It sounded Good at the Time.

My stake is kind of weird. Every time I turn around there is a new "rule" that our Stake President has come up with or new "activity" that we all "need" to participate in. Sometimes I wonder what he is playing at. Anyway, that being said...

I received an email a few weeks ago from our Stake Relief Society peoples about a new program they are wanting the Sisters to participate in. I was not too enthusiastic when I saw this but as I read the email I really like the idea behind it.

Basically, they (the RS) have given us something to think about for a week. We are invited to study and ponder on this idea and then journal about it. Sounds simple enough, right? And since in my "real" journal I have not yet brought Princess Petey into this world I thought I could do my journaling here (nobody reads this anyway..let's us just be honest..)

Week 1... What is the meaning of your life? The Purpose? The Direction? Elaine Dalton said, "Did you know that Heavenly Father knows you personally-by name?"

Week 2... The path to our ultimate goal of eternal life in the presence of Heavenly Father and his son, Jesus Christ, leads to the temple. "Your endowment is, to receive all those ordinances in the house of the Lord, which are necessary for you,...."

Week 3... To be devoted to Jesus Christ means we are trying to be like him. "What does it mean to seek the face of the Savior?"

Week 4... A patriarchal blessing literally contains chapters from your book of eternal possibilities. "Your patriarchal blessing is to you a personal Liahona to chart your course and guide your way.: Pres. Monson.

I had such good intentions to do this but to be honest I did not survive week one. I have stopped participating in this new opportunity. Let me try to explain why. I have not quit because I am lazy or too busy, although both reasons are true. I have quit because I am not sure.

Anyone who has read my latest few postings (which is no one..) knows of the difficulties I have been having with Brownie. He has cast out not only all of my Beliefs but also my GOD. He has not only decided that a mission is not for him but that the Gospel is not either. My Spirit has suffered painful, tear filled attacks at the hands of my son. I feel like I have failed him. Which makes me question.. I have worked so hard to help my son be grounded in the Gospel and he has fallen away.

What did I do wrong or not do right? And how do I fix it for the other kids?

From as far back as I can remember I wanted to be a mom. I wanted to be a great mom, to be correct. Kind of like June Cleaver, without the pearls. I have made some dandy mistakes in my efforts along the way but I have tried to make sure that my down falls were not repeated by me and that the lessons I learned were lessons that my children (or sisters, for that matter) could look at and perhaps use as warning beacons to help steer them in the correct direction. I am not sure it has worked.

My son has chosen to move in with is girlfriend. Yes, we all know what that means and I am heart broken over his choices. He once commented to me that I get too emotional about things. He is right.

I am struggling with not my faith, truly. I am struggling more with my PLACE in the whole thing. Am I being punished for the stupid things I did? Is somehow my Son just "getting me back" for the grief I caused my parents? Have I not been forgiven for my misdeeds of the past? I had thought I had been. Lately, I am not so certain. I feel so alone in my heartache.

Mostly, since Week 1, I wonder... Does the Lord even remember I am here?

Hurt feelings.

My oldest son has informed me that I treat him and his siblings like pets. I don't know what that means. He has also informed me that while he does not necessarily hate me he hates everything about me. And if he could find somewhere else to live and some means of how to get away from me he would be happy to go. "You wanted me to be honest?" I never said to be mean.

Dr .Seuss speaks again!

I do not like this Uncle Sam,

I do not like his health care scam.

I do not like these dirty crooks,

or how they lie and cook the books.

I do not like when Congress steals,

I do not like their secret deals.

I do not like this speaker Nan ,

I do not like this 'YES, WE CAN'.

I do not like this spending spree---

I'm smart, I know that nothing's free.

I do not like your smug replies,

when I complain about your lies.

I do not like this kind of hope.

I do not like it. nope, nope, nope!

Go green - recycle Congress in 2010!

Found this on Lizzie's.

You are The Moon

Hope, expectation, Bright promises.

The Moon is a card of magic and mystery - when prominent you know that nothing is as it seems, particularly when it concerns relationships. All logic is thrown out the window.

The Moon is all about visions and illusions, madness, genius and poetry. This is a card that has to do with sleep, and so with both dreams and nightmares. It is a scary card in that it warns that there might be hidden enemies, tricks and falsehoods. But it should also be remembered that this is a card of great creativity, of powerful magic, primal feelings and intuition. You may be going through a time of emotional and mental trial; if you have any past mental problems, you must be vigilant in taking your medication but avoid drugs or alcohol, as abuse of either will cause them irreparable damage. This time however, can also result in great creativity, psychic powers, visions and insight. You can and should trust your intuition.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.