedness on the subject. It never stopped me from watching Full House or anything else she was in.

Regardless, Candace plays a character in the show who is extremely religious. The character promotes abstinence and no sex before marriage, anti-abortion, she promotes prayer and going to church and finding your answers in g-d. While I enjoy watching Candace act and stood behind many of the things her character did in the show (like honesty, kindness, sticking behind her decision regardless of the outcome and always pushing open and honest communication), her performance in this show left me feeling a little uncomfortable and I spent most of my time watching the show trying to pinpoint what it was that made me so uncomfortable about it.

For those that have read my blog for any period of time know that I’ve already talked about my lack of faith. Over the years, I’ve stopped referring to myself as catholic and I’ve questioned my belief in any higher being. I won’t say that I’m atheist or any other specific belief because I don’t know where I land, I prefer to be in the undeclared pile, happy with the unknown. But watching this show and watching Candace’s character talk about her beliefs and her absolute commitment to the power of prayer, I started to come to an understanding within myself. Even though I was born and raised catholic, I never really believed.

Growing up, I would be at church events, learning about teaching religion class or getting ready for our next big religious event and the teacher and priest would talk so openly and happily about prayer and the more they talked about it, the more uncomfortable I became. I was never comfortable talking about prayer or a higher power. While they talked about the peace and happiness that came from opening oneself up to g-d, I never had that feeling and often wondered if I was simply praying wrong. I was never comfortable praying, I never felt that my words were being listened to and there was no comfort in releasing those words. I could say those same words to trusted friends and feel a wonderful release that I never got from saying them to a higher power privately. I never really felt like I fit in with the church, though through no lack of trying on their part. Going to church, I always felt like I was just going through the phases, just repeating what I was taught from a young age. It became a routine of speaking aloud and rotating between sitting, standing and kneeling, never really getting any feelings of accomplishment or contentment from it. The only thing that ever felt real was weddings and funerals and I don’t think that was from a feeling of higher power doing its thing, but rather a comfort from the process. It feels more like a means to help me process the happiness or pain and move into the next phase. I don’t feel guided by a Holy Spirit or higher power, but rather just a process that I’ve become so accustomed to that it helps trigger the grief or happy feelings that one should have. The act of a wake (calling hours), funeral and grave side service still provide me the ability to process a death but its much more the actions over any prayers bringing me peace.

Watching Candace’s character talk about g-d with such ease and comfort and seeing that Candace’s real beliefs were being shown through her acting made me a little envious. Growing up, I wished for that sort of calm and peace from prayer. If everyone else feels that, then what am I doing wrong? I wanted to believe. But instead, the more that people talked about it, the more questions I had. I thought I lost my beliefs when my grandmother died, but lately I’m starting to realize, maybe I never had that belief in the first place. I sometimes wish I did. I think it would make my life simpler. I wish I could put my blind faith in a higher power to walk me through our struggle with infertility, it would be so easy to just leave that in the hands of a higher power. I see so many in our community, especially through other means of social media, just putting such blind faith that they are on a path that g-d chose for them. I see the prayers and quoted pieces of scripture and I think that they are lucky to be able to believe so easily and that whether g-d exists or not, they have something in their life to help guide them. I wish their scripture quotes and prayers and praises didn’t make me feel quite so uncomfortable. I wish that their beliefs could transfer to me. My life would be so much easier if it could.

For now, I push through those uncomfortable feelings. I keep quiet about my lack of faith unless directly asked and let people keep their beliefs. My parents and grandparents will continue to believe that i believe. Nothing will come from telling them otherwise. I don’t want them to spend their time worrying about what will happen to my soul. I will attend church for important events. I’ll baptize my future children to appease my parents and grandparents. When the time comes that my grandparents will no longer be here with us, I will do whatever they ask of me. I will do readings or prayers in their honor because I’ve done it before for my other grandmother. I will embrace the religion for them. I will project positive vibes and feelings of comfort and peace in place of belief in a higher power. And when someone says that they will pray for me, I will thank them for their prayers. Because I know if I talk about it, people will try to “save me”. And honestly, its easier to accept the prayers of the believers over trying to explain why you think your soul doesn’t need saving. And that way, if I end up being wrong and there is a g-d out there that I may one day answer to, maybe he/she/it will consider that when they makes a decision about my afterlife…just maybe…

Winter Shed Blog Hop: Week One

Posted on January 11, 2013 by imfluffyowl

Well the first week of the Winter Shed Blog Hop is here, which means that I can recap on what’s changed in the past week. Head over to my introductory post if you want to read up on the blog hop and my goals. And you can always check out Kathy’s original post on the blog hop over at Bereaved and Blessed. Here’s her Week One post if you want to check in!

