**UPDATE**
I wrote the post below not as a “poor me” post, but simply to chronical this period of events in my life. I guess it does come across as rather pitiful, but honestly, I feel pretty good. Yes, we are busy. I am busy. It is generally non-stop around here. But I actually love doing things for my children. Even menial tasks like washing their clothes. Being a mother is an important job I feel honored to have, and every little thing I do for my kids – whether it is washing a bottle, picking up after Scout, rubbing Fels Naptha soap (the best invention ever!) into baby clothes to remove poop stains or folding zillions of little blankets – may be exhausting, but also makes me happy. Sure, I wish I had time for my own projects and interests, but that time will come eventually. My milk supply is what it is and after the drama and pain of what I went through with Scout and trying to hold onto to my milk, I will let nature take its course this time without agony. My only sadness about drying up milk is (1) milk is cheaper than formula (especially when feeding 2 mouths), and (2) milk provides the babies with benefits that formula never will. Personally, though, I am not emotionally invested in my milk this time (thank goodness).
I don’t feel sorry for myself, just a little nostalgic at times. That, and I am acutely aware of the passage of time.
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There is never enough time. My milk is slowing to a trickle because I do not have enough time to pump as often as I should. While Mac is pretty good at the breast, Peach is not (impatient little girl) and so for the most part, I pump and split what milk there is between the twins. Mac, who is voracious, will sometimes awaken early and I neslte him into bed next to me to offer him a pre-breakfast snack at the breast to help us all stay in bed a while longer. Otherwise, though, both babies drink from a bottle. Breast milk till it runs out that day, then formula.
At first I tried to pump every 3 hours. Ha. What a joke. If I had 20 minutes to sit with my hands in my lap every 3 hours, I would feel time-rich. Then I went for every 4. That worked for a while – sort of. At least it worked until someone was crying or Scout needed help to the bathroom or the laundry was running and it was time for fabric softener….or something. Then I went to every 5…and now it’s about every 6. Except for night time because (drum roll please…..) the twins sleep through the night! Yes, they do. Angels. I’ll be damned if I’m getting out of bed at 2 am to sit by myself in the dark living room and pump.
So, you know, the milk is going the way of the dinosaurs. But I sleep at night.
There is not enough time to hug and play with my kids either. Or at least it feels that way. It still feels like I move from one task to the next. Feedings, diapers, laundry, dishes, repeat. My twins sleep through the night, but by golly they spend a lot of their waking time pooping. No kidding. We change more poop around here than you would believe. Two sets of working bowels – check. If it’s not poop, it’s milk puke. It’s amazing that the twins are gaining weight because what they consume appears to end up all over their clothes after most feedings. And sometimes (too many times, it seems) there are entire wardrobe changes involved. Which leads to more laundry. And so on. Whenever I have a few moments with one of the twins to sing a nursery rhyme or cuddle together, I cherish it.
Nope, not enough time. The days fly by. The twins are 3 months old already. Scout will be 3 years old in 4 short months. Our yard is covered in leaves. The air is chilly. I don’t know where the time has gone.
And if, by chance, this post has a few typos or grammatical errors, please forgive me…I am pumping and therefore typing with one hand.
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