Monthly Archives: August 2012

Greetings from the land of blissful chaos ! (although “blissful” is not what Mr. BWUB would say as I awaken him for the babies’ 2 am feeding).

Seriously, everything is going well and I promise to write a real post soon.  I just wanted to say that if you do not have the password for my protected posts (where I post photos of the kids) and would like it, send me an email ([email protected]) and if I feel comfortable giving it to you (i.e., I have an idea who you are), I’ll email it to you.

Although I don’t have time to give a full update right now, I’ll regale you with a funny story.  As I pump milk and breast feed the babies, Scout has shown typical toddler interest in what I am doing.  He watches me quizzically, asks questions and accepts what I tell him.  He saw my breast pads and wanted to know what they were, hold one and then…of course….wear some.  So I took the used pads from my shirt (the kind with the tape on the back) and put them underneath his shirt to wear.  So cute…just like mama!

We also took the twins for their first pediatrician appointment.  We took Scout with us – he always does great because they have a fun waiting room.  There is a large aquarium with 2 small steps leading up to it.  Scout likes to look at the fish, jump from the steps, etc.  The seating is like a wrap-around Denny’s booth – pleather covered bench seats.  There are cardboard fish and turtles on the wall….it’s just an interesting place for a toddler.  So we went with the babies and Scout.  And we waited.  And waited.  And waited.  Apparently the office was backed up or something.  I have to hand it to Scout though – he behaved beautifully.  I sat with the twins’ carseats by my feet and Scout was playing with Daddy on another bench seat.  Scout slid off the seat and…..wait a minute……what was that?  Suddenly something round and white appeared at Scout’s feet.  Then a second something round and white.  My breast pads!  I had completely forgotten about them!

Yes, we had our first pediatrician appointment on the day that Scout tried out my breast pads.  And there they were, on the floor in the middle of a busy waiting room!  I began to laugh when I realized what they were.  Mr. BWUB didn’t have any idea and looked at them for a moment until I said “my breast pads”….and I had him quickly scoop them up and hand them to me, whereafter I stuffed them into my purse.

Oh well, who needs modesty anyway?

Last Friday, August 17, I woke up excited.  Our babies would soon be in my arms!  My c-section was scheduled to take place at 9 am, and we needed to be at the hospital by 7 am.  My mom arrived at our house at 6:15 am to care for Scout, my husband packed the car and we were off!

We arrived and headed to the L&D registration office to check in.  We were then taken to a pre-op room where they put my belly and the babies on a monitor.  the heartbeat strip ran and ran and ran.  This was the last timely, scheduled thing to take place.  I knew the hospital – and particularly the L&D and maternity departments – had been busy for at least a month.

Aswe waited to go to the OR, apparently one after another emergency arose which bumped our slot in the OR.   A pregnant woman had a seizure, someone else’s baby wasn’t doing very well, there was an emergency c-section….one thing after another!  Our nurse kept coming in to tell us we were being bumped and she’d let us know when we could get into the OR.  Although it was nerve-wracking to be bumped, I was happy to be us rather than the people having emergencies.  They put in my IV and we just stood by, at the ready.  Our nurse was even nice enough to find a  breakfast tray for Mr. BWUB, who had no qualms about sitting in front of me (having had nothing to eat or drink since 10 pm the night before in preparation for surgery), eating eggs, sausage, fruit and coffee.  Fortunately, I was happy enough about the babies pending birth to take it all in good humor.

The anesthesia folks came and in and I had a conversation with each of them about my not wanting anti-anxiety, sedative meds during the operation.  I wanted to be alert once the babies were born.  I remember being so foggy and out of it in the recovery room with Scout.  So I told them that although I might pant or grunt or groan, those were my coping mechanisms, and that I would ask if I wanted sedative  meds.  They  agreed to my request.  I also asked that my IV fluids be kept to a minimum because of the post-op edema.  With Scout, it was more than a week before my ankles and feet resembled MY ankles and feet.  This request was not agreed to.  The very nice nurse anesthetist said “safety first” and that she needed to keep my BP  up during the surgery and would give me fluids necessary to do that.  Yes, of course, I said, yes, safety first.

