Beautiful Day

Today I got to see my 5 yr  old and 2 yr old play together with the dollhouse. They were over the moon excited when I brought the baby in and laid her down on a blanket beside them so she could watch them.

My two year old danced with joyful abandon to the song "Good Morning Beautiful" by Jim Brickman. I need to remember to get this on Video. She say's "Beautiful DAY! " at least 50 times a day because of this song. And it makes me smile everytime.

Today I took my 10 yr old to Sports Clips so they could fix his haircut from Saturday that they didn't cut near short enough. We had a great conversation, because he did NOT want it any shorter. After talking I found out, it's because he wants to be able to "fix" his hair with gel. If I hadn't had the time to have this conversation I might have missed this glimpse into his journey of growing up. :(

My 8 yr old is such a helper. She buckles her sister in the carseat, she holds the crying baby and tries to calm her down, and if she can't calm her down, she holds her patiently until I can come and take over. This kid has a heart of gold.


I've had a little bit of the baby blues this time around. Not near as bad as after Felicity's birth. I have come out of the fog much sooner. However, there have been many days where I beat myself up about all the things I'm NOT. I'm not a career woman, nor have I ever wanted to be, yet I have found myself beating myself up for not being out there making my mark. I've been tired of the laundry, the dirty floors, the constant messes, the constant crying and talking, and "MOM! WHERE ARE YOU"s However I have been reading some things that have re-affirmed my decision and my desire since I was young, to be a stay at home mom. It's OK that I have always wanted to do this. And even better, it's awesome that it happened for me! It's awesome I have a husband who supports this and takes such good care of us so I can make our house a Home! So, in my reclaimed joy of motherhood I am trying to capture the little things in a day that make Motherhood so special. I'm trying to see it, and feel the sacredness of the moments that I am privelaged to be a part of. 

Time Marches On

Yes, Time marches on. I can't decide if I want it to march a little slower or a little faster! I'll admit that I have dreamt about the day when Holly is in pre-school and things will be a little easier. But I know I'm just kidding myself, I'm sure it will just be a different kind of hard. I'm not gonna lie, these past 6 months since Holly was born have been very difficult and a huge adjustment, more so than any of the other children coming to our home. I don't have enough hands, or enough rest, or enough time! 

 But, the upside is, I do have enough love! I have a wonderful husband who works so hard and helps me with my load all he can. I have smart and responsible kids. I can even leave Jacob in charge as a babysitter for short amounts of time (not with Holly yet) so I see the light at the end of the tunnel. In a year and a half I'll be able to leave Jacob and even Lia Belle as baby sitters, this will be heavenly. I don't want to wish away these special days. I'm trying to slow down and disconnect from the unimportant and focus on the here and now so when these days are gone I can say, "Wow! It was hard having little kids! I did my best and I savored it and relished it. And now I am Loving having big kids and watching them grow into their own."

And here are some pictures of the good parts. And,remember, there are many bad/hard parts that are not captured on a camera. You won't see in these pictures my messy kitchen with sticky floors and toys everywhere. Missing is a picture of me on a saturday morning hiding in my bed with the covers over my head feeling too overwhelmed to face the day. You won't smell the poopy diapers, the spit up, or me on my second day with out a shower! You won't hear me yelling at my kids to get in bed, pick up their shoes or  for heaven's sake stop picking on your sister! You won't see Jacob pouting because he wants an XBoxI and his parents are too mean to buy him one. You won't see grouchy, unhappy kids who don't want to get out of bed for school because they didn't listen the night before and would not go to bed on time :(.... but on second thought... maybe those are the good parts too. They may not be the pretty parts, but they are certainly the parts with substance and depth that help us all to grow and stretch and mature and become stronger and better. 

 Phoebe thought it would be extremely funny to put this funny face on Holly, and she was right!

 I took this picture of Holly because I love how her hair looks from the back. I don't want to forget it.

 Phoebe, a month away from her 6th birthday lost two teeth! She was the bravest one and had Dad pull them as soon as he could!

 Holly Dolly, 5 1/2 months old here, loving her new excersaucer.

