Greener grass

Tonight during my family home evening lesson I was trying to think of something I did today that left someone better because I was there today. It took too much thinking.  (Yesterday, yes, but what about today?)

I went walking with a friend, was friendly to people at work that I don't know, sent a text to a sister in my ward and commented on a couple of FB posts. And really, that's it?

I finally found something that felt significant enough for me. I picked up bags of leaves for a friend and planned my week so I can help them get all the leaves to the dump.

I know that things little and big are all important, but with as much time and as many gifts as I have, I should be able to give a little more. At least to focus on others more. I don't want to be consumed with feeding myself and exercising.

Grateful for the little call to repentance, and I'm going to do better this week!

Listening & Praying

HIDAGITWT  Day 2

Today my favorite fellow supervisor and dear friend,  LaDonna, had some rough responsibilities to handle.

LaDonna has been my number one support since I became a supervisor, nearly a year ago. Sometimes I call her my sanity, my mentor. But always I acknowledge the mercy of the Lord in putting her in my life. Both professionally and personally, she is my best support at this point in my life.  Well, lately she's been going through some very challenging things in her life. It's pouring on her. Thing after thing.  It's just been a really tough time.

So today she had to face some work challenges that blew up and became even worse than expected. I felt so sad for her.

I couldn't really do anything about them. But I could call after each appointment. I could listen. I could support her judgment and decisions (honestly, because I do think she's right). And when we got off the phone, I could pray for her. So I did do all that.

Once again, nothing huge to all this. But I was glad that I was there. That my dear friend didn't have to go though this all alone. My being there, my trying to be a true follower of Jesus Christ -- it mattered!

And that makes me content. And grateful.

Listening

HIDAGITWT    Day 1
(Have I done any good in the world today?)

This evening I went to a sister in my ward's home. After she fed me dinner and the missionaries shared a nice message with us, I stayed around to listen. She's making some tough choices right now. The sisters' message was about faith replacing fear and, boy, is this good sister exemplifying that. I feel scared for her! But she is trusting the promptings of the Spirit and moving forward. Anyway, I was able to listen. We sometimes go to the temple together and so I know a lot about her life and family, so she's comfortable sharing things she won't share with others. What i did wasn't huge, but as someone who also lives alone, I know how good it is to have someone listen. Someone who understands about focusing on faith instead of fear. I am glad I could be there today!

I read a book!

The other night I had some time. And all these recent thoughts on my mind. And a disaster of a living room because I moved my bookcase out to the living room and piles of books were everywhere. Do I ignored all the to dos and I read a book.

It was awesome! I felt smarter and happier and healthier. Ideas from the book and story have percolated ever since.

My life used to revolve around reading. I might never go back there, but I want more of it than I have.

So I'm going to read more!
....
In a different, but related thought. You know one of the reasons that I don't read more? It is so hard to fund truly wholesome material.  There are things I would have read 20 years, but as I've come to know the Lord better, I can feel how they affect my spirit and the Spirit. And no can do.

Which makes me a little sad that there isn't more goodness out there!  But also reminds me for the six hundredth time. I really want to write. Like books.  Some day I will. I really will. More about that another day.

I still matter

A few days ago, while sorting through boxes of old letters, I came across the stash of fall 2008. That summer I had interned with the Battered Immigrant Project in Charlotte, and then I was back in a BYU ward. My mail pile was full of cards, letters, family photos, and other expressions of love and appreciation.

Wham, it really impacted me. Gratitude for that time, but a little bit of sadness for now. No direct client representation. My work, my choices affect some lives, but the people don't even know I exist. And church and community don't express love and appreciation like those ones (clients, ward, law school).

A lot of thoughts bouncing around. I've tried to sort them. But a few days have gone by and I still don't know what I want to write. Or what exactly I'm feeling.

However, today during church I put together a lot thoughts and decided to use the blog for a reporting forum for a few weeks.  Each day I want to record something I've done to help someone. Since few people read this I feel comfortable with that. I think.

Part of that is to help me focus on making sure I do serve. But as I've thought today (and I drove a lot of hours, so I thought a lot) I've realized another aspect. I think I need to recognize what I actually do. At least some of it. Because I don't get feedback, I don't feel like I'm doing anything. But I don't think that's true. I just don't stop to think about most of it.

In my desire to be humble, to be truly Christlike, it feels wrong to count my good deeds. Which isn't really what I'm doing, but I'm still not sure I'm okay with this. We'll see.  But I feel like it would be good to give a little accounting of a least one good thing. To make sure I actually am serving, but also to help me see it.

By recording, I provide an opportunity for the Spirit to confirm that my offering is acceptable... even if I don't get thank notes and family photos.

In the dark

Right now I'm sitting in the dark. What makes that especially odd is the fact that I'm at work. The entire building has no power. Well, minus the spot here or there with back up lighting. It's really strange. No light, no computer. And no one around me knows why.

Years ago I read an article about how electricity changed humans' beliefs and understanding about the supernatural. I think of it every so often. Truly the world is different with light. Our fears are very different.