Finally, it was our turn to head to the OR.  The nurse walked us down the hall and directed DH to wait in a nearby waiting area until called.  They took me into the stark, bright, freezing cold OR.  They had me sit on the skinny little OR table, cross-legged, and roll my chest and chin forward.  As I did so, I  looked to the left and saw the infant warming table where my babies would be taken and cleaned up withing a moment of being born.  There were 2 tiny newborn hats propped up next to each other on the mattress of the warming unit.  The sight of the two hats – two babies! – made me tear up.  My two babies would soon be here!

I hate the surgical prep.  They got my spinal anesthesia needle in the right spot on the first try (with Scout, it took 3 tries!), but it felt like it was slightly to the left of my spine and I was quietly freaked out that it would only partially work.  Soon my legs went warm and numb and they laid me back and began the rush of doing things to me – always a bit scary feeling.  I still had sensation and feeling in my body as they parted my legs and began putting my foley urine catheter in!  With Scout’s c-section, I didn’t even know I had a foley until after I got to the recovery room.  So yes, I was kind of freaked.  And you have the feeling that no one is listening to you.  Conversations are going on all around you, things are going “clunk,” machines are being switched on and your body is being moved and touched and …..it was very disconcerting.  I kept trying to tell them that I could feel all of it – someone simply reassured me that it would take 8 to 10 minutes for the anesthesia to be fully in effect.

Great.

Then they brought out the taser nerve stimulator to check my pain response.  They held the gizmo against my belly, zapped me (causing a contraction) and asked whether I felt pain.  Not pressure, but pain.  Once I felt no pain, they called my DH in and got underway.

I said out loud that I could smell the cauterizer.  Mmm, nothing like the smell of your own burning flesh.  Then I could feel the pressure (not pain, right?) – tugging, pushing, weird things.  I asked what was going on (please, people, I need narration here) and the doc said they were going through the layers of my abdomen and had arrived at my uterus.  My doc kept trying to make me feel good or laugh or something because she said that as she worked through the layers, I had no fat on my belly.  I responded that she was trying to flatter me, but that I knew better.

The nurse anesthetist asked me to cough 2 times, then 5 times, and everyone seemed to laugh and get a kick out of the fact that I could actually do it (?)  Or that I was able to count.  Not sure.  I wasn’t in much of a humorous mood.  I was waiting to feel pain (not just pressure).

Then the doc said they broke my water, and it looked nice and clear.  Everyone oohed and ahhed.

My husband had the video camera ready as the doctor announced “Here comes the first baby!”  And then my son was born. The doctor asked the anesthesia person to lower the drape so I could see him.  I raised my head.  I really could only see the doctor lift him up in the air to show me after he was born.  He came into the world head first, screamed immediately, was held up for my DH to video and for me to see, and then was handed to nurses and taken to the warmer…which had previously been occupied only by 2 infant hats.

When I saw the birth video that DH took, I was surprised at how much this baby looked like Scout the day Scout was born.  Same facial expression, same flailing arms, same open mouth, crying his first cry.

Soon after our son was born, there there was more pushing and pulling and pressure in my body.  “Now let’s see baby girl!” the doctor said.  She said that baby girl was being born head down (which is strange because at my final u/s, she was head up – under my ribs).  The doc again asked anesthesia to lower the drape.  The doctor delivered my daughter and held her up for me to see.  “She has dark hair!” I howled through my tears.  I was so emotional and happy and was having that same rush of emotion at the birth of my children that I had at Scout’s birth.

I thought these kids were going to be blond.  The photo we saw of the donors’ child showed a curly, blond haired boy.  My kids were brunette!  I was sort of thrilled at the thought and couldn’t wait to really get a good look at them.

