The giant cupcake picture story

Alice's actual birthday

Dallin and Annika decorating cupcakes.

The birthday girl with her presents
So excited for the cupcake.
She grabbed the candle, and I blew it out quick.
Second attempt.

This time she went right for the flame to put it out. Notice the black on her fingers.

Guilt, Stress, and the Savior

Yesterday a facebook friend wrote in her status update:

“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.” --Author Unknown

As I was thinking the physical pain and sleeplessness that many women experience as a result of holding to axioms like this, I thought, "NO!!!! Stop it with the guilt!!!! Let people take a break once in a while!!!!" But I wrote, "There is something to be said for letting yourself fall apart once in a while too, so you don't die of stress."
I was surprised to find out the next morning that not only did no one "like" my comment, several people told her that that is exactly what they needed to hear. It got me thinking about how different my reaction was to everyone else's, and about the times in my life when I have been so stressed that I almost fell apart, or at least waited till I was safe in my bed to fall apart, OK even the times that I did fall apart and said things to people that I regretted later. Then it hit me that maybe that is what they were getting at, "Hold it together, so you don't regret your actions, or cause others pain."
It made me think of an incident a few weeks ago when I came home from church crying. I had just been called to be the secretary of our church's women's organization, and I was excited about my new responsibilities, but I was not released from my previous calling as the Primary Chorister (leading the music for two different groups of children.) I was at the time also still nursing my baby, but as I was trying to be in two places at once (physically and mentally) for 3 hours, I didn't get a chance to nurse her, so she was getting cranky. There was a baptism after church, (which I had volunteered to bring cookies to, but only remembered at 5am that morning and got up to bake before getting our 5 kids ready for church). During the baptismal program I tried to keep my tired hungry kids quite, as we were in a small room full of adults (and a few very well behaved children of one of my aforementioned friends). So when we finally got home I went straight to bed and in tears asked my husband to feed the kids lunch while I recovered. At that moment of desperation he gave me some very good advice, "Tell them that you can't do it all."
It took me a while to accept this advice, my gut reaction being that I didn't want to let anyone down and I didn't want to be a slacker, but I had to face the truth that I couldn't do it all. I was a wreck, and no help to my family. So, I wrote some emails, being too chicken to call them on the phone, whilst sobbing.
There was another incident about six years ago when he gave me similar advice. His mother had come to visit from Ukraine for a few months. I was so excited about her getting to see every aspect of American culture and our lives, that while he was busy at school all day, I would take her to all kinds of exciting places and take her everywhere with me, even on mundane errands. We had a 2 year-old and a newborn at the time, and caring for them added to the stress of everything I was trying to do. One night, completely exhausted and stressed from the day's events and the cumulative effect of all the days and weeks of playing tour guide and interpreter for another adult every waking moment, I expressed my frustration to him. He simply said, "You don't have to take her everywhere with you." The thought had never crossed my mind that I could just leave her home, and that she might even appreciate some alone time.
All this got me thinking about why we as women, (maybe men do this too, and I just don't hear about it) set ourselves up for too much stress. Part of it, in the Church, I think is an effort to "save ourselves," and in other parts of our lives it is guilt driven. That if we aren't doing everything that we perceive others are expecting of us or our own notion of what is right, like having an immaculate house, something is wrong. We are wrong, unworthy, invalid. We can't accept ourselves that way...and don't believe anyone else can either, or if they can, there must be something wrong with them.
Both of these concepts, trying to save ourselves, and trying to be acceptable, by overcoming all our perceived flaws, flies in the face of our Savior's infinite love for us. He loves and accepts us as we are, so why can't we accept ourselves? If He can love a murderer, He can love a woman who has a little dust in the corners of her house, or who says, "No, not this time," to one of the many request made of her. We need to give ourselves a break, and accept what He is offering us..His grace. He is willing to take on our burdens, but we have to be willing to give them up. It takes some humility to be able to say, "I don't have to (fill in the blank) in order to be worthy, loved, acceptable. I'll do all I can, and turn the rest over to Him."
He said, "Take my yoke upon you and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly of heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."