The parallel to spiritual light and power isn't lost on me, of course. How life changing that is too. And like the generations who have never known life without electricity, similar outlooks for me and others with the restored gospel as a heritage. We can go visit a world without power. We might even experience a short time without it (my office is really dark right now, by the way), but we'll never truly understand how it affects the psyche, the belief, the entire way of being.

And I say, as I have said so many times, I LOVE light!

Starting again

Sometimes I have a million things I want to write about. And sometimes I'm so busy there's just no way. And then sometimes, like tonight, I have time and inclination. But not a thing coming to my mind. All the things I've thought over the past weeks (they've been full, and rich and wonderful) are gone and I'm blank. So I'm doing more of a free write.

Yesterday I went to the chiropractor. A first for me, you can be sure. He told me how tight the tension was in my upper back.
I know.  It always is.
And I thought how I wished I was rich and could get a massage every week. And on the heels of that came the reminder that I am rich. Not only in all the wonderful ways God blesses me, but also monetarily. Beyond my wildest dreams. Not others' wildest dreams, mind you, just mine. And it made me cry to remember. And to ache with a lot of feelings. Including wishing I could make others' lives easier somehow.

Tonight I worked a few minutes on my room (an ongoing saga that involves trying to dejunk and organize and sudden changes in my household and other stuff). I was winding yarn back into skeins and folding fabric scraps and thinking....I wish I had time to be creative. To sew or knit or make something. But why not? I've let go of many things that filled my time. Why do I always have to fill my life with community events and meetings and classes? Why can't I stay in my own home and create and just do things that make me happy? I know the main answer to that: because there's no one here to serve, so I feel guilty just wasting my life away with me, not helping the world be a better place. I know, it's not necessarily logical and I don't think it's doctrinally sound, but sometimes my thinking is warped. Just is.

So even though I'm not starting a quilt or mending or working on my pie crust skills, I am writing. Starting again. Maybe I'll start blogging and documenting my homemaking/creating efforts. Or my dreams materializing. If anyone reads this in the next few weeks and has a quote or personal thought to motivate me, I'd love to hear it!

Stuff

I've really felt like blogging lately but don't know where to start. I really need to be journaling, in my own personal journal. But that's not been happening either. So here are a few things on my mind.

I love Vermont. It's beautiful.

I got to vote on Tuesday. As I was walking in I felt such am overwhelming rush of gratitude. It hasn't been that long since women were allowed to vote. Yet I usually take it for granted. I'm so thankful for people who go before to pave the way for rights and privileges I have. So, so thankful.

I've been sick for the past week. Got home and got sick immediately. No fun. Next two thoughts related to that.

I'm probably getting a roommate. If I think about this too much I feel sick to my stomach. So I'm trying not to think too deeply, just to follow the gentle feelings in my heart. I'm scared and fear is not a reason to make choices. Faith. Love. Those are reasons. So I'm not basing my choices on it, but I'm still scared.
By the way, this is what comes of having too much time, lying around, doing nothing but thinking while trying not to feel too miserable. Okay, it's months in the making, but if I'd stayed busy it wouldn't have come to this.

Busy. That's the last thing. People often comment about how busy I am, how on the go, etc. I think that's because they don't know really energetic people. Like my mother, my Rachel, my Aunt Ruth Elaine, and a whole bunch of other people I know. But I tell you what, as the energy came partially back today, I could feel the engines revving. I wanted to GO. Maybe I go more than I think. Also, after months of being either out of town or sick, I'm ready for life to settle down to normal (so I can get more done!).  Not that I use time very well right now. But I say when I'm better I'll do better. Hmmm.

And those are the ramblings of a tired, half-sick, very blessed woman.
Fin

My building

This is the front of my building.  Today I took a picture of it to include with a project I'm working on for my UVM class.  So I thought I'd share with anyone who might read this.  Usually there are gorgeous flowers blooming in the front, but they've given way to the green this week. I seldom use this door, so it's odd to look at it, but anyway, there you have it. 

Oh, I should say "a project I was working on" because I finally finished it!!!!   
Final project for my class that ended in May.  I took an incomplete.  And then took half the summer to complete the final project.  But I am done. done, done, done.  Hooray!

Blessings: Day 15

Friday, 10 June 2016

Today I got to go to the temple.
Need I say more? Peace, light, reminders of eternal truth.

I should have gone every day I was here.  :)

Extra bonus: I got to go with Meg. Which was nice by itself. And then there was the hour+ conversation afterward with more insights and sharing and feeling the Spirit. I love her and I'm thankful for the reminders of the reality that the Lord is right now bringing about a marvelous work and a wonder on this earth.

Temple. Righteous friend. A Savior and Redeemer. I am blessed.

Blessings: Day 14

Thursday, 9 June 2016

I'm in Dallas for training all week. For the most part it has been pretty good, useful.

In class "today" the instructor was going to show us a video clip. He warned us there was going to be profanity. I debated for a minute or two, then went ahead and left. I get enough junk into my mind every day, I might as well avoid what I can.