To recap, I’ve highlighted my original goals and below each goal, I’ve noted my progress on each this week.

Living a healthier life in 2013 in preparation for “Future Baby B”.

I went shopping this week and when I tried on pants I found out that I’m down a pant size! This made me very happy. The change is great and I think this came from the changes I made in the weeks leading up to the move, what I put my body through during unpacking (its better than any workout out there), keeping my portions down over the holiday and cutting down on holiday “snacks” intake (I was fairly well behaved this Christmas). This week, I started using My Fitness Pal, gave my honest starting weight and I’ve been tracking my food intake as well as my workouts. My calorie intake as well as my sugar, carb, fat and sodium intake are below my daily goal (a good thing!). I also went forward and pre-made breakfast sandwiches and they are ready to be nuked in the microwave each morning until I can get into the habit of eating breakfast every morning. Little steps but all in the right direction.

Next step, I plan on getting a gym membership for the winter months and starting a regular workout routine a couple of days a week. My friend is going to reactivate her membership and hopefully a day or two a week we can work out together and push each other out the door when we just aren’t feeling it.

To make progress towards resolving our infertility.

CD1 blood work is done and I’m waiting for CD21 and CD23 to get here for my next two rounds of blood work. Then I wait for the results from the clinic. Next CD1 I call Dr. D and set up my dye test. Also, I put away my first $40 towards treatment. It’s not much, but I put any extra money I have away to go towards treatment. Every time I have a couple of bucks, it goes in the fund hidden from the world. I stopped going to Tim Horton’s for tea (oh Tassimo, how I love you to the ends of the earth), so that extra two bucks everyday goes to the fund as well. If I put it away and don’t think about it, before we know it, we will have all the funds necessary for our first round of treatment. I’ve also found the best way to take my pre-natal vitamins and folic acid without getting completely sick each time thanks to some helpful suggestions of some friends. I take it at bedtime with my synthroid and by the time I wake up, I’ve slept through the worst of it and I’m feeling good and ready for breakfast. I seem to be sleeping later than normal but I don’t know if its laziness or me needing to sleep later in the day to sleep off more of the gross feelings. Maybe a bit of column A and B? But I’m gonna push to get myself to bed a bit earlier and hope to start getting into a better sleep pattern.

Next week, I want to get at least $60 put away. Then I can say that our first hundred dollars is saved for treatment. I want to keep at this pace. If I do, the money will build fast. Also, I need to call my fertility clinic for my blood work results, have those results forwarded to my gyno and continue to track my cycles. Also to stay on top of my pre-natal vitamins, folic acid and my synthroid.

To stop making people a priority in my life when I’m not even an option in theirs.

I emailed a friend to explain why I was so upset about a situation that happened. I was honest, to the point and left it in her hands to make contact with me. That was 3 days ago and I haven’t heard from her since so it really is in her hands now. I won’t be heartbroken and wait on her every move, I won’t play the pity me card, I won’t let it depress me and consume my every thought like things have in the past. If our friendship matters or ever mattered, she will respond in one way or another, if not, the friendship wasn’t what I thought and I make peace with that. I’m going to enjoy the friendships I have. Otherwise, everything else is going well.

I’m talking regularly with my friends and hanging out with those that are free, my social life is picking up again and when people want to get together, I find myself looking forward to it. Darts is back and that’s keeping me busy on Monday’s, Brownies is back and that’s keeping me busy on Thursday’s, and a couple of times over the past two weeks, my friends have initiated a get together with me and Chris without any push from me. Which is nice for a change. I’m not saying that no one ever initiates anything with me but it does feel much more even lately because part of it is also me learning that every time I ask someone to do something, I’m not pestering them. I sometimes feel that way through no fault of anyone else and I need to work on that. I like the feeling though, of progress.

To work towards making our house a home.

We started working on the basement. Each day we throw out a bit more. When the basement is cleared we will finally be getting our puppy. Today, my plan is to finally put away all our clothes. I miss having a clean bedroom and I finally feel like doing it.

Up next: Go through the cupboard in the kitchen that has all the cookbooks that mom left, figure out who owns what and finally have use of the last unclaimed cupboard in the kitchen. Also, I want to get started with unpacking my craft room, getting it somewhat organized and maybe even move in the chair and foot rest from the garage. There is also a cabinet in my craft room that is filled with books from my childhood. I want to go through them, organize them then pack and store them away in the spare bedroom til we have children to share them with. Here’s hoping.

To expand my reading collection.

