be|the|beauty|within

for the first weekend in a LONG time, I have no plans. which makes me excited! I decided to start off my Saturday with breakfast on my back porch.  instead of sitting around my little table, I sat on the deck with my feet resting in the grass. normally at the first sign of a bee coming within several feet of me I run away screaming. but not this morning. Something was different—I sat there watching 4 or 5 bees buzz within inches of my feet and was amazed at how they really didn’t care that I was there. If I wasn’t moving and bothering them, they weren’t going to bother me. And in that moment, I realized this is what the Lord has been revealing to me over the past year.

a year ago i took a leap of faith that i didn’t know where would lead. i was homeless, jobless and really had no idea what the future held. would i be returning to school? would i be serving on a missions team somwhere? would i be working somewhere? if so, where would i be working? where would i be living? for two months i went without knowing what the future held. and those were two of the sweetest months of my life. i had to place ALL my trust in the Lord—for shelter, food, finances…everything. what i didn’t realize at the time was that i was beginning to learn how to die to myself and live for the Lord. and for the first time in my life, i wasn’t chasing after my own desires.

it’s been almost exactly a year since the move. God provided with an awesome place to live and a job that i love.  it was amazing to sit back and accept what God wanted to give me during this season.

prior to this move and for the majority of my life, i chased after things of this world: jobs, friendships, boyfriends. but as i continue to grow in my walk with God, I’m learning that nothing will satisfy my heart more than what God gives me. after college when i was chasing after a job in a certain location, i was taken back to my hometown. little did i know that God was preparing a job for me and a place to live in a metropolitan area (i had always dreamed of this!)—and a location that was within a few miles of one of my best friends. when i was chasing ‘being in love,’ which was really lust and a need to pacify my loneliness and desire to date, God provided a way out. not the way i wanted it to happen, but the way it needed to end. out of the end of that relationship, God gave me some of my greatest friends to this day. i never asked and never prayed to have girlfriends or accountability partners in my life–God gave them to me.

i say all this because i’m extremely grateful for the things God has given to me as i seek him before everything else. the past few weeks my life has been wrecked—in the best way possible. our small group has been studying the book of James for the past six weeks and it has been one of the best studies i’ve ever walked through (perhaps that’s because I’m actually doing the lessons…) my desires, my purpose, my longings—they all are shifting. i don’t know how to explain it, but what i do know is the Lord is changing what’s inside my heart. so just as i did with my feet resting on the grass this morning, i’m choosing to be still. when everything inside of me wants to get up and run away screaming or to chase after something to satisfy my own desires, i will choose to sit, listen, and be still with this prayer in my heart:

Psalm 139: 23

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.”

“This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us–whatever we ask–we know that we have what we asked of him.”   1 John 5:14-15

for two and a half months this fall i was living out of hotels and making daily trips in and out of high schools. i saw a lot, heard a lot, and learned a lot–about students, people, the world of higher education and about life in general. so when thanksgiving rolled around, i was very excited to be back sleeping in my own bed every night and to be back on a college campus.

 
i sometimes feel like God placed me back in the college atmosphere–and not just any campus, specifically my alma mater–to give light to situations and cirucumstances that i refused to see or didn’t even realize existed while i was a student. things are so much clearer now than they were then.  and i say this with a sense of reassurance that i have never been so sure i’m exactly where God wants me to be than where i’m living and working right now. why in this place at this time? i’m still not sure–that’s why God is God–if we knew everything there would be no reason to believe.

with all that said, i’ve been doing a lot of listening on campus, in restaurants, in coffee shops, etc. all around this college town. the majority of coversations i hear have a special tugging on my heart because i’m extremely passionate about the value of a relationship. and i’m not just talking guy-girl dating relationship–yes, dating relationships is part of that, but the value friendships.  i’m the first to admit that i wasn’t the best at relationships or friendships in college because i don’t think i really understood their value and my priorities were out of wack.  a lot has changed over the few years since i’ve graduated and if i can offer any tips, here’s what they are:

1. Respect yourself.
if we don’t respect ourselves, how or why should we expect others to treat us with respect? i think lack of respect in oneself may be due to not understanding what respect truly is. webster defines it as ‘admiring (someone or something) deeply, as a result of their abilities, qualities, or achievements.’ every person has been created with unique abilities and qualities.  find those positive, unique attributes in your own character and start treating yourself like you deserve the best.