It wasn't a huge thing and it didn't mean I made the best choices all week. But I've been grateful lately for the distinct lines of having standards. Black and white actually brings tons of freedom.  And today I was thankful for a standard that clearly guided my decision.

I also felt a lot of gratitude for the ability to repent and for the Savior's power to wash us clean.

Blessings: Day 13

Wednesday, 8 June 2016

This morning I listened to part of a session of General Conference, while I exercised and drove. It invited the Spirit and made me feel happy. I loved the music and I appreciated the gospel truths.

Later in the day some things happened that left me feeling hurt and discouraged.  Just so happened that a couple of the talks provided guidance that specifically addressed what was happening, what I needed to know.

I am so thankful for the gospel and for the Church and how they blessed me today.        I say those words and they're simple, but inside my mind and heart are connections and understanding and a profound realization of how blessed I am.

Blessings: Day 12

Tuesday, 7 June 2016

I feel like I keep using the same the same thing, but seriously spending time with Meg and her sons is so awesome. It is a huge blessing to have righteous friends. And it fills my heart, right now!, to see righteous parenting.

Tonight we went to Cicis, for pizza (or brownies or cinnamon rolls, if that's your preference). The boys and I were at the booth, Meg was finishing up getting things. I started to eat, the boys were just sitting there. I realized they were waiting, with all that yumminess in front of them. When Meg got there, they said and prayer.  THEN they were ready to dive in. It made my heart so happy.

(For context, the boys are 7 and younger.)  Here they are:

A postscript to that. In Friday night just Meg and I were at a restaurant. We looked at each other and decided to pray. Meg said, I'm more comfortable praying in public in Texas than California. A few seconds later, the family at the table beside joined hands and prayed before their meal. It made me happy too. :)

I am grateful for the Savior's teachings about prayer and that it is a regular part of my life and others' lives.

Blessings: Day 11

Monday, 6 June 2016

Today I attended Day 1 of a week if leadership training.

Before I ever went in, I thought about the first leadership training I went to when I was in high school (thank you, Rotary). I was 17. I'm twice that now.  My heart was full as I thought about how much I have changed since then. I love 17- year old Ruth. I'm thankful for her righteousness and diligence.

But I am even more thankful for Jesus Christ. Though him, these years of learning and growth have led to confidence and happiness. Love for others and the ability to reach out lift others. No more of the kind of fear that I felt then. Deep, fulfilling sureness, grounded on the rock that is Jesus Christ. I can't explain, but it fills my soul. I'm thankful for Him, and for all that He has done with me in these years.

Today I felt His love and was filled with love for him and a deep sense of indebtedness for his grace and mercy.

Blessings: Day 10

Sunday, 5 June 2016

Can I ever say enough about how much joy is in my life because I belong to a worldwide Church? I LOVE that I just step in to a place I've never been and the same things are happening, people have testimonies of the same things I do, and there's instant love and connection with people I've never met before. It's incredible. SO much joy!  Thankful to Jesus Christ for restoring his church to the earth.

Happily attending in Sherman, Texas.

I also fasted for my little nephew Hyrum and I am extremely thankful for the law of the fast and for all the beautiful teachings about Christ's power to heal. So much revealed truth. So much love and goodness for all of us.

Blessings: Day 9

Saturday, 4 June 2016

I spent part of the day with my dear friend, Meg. I'm grateful for her friendship, and it's really because of the church (manifested in BYU) that I ever met her.   But today I'm especially thankful that the gospel, and our testimonies of the gospel, draw us together. It's intangible, but it is so real.

And then there are the wonderful things of sharing beliefs, like when I tell her I'm going to be fasting and I don't have to explain anything. That's just that. :)

Blessings:Day 8

Friday, 3 June 2016

Apparently I've done this for a week now. :) I've enjoyed out. It is so good to articulate ideas. To really think about what I enjoy that I might otherwise just pass over.

Today I just delighted in reading my scriptures. Nothing had a huge impact, but I was just happy reading the Savior's words, and then reading-- and thinking-- about His second coming.

I also enjoyed reading the general Primary presidency's remarks about families. I learned new things, today.  On the Church front I'm grateful both for our leaders and for the website,  lds.org, that helps me be connected to the church at large. It is a wonderful blessing to me!

Blessings:Day 7

Thursday, 2 June 2016

Last night I had a meeting. I felt agitated before we even started, so I prayed, asking for help to be temperate and kind, to be able to forgive. The beautiful Primary song, "Help me, dear Father, to freely forgive" came into my mind. I even chose it for our opening song at the meeting. I love those simple, humble lyrics.

Then later, during the meeting, something came up and I really, really wanted to say a cutting remark. Related to the larger issue that I'm frustrated with. But I just couldn't. I couldn't be true to that prayer and say it. I'm thankful that i was saved from that un Christlike behavior (if not thought).

Prayer, Primary songs, and the grace of Jesus Christ. I was blessed by all of them.

P.s. this day I also had a very interesting conversation with a guy on my team. Reminded me of how incredibly blessed I am and have always been, to have the truths of the gospel. What a wonderful life because if gospel standards and principles, truths.