 Pheobe's kindergarten artwork was chosen to be displayed at the mall! She loves to color and draw and she wants to be an artist when she grows up.

 A few picture of me and my baby, just to document that I am here too and I love snuggling with my sweetie at night after the other kids are in bed and I can just sit and hold her.

 Felicity has found the fun in trying on her big sisters clothes. She also loves my shoes.

Holly is almost 6 months old, so she tried her first taste of rice cereal. She was not impressed.

So, here are some of the good parts. I sure love these kids and I wouldn't trade a single one for anything! Not even for a flat tummy!

Felicity's not so Merry Christmas

Song for the Fifth Child

Baby Holly joined our family on October 8th. Needless to say, this time around I was a little nervous about making it to the hospital in time. So as soon as I suspected labor was on I called my midwife. She told me to relax and wait. Hard advice to take. I tried to follow it however. Lucky for me and my impatientness, I didn't have to wait long. Only about an hour into it, my water broke. That's when I made Chad make a mad dash for the car. (Last time my water broke I had the baby 10 minutes later) Needless to say I was a bit nervous I was going to have this baby in the car. This time around we switched to a hospital that was closer to home. A 10 min. drive at 2 in the morning. I was a little surprised when I only had 1 contraction on the way there. WHAT?  We arrive at the hospital and check in. I informed them that my water broke and they better get me to a room pronto, since my last one was so fast. They looked at me like I was a big fat Liar! I really wanted to punch someone. They didn't even believe me that my water had broke. Hello! This is not my first time in the ring! So, I succumbed to their test while we waited for my midwife to arrive. Why yes! That was amniotic fluid on the swab?! surprise! 

Well, I was only dialted to about a 4 when I arrived at the hospital. My midwife arrived around 2:30, and I decided to labor in the warm tub. My contractions were very bearable from 3-6, averaging 8 minutes apart. I waffled between wanting them to increase in frequency and intensity, just so it would hurry and be over, and then the next minute wanting to put off the inevitable.  Chad sat by the tub and timed and rubbed my back. My midwife checked in every little bit, otherwise I suspect she was dozing in the room. (don't blame her, I'm sure Chad wanted to... we are not used to staying up ALL night long.)

 Finally, around 6 am, I felt the change of transition. It hit my like a ton of bricks. All of a sudden things got really exciting. They helped me, sopping wet, to the bed, told me to get ready to push. No epidural, remember. This time, this baby didn't come out quite as quickly and easily as the last one. Maybe it's because the pain was making me feel paralized. The Dr. who came in to catch the baby was telling me to move my legs a bit and I just wanted to kick him in the face! Why didn't he get that I felt absolutely NOT in control of my own body? In fact, my instinctual reaction to the pain was to close my legs... (not the best position when you are trying to birth a baby)

 Finally, however, despite me, despite dr.'s, despite anything anyone could have done, Nature wins, the contractions keep working and they pushed that ginormous baby out. I'm not going to lie, it really hurt. I think its a testament to my character, personality or training and habits.. that I didn't start swearing like a sailor. I was a bit surprised because, it didn't really feel at all like Felicity's birth, it hurt much worse! 

(I'm being a little explicit here so that in 2 or 3 years when I might be wishing I was holding a little baby again, I can re-read this and remember this special feeling. :) )After Holly was born, I leaned back on the bed and cried a little bit. I felt so exhausted and still feeling the pain. Felicity's pain seemed to disappear the second she was born, Holly's birth pain lingered a little bit. All this time, Chad was trying to help me, but he was also very interested in the process of a baby being born. I was glad my midwife was there to squeeze my hand, and whisper in my ear that I could do this. She helped me focus and tried to keep me calm. Chad, bless his heart probably needed someone there to hold his hand. Because I was still laying on the bed a little out of it and still feeling the pain, they took the baby to be weighed (usually they put that off while mom and baby bond and nurse, but I didn't mind. we were all too curious how big she was.) Imagine the collective "Oh My" when we saw she weighed in at 9lbs 12 oz!!!  I was expecting a 9 lb-er but not much bigger than that. 