I saw my DH cut the babies’ cords as they were on the warming unit, but no one offered to take photos of him doing it.  The babies were weighed and measured, but I couldn’t hear or focus and didn’t hear or understand when they announced the stats.  I realized that although I did not get any sedative (per my request) the pain meds themselves must cause a bit of confusion and mental fogginess.

I guess my DH carried a baby over for me to see.  Or both of them?  I don’t really remember it.  I remember turning to the anesthesia person and asking if she could turn my IV fluids down now.  She pointed to the BP monitor – my BP was around 85/43 – and said “no.”  I responded that I didn’t realize my BP had gone that low (norm being 120/80).  The docs “repaired my uterus” and let me know when they were finishing up.  They moved me to a gurney, put the babies in my arms, and we all rolled off to the recovery room.

I was only supposed to be in recovery for 2 hours.  We ended up being there for 4.  I was apparently passing some sizeable clots and the nurse was concerned.  I only remember that the nurse’s name was Joyce and she was so very kind.  Again, I was mentally foggy.  She took my blood pressure often.  she mashed on my belly and would check to see if that caused me to pass another clot.  For a while, it did.  DH was there – I think the whole time.  Periodically, Joyce would go call the doctor to update him on my condition and get orders.  I could hear her conversations and the concern in her voice.  Finally she gave me some med that was supposed to be great at stopping the clots.  It must have been a miracle med because shortly thereafter, the clots stopped.  Strangely, I don’t have much memory of where the babies were all through this ordeal.  Maybe I was holding them, I have no idea (I’ll have to ask DH).

Eventually I was loaded onto another gurney and taken to the post-partum room.  I guess everyone was satisfied that I was stable.  Despite the various earlier emergencies and business of the wards, I got a private room.  DH stayed with me until about 4:30 in the afternoon and then left to go relieve my mom so she could go home.

By that time, I felt better.  The nurses took good care of me and the babies and allowed the babies to be taken to the nursery during that first night where they watched them so that I could sleep.  Typically, the babies must remain in the room with the mom (well, they did stay with me the remaining nights of my stay).

We came home on Tuesday.  I actually enjoyed my hospital stay, because I really had time to bond with my babies.  Oh, God, how much I love them!  There were some interesting experiences, though.  MIL and Wacky P came to visit (a treat in itself).  It was discovered that Baby Girl was born with a short frenulum (making her “tongue tied”).  We’ve had breast feeding adventures.  Scout came with DH to visit one day and it was really interesting to watch him meet his brother and sister.  I’ll have to blog about these things soon.

As with Scout, I prefer to not use their real names in my blog.  I will call my daughter “Peach” and my son “Mac.”

Oh – and one other thing.  Remember I wanted the IV fluids minimized so that I didn’t end up with enormous edema issues?  My edema now is as bad as it was after Scout’s birth.  Horrible and grotesque.  so much for good intentions.

Anyway, I am in absolute love with these two little babies.  My time here in the hospital (largely alone) has allowed us to bond, for me to begin the process of getting to know them, for them to learn the sound of my voice….it’s just been a very precious and special time.  A beautiful beginning to their lives.

– UPDATE –

We’ve now been home 2 days.  It has been difficult, as you might imagine (or remember from your own experience!).  We have been waking and feeding the babies at the same time, hoping to find a schedule that works for them both.  I slept through this morning’s 5:30 am feeding and awoke at 6:30.  Oops.  At first I was mad at myself and worried about the babies’ weight gain goals – but hey, it’s going to happen, right?  They were happy to sleep 4 hours themselves.   Breastfeeding is going great with Mac.  He is a champ.  Peach is taking a little longer to figure it out.  And so I pump.  I make milk! (this is a grand achievement, since I was not as competent with Scout).  In the mean time, my mom keeps bringing over more and more baby clothes – mostly girl clothes – and trying to stop her is like trying to stop the tide from rolling in.  We’re tired, I get cranky, I’m still in the early part of my c-section recovery  (read: ow!), but we’re managing.  Scout is – well – testing his boundaries and having a bit of a hard adjustment.  But we’re making every effort to give him lots of attention, love and reassurance.

Most of all, my heart is bursting with love for my three children as we enter this new phase of our lives.  More to come…..

My babies were born via C-section yesterday, August 17 at 11:28 (boy) and 11:29 (girl) am.

Baby Boy weighed 6 lbs 7 oz and is 18.9 inches.  He is already a superstar breastfeeder.

Baby Girl weighed 5 lbs 4 oz and is 16.9 inches.  Ms. Petite lets everyone know – loudly – that she is NOT a superstar breastfeeder, but aspires to be.

It was a long day yesterday.  Babies and I are doing fine.  I will post more soon along with photos.

Still here.  Still pregnant.  Knock on wood, but it look like I’m going to make it to my scheduled C-section…..in just 2 more days!  Friday morning, 9 am (California time).

Physically, I am managing.  I now have a mild amount of edema in my hands and feet.  Sleep is virtually non-existent (must be prepping me for the next 3 months!).  When the babies move, I can feel entire limbs shifting in there, which is not very comfortable.  The other day it seemed that Baby Boy tried to sit straight up – oh the protruding round lump! – and when I called my DH to have a look, he said he could just about see the baby’s face!  I’m not sure if he was serious, but at this point, anything seems feasible.

Human memory is an amazing mechanism.  I recall my experience with Scout’s birth as being wonderful and beautiful and my time in the hospital as being glorious.  Yeah.  I went back and read some of my own posts from that time.  Hm.  Seems my memory forgot about much of the pain, discomfort and frustration.  Probably as it should be!  In any event, it gave me clear ideas of how I’d like things to be different this time.

I had my final OB appointment on Monday with the doc who will be performing the C-section.  She asked if I had any questions or requests.  Yes, absolutely.  Can we please NOT overload me with IV fluids so that my feet won’t swell up like Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade floats this time?  The post-operative edema last time was worse and more painful than my incision.  She said anesthesia pumps fluids into you during surgery, but before and after surgery, when my OB had control of such things, she would turn the fluid rate down as long as I was stable and would give me a gentle diuretic if needed.

Good.  One thing addressed.

Second, I asked if, once everything was all set up in the operating room, could we take down the drape that obstructs my view so that I could see my babies being born.   She said yes.  I think I want to watch – I tend to do better with pain if I can see what is happening to me (I always watch when I get a shot).  I’m not sure if watching my own body be manipulated will be weird, but I’d really like to see the twins being born.

Third – and this is something I’ll have to take up with the anesthesiologist that morning – I don’t want any sedatives or anti-anxiety meds unless I specifically request them.  During my C-section with Scout, the anesthesiologist was wonderful and kind, but she gave me a lot of meds and I remember being loopy and groggy and confused and foggy for hours afterward.  I want to be as alert as possible after the surgery this time.  I understand why she gave me a lot of meds – I make a lot of noise in order to cope with discomfort.  I grunt, groan, pant, puff and probably sound like I am in substantial discomfort.  The thing is, my noise-making is a  coping mechanism that works.  So I want her (or him) to overlook my noise unless I specifically ask for drugs.  Hopefully between my panting and my being able to see the birth, I won’t need anything and will be clear-headed when the babies are put in my arms.

Today I go for pre-op blood work and tomorrow I have my final prenatal non-stress test.  My mom will come to our house early Friday morning to be with Scout.

My next post should be a birth announcement post!  Very, very excited indeed.

The photo actually took me a bit by surprise.

I don’t look at my bare belly in a mirror all that often.  Wow.  I’m definitely bigger than I was with Scout’s pregnancy.  Which obviously makes sense.

Still….

Nine days and counting!!!

I feel like I could go at any time.  Seriously.