Blessings: Day 6

Wednesday, 1 June 2016

"I'll trust in the Lord with all my heart and he will direct all my paths."

Today something happened that I hardly believed could happen, weeks had felt would happen. I said to someone, I would be absolutely shocked, except deep down the Spirit told me so. (No, it's not public knowledge yet, and it may never be.)

It opens up some dilemmas that I'm hoping for answers to prayers to deal with, to know how to even try. And I'll trust in that too.

In addition to the gift of the Holy Ghost and answered prayers, I'm also thankful for the Church, for seminary. Because of it that scripture if engrained in my life, and I live it. (I even have a song to sing about it.)

And today, I've been thinking how thankful I am for talks and stories from men and women who have trusted and been led before me. That is truly a great blessing to help me have the faith to try out the promise, to keep trusting. And it is also a direct blessing from the Church.

Blessings: Day 5

Tuesday,  May 31, 2016

May 31 is my Rachel's birthday. I got to talk to her today, which was lovely (doesn't hasten as much as it used to).

As I reflected on the day, I was filled with gratitude for the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Because of the Atonement, I have a most beautiful, loving relationship with my dear sister
Because of Him, there is forgiveness-- given and received. There is healing and forgetting and the literal ability for things to be washed clean. Gone, save for the strengthened relationship of a redeemed situation. And because of that, I share a relationship with Rachel that is deeper and unlike any other relationship I have. I love her with a depth that is truly charity. I am so grateful for her and for our eternal, Christ-centered relationship I have with her. Not because we are perfect, but because He is.

Blessings: Day 4

Monday, 30 May 2016

Two things. In the morning I was thinking a lot about a situation I'm involved in right now. There are many unknown factors, but as I thought, I felt a great deal of gratitude for the gift of the Holy Ghost. I know he warns of danger, he helps me know truth, he helps me discern things and remember things and have wisdom beyond my own ability. I trust He will help me make the best choices possible and I am deeply thankful for this gift.

And last night I had family home evening. It was a solo one this time, but it was wonderful. I just LOVE family home evening! (I also live having my own piano to play on, which incidentally is a direct blessing of the church, in my case.)

How blessed I am!

Beauty from the sea

Look at these beautiful shells. I think you need to see them in person, one by one, to really appreciate, but here's a sampling. I've carried them in box for the past few years. Yesterday I opened them and was awed, all over again, by their beauty.

Blessings: Day 3

Sunday, 29 May 2016

I love church. I love singing hymns and participating in the sacrament. Regardless of what else does or doesn't happen, I love those constants, those sources of pure doctrine.

Yesterday, during Sunday School, I received just a tiny building block more of understanding. As I participated in class, I understood a little better about how Satan blinds people. Many people around me who reject truth, not because they're bad but because they're blinded. I've been blinded to certain things and feel thankful to and for many things that kept me from falling away and being further blinded. The Spirit also helped me understand a little more about how I can help those people in my life right now. Understanding the problem helps me understand how to be an instrument in healing. Ultimately, it is the Savior who heals blindness, but I can certainly play a role in helping. So glad for additional understanding and direction of how to move forward.

In the evening, I spent a couple of hours visiting with a new friend. (Thankful for the Church which brings people into my life that I would never know otherwise.) We were talking about our lives and afterward I was awed again by how the Lord had directed my choices. I am so thankful for the gift of the Holy Ghost. Not only for its direction in the past, but for the assurance I felt yesterday that God (the whole group) will continue to guide me as I need it.

And finally, I am thankful for promises the Lord has made to me, personally. I won't go into details, but I've recently had good and bad experiences when I've trusted the Lord's promises and when I've forgotten. In a time when I am remembering and trusting, I'm thankful He has given me promises AND shown me (mostly through others, especially scripture, but many other ways too) that His promises are sure.

This day I was incredibly blessed by the gospel of Jesus Christ, by many gifts that come only with the restored gospel, and by lots of things that the Church brings me.

Blessings: Day 2

Saturday, 28 May

Thought about several things this day (had the chance to clean the chapel, talk to family, get super happy family news, etc), but going with this.

I spent time paying bills and working a little bit with my budget. Also thinking about some friends, and the world in general. I am extremely thankful for the teachings of the church, based in revelation, about finances and money and temporal (and spiritual) self-reliance. I'm grateful my Mother had me read One for the Money when I was young, and that she and father taught me to live the principles our prophets have taught us. I'm thankful for the many church materials on the subject, for the incredible teachings in the handbook, etc. I'm thankful for tithing. And thankful for the teachings in Jacob 2 that explain the proper place for money. Christ's teachings about it, and many church leaders. And on and on.

Many of these things have "always" been part of my life, others have been available to teach and guide me as life's circumstance (good and not so good) have raised questions for me.

Last night, as I worked on my finances and thought about choices to come, I felt a great deal of gratitude for the truths that have shaped me and that empower me- right now empower me- to be a wise steward. They give me so much direction when making choices. Today the truths of the gospel, living prophets, and church materials blessed me!

Blessings of the gospel, restoration, church: Day 1

I've been thinking lately about lots of things.    Right, that's not super profound. But I'm trying to figure out how to express this. I guess they connect by being thoughts about existing blessings. I have a lot that l take for granted in life. This includes tangible as well as a lot of intangibleness. It's really incredible to me.  But that's not the full gist of what's been on my mind and heart. Anyway, I'm going to quit trying to explain, and just say that I've felt impressed to record blessings that I enjoy because of the gospel of Jesus Christ, because of my knowledge of His restored gospel, and because I'm a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter- day Saints. I've been doing a little of that in my journal and scripture journal, but decided I want to also blog some of it. So I'm challenging myself to do 30 days of daily digitally recording of a blessing I've received that day because of the gospel, the restored gospel, and the Church.

And I'm actually going to start with yesterday, since I've been thinking about this for awhile. (I won't go all the way back, but this one won't leave my mind and my heart. )

Day 1:  Friday, 27 May

During my morning Book of Mormon study, I read 3 Nefi 9 (yes, in espanol). The whole chapter is first person, the Savior- between his death and resurrection - speaking to the people who were spared from the natural disasters. He speaks of his love and desire to have us with him. He also explains that those who receive him are his sons and daughters. And he explains that animal sacrifice is being replaced with a sacrifice of a broken heart and a contrite spirit.

As I read His words, the Spirit came and witnessed to me that Jesus Christ lives, that He loves me, that those offers are for me, if I want them and will bring the sacrifice he asks for. The witness was unexpected and powerful.

I topped off that reading with Pres. Uchtdorf's talk about the Savior as our shepherd (they went well together).

But it's the Savior's words, and the Spirit's witness that is working on me still.

There are many things about the gospel, the restoration, and the Church that come into play here, but I want to focus on the Book of Mormon.

On this very day, I am grateful to have the Book of Mormon, to be able to study it, and for the powerful, Ruth-changing testament of Jesus Christ that it is. Because of the Book of Mormon, I am able to know Jesus Christ.

And today I came to know him better.

Have Experience

I recently summarized up my life this way:  I'm involved in multiple different things, on many fronts, and in almost every case, I'm in a situation that I haven't been in before.  I started to say in over my head, but that's not true (though occasionally it feels like it--especially with all of them).  I'm not in over my head and it's not that I can't handle them, it's just that they're all new situations.  And so I don't automatically know how to handle them and they take a lot and a lot of work.  And I make a lot of mistakes.  And I wish I could do everything perfectly, and study out how to handle things, but I just don't have time. I have to learn by doing.

Several weeks back I was talking to a sister at church and mentioned that I was taking a class at the university up the street.  She looked at me kind of funny and I said, Yes, I already have a couple of degrees, but .... and then this profound realization came out of my mouth...but I know I'm missing skills and knowledge that I'd like to have for where I am and where I want to be.  And I've spent my life learning through education, so I turn to that as the answer for how to gain what's missing.  But I think God has given me opportunities to do get what I need by experience and it's probably time to realize that that's the way to learn now. 

Wow, that was a good realization and I've thought of it over and over in the weeks since then.  Wish I'd had it before I took this college class.  Saved myself the money and the time.  Okay, I've learned things from the class that I can use.  I've also learned how much I know and that I know enough to be able to learn from my experiences.  I guess that's worth something.  Actually, I know it's worth a lot.  So I don't completely regret taking the class.  (I am still very, very ready to be done, but that's not really the point of this post.)

To clarify: this is not to downplay the value of education, AT ALL.  I love education, what I consider a short cut to knowledge and even some wisdom. As well as it's own type of experience.  This is just Ruth recognizing that the there are other ways of learning and that I need to embrace them right now.

I can see that right now I've been given a lot to be able to grow and learn from experience.  So even though I make a lot of mistakes, while I try to juggle so many new, grown up responsibilities, I'm hanging on to a trust in the Lord that He's helping me become what He needs me to be.  I just keep repenting, trying to glean as I go, and keep going.

If you're wondering what I'm doing, let's do a quick run down.  I'm a supervisor at work, with a team of 7 other people (and working with a team of 4 other supervisors--plus a lot more around me).  I'm serving in the stake Primary presidency (even though this is my second stake presidency calling, it's quite different and I never really got the hang of the first one anyway).  I'm the president of the board of directors for my condo association.  Until last week I was also a shift coordinator at the temple (which means I was responsible to orchestrate all the sisters running the temple for one Saturday morning each month).  I am also taking a college class, which is the one thing I'm pretty expert at, though a bit rusty; but that's going to end soon. It's a lot of adult-ness.  A lot, I tell you.

What keeps me going is this trust that the Lord is teaching me, even though I'm mostly in a haze, often doing hard things or feeling sad because I've done the "wrong" thing again, or sometimes just wondering what in the world I am doing, as I muddle through.   I'm sure I'll emerge (someday I must emerge, right?) and see that I've learned just as surely as I would studying a college program.  Meanwhile, I've found and enjoyed this scripture:

"That they themselves [not a case study they learn about] may be prepared,

 and that my people may be taught more perfectly, 

and have experience, 

and know more perfectly concerning their duty and the things which I require at their hands."

And have experience.  I like it.  And I'm really thankful to be learning through experience.  Enjoying mortality the way it was meant to be! :) 

Oh, that scripture is Doctrine & Covenants 105:10

Seek Ye First

This is my spiritual thought for tonight's family home evening.

In the King Jame's version of Matthew 6:33, it reads (as Christ's words):  "Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." 

That's a great scripture that helps me understand how to order my life. 

But, it gets better.

The Joseph Smith translation of the KJV adds these great phrases:

"seek ye first to build up the kingdom of God and to establish his righteousness."*

These two verbs phrases are really powerful clarifications, to me.  They take this instruction from this being about goals I should be seeking for to being about how I should live my life.  Action oriented, arrows-out oriented.  This weekend it helped me in real, practical ways to begin making decisions that need to be made.

I am thankful for scripture.




*The additional introductory instruction is also enlightening, but not the focus of this thought.  "Wherefore, seek not the things of this world but seek ye..."

Life Cycle of a Cold

Because my life is mas tranquilo than it has been for the past 30 years, I got to learn about colds this week.

I've been sick with a cold.  Symptoms started on Tuesday and I'm finally starting to feel better.  I expect to wake up tomorrow all better. (We'll see.)  So on Wednesday, when I was home resting, I read some about colds.  And on Friday, when I was home resting, I read even more about colds. 

Here are some amazing things I learned about colds.  They last for 7 to 10 days.   You can't really do anything to make them better, they just have to run their course.  You can relieve symptoms and you can do things to make them not become something worse (like turn into sinus infections, which is what happens to me a lot).  You can also mask symptoms, but I'm more interested in relieving them. They are caused by viruses, and there are an estimated 200ish virus out there. So while you might be done with one, you can just a likely catch another next week. Or immediately.  (I think I already knew that from the year I taught at Harp Elementary.)

Now, you might be thinking....there is absolutely nothing new or revolutionary about any of those facts, Ruth.  And that was my ah-ha/why didn't anyone every tell me??!!!  moment.  I feel like this seems to be super basic knowledge.  But I never knew!! 

And why did I learn now?  Well, I see this as one of many fruits of the fabulous place in life right now.  At any other time that I've had a cold, it really didn't matter what the life cycle of a cold was.  I just powered on. I drug myself to work.  I drug myself through school.   When I truly could not go on anymore, I slept.  And then I just kept going again.  But now, now I have chosen to slow the pace of my life down.  (Sort of, in mostly intangible ways.)    So now, I get sick.  I take time off work and stay home and rest.  Before I've reached the absolute pits.  (Turns out this is key--rest during the first day or two of symptoms and you'll get better more quickly. Who knew?)   I just slow down and let go of things.  And I'm in a position right now where I can do that for the most part.  There aren't children or students or classes or other pressing things that need me right now.  It's kind of nice.


Then today I realized another thing.  I was thinking about why I got sick. I'd said to some co-workers, Well, last week I didn't eat well or sleep well or whatever and I'm sure that's why I'm sick.  Sort of true.  But really thinking about it today, I realized there was a little more to it.   And if we could go back in time, I might end up sick again.  Maybe.   But here's what really happened.

I was surrounded by sick people for weeks and I did okay.  Then I fasted; initially for one family, then it became five.  An amazing fast and even if (and it is an If) sick was a result, I'd do it again.  Problem was I never did a good job really rehydrating after that.  Then I took care of a little girl.  Who was sick. And we snuggled on the couch and read books and played games.  I'm pretty sure....   Then I stayed up until almost 1 in the morning helping friends who were moving.  (I don't usually go to bed after 10.)  It was miserable on my body.  But I'd do it again.   And then, just to finish off my immune system, I gave blood.  (double reds).    Talk about dehyrated and depleted immune system.  By the time I donated I probably already had the virus (based on my now extensive knowledge of colds) and that just pushed me over the edge.   But you know, I'm not sorry for anything I did to help and I really would probably do it again.  Though I would time the blood donation differently...

Anyway, that's* what's been on my mind lately.  

*Well, that and the hundred other weird things I think when I'm lying around for hours sleeping, resting, and generally unable to be run around doing my normal activities and having no good interaction with anyone else for days.  (Some of these things are amazing and revelatory, some unhealthy (mentally, emotionally) and some are just plain weird.)

 So, all in all, I am really, really ready to be well again!  I am thankful I avoided another sinus infection!  And I feel a lot smarter than I did before this cold.  (Seriously, who knew?  and why didn't they tell me?)

A few of my favorite things (one year anniversary)

A year ago I closed on my condo and this lovely place became my home.  I loved it then and I just love it more now.  But let's not talk about now.  Let's talk about then. I planned this post a year ago.  Life didn't really cooperate.  But at least I took pictures then!  So, I'm just going to try to go back in time and share some of my favorite things about my awesome new home.

My big, huge walk-in closet...