This explained everything, the extra pushing time, the extra  pain, the waddling for the last month, the hip pain, the groin pain, the inability to bend over, the roll over, to move. Well, they stitched me up and shipped me off to the recovery room. They gave me a lortab and some extra strength Ibuprofen and I asked the nurses to take the baby to the nursery so Chad and I could get some sleep. (by this time it was about 7:30 am and we had been up all night, we were pretty tired.) 

Chad stayed there with me all day, and he went to get the kids around 4. They were so excited when they woke up to Grandma and Grandpa at our house. They knew just by their presence that the day had arrived. They were on pins and needles all day long at school, waiting to get to go see their new baby sister. Chad brought them by after School and it was so special to see them all together. I find it such a sacred, special time when siblings first meet. The older ones can feel it. They know they are in the presence of a spirit that has recently been with our Father in Heaven.  My big kids welcomed Holly with so much love. They continue to love her. Felicity didn't quite know what to think, however. She was 23 months old, and had no idea what was coming at her. She acted like a little stinker for the first 3 weeks, but she has since calmed down, returned to normal and she loves her "baby Howwy".

Holly is such a sweety. She is named Holly because we like it. I originally thought of the name after going on a Neil Diamond kick a while ago. I love his song "Holly Holy", then during General Conference I was, yet again, so impressed with Elder Hollands talk, his spirit and testimony, that we considered naming her Holland and calling her Holly as a nick name. But in the end, we just decided to go with Holly. (now I'm kinda wishing we had named her Holland:( ) Her middle name is Dianna, after CHad's Grandmother Selander. Diana Selander passed away when Grandpa Phil was a teenager, so Chad has never met her. Chad picked the spelling "Dianna".
 We Love our Holly Dianna so much! Life has been very busy since she arrived. I forgot how hard it is to get anything done with a newborn. My hands, arms are always filled with a baby (or toddler). So the laundry piles up, the house is cluttered, the floors are dirty, the dust bunnies are multiplying. But, all I wan to do is hold the baby that wants to be held. Time will cure the messy house, as my baby grows more independent of me.
 So, I remind myself to be patient. To cherish the baby in my arms and to not worry about the mess. I recently watched the new version of the movie "Cheaper by the Dozen" the mom says through out the movie,"A Home is for freedom of expression, not good impressions." That has become the mantra I recite in my head when I start to feel stress from my messy house.
   Sometimes, when we see all of our kids together, Chad and I look at each other over their heads in disbelief. We are shocked that there are five little people running around this planet because of us two. We are amazed at the miracle of life. We are wondrous that we started our family with sorrow at the loss of 3 pregnancies in a row, wondering if the blessing of children would ever be ours. And we are so grateful that the Lord has seen fit to bless us so abundantly!

I love this quote from Elder Anderson, of the Quorum of the 12

 "Many voices in the world today marginalize the importance of havingchildren or suggest delaying or limiting children in a family. My daughters recently referred me to a blog written by a Christian mother (not of our faith) with five children. She commented: “[Growing] up in this culture, it is very hard to get a biblical perspective on motherhood. … Children rank way below college. Below world travel for sure. Below the ability to go out at night at your leisure. Below honing your body at the gym. Below any job you may have or hope to get.” She then adds: “Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.”^{7"
http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/children?lang=eng&query=children}



 "This is What God gave you time for," is another repeating refrain in my head, when I start to feel like the job of caring for kids leaves me with no time for anything else. I have to remind myself that the other things will take away from what my time is really for. 
   So, please forgive me if my house is a mess, if I'm late for an appointment, if I don't call on your birthday, if I'm not available for lunch dates with my friends, If I'm not a very good friend right now. Please forgive me if I cancel cub scouts, or don't make it to church... Please be patient with me if I look tired, messy hair, spit up smell on my clothes, sweatpants all the time. Please look past the lack of make up, the tummy that still looks pregnant. I hope instead, you will see the smile on my face, the love in my eyes when I look at my babies, and feel the spirit of God in our home.

Now, writing this has taken up more time than I planned :)   Right now, the toddler is asleep, the baby is asleep and the pre-schooler is watching a movie. The oldest two are at friends, so I think the best use of my time right now, would be to take a nap :) Night, night!