Didn’t get very far with this. Still reading Lord of the Rings. Only another chapter or two since last week. But to be fair, Chris and I spent most of the week re-watching older seasons of Bones. I’ll get back into reading when we are up to date on the show (we just started season 6 and we are averaging about 8 episodes a day right now). Plus I always read a bit at night before I fall asleep.

Up next: Finish Lord of the Rings, move onto The Two Towers and then finish off the series with Return of the King. After that, The Hobbit, Angela’s Ashes, finally finish reading Let’s Pretend This Never Happened, then move forward with some of the classic authors and stories.

That’s about it for my updates this week. It’s been a positive week of change and knowing that I was going to be honest and share my progress with everyone, to be held accountable for my goals, was a great push. It stopped me when I wanted to be lazy and order takeout instead of making a healthy meal, it made me second guess buying a donut at Tim Horton’s when I stopped for a sandwich for my husband. I look forward to the upcoming weeks and making progress with everyone!

Love to you all!
Kim

I’m Not The Same Girl I Used To Be

Posted on October 26, 2011 by imfluffyowl

Looking back at when I was a kid, I was shy. I was a geek but didn’t know that what I was had a name and that I wasn’t the only one like this. And I never stood up for myself. I was subject to bullying from other girls. I was the band geek that loved band. I was in honors band. I did everything to please everyone else but I was never really happy. I was too busy trying to please everyone else, that I never had the time or energy left to do anything for myself and my own happiness.

I grew up. I went to university where I was miserable. I dropped out and started working in a call center. I met people, older people, who saw something in me that I had yet to see in myself. They took me under their wings and they helped me see me for who I am. It’s safe to say, this is where I finally decided to not put up with bullshit anymore. Or, at least, this was the first step towards that. I was grateful for this time in my life. Many of these friendships have carried over to now. One of those people introduced me to my husband. Two of the other girls actually got married on the same day as me. I took those first steps to independence. I started to put myself first. I started to grow up.

Then I got to this point where I wanted to go back to school and I did. I went back to school, had a wonderful boyfriend who was also in school and I transitioned into the next stage in my life. I still lived at home but the need to move forward hit me. I got engaged. I moved out of my parents and moved in with my fiance. We got married. We made a life for ourselves. I started to see my parents house as my former home and a place that I visit and wherever I was with Chris was my home. I felt at home with him. And now we are dealing with infertility and fighting to be able to have children.

So this brings me to the present. I work for my father, whom I love a lot. But dad is annoying. He is a man that went from living from pay to pay to having a well paying job. A job that he travels for all year long. He spends more times in camps then he does at home. My brother (my single, younger brother) is following in his footsteps. My father loves this. Because now that my father makes good money, he thinks that we all should and we should do it at whatever cost is necessary to our lives. I was raised in a home where we didn’t have a lot of money, but we were comfortable. I was raised to appreciate what I have and that I had to work for what I want. I was grateful for this life. I do not feel like I am missing anything by living this life. I am ok living a life within my means if it means that I am happy. For me to live happily, I want a loving husband (check!), children to love (working on that!), to live close enough to my family that both sets of parents are able to play a part in our lives and in the lives of our children, I don’t want my parents and Chris’s parents to be “Vacation Grandparents” (grandparents that only see their grandchildren on holidays and vacations. Growing up near my grandparents was a blessing. I have a connection with my grandparents that cannot be shared or understood by my cousins living away. I want to be near my friends and support systems that I already have in place, that I have spent the better part of a decade creating. I’m not ashamed of where I am from like most people that I know. I don’t think I’m settling by staying here. I love where I live, I love what I have here and I’m not ashamed of that.

My brother has found his stride too. He left here because he had nothing keeping him here. His friends and support systems were gone, he was done of school and he wanted something different. He moved to Edmonton. He has a big paying job. Dad brags about his life out there. And on paper, sure, it sounds good. A condo, a $90,000 a year job, a handful of friends. It’s great if that’s what he wants. But is it everything? He’s single, he never keeps a girlfriend for more than 3 months at a time, he eats take out everyday because he can’t cook. He works 12 hour days. He spends a lot of his weekends off drunk. My father seems to think that because there is big paying job, that that will simply make everything perfect. This coming from a man who has spent the past 10 years missing most holidays, weddings, anniversaries and birthdays because he is away working. His parents are clearly in the last years of their lives and he is spending most of his time away working instead of spending as much time as he can with his parents while they are still here. His siblings visit when they can, but even they don’t spend near enough time with them and they will regret it when they come home to bury them. I have no regrets. I see my mother 5 days a week. Some days, I wanna choke her. But I’m still close to my mom and I would regret it if I wasn’t here.

So what does this all mean?