2. Set boundaries.
i’m not even sure i knew what the term boundary meant in regards to a relationship while i was in college. i did whatever i wanted whenever i wanted. with no one giving you rules to follow, you have free reign of all your decisions, which can be both scary and satisfying all at the same time.  for me, it was always just temporary satisfaction.  if no boundaries are set from the very beginning, it allows for one person to walk over the other and vice versa, which is never healthy for either person. and with every relationship there will be different boundaries. you might disclose  information differently to one of your close friends than you would to someone in your family. it’s all part of setting boundaries on an individual basis. this has been something new for me, but i cannot even begin to tell you how i’ve been able to witness God work in the lives of my family and friends because i’ve learned how to set boundaries and stick with them.  once boundaries are set, it’s essential to use self respect to protect and guard the relationship–and keep in mind that every relationship is a two way street.  as i always say, it takes two to tango.

3. Verbalize expectations.
communication is KEY. i was the absolute worst of the worst communicators when it came to any kind of relationship in college. i wouldn’t call friends back, wouldn’t communicate any kinds of feelings, wouldn’t show up to events…i just didn’t care.  in fact, my infamous statement throughout my college years was ‘whatever’. which i deem as rather appropriate because i really didn’t care about anything.  when i found out who Jesus was, things began to change.  as with boundaries, this whole verbalizing my expectations has changed many of my relationships. it’s only fair to both people involved to clearly communicate what’s expected out of one another and to be on the same page.  we can’t expect people to change and it’s not our responsibility to make someone change–that’s why making clear expectations from the very beginning can dismiss problems that may arise later. i’ve also learned not to be afraid to voice your expectations, regardless of how uncomfortable it makes your or the other person feel. you will thank yourself later and that other person will hold you to a higher level of respect.

as with many of my single friends, we get asked the question ‘so why aren’t you dating anyone?’ quite frenquently. when i give the response ‘i’m waiting for Jesus to send him’ i get a lot of weird stares and that usually shuts them up pretty quickly.  but i’m not saying that to shut anyone up. i’m saying that because that’s what i believe. in 1 John 5:14-15 it says “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that is we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us–whatever we ask–we know that we have what we asked of him.” clearly i’m still a work in progress, as all of us are. but through every season God reveals something that i haven’t seen and i’m standing confident that when i’m ready, He will send me the man that he made specifically for me.i’m not going out hunting for the perfect mate–i’d rather wait. and while waiting, i want to be sure i’m becoming more intimate with Christ each and everyday.

twenty-five. what i’m labeling as ‘the year of transitions.’

i just happen to be 25 and i feel like for the first time in my life i’m sitting back and saying ‘wow. life is CHANGING.’ every person i’ve come across that happens to share the gift of the 25th year of life with me is going through some kind of change–which is rather incredible because i’ve never experienced anything like it before! life changes include: quitting jobs and starting new ones, moving to a different state–or across the country, getting engaged–then married, having babies, starting new business ventures, going back to school, deciding whether to end a relationship or begin a new one, deciding where to live and who to live with…the list goes on and on. simply stated–LIFE IS HAPPENING. who knew that 25 was going to be such a pivotal age? (apparently this guy did!)

i’d have to say that after being halfway through my twenty-fifth year of life, it has been quite the adventure and not at all what i had planned or expected. it has FAR surpassed any expectations. i’ve quit a job, moved, got a new job–and been challenged in ways i never imagined. with moving back to a college town, i’ve recounted many memories of when i was in college and some of the decisions i made back then and the decisions i make now. and WHOA–how they are different!

as i’ve stated in some of my other blogs, i love to run. running actually helps me maintain my sanity and it’s my time to spend with Jesus.  at least once a week i make sure to run through downtown to enjoy the full ambiance of the small town atmosphere full of college students. and it’s fantastic.  since night one of moving into my new neighborhood and taking a jog around the area, i was struck with the amount of unmarried young couples living together.  i would say that within my little townhome community, at least 1/4 are unmarried couples.  three years ago, this wouldn’t have struck a nerve with me because i was in their shoes.  i’ve been there and done it. and after all, it’s the norm. everyone’s doing it. what’s the big deal? right?

so for the past few months, i’ve been pondering that question–what is the BIG DEAL about living together?

here are some common responses i’ve recently heard and ones i once spoke as to why people move in together:

1. we can both save money.

2. if we’re going to get married, it’s better to live with that person before so you can get to know them and see if you can tolerate living with one another.

3. we can cook for each other and share things. life will be great and we’ll both be happy because we’re together.

all may be true. and again, i must emphasize that I HAVE BEEN THERE. there was a point where i agreed with all three of those statements listed above, in addition to making other excuses that sounded good and reassured me i was making the right decision.  perhaps i’m extremely passionate about this because so many of those around me are currently in this situation or are about to dive into it.  and more than likely, if it’s up for discussion, it’s really already a done deal.  you might ask around what others think, but ultimately, you’ve already made up your mind and you’re going to do what you want to do.  so when and where does putting the other person before yourself come into play? and really, if you’re planning to spend the rest of your life with this person, why not just wait?

while money may be a factor in the decision, it’s moreso based upon the feelings wrapped up in the relationship.  i long to see every one of my friends in loving, secure, committed relationships and i want the same for myself…but what kind of foundation are we building these relationships upon? one of the most disheartening comments i’ve heard shortly after a couple has been married and after being asked ‘how’s married life’ is getting the response ‘not any different than any other day.’ i’ve heard this on more than one occassion, and it brings me to tears every time.  there’s no excitement or anticipation about life after the wedding day. and why not? because no one has to wait for the other or long to be with their future wife or husband.  when you return home to them everyday before marriage, it’s not going to change after.  what happens when life throw an unexpected curve during marriage–maybe an unexpected pregnancy and the new car or house has to wait–or a new job offer in a different location that involves moving, saving money, and making sacrifices.  that foundation built prior to marriage–the one of waiting–is something that you’ll already be familiar with.   it is my prayer that our generation will be one to have the courage to say no. to respect the person you’re with enough to set boundaries and follow them.  to change what is normal to what is best for everyone involved. to wait for what God has in store for every one of us and pursue it, only when the timing is right.

i love me some joyce meyer, and she had such a timely tweet today “God gives us the strength to do what is right, but we are the ones who must choose it…God won’t do it for us. #beyondfeelings”

be daring. be different. make hard decisions!!!

nick adenhart. a name that screams ‘hometown hero’ to many who grew up and still live in hagerstown, md. in the eyes of a small town, nick had it all. he was good looking, intelligent, great family and friends, and he had made it. the big stage and bright lights–that was his playing field. at the young age of 22, nick was a starting pitcher for the anaheim angels. so to say he experienced life is an understatement. nick was the life of the party wherever he ventured and he surely knew how to have a great time.

as it goes around about this time of the year in high school’s all over the nation, superlatives are named. in 2004, our graduating year, it was no surprise that nick was given the superlative ‘most likely to succeed.’ after all, he had a full ride to UNC at the time to play Divsion I baseball with the option of entering the MLB draft and likely to be drafted early in the 1st round. but as we all know how life throws us curveballs–nick ended up needing Tommy John’s surgery after his last high school baseball game. many still ask where he would have ended up if he hadn’t heard that pop one spring day–but we can’t ask questions about the ‘what ifs’ in life, we can only ask, ‘what’s next?’

as expected, nick took his surgery in stride.  the angels signed him and nick had the opportunity to attend ASU while rehabilitating his arm. recovery went very well and happened quickly–he was placed in the minor leagues to get him back out on the field, and before i knew it, he was starting pitcher for the angels on april 8, 2009. i remember checking the angels website on april 8th and i was overly excited for nick and the fact that he was living out not only his dream, but the dreams of many who live in this small town. the morning of april 9th i got on espn.com to check out how nick did. he had pitched six scoreless innings…for a 22 year old–not too shabby! and then i got THE text.

‘nick is dead.’ i was thinking…there’s NO possible way! not because i was in denial, but because at the moment i was reading about him on the internet! i actually discounted the text because rumors are spread rapidly in small towns and i was believing what i was seeing on sportscenter. there was no way that nick just pitched six scoreless innings a few hours ago and was now dead. but as i started receiving more and more texts, i figured i would go straight to the source and call his best friend. and sure enough, just a few hours after living out his dream, nick’s life was taken from him.  he and two others were killed when a drunk driver inihilated the car they were in.

i preface with all of this to show the measure and value of one life.  nick was only on earth for 22 years, but the legacy he left will live on for many, many years.

back to the superlative ‘most likely to succeed.’ nick was the male receipient and i happened to be the female.  me, being the anti-person i am, thought, what do i care about this stupid superlative? clearly nick already has a path to success paved for him with a big fat check waiting for him the day we graduate. and at the age of 18, money and having fun was pretty much all i was thinking about. how great the college experience will be, how i’ll meet the person i’m going to marry in college, and when i graduate i’ll get married, start a family and live the ‘American dream.’

to this day, i cannot express how thankful i am that the Lord had a different plan for my life.  when i’m feeling doubtful about the plan God has for my life, it’s so easy to turn to the ‘what if’s’….what if i would have stayed with that guy?…what if i wouldn’t have left that job?…what if i would have said that differently?…all it takes is a seed of doubt and ALL the questions start creeping in.  but just as soon as those thoughts creep in and i start to get down on myself, i’m reminded not to ask God why, but ‘what’s next?’ i’ve continally been reminded of Proverbs 3:1-6

“My son, do not forget my teaching,
   but keep my commands in your heart,
² for they will prolong your life many years
   and bring you peace and prosperity.

³ Let love and faithfulness never leave you;
   bind them around your neck,
   write them on the tablet of your heart.
⁴ Then you will win favor and a good name
   in the sight of God and man.

⁵ Trust in the LORD with all your heart
   and lean not on your own understanding;
⁶ in all your ways submit to him,
   and he will make your paths straight.^[a]”

this weekend my dad took my to visit nick’s grave site. this was the first time i’ve visited since his death and i’d be lying if i said i was a little nervous as to the emotions that would overcome me seeing his grave.  i know it may sound a little odd, but when i was standing there at his grave, i felt nothing but joy and happiness.  at 12 years old, nick was my first boyfriend (i know–it ws SO serious in middle school). in high school, he and my best friend were in love (even though neither would ever admit it). nick and i shared a deep love/hate relationship, but when came down to it, i had his back and he had mine. i watched him from when he was just a little boy grow and mature into a young man succeeding at his dream.

so as i’m sitting here sharing nick’s story with you, i want you to know that his success has shaped mine.  he inspired me to go after my dreams, take risks, and to persevere through the darkest of circumstances.  but instead of the 18 year old brittany who’s measures of success were money, popularity and having fun, i’m now the 25 year old brittany who has been taught how to love, have self-control but still have LOTS of fun, be patient, and have an unshakeable faith. i want my success to be measured upon how faithful i’ve been to my family, friends, those who i’ve yet to meet, and most importantly my obedience to God.

when God asks us to do something, have we been willing to excerise our faith and step (sometimes JUMP) outside our comfort zone? is it time to take that leap???

 “The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.  It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.”

Lamentations 3:25-26

this monday i turned in my two weeks notice to the only job i’ve known since graduating college.  while overwhelmed with emotion the day of my resignation also came a sense of freedom and peace as to what’s to come in the future.  without a doubt this next season that i’m entering is going to require me to do things i’ve never done. learning how to trust, obey, have patience, and be willing to step out of my comfort zone.  in fact it has already required me to have a level of faith that i never imagined was even possible. but what’s amazing, is that throughout this whole preparation process, when i should be feeling stressed and overwhelmed, i’ve felt nothing but peace. i have only God to thank for providing step by step guidance and reassurance along this road.  i’ve encountered road blocks and deterrents, but when one door has closed, another has opened.  it’s absolutely amazing to sit back in awe of a God that makes every last detail come together exactly when it’s supposed to.  there are still things that i’m waiting for God to show me, but i’m confident in knowing that i serve a God that’s going to provide me with everything he knows i need. 

while i would like to dive right back into the swing of things where i left off a few years ago, i have a feeling things are going to be a bit different.  i’ve always been the type to be active in EVERYTHING but i’m looking forward to taking some time to just ‘be.’ and while in this state of ‘being,’ this doesn’t just mean i’ll be hanging out not doing anything–this means i’ll be ‘waiting quietly’ for what God has in store. i only want God’s best for every area of my life and to receive that, i’m learning this involves significant levels of obedience, trust and patience. 

throughout this entire preparation process, i’ve been deeply inspired by people who are living out their passion.  it’s so awesome to see individuals not only living out their passion, but also having a deep and sacred love for Jesus and aren’t afraid to share that with others. these folks are far and few, but they do exist.  and they inspire me to move forward with this leap that i’m taking.  i refuse to be someone who sits around and asks ‘what if…’ or ‘i should have…’.  i am a strong believer that God has placed a unique passion and desire inside everyone’s heart, and it’s our choice as to whether or not we follow him into living that out.  i’m looking forward to digging deeper into my passion of dance–learning it at a new level, doing it, studying it, and sharing it. 

i encourage each and every one of you, that if there’s a passion and desire inside of you but you don’t know how ANYTHING is going to work out–WAIT.  waiting isn’t always fun, but you never know what God is planning on the other end.  my thoughts are, if he’s making us wait, it’s gotta be something GREAT!

this weekend officially marks the begining of the cherry blossom festival! and i was lucky enough to catch a glimpse of some of the trees last night driving into the city.  there’s something just so soft and delicate about cherry blossom’s that create such a sense of beauty–and i know i’m not alone because within the next few weeks thousands of people will flock to DC to catch a glimpse of the cherry blossom’s a short-lived beauty. 

cherry blossom’s are an outward sign that spring is here.  spring is a time to get back outside, soak in the sunshine and witness the budding of flowers and life all around you.  now, i’m not one of those girls that enjoys pink flowers, butterflies and fairies, but i do love the bright blooming flowers that come popping up during march and april. and how irnoic, that when i think of the beauty spring holds, i was just reminded of ‘hymn of promise’ (one of my favorite songs as a little girl)

“in the bulb, there is a flower
in the seed, an apple tree
in cacoons a hidden promise
butterflies will soon be free
in the cold and snow of winter
there’s a spring that waits to be
unrevealed until it’s season, something God alone can see.”

as a little girl i didn’t know how powerful and significant this song was and still is.  i’m sure i was thinking about flowers budding and butterflies being free and looking forward to warmer weather, sunshine, and getting out of school but didn’t grasp that last line ‘unrevealed until it’s season, something God alone can see.’ how amazing is it to think that God sees things we can’t and he reveals it exactly during the right season of our life. during the lenten season, many people fast from something–chocolate, dessert, facebook, tv, etc.  and when fasting, it’s sometimes SO easy to focus on what we can’t have, that we lose track of everything we DO have.  and for women, i think the same is when it comes to defining our beauty–we focus on the things we don’t have–if only i could shave off a few inches there, if only i were a few inches taller, if only i had hair like that, if only my eyes were that color–you get the point.  and these days there are remedies and surgeries so readily available that there is a cure or ‘fix’ for just about everything.  so sure, you can change what you look like and your apperance, but what about your heart?

i’m re-reading Captivating by John & Stasi Eldredge.  i first read this book probably 5 or 6 years ago and thought it was great and definitely hit a lot of points i needed to hear.  but this go around is an entirely different.  there’s a chapter in the book where john describes beauty and breaks it down into seven different qualities.  i’m just going to list them, but take a few minutes to really reflect on what they mean to YOU. 1) beauty speaks 2) beauty invites 3) beauty nourishes 4) beauty comforts 5) beauty inspires 6) beauty is transcendent and 7) beauty is misunderstood. this isn’t just another spring season.  God is using this season for young women to rediscover their beauty and to weed out the misconceptions surrounding ‘beauty’.  i’m inspired and hopeful that instead of turning to tv, magazines and the media to define beauty, women will discover their individuality of what it means to be beautiful and how to discover that. for most this means you’re going to have to step outside your comfort zone–face things you never knew existed–deal with issues of the past–and relearn what it’s like to live a life of beauty.  but find what makes YOU happy.  for me this involves running and dancing.  i use runs to unplug, unwind, and really take in what God is doing.  no i-pod, no music, no noise.  just watching and listening.  dancing provides a type of outward expression that nothing else can.  choregraphing new dances or just dancing is one of the most freeing things ever. i can freely express exactly how i’m feeling without having to say anything.  those are just two of the things i enjoy, but there are MANY other things you can do to unplug, unwind, be free and discover beauty.  perhaps think back to what you did as a child–what made you happy and feel free? GO DO IT! find your beauty.  i’ll leave you with this quote from john’s chapter on unveiling beauty “And this is what it’s like to be with a woman at rest, a woman comfortable in her feminine beauty. She is enjoyable to be with. She is lovely. In her presence your heart sotps holding its breath.  You relax and believe once again that all will be well.  And this is also why a women who is striving is so disturbing, for a woman who is not at rest in her heart says to world, ‘All is not well. Things are not going to turn out all right’.”

now is the time.  discover and recover the prize of beauty.  if you’re fasting from something, ask God to take you to a deeper level, to discover things you never knew about Him and about yourself. and when you enter into the next season, stand in amazement at what He’s revealed.

can i tell you how much i LOVE the holidays!!! it’s a time for all my favorite things: boots. scarves. mittens. hats. coats. christmas lights. the scent of christmas cookie candles. making presents. wrapping presents. warm gingerbread topped with peppermint ice cream. basketball. friends. family. gifts. giving. plays. concerts. the ballet. ice skating. shopping. sparkles. sequins. christmas caroling. jazz. freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. hot tea. fur blankets. a great read. fireplaces. classic movies. staying home. and i intend to indulge in every single one of these things (at least once) during this holiday season!

but as i was standing in my kitchen last night (one of my favorite places to be during the holidays!), a thought came to me…one that will make this holiday different from any other. i thought back to when a friend of mine came to visit me…almost two years ago. i was expecting just a normal conversation, catching up, etc.–what you do with friends when you haven’t seen them in awhile. sure, we did the ‘catch up on life’ conversation over lunch, but it was what they gave me right before that changed me.  it was a book. (i’m sure you’re thinking–so what–a book? i can go to the store and buy one of those)

i think my reaction at that point was…”um, thanks for the book. i’ll get around reading it…some day.” and then i looked at the cover. read the title. looked at the author. looked at the author again. took a third look at the author and sat there in shock. then i’m pretty sure i screamed “WHAT! YOU WROTE A BOOK!!! I’M OFFENDED I WASN’T ASKED TO EDIT IT!” i was joking of course…about the editing part. but the shock was real. not that i didn’t think they were capable of writing a book, but the fact they had gone thru with it. not for themselves, but for someone else. and before i could start with the questions, the door closed behind as they left.

so for the next two hours, i planted myself on my couch. i laughed. i cried. but moreso, i was in disbelief. when i finished reading, i found myself weeping. not because i was upset, but because i had realized that a person i thought i knew so well, i didn’t really know at all. i spent a year building a friendship that if tested, would crumble in a second because i was too selfish to look past myself. my wants. my desires. that i totally missed everything this friend was feeling.

and that takes me back to the kitchen last night. for twenty-one years of my life, i celebrated Christmas without understanding the FULL meaning of it. of course i knew the whole story of the three wise men, an angel appearing, Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus. in fact, i played the role of an angel and Mary in several plays at my church growing up.  but this year, it’s more than just doing good and reading a story. that story is part of who i am today.  go and read luke 1. the level of faith and trust elisabeth and mary must have had is something i’m striving for every day.

before this year, i wasn’t depending on anyone but myself to lead me in the right direction.  even at times when i ‘thought’ i was doing the right thing, i wasn’t.  everytime i thought i was moving forward i would end up right where i started.  my level of faith and trust in God was minimal.  so God decided to do something about it. things that i never imagined could happen this year, did. 

i think about how i sat there weeping after reading my friend’s book. how i never really looked past myself in that friendship.  and then i think about Jesus. how selfless he was. giving his life for you and me.  for years thinking about Jesus besides Christmas and Easter was nonsense to me…unless i really wanted something and felt the notion to pray. and even then, if God didn’t answer my prayers right away, sometimes i felt like he didn’t hear me. but all those years, he heard every single word i said. he was watching me. waiting. waiting for me. waiting for you.  when he looks at us, is he weeping because of how much time we spend doing useless activities? because we choose to spend our money on ourselves instead of giving? OR is he weeping because we’ve so radically obeyed his will for our lives? 

during this holiday season, i encourage you to seek your ‘reason for the season.’

when i was little i used to be terrified of storms. i would either hide in the basement or run to my parent’s bedroom….it was always some place INSIDE where I felt safe and secure. (thankfully, i have conquered that fear and i now LOVE thunderstorms!)

today, we hands down had the biggest and best storm of the summer.  for a second I thought it could be a tornado from the jet black sky and the way the walls in my office were shaking!  and then someone sitting in front of me said “man…I’m glad we’re inside right now!”

and with that simple statement, it really got me thinking about life.  it’s inevitable that at one time or another we are going to face a storm in life, but what’s on the INSIDE of us that is going to keep us safe and secure?  and as I was driving home, there were huge tree branches all over the roads…some roads completely blocked with debris and leaves. 

STORMS and DEBRIS. think about those in relation to life.  ever been through a storm? ever had some debris you just needed to get rid of? what gave you that feeling of safety and security while weathering the storm?  and how did it feel after getting rid of loose hanging debris?

as a little girl, i ran to my parents to find safety and security during thunderstorms.  now, as an adult, when I face a storm I turn somewhere else. the one place where I feel the safest and the most secure: my relationship with Jesus.  i know it’s something that will never falter nor fail.  that alone is amazing.  does that mean i’ll never face storms? ABSOLUTELY not. but it does mean one thing: I won’t be facing them alone.  so many times storms are viewed as negative, but I think there is a sense of beauty to them.  before a thunderstorm, there is usually an unspeakable stillness and silence. during the storm there is crashing thunder, flashing lightening and heavy downpours.  and when it’s all finished, it goes back to the stillness and silence from before.  God puts us through storms so that we can be tested.  to clear out any unnecessary debris so that when we come out from the storm, not only do we get rid of what we don’t need, but we have a brand new sense of stillness and silence to appreciate the beauty of life He created.

i really feel like the storm (now storms!) today represented the beginning of a new season.  a time for things to be shaken up.  a time for breakdowns, breakups, and BREAKTHROUGHS.  i know i say this every time, but i’ve never been more excited or encouraged to just LIVE LIFE!!  i’m so excited for what God has in store and to live by HIS will.  this verse has been put on my heart for the past few months, “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him” 1 Corinthians 2:9.  so when it comes to living this life, i want to love HIM.  He’s the reason why i’m here today and i want to do nothing more than to prepare and discipline myself so i live my life to please Him.  i encourage every person reading this that if you are in the midst of a storm or just got out of one, search for what is inside of you.  really question who you turn to when you’re in a storm and why.  build up your endurance during the stillness and silence so that when the next storm strikes, you’re ready.

the word worth. it can take on many different meanings and can be used in the form of a preposition or a noun.  According to Merriam-Webster dictionary, here is how worth is described:

— preposition

• good or important enough to justify (what is specified): advice worth taking; a place worth visiting.
• having a value of, or equal in value to, as in money: This vase is worth 12 dollars.
• having property to the value or amount of: They are worth millions.

–noun

• excellence of character or quality as commanding esteem: women of worth.
• usefulness or importance, as to the world, to a person, or for a purpose: Your worth to the world is inestimable.
• value, as in money.
• a quantity of something of a specified value: ten cents’ worth of candy.
• wealth; riches; property or possessions: net worth.

 How do you measure YOUR worth?

the type of car you own or drive…how many closets you can fill with the latest trends in fashion…the size of your house…how many friends you have on facebook or followers on twitter…dependency on someone in a relationship…annual income…fitting into that next smaller size…and the list goes on and on.

don’t get me wrong, some of things can be great. But how do they measure what you’re really worth? Imagine yourself standing naked in the most desolate place that comes to your mind. just you. no clothes, no phone, no computer, no car, no money, no friends. no one but you.  By yourself. What would that feel like? Perhaps at this feeling of nakedness it is then that we can begin to imagine our true worth.

the concept of digging deeper into worth has come to light over the past few months, but significantly over the past three weeks.  Two of my passions in life are the campus life and relationships.  I find both extremely fascinating and when you combine the two it takes it to a whole other level.   nothing is more intriguing to me than these young college girls who are searching for worth in a relationship, and I’m probably so interested because I was one of them. I see a part of me in these girls and want them to know there is something so much greater out there. something you will never find in any dating relationship.  I identify with wanting to be in a relationship so bad you’re willing to give up what you know is right. Totally disregarding any morals you may know are right and just going after what YOU want.   If you’re reading this and can identify with any part of what I’ve said so far…keep reading.

I had a choice. YOU have a choice.  Continue to seek satisfaction from relationship to relationship but always feeling empty after each one ends OR decide you’re done feeling empty and alone by giving your life to Christ. If you have chosen or are choosing to live your life for Christ, I will be the first to testify that it is not a walk in the park.  There are challenges, tragedies and temptations that I never dreamt of facing, but without the grace of God I would be lost beyond measure.  So how does this relate to worth? (I’m getting there!)

have you ever heard someone say, “Sometimes you have to lose some of yourself in order to gain something greater?” If a person would have come up to me and said this statement a couple of years ago, I would have looked at them like they were crazy!  After all, I was doing what I wanted to do.  Satisfying MY needs and desires. I had all the answers and knew exactly what I was doing.   But where was that getting me in life? I know this may sound a little odd to some of you reading this, but the most complete I have ever felt is when I totally lost who I USED to be and became solely dependent on God’s will for my life.  To you young ladies out there who may be seeking your own needs and desires in a relationship, I challenge you to take a long hard look at why you’re really in that relationship.  Is it because you’re scared of being alone? Of no one loving you? Wanting to satisfy your worldly desires? Of wanting to get married? And how is your guy treating you? With respect? With care? I’m not talking about when he feels like treating you nice, I’m talking about everyday and in every situation.  If he’s not treating you for what you’re worth, then tell him goodbye.  But realize you must value your own worth in order for someone else to treat you with worthiness.  And if you’re a guy reading this, I challenge you that before entering into a relationship, really figure out what the desires of your heart are.  Sometimes this can take months or even years to discover what desires God has put on your heart.  If you find a young lady WORTH pursuing, do it with all the right desires and treat her like she deserves. Do nothing out of selfish desires, but with a pure heart.  So I challenge you….what do you need to lose in order to gain this greater plan God has for you?

go back to that place of nakedness.  It doesn’t matter what you look like, how much money you earn, what type of clothes you wear, what type of music you listen to, where you’ve been, how much or how little you’ve accomplished….what matters is how much you’re worth.  So what does worth look like for you?

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:2

Every time I venture out to the west coast it’s always an enlightening experience.  I come back refreshed and with a sense of revival.  this past time was no exception and it inspired me to create this very blog.

As I got to LA, my first stop was in the bathroom where there were two young ladies, probably around my age talking about plastic surgery and what they need to change about their bodies.  I looked at them like they were crazy because they were both beautiful girls already!  As if the wheels weren’t already turning in my head, on my flight from LA to Sacramento this gentleman sat down next to me and he made the 1 hour flight seem like 10 minutes and reassured the reason for me going on this little trip.

A few weeks has past since that trip and nothing has ever been revealed to me more clearly during this time than the struggles young women are facing about their self image, fitting in and finding security within themselves.  In two different instances I had two young girls come up to me asking questions, “Well what if I’ve never had a guy tell me I’m beautiful.  I feel like I need to change this about my appearance” or “I feel like I’m going to be alone forever.  What can I do to change that?”

And in pursuit of these answers, it is so easy to turn what the world displays as acceptable.  Perhaps skip a couple meals here or there to lose a little weight or hang out with that guy even though you know it’s not the right thing to do.  But because everyone else is doing it, why not join in? Right?

Eventually these seemingly mindless changes we make to please others will give way to addictions and habits that must be broken years down the line.  The purpose of this blog is to show all you young ladies that there is more to life than pleasing other people. God made each of us in our unique way so we can share our experiences and struggles with one another, not to insult and pick out our insecurities and weakness and use it against each other. 

If as a young lady you never seek to find a sense of security and beauty within in, all exterior beauty might as well be like chewing gum stuck on the bottom of someone’s shoe.  You’re stuck to the bottom of a shoe of person you don’t even know; so you’re along for the walk but you don’t know where you’re going and no one can see you.  And even worse, with each step you get dirtier.

Is this really different than someone who looks great on the outside but has no true sense of who they TRULY are?

As spring is swinging in to full action, I’ll leave you with this verse:

“I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valleys.” Song of Solomon 2:1