Back to School, Ring the Bell

I don't think there has ever been a mommy as happy as I am that school started! I love my kids! I love summer! We had a fun filled, busy summer! The kids did swim team and tennis lessons. We had a birthday party bash for Lia Belle, a baby shower for my sister, and a baptism. Chad and I took a trip to Monteray, CA for our 13th Wedding anniversary, and we started the summer off in Jun with a family vacay to the Oregon Coast. In the middle of this we had my sister's family visiting from Omaha, a visit from my Sister who lives in Kentucky, my parents came from MO, my cousin from Wisconsin, and another sister dropped by for a short visit all the way from North Carolina. We took the kids to water parks, hikes in the mountains. My sister took the oldest two boating with her friends.  Everything was so fun! All our guests left on August 10th and we considered taking the kids to The Tetons for one final weekend fling, but I was too tired. I said goodbye to my family and then I promptly went to my room and didn't really come out for 2 days! I was, after all 32 weeks pregnant. Considering all this activity went on during a pregnancy I think I deserved a rest (and a medal!)  So, my body was craving rest and relaxation and a schedule! The start of school has brought me the order and rest my body needs right now. All the kids started a new school this year. Previously they had been attending a private school, but due to adding a fifth child to our family and a few other factors, we decided to switch them to the public school that is 2 minutes away. (the private school was a good 20 minute drive each way!) We have heard nothing but wonderful things from neighbors and friends about our new school. Understandably the kids have been a little worried about starting a new school and getting accustomed to a new environment. But the past tow weeks have shown me how adaptable and easy going my kids actually are. (whew!)

 Phoebe started Kindergarten. Half day, afternoon! She plays with Felicity all morning, I feed them lunch then take Phoebe school. Then I come  home and lay Felicity down for her nap, then I lay myself down for my nap and we have a glorious 3 HOUR nap, before it's time to go and gather all the kids from school. Maybe in a few months I can do something productive while Felicity sleeps, but for now, I am being productive by taking a nap and growing a baby.

 Phoebe was a little nervous but she did great! Every day, the Kindergarteners line up outside until their teacher opens the door at the exact time. The first day I joined all the other moms, by parking my car, walking her over to the line up and waiting with her. The second day I pulled up right on time and gave her a kiss, in the car and told her to go on in. I thought other parents would be doing that too, but no, I was the only one. I wondered for how long all the moms were going to keep parking their cars and walking the kids to the waiting area and waiting with them. Well, they did it every day this first week of school. Chad and I decided that all the kids in her class must be the first children in their family ;) I wonder how it will go next week? Poor Phoebe, has to face her nerves, overcome them herself and jump out of the car with out her mama waddling her to the door everyday... I hope she won't be in therapy for that when she's older. I also hope the other moms keep up the hovering over their kids so that the path where I pull up doesn't get crowded with traffic. :)

 Here are the big kids on their first day. They were a little nervous, but they held it together.

 Jacob, playing it soooo cool! He knows a lot of kids and has made a lot of friends.

Lia Belle was so happy that her friend from church is in her class. They both like their teachers and liking some of the things that they were previously nervous about. I am liking the two minute drive, the hot lunch option on days I can't pull a lunch together, and my uninterrupted nap time! :) (it is all about me after all ;) ) I love these kids so much. They are the joy of my life! It is so wonderful to watch my kids grow and learn. I am so proud of them!

Its great to be 8

Lia Belle turned 8 on August 4th and also was Baptized that evening. It was such a special day with both sides of our family there, a rare occasion to have aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents from both sides. Lia Belle was having such a wonderful day! 

Didn't this picture of my cute girls turn out so great?!

 We love our  Little Belle. She is such a sweet, kind, thoughtful, caring, child. She always asks me such insightful and wonderful questions about the  Gospel in her efforts to understand, and she quickly grasps meaning and how to apply Christ's teachings to her life. She has a strong desire to do what is right and to keep the commandments. I feel so lucky and blessed to be her mom!

Gammy gave a talk at the baptism and she made the analogy of being like a flower that always keeps her face to the sun, a flower will follow the sun all day long. Just as we should Follow "The Son" all day long, and always look to him for light. Her birthday cake ended up being very appropriate.
What a beautiful day!!