Well, last night I was at my parents. Dad was home and I was putting together all of the treat bags for halloween. I went in the room and for some reason or another, my father started yelling at my mother about the computer and viruses and that its all our fault (re: me and mom) and if we break it, we won’t get a new one. I got pissed because, quite frankly, my dad knows how to turn on a computer, write an email and use facebook. This is the man that called me on a satellite phone in the middle of the gobi desert that “its broken, fix it” in reference to his computer and he got pissed when I told him that if hes not more specific, I can’t even try to help. So I had no idea where this was coming from and neither did mom. Mom stated this and he lost it even more and just started ranting and yelling at mom. I tried to talk and reason with dad and I made the mistake of telling dad that if anyone is a main offender when it comes to viruses its the email attachments he has and whatever my brother does on the computer when hes home. Big mistake. Dad starts defending my brother and something in me just snapped. I still couldn’t tell you exactly what I said but it was along the lines of: Well fucking forgive me for putting a tarnished mark on the prodigal son. I’m sorry I’m not as perfect as the wonderfully perfect Michael. I’m sorry I’m not as rich and wonderful as him, all my accomplishments must mean nothing. I’m sorry I have a wonderful husband who loves me. I’m sorry I’m not as rich as him. But you know what, you would be fucking lost without me and mom and yet you just yell at us like we are worthless.

After my rant, I stormed out of the room, went into the kitchen and whisper yelled at mom telling her that she doesn’t deserve to be treated like this regardless of if he makes all the money in the family or not. A pay cheque doesn’t mean that someone gets to belittle someone else. I stormed around the kitchen ignoring my fathers ranting and packed up, told mom not to put up with his shit anymore, kissed her and said goodbye to her and left the house telling mom I would be back once he was back on a plane out of here.

This morning I woke up to an email from my mother.

Hi Kim:
I don’t know what you said to Dad last night, but he is a different person today. Thanks for picking up for me yesterday. I guess we have to stick together. Love ya
Mom

And a new person he was. He was sunshine and daisies all day long. He took mom everywhere she needed to go, he apologized and he asked if I was coming over before he left for the airport. Like I said, I still don’t know what I said, I just have a vague idea of what I said and what I covered. But something changed last night. And honestly? I don’t think it was the words that made the impact. I think I have hit a stage where I have not only found my stride, my confidence, and my strength, but I also think that those around me know it too. I think my dad got the first taste of the no nonsense, take no shit, strong, independent daughter that he didn’t know existed til I snapped last night. Something shocked him. Something hit him. And this is my theory. The words played a part, but the power behind the words shocked him. I have had struggles in the past 10 years, struggles that he knew about, but I never talked about. I simply pushed through them and never talked. But in coming out about our struggle with infertility has given me the power that I have always had but it was just buried deep down inside of me. And this struggle cracked open that shell and let loose this fighter.

Last night when I went to bed, I feared that I would wake up with regret stemming from the fight. But I was pleasantly surprised to wake up with a smile on my face. I felt this confident woman wake up within me and take root. I felt her settle in permanently, showing me her place telling me that she will always be there fighting the good fight. A comfort came from that. Chris seen it this morning and commented on it. I think we both know that I have entered this new stage of my life. I’m the fighter. I will fall time and time again but I have this feeling in me and I know that I won’t be down for long. This fight in me will make me get up, dust myself off and move on.

This is all quite the change from the shy, geeky, young girl who avoided confrontation at all costs. But I have to say, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

A Reflection

Posted on September 5, 2011 by imfluffyowl

So after a very nice supper at The Bras D’Or View Restaurant, we ended up at Groves Point beach. Neither of us are prepared to go swimming (much to Chris’s disappointment “I’ll swim in my underwear if I have to” “Chris there are kids here” *pouty Chris*). It’s a gorgeous day, mid 20’s and the sun is shining brightly in this early evening.

It’s beautiful to see. No picture really does it any justice. All the green of the mountains, the high winds making the water dark and choppy. Sitting here makes me realize how small we are in the scheme of things. I feel tiny and insignificant. I’m just one person, one person against nature. What purpose could I have?

But the thing is, as small as all this makes me feel, it also gives me power and strength. The waves crashing along the beach remind me that working alone will not get me far, but as a group, if we try hard enough we can be those waves pressing on against the shore. Speaking up for what we need to do, as a group and fighting regardless of what we are told, we can make that splash, we can force ourselves upon the shore. It won’t happen right away and it most definitely wont be easy, but over time, we will move in like the tide. We will be the wave that pushes the tide in. I’m ready to make that step. Others are ready. We will stand up and be that tide. And no one or thing will tell us otherwise.

– Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone