Susan Griffith McAllister was born Feb 7, 1953 in Torrance, CA to James Perry Griffith (Grandpa Jim) and Beverly Jensen (Grandma Bev). Her siblings, who were everything to her, were Jim, Nancy, Nick and Gina.
She attended high school in Grantsville, Utah.
Sue went to Dixie college where she met Lynn McAllister and many lifelong friends including Wendy Blomkey with whom she always stayed close, and Mark ‘Woody’ Marshall who became part of her family. These were among the most fun years in Sue’s life and her memories of these times always brought a smile to her face. During breaks in college, she would visit her father’s home in Salt Lake City. Grandpa Jim called her SuziQ.
Around the age of twenty, Sue married Lynn McAllister.
Soon after, the newlyweds moved to Kanab, Utah.
Not so long after that, Cortney was born to them in Kanab.
Susan, Lynn and Cortney later moved to Cedar City where they spent the next 2 years, before moving to Salt Lake City. While living in Cedar City, Sue always said that she would go on drives with Cort, with Cort sound asleep in the front seat, listening to Fleetwood Mac.
She loved USC Football. In 1981 on new years day being 8.5 months pregnant with Eric she sat in the rose bowl watching USC play Ohio State. USC football was a way that she could always connect with her father.
Their residence in Salt Lake City, which is just down the street here, is where Susan spent her most prized and important time of her life which was the home on 1500 East.
It was during this time that Eric was born on the 23rd of January of 1981. After Eric was born Sue quit her job so she could stay home and take care of her two boys. It was important to her to be present during these special years, and she loved nothing more than being a mother. Sue was such a great mom that many considered her a second mother, someone who was always willing to listen, give advice, be a shoulder to cry on, or just talk. She was unparalleled in her ability to relate with and connect with people.
Sue’s friends were never casual acquaintances, she was only capable of making lifelong friendships. She made dear friends with college classmates and those with whom she worked. Some of her dearest friends preceded her in death, including Kathy Becerra Jeffries, Kellie LaFrentz, and Chris Megalonakis, and it’s almost certain they have been sharing stories and laughing and playing cards since their joyful reunion.
Heaven to mom was to have family members from both sides around while jokes were told and games were played. She could’ve died during these times and been extremely happy and satisfied. During the summers in Salt Lake, she loved Camping in the Wasatch mountains and spending time outside. She especially loved spending time in Yellowstone National Park, which is where she was when she learned that her beloved Grandmother had passed away. She regretted not being with her family on that day, but drew on the peace and serenity of the scenic Yellowstone landscapes.
Winters were special to Sue because it allowed her to host many family and friends at her home. She made a Thanksgiving Dinner which could’ve won awards. She always enjoyed taking all of the responsibility for all of the work to make Thanksgiving great so her husband and sons could relax and have a good time.
Christmas was much the same. She was able to host many family members around Christmas in which she was always the last one to receive any attention or care. This is the way she preferred it. Christmas was also a special time because her dad would come in to town to spend the holidays. During these times Jim’s and Nancy’s families were always together, and Sue loved having all of her siblings and their kids together who would all tell you secretly that Sue was their favorite Aunt.
Sue was very active in her community, making it a better place for everyone. She helped start the HEAT program which assisted low income families. She was active in the Highland Park Elementary PTA to ensure that her boys received the best schooling experience possible.
She was a good neighbor to everyone on her street, and basically a daughter to Earl and Hazel Kavitch who lived right across the street. Speaking of daughters, before Tamber and Amy, Sue always referred to her dog Lucy as ‘the daughter I never had’. God willing, her heavenly reunion would have included seeing her beloved Shi-tzu again.
Further along in her life, Sue was able to realize her dream of living in the mountains after she moved to a condo in Park City. She loved watching the colors change, looking for deer and other wildlife, being surrounded by nature but especially she loved when her boys would come visit with their friends. Sue was always happiest when she was with her sons and their friends, who all loved being around her happy and generous personality.
While in Park City, she married Cal Sanders. Sue and Cal enjoyed many years together, spending time in the mountains, and Cowboy Poetry gatherings. They also loved the many concerts that were always held in the summers in Park City and she took pride in the fact that she could find her way into anyone of them without having to pay a cent.
Speaking of music, Sue had a very eclectic appreciation of music from all genres and all periods of time. She shared this love of music with all that knew her, and anyone that spent time with her could name at least one song or artist that reminded them of Sue. She especially loved George Strait and Michael Jackson. Sue’s home was always filled with great music, often at loud volumes, and almost always accompanied by her own voice. Music was a source of strength and inspiration for Sue