 ...with these great shelves

A tub (I had been using a bathroom with just a shower).  And counter space in the bathroom.  And, not shown, two separate lights.

This fantastic exhaust system.

Plugs.  Lots and lots and lots of them.  I like modern houses.

This fun hallway space between the bathroom and a bedroom.  With its own light.  And a plug.

This bar.  Oh yeah.  You'll see another view.   But I love it.  Also, multiple outlets just on this little wall (I think there are 7 in the kitchen).  Plus, garbage disposal (see the switch).

More outlets.  A view from the living room in.

A washer and dryer.  Mine.  Full sized.  Already installed.  Mmmmhmmm.
Not pictured, but this room is very large and fits lots of other stuff in it. (For a while it had my bike and empty space.)  Now it has a small freezer, shelf of food, etc.  Also has a great shelf above the W&D (tools, laundry supplies, iron, etc)

This great closet off the entry way.  Probably meant to be a coat closet.  A fantastic food storage room.

 Overhead lighting.  I cannot stand homes that do not have overhead lighting.  I love light.  Love, love, love, crave, need light.  The places we looked at without overhead lighting were immediately crossed out of my list.  Not buying a place without.  This place has tons. 

And then there is the natural light.  One of the two selling points that got me to even look at this place (outside my geographical boundaries).  Big bay windows, facing south.  This is only half.  I see trees and community gardens.  And the light streeeeeaaaaammmmsss in.  Oh I love it.  (Also, I miss being home during the day.)

Did I mention overhead lighting.  Yeah, gotta have it.

All those cupboards!  Plus space above them.  And more down below.  For a long time many of them were empty, I just had so much space.    I also really like the color.
Also, note the overhead lighting (with two different switches), for different amounts/location of light.

Um, I love the layout of this kitchen.  I looked at so many and many of them just didn't suit me.  I can't cook at a stove with my back to the whole house.  Just can't.   This, on the other hand, was grand.

And then there is this angle of the layout.  Yep, this was the other selling point.  (And by selling point, I mean convinced me to go look at it.  I hadn't even made it in before I knew it was the place.  So even considering looking at it was the selling for me.)  The layout.  Kitchen sink where you look out to the living room (because of the bar)?  Yes, please.  Sink and counters where you can  actually see out the awesome bay windows to all that glorious light?   Um, when can I move in?  And when can I have my first party?

A dishwasher.  I can live without one.  (My mother trained me differently than most Americans, apparently.)  But I do like having it.

A stove.  My stove.  It's not the most awesome stove in the world.  But it is sufficient.  And it's mine.  And it's full size.  An over my cookie sheets fit into (unlike my first place in VT).   And I'm pretty sure the first owners (I'm the second) didn't use it much.  

A fridge.  My very own fridge.  My own freezer.    My own, own, own, own fridge.

And, from all the pictures, you can see the bright house.  The light colored walls, the light carpet and tile (can you see that in any pictures?).  I'm a fan.  I've put color on them, but oh, I like starting with lightness. 

So yep.  That's not everything.  (And it doesn't look quite like that anymore.)  But those are still a few of my favorite things.

What can't be put in pictures is the peace, the clarity, the presence of the Spirit.  I felt it on my first visit and it hasn't ceased.  This is my home.  A temple-like home.

Happy 1 year anniversary to my home that I love.

Thoughts an a great rhetorician, a great man

The other day I spent some time decorating my door for Martin Luther Kind day.  It mostly consisted of putting together a variety of quotes.  It was powerful to spend the time remembering what an amazing rhetorician he was.  So beautiful!  For short quotes, his use of parallelism is prominent and powerful.  Then his complete texts are chock full of rhetorical devices.  I love reading it.  (And side note, I have such special memories of analyzing A Letter from Birmingham Jail with my favorite class of Northeastern students from China. Very interesting experience, with the American history, sociology, American ideals, geography, and religion all mixed in with lessons on rhetoric)

As for the content, there are a lot of themes I appreciate.  My favorite might be his focus on service.  Such as, "Everybody can be great...because anybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to serve. You don't have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love."

And on and on.  It really invited the Spirit into my office as I worked on the project.  I don't know everything about him and do not have to be a judge.  But based on what I know of his works, I admire him.

And I so appreciate that his calls to action centered around the teachings of Jesus Christ.  I liked this quote, paraphrased here, "Some people insist on labeling me a civil rights leader.  Really I am just a Baptist minister."  It echos my own desire to be known--though others may label me as any number of things, what I want to be and what I hope people recognize is that I am a disciple of Jesus Christ.    To take that away from Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr. is to strip him of who he really was. I believe that the light of Christ burned in him and that he was great because he followed Jesus Christ and served his fellow men.

Life's most persistent and urgent question is: 

What are you doing for others?

Happy Martin Luther King day!

I cleaned my bathroom!