American Girl Tea Party Birthday

My Lia Belle is turning 8 this year. Her birthday is not for four more weeks, but because of scheduling and my advancing pregnancy we decided to have her party sooner. She wanted to have a Tea Party with her American Girl Dolls. So I searched pinterest and the internet and I found some great ideas. I thought I would blog about how our party went down to contribute to the pool of ideas out there. This was such a fun party. 

 We started off by searching the thrift stores for tea cups and plates. I supplemented the table ware with spoons borrowed from Grandma, and a few of my own plates. The place names double as the Thank you Cards. I found the cute Shabby Chic note cards and name tags on the favor bags below at Michaels in their dollar bins.

 I went so far as to make party hats for the dolls. I found the paper at Michaels and the template for the party hats at  www.make-it-do.com , another resource for a fun doll party.

 The activities, besides Tea Time, Were making bracelets and painting a pictures frame. All Supplies came from Micheals. I didn't worry too much about all the left over beads, since I have three more girls coming up, Phoebe is already dreaming of her American Girl Tea Party when she turns 8.

 These darling Mini cupcakes were a ridiculous expense, but I couldn't resist their cute, cheerful, festive look. They are from the Sweet Tooth Fairy and are extremely delicious! I'm sure they could be made at home if you have a mini cupcake pan, which I don't.

 Strawberries were a last minute idea. I had bought the strawberries and found a stray bag of white chocolate chips so I decided it wouldn't be that hard to dip the strawberries. Well, it wasn't hard for me considering my sister took over this task :). Also on the  menu were little turkey sandwhiches, and cocktail hotdogs wrapped in crescent roll dough. I took the time the night before to make little flags for the sandwhiches.

 When the guest walked in the door we gave each doll a party hat and took a picture with the birthday girl. As soon as they arrived I sent my mom and sister off to Targets 1-hour photo center to order the pictures with the birthday girl. These pictures went home in the frames the girls painted.

 The dolls all had sat down to their tea party while the girls went upstairs to do paint.

 When they were done painting we came down to tea. Phoebe is demonstrating the proper way to hold your tea cup with you pinky pointing out.

 Lia Belle is having so much fun!

 Big Brother was recruited to be the butler. He actually had a lot of fun serving the girls their "Tea" Our tea was actually apple juice or Lemonade.

 Jacob even served Tea to the dolls :) I'll bribe  him with this picture someday.. ;)

 Some of the finished frames. After Tea time the girls made their bracelets for themselves and their dolls.

The entire group. They all seemed to have so much fun! Even I had fun!

Maybe I went a little over the top... however... I don't do a party like this every year for each child. They get a party like this when they turn 5, and 8. Other than that it is cake and icecream with family and maybe an activity with 2 or 3 friends.

One thing I learned at this party is it really helps to have a teenager help out! My 14 yr old niece was here with me, she helped me decorate, she gave me tips on Tea Party Fun and proper Tea Party settings. Eden also helped the girls with their crafts while I was preparing food in the kitchen. Thank you EDEN!!

This was a fun party and I actually hope Phoebe will still want to have this party when she turns 8. I learned that I don't need to buy expensive cupcakes, the girls don't care. I don't need to hotglue flags onto toothpicks... I only burned my fingers and the girls don't really care. I also learned that girls parties are a lot more calm than an 8 yr old boys Star Wars party !

Happy Birthday Lia Belle! I love you so much!

Happy Fathers day!

Chad is the best dad! These pictures just show all the wonderful things he does for his kids. He loves them so much and loves to spend time with them. He is a great example to Jacob, showing him how to be an honorable man. And he shows his daughters how special they are and what kind of a man they should look for in a husband.

Song for the Fifth Child

I haven't announced this on my blog yet, because if you read this blog you probably already know. I am having another baby girl in October. We are really excited, and a little nervous about adding another  sweet little person to our family.  We just returned from our summer family vacation to the Oregon Coast. We got a lot of looks, as people saw me, obviously pregnant, with four other little ones trailing behind. We also got a lot of comments. I've been kind of sheltered from that in Utah. People here generally have larger families than in other states. My neighbors have ten, another neighbor has five.

