What can YOU do in ten years?

East China Sea at Sunset

Ten years seems so far away yet just around the corner. Ten years ago I was fifteen. My world involved high school, friends, church, traveling Europe and sleepovers. Because I lived overseas for most of my childhood, traveling to different countries was more normal and going to the United States was a HUGE treat. I remember being in elementary school and wanting so bad to have a "normal" address with a street name, number and city. Mine was just a P.O Box with a key. My world at that time consisted of sleeping on airport floors in different countries to try and catch flights to the states. My brother and I would even make friends with a few kids that were waiting around too. The excitement of seeing my extended families during the holidays was even more precious and memorable. But I would do it all over. My brother and I were best friends. I was baptized in the East China Sea. I got to visit the ocean more times in a month than people did in their lifetimes. We moved to the states and when we received the orders to Europe just two years later, it seemed to have ruined my life. I had just felt comfortable being in the states. I was thirteen and about to go into high school. Getting the orders made me mad. It made me not want to talk to my parents. It made me cry for days. It made me hate the world. It was the best decision my parents could have ever made. I got to travel. I was part of a fantastic school who took pride in being the biggest in Europe. I traveled for Cheerleading, I lived an hour from my aunt, uncle and cousins who were stationed there after. I went to Girls' Camp in Beligum, Luxumbourg, and Switzlerland. I had an youth group of close to seventy. A youth conference was once held in a real castle overlooking a German city. The youth leaders were inspiring and creative which made us kids extremely close. I hiked the Alps. And it became my home as it was the place I've lived the longest in my life. Almost five years. In my short ten years, I experienced all of that. So whenever I think about the next ten years, I hope I can fulfill it just as much if not more. Whatever that may be. Think about how much YOU can do in ten years.

Three More Days?

Ugh. That pretty much sums it up! I only have three more days in South Carolina with my family. I hate it. You would think that being back home for TWO MONTHS I would be somewhat ready. NOT! Living in Utah I only get a few days at a time to come home because of how far away I am. This time I decided to take the opportunity and time and I've loved every minute! I love my family so much and they are the best! I will say that I am going back home a stronger person. I've had to realize so many things about things in my life and about myself. Thanks to my family for helping me. Even though they probably don't even know it.

Next step is finding a new job! Most of you know, I had to quit my job in order to be home for a while. I HATE job searching and it's my least favorite "activity". But to be home for as long as I have, I don't mind. So, if anyone knows of some places that are hiring, definitely let me know!

These next few months are going to be a little difficult so I'm going to keep my head high and look for as many positives as I possibly can! Among others, FALL!!!!! I love EVERYTHING about fall as I post every year. The smell, colors, candles, events etc..... LOVE it. I'm going to make this a great time of year. :)

Seriously?

South Carolina Sunrise



It's taken me this long to write an update? People that I don't even know read this is always asking me when I'm going to update. More people go on here more than I thought so I feel bad knowing they click on my name and......nothing. It would be absolutely impossible to update on ten months worth of troubles, excitement, vacations, etc... so I'll give brief ones and hopefully (cross your fingers) get on a roll of doing this more often.
I started a new job that I honestly don't remember if I had shared already. I worked for a dental office in Lehi being a patient advocate. Basically it's where you sit down with patients, go over all of their dental needs whether it's needed or something they want cosmetically, and talk about the finances with them. Part of my job as well is to find payment plan options, if they would like, and try to qualify them. I loved interacting with my patients because you become so close with some of them. They will call you as many times they need or want to verify information, get your opinion, ask for other options or to simply ask to come in to speak with you again. I loved doing something to help people especially when someone breaks down in your consult room in tears because they cannot afford something they need so bad. I also was trained on monitoring for IV sedations. I would step in when we were low on our dental assistants and help monitor vitals and to re-fill the sedation meds for the doctor. I'd also keep all the stats and how much meds were being used. This to me was so interesting because if you know me, you'd know that I am absolutely TERRIFIED of needles. Not sure where it came from because nothing traumatic ever happened to me. It's just a fear that has always been in me. Any time I see a needle I get weak and feel nauseated. Weird...I know. The first time I tried to monitor being trained, my boss asked me to step out because I became so white in the face, she was afraid I was going to pass out. So I did. Then I tried again and again. I still feel the same with needles and anything dental, medical etc...but I at least faced my fears and pulled through.

I was there for about ten months then quit so I could spend time with my family in South Carolina. Since moving to Utah four years ago (Yes, I said FOUR years) I've only been able to come home for a few days at a time a couple of times a year. That's not a lot for me because I'm EXTREMELY close to my family. So, I've gotten to spend about two months. It's been so great just being with them. My brother is deploying again to Afghanistan mid October so this has been perfect timing to be able to be a family of four again. I'm not going to lie...I've missed the thunderstorms! Living in Okinawa, North Carolina and being in SC I've always LOVED thunderstorms because I think they are exciting!! Utah...not so much. People drive 20 mph on the roads when it's SPRINKLING. Big pet peeve of mine. I'm definitely going to miss being home after I leave. Can't say I want to go back but I know eventually I'll just have to. :( I will say one of my regrets is not taking pictures. I used to be so great at that and I'm just not anymore.

I probably shouldn't write about the relationship part of my life because I rarely ever do. I feel like for journaling purposes I should briefly because writing in my journal is so lacking right now. Most of everyone knows I've been on and off with someone for two years. He's been a very very special part of my life and we have so much history that it has been very hard. It honestly could go one way or another but at this point I'm so exhausted. Probably a bad sign and my answer, right? I've put a lot of energy into it because of my faith in it so it's going to be a very hard while to put myself back together. Oh Love, so great to have but so very hard and confusing.

Anyways, hopefully I'll do better at this whole blogging thing. Don't hold your breath. :)

Are Horoscopes Real?

Can someone please explain to me how weirdly accurate horoscopes can be? Is it that it's so general that it could apply to almost every aspect of your life? Is it because it really does predict what you're going through and give you advice on how to deal with it? Or is it because I'm too gullable and believe anything that it says that could possibly relate to? I'll let you decide. However, it is really strange how accurate they have seem to be the last week or so. I hardly ever read my horoscope but when I log into my mail at work, I have a setting that automatically shows me my horoscope for the day and sometimes, I'll catach a glimpse or two. Ok, that's a lie. I will read it over and over to figure out what it means. Let me give you some background info before you read my horoscope so you will understand why it's so significant to me. When I was in high school I had decided I was going to graduate, get married, have kids with a nice house and pickett fence. Life didn't turn out that way. At all! I often find myself daydreaming about that life and how different I am. However, I wouldn't change a thing. Seriously. I'm such a different person than I was before. I've learned so much and become so independent that I don't know how I would have been able to achieve what I have had I been with someone and had kids so soon. Sure, it's great for some people. For me, I needed to be on my own for a while. Right now, I'm going through a difficult break up after a year long relationship. It hasn't been easy and I choose not to put much of my "dating" life on here simply so it stays somewhat private. Like I said, it's been extremely difficult but I'm pushing through. I've always been the type to fix things in a hurry. Making sure everything is ok ALL of the time. I have this plan in my head of how things should go and how to get there. I freak out if there is anything out of place that would cause that direction to change and the outcome be different. I always look way too far ahead to how things should be. So today, when I read my horoscope, it actually made me feel better. Not just because it is me to a T, but mainly because every other pisces is just as crazy as me. :)


November 29, 2010 yesterday | tomorrow
Pisces: Today's Daily Horoscope
"You are sure to put all the pieces together at some point in the future, so don't worry about what's really going on right now. Improvise and you should find that you're as successful as if you had it all planned out."

Be Your Best Friend First

Youtube is amazing. I was searching through some videos of a couple of kid actors that I grew up with to fill in some spare time. I came across an interview they did about their upcoming book involving 20 people that inspired them. One of whom was Diane von Furstenberg. A fashion icon, former German princess and known for her wrap dresses. She said, "Be your best friend first." I never thought about my life like that. How are you supposed to give yourself to someone if you don't know yourself at all? I think about a couple of my best friends I've had and how I would protect them in any way. Why shouldn't I be doing that for myself?
She also said, "I never knew what I wanted to do but I always knew the woman I wanted to be." We lose ourselves sometimes. We come out of situations realizing that maybe we, again, need to figure ourselves out. I'm still trying to figure myself out. If I already did know who I was, how does that play out in situations you'd never think you'd ever be in? Aren't those situations part of molding you into who you are? Maybe if I already knew who I was, it wouldn't be so difficult. *Sigh* If it were only that simple.

Every Song For Every Memory

Music and songs are like my journal. It's like someone took my writings, put them with music, and threw it on the radio for me to cry to. It's like listening to my own words. One thing I love about music is that you can relate to almost every song out there. Do you ever have those moods where one minute you love listening to music that makes you feel good about life and then go through a phase right after about anything that is sad? Sad phases and I have a love/hate relationship. A part of me loves being able to let out my emotions and vent. A part of me hates dwelling on it and I can never seem to find a balance between the two. If I hear a song that is sad and I'm going through a sad time, I always try and think, "well they are celebrities and if they can get through it, so can I." It doesn't make it easier. I realized something about myself recently. If I'm ever alone in my room and am sad, I would find myself choking back tears. Or starting to cry and quickly stop. I realized that I am, indeed, alone. In my room. I shouldn't need to fight back tears and emotion in my own room. Now, I cry if I want to. I put on a sappy song and let it out. A punching bag helps as well, by the way.

Fall in NYC

For someone to say that they have gone through life having no regrets are either lying or too positive to see that someone could have always been better if one decision was made differently. That decision for me was 5 years ago. Although I know I have a good life, I tend to wonder where I would be or how different of a person I would be. I’ve longed desired for a couple of things. Ever since I was about 13 or 14 I wanted to be part of the huge city of New York. I’ve been there twice. Once 7 years ago during the summer and once again this past Christmas. It’s one of those dreams that replay in your head but never tell anyone because of how stupid it would sound out loud. People who know me best would even be surprised to know this. I’ve always thought living in the fast paced, popular city was so appealing. Every time the seasons change, I wonder how cool it would be to experience in New York City. Whenever I think of Manhattan, I think of two things. Fashion and Journalism. I want to change my major to Journalism. I still would like to minor in Psych but I’ve realized my passion is writing. I love how writing makes me feel. I love being able to use words to describe a part of me that can’t be expressed through actions. I love when people can relate. I love trying to find the part of people they don’t know is there. That’s the sensitive part people are captivated by and can relate to. Whenever I see TV shows that use the city as their backdrop I become so jealous. I see people walking quickly with a hot chocolate in their hand. I see the lights advertising the plays and celebrities. I think sometimes we have this fantasy life we think of as an alternative. Saying, if this life right now never existed, how would it be instead? This would be mine. I would be in a pencil skirt, fancy top, a pea coat with that hot chocolate in my hand. I would be walking quickly to my job in a big office building and handing my latest piece to my boss. I would sit in my chair in front of the camera and wait for the countdown. I would laugh with my co-workers and watch the city full of people behind me. I would feel the crisp air of autumn while watching the colored leaves fall. I would watch all of the decorations for the Macys Thanksgiving Day Parade and the Christmas holiday begin. Until then, I can only pretend in Orem, Utah.