I have issues cleaning my house.  It just isn't a priority for my limited time.  Which would be fine if I didn't care if my house was clean or not, but I do care!  I grew up with a Mother who keeps things clean and organized.  She's not unreasonable, but she just cleans as she goes.  And involves the whole family in the process.  Not so spotless that you feel you can't live in it, but clean.  Not fancy, just clean.  (Sort of like us as people, too, I suppose.)   Anyway, I like things organized and clean.

But turns out I'm not really willing to pay the price to have that.  I just prioritize other things.  Now, if I live with other people it's a different story.  I clean up shared space.  No one else should have to deal with my mess.  Past experience already taught me that this is an advantage of living with others.  But, for right now at least, it's outweighed by other factors.  So mostly I just deal with my build up.

Then sometimes I complain.  My bathroom has been dirty for months.  (I'm pretty sure the last time it was cleaned was by Benson.  Benson left almost 5 months ago--and it wasn't the end of his time here, either.)  Fortunately I don't share it with any boys, so it's not as bad as it could be.  But piles of curls, gel on the counter/floor, dust, crud that builds up.  I'll stop there; you all know what dirty bathrooms look like.  Anyway, there are lots of other dirty or disorganized places in my house, but for some reason the bathroom has been symbolic of how I "don't have time to just clean my house."  (hmmmmm)

So it comes up in conversations regularly, as code for cleaning my house/getting myself organized.  Like this exchange that was repeated several times last month:
"What are you doing for Christmas?"
"Well, what I'm doing is X, Y, and Z.  But really I'd be super happy to just stay home, read a book, and clean my bathroom."

A couple of weeks ago I thought about how growing up on Saturday morning we had Saturday chores.  Had to do them before other things.  Many battles, much whining, and a million injustices discussed, but they happened. And I thought how if I had children, we'd have Saturday jobs.  So why don't I now?  It took me over a week, but I finally made a chart.  Four weeks, with four parts of the house.  It's even on my big yearly calendar on the very public wall (just I, II, III, IV but I know what they are).  I've decided that if I miss a week, I'll just skip that area and keep going next week.  I'm pretty excited.

And this morning...can I have a drum roll please?....

I cleaned my bathroom!

Every single thing you could think of in a bathroom, I cleaned.  It looks wonderful.  And I feel fantastic!

(And then I went to the temple (in Montreal), so it was about as good as a Saturday can get.)

2016: Calm

January 1, a year ago.  I woke up early (after a very painful previous evening) and drove across town to be present for the inspection of my condo.  It was only my second time to see the place and it was a wonderful confirmation that this was the place I wanted to be my home.  After that I stopped at the medical clinic and soon ended up in the emergency room.  Because I was sick (completely unrelated to the reason I was there), I slept a lot.  It was my first time an emergency room (well, that I remember), and not my first choice for New Year's Day activities.

And thus began 2015.  Which really just continued craziness of some months before.  About 3 months later I was catching up with a good friend in Boston.  We hadn't talked in a few months, so I was trying to update on the important things.  As I listened to myself, I couldn't help but realize--no wonder I felt so stressed out.  It had been nothing but non-stop stress for months.

And it didn't stop there. The rest of the year just kept right on being stressful.  The thing is--it wasn't all bad stress.  A lot of awesome things happened.  But high-stress awesome things.  Here's a partial list:  Emergency room. Flew to Kansas to surprise Mother for her birthday (totally successful on the surprise part!). Joined a gym and faithfully cycled when not an invalid. Bought a home.  Moved.  Slowly unpacked (well, partially) and started organizing a house.  Bought a brand new car (in emergency mode because the old one quit during a snow storm right after I moved 10 miles from work).  Had surgery.  Oh, bought couches houses before surgery so that I wouldn't have to spend a week of recovery on my little pallet of blankets.  Started going on long bike rides on Saturdays.  Went to California. Few days later Asael, Emillie and Leo came to visit.  Father and Mother came to visit, too (same time).  Left together to go bike.  Biked across New York state on the Erie Canal trail with Hyrum. (5+ days, physically demanding like I can't explain.)  Drove across the United States! (turns out I am my father's daughter)  Wedding, family reunion, speed drive home.  Benson came and stayed with me all summer--which was awesome! but resulted in use of time that wore me out. Dozens of awesome adventures with baby Benson. Head cook for YW camp (the emotional and spiritual stress leading up to this were worse than the physical during camp).  Bored to tears with work and not sure what to do about it.  Applied for new job; stress of waiting months (because that how USCIS job hiring goes).  Calling that involved interpersonal relationships with all kinds of unnecessary stress.  Etc. Etc. Etc.

Like I said, other than the health, the drama/frustration/desperation related to callings, and work, it was really a fantastic lot of awesome.  But awesome or not, it took its toll.

So I have a special hope for 2016.  I hope that it will be CALM.  I have a lot on my plate (that was the stress of the end of the year, which isn't up on that list), but those things should just be busy.  Not physically, emotionally, spiritually challenging in the same way as all those big things and new things.  (Busy ain't nothin' new.)  I'm looking forward to just digging in and working on those.  No moving. No car issues. No drama (pleeeease).  Fewer trips. No unkind emails. No health challenges.  That is my wish for 2016!!

Please, let it be calm.