A few years ago we attended my grandfathers funeral, the year after that my grandmother passed away. At both of the funerals I was in awe at the legacy they left behind. 3 children who loved them deeply, 9 grandchildren who will miss them more than words. Not to mention the great- grandchildren that maybe did not know them as well, but who will grow up hearing stories of love and respect. I decided at their funeral that your children are the only important thing you leave behind when you die. Money doesn't matter.  A fancy home. A superstar career doesn't even compare to the love of your children. Your career won't miss you when your gone. Your home will go to the next buyer who will change it and erase all evidence that you ever lived there. Your money will go to someone else. Your children will remember you, cherish your memories, and pass on the life lessons you taught them. They will talk about you to their children. Your influence on them will be passed on to the next generation. They will visit your grave and await longingly for the day they can see you again in heaven.

I know that sounds kind of depressing to think about dying while I'm talking about adding another life to my family.  Anyhow, these thoughts and experiences had a large bearing on my mind. We couldn't quite be settled with the fact that our family was complete with 4 children, it just didn't feel right.

 I AM A MOTHER. That is what I am here to do. Chad IS A FATHER. It's the greatest joy to him. I love being a mother. As challenging, frustrating, exhausting as it is. It is also rewarding, fulfilling, fun and exciting. I am so excited and proud when my children learn a new skill, when they take another step towards Independence and self discovery. They make me laugh and they challenge my mind. I don't know half of the answers to all the crazy questions they throw at me. (Thank you google for helping me out!) I love how the big kids love and get so much joy out of the baby. They get to see the fun it is to watch someone learn and grow. I love how the baby watches the big kids' every move. How she follows them around and joins in their play. I love how they teach each other.

I don't like how I feel from media, strangers, and even people I know, that I am "crazy" or "don't you know how babies get here".   I won't judge you for the size of your family, you don't judge me. I have friends with 7 kids, 6 kids. Lots of  friends with 5 kids. 4 kids, 3 kids, 2 and 1. I know people who have kids with disabilities. Friends who almost lost their life trying to get the one miracle baby they have. Friends who desperately want kids and for some reason can't. I don't know the inner workings of their hearts, of their experiences that have led them to the decisions they have made. I just hope and pray that my friends will be happy and that God will bless them with the family that is just right for them.

When we were first married and starting our family, I had three miscarriages. They were devastating. I thought that maybe I would never have children. I worried that the dream I had planned on of being a mother would never be and I would have to start figuring out what I was supposed to do with my life instead. I was very worried. It was a very hard few years. Then Jacob came a long. To me he was a miracle. Each child after has been a miracle.With each child Chad and I have been blessed with the needed capacity to care for, love and nurture our growing family.

It makes me sad that the joy of this sweet, little, new life could be lost to criticism and dismay. That this baby may not be greeted with "Congratulations!! What a precious baby!" because she is a 5th child instead of the 1st. I love newborns. I love the joy, peace and love they bring to a home. Everyone is kinder, softer, sweeter when a newborn is around. As if everyone can feel the remnant of heaven a baby brings with her.

My Aunt gave my mother a cross stitched picture when my sister, the fifth child was born. It has a mother rocking a baby, and a poem that is titled, "a  Song for the Fifth Child". I have always remembered this little poem, and I have in my possession this actual cross stitch. (which will be re-framed and hung up soon.)
This is the poem as I remember it:

Cleaning and Scrubbing can wait for tomorrow
For babies grow up, we've learned, to our sorrow.
So settle down cobwebs,
dust, go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby
and babies don't keep.

And here it is in it's entirety.

Song for a Fifth Child by Ruth Hulburt 

Hamilton (1921- )

Mother, oh mother, come shake out your cloth!
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing and butter the bread,
Sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking!

Oh, I've grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby, loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew
And out in the yard there's a hullabaloo
But I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren't her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo.)

Oh, cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
But children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust, go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby. Babies don't keep.

http://www.lullaby-link.com/song-for-a-fifth-child.html

(Ruth is a native Missourian Like myself! )