Sometime since the weekend, the babies dropped.  They now reside togther….crammed…in my pelvis.  Because my girl is breech (head up, feet down), when she kicks I swear I can feel it in my upper thigh.  Frequently, a pointed elbow or knee pops up and swims across my belly, looking like a shark fin.  My lower back aches and threatens to quit its job daily.

Yesterday afternoon, DH gave me notice that his mom was going to come over around 5:45 pm and bring a lasagna.  As it turned out, she was nearly an hour late (as usual) and brought along Wacky P and her 8-year old daughter.  Also as usual, MIL proceeded to ask me 101 questions.  I know, I should be nice and be grateful for the food.  I am. And I was nice.   I’m just kind of at the point where I want to be left alone because I have enough to deal with.  I don’t want to have to sit and make nice with the inlaws while she asks if there is anything we need and whether we have 2 of everything for the babies (okay, nice of her to ask and want to contribute – but really… 17 days before the babies are due to arrive and weeks after they could have arrived??).  We told her we are pretty well set at this point.

About a half hour after they left I had a bit of a scare – although everything turned out to be okay.  One of my dogs (she weighs about 17 pounds) was perched on the back of the sofa (you dog owners will recognize this as a favorite spot of many smaller dogs).  I was sitting a few feet away from her on the sofa.  Scout lunged at the dog, the dog freaked, the dog leaped through the air and landed squarely on my belly, she then used my belly as a spring board to get off the couch and run to a hiding spot.  I doubled over (as much as one in my condition can do), grabbed my belly, DH pulled Scout away, I started to cry….it was chaos.  I’m sure the dog landed on Baby Girl’s head.  Could the crash landing have caused a tear in one or more placentas?  You know, the whole gamut of possibilities raced through my head as my DH kept asking “What are you feeling?”  My mind was spinning and I just said, “I don’t know….I feel like someone just jumped on my belly!”  Ultimately I called the doctor who naturally took the safe route and recommended I come to the hospital to have the babies monitored.  So at 8:30 pm or so I drove myself to the hospital (while DH put Scout to bed) where I was admitted and the babies were monitored.  I sobbed a lot along the way (emotions took over as I worried about 100 different things), but in the end, the babies were fine and I was relieved.  The nurses were so nice and understanding and in retrospect, laying in the bed in that quiet room for a couple of hours was so incredibly restful!  I could see the babies’ heart rates on the monitor, I watched some Olympics on the TV in my room, I drank cold water and I rested.  They discharged me and I got home about 10:30.

Today, my mom is driving me bananas.  She comes to care for Scout, but she is more obsessed with doing laundry, dishes and other cleaning-type activities.  Scout ends up left by himself in front of the TV and I go and try to entertain him until she is ready to come back.  Maybe she is getting tired of the daily energy drain of a 2-year old.  As far as I’m concerned, the laundry can wait.  It will be in the dryer when I can get to it.  But my mom wants to do things HER way, you see, which includes 10 trips to the laundry room and taking out pieces of laundry one at a time – still partially damp – and hanging them all over the house to finish drying.  She feels there are less wrinkles this way.  It drives me NUTS and I can’t stand having stuff hanging all over the house.  I just want her to play with Scout because I can’t do many activities with him right now.  She is trying to be helpful, but obviously according to her own standards, not mine.

I know that my gripes are small potatoes.  Just the usual annoyances of an otherwise happy and very blessed life.  I think things are magnified because of my hormones, emotions and physical inabilities right now.  I want so much to jump up and play with my son, to hug him close to my body, to run with him in the yard, to do my own laundry and my own dishes and to regain some control over the many things that are not in my control at the moment.  I also would like to lie down in peace and quiet and rest with these babies in my belly.  But none of these things are really possible at the moment.

Soon the house will be filled with new challenges, two new babies, a whole host of new needs and priorities – and yet, I am really looking forward to regaining some of which has been lost for these past few months.  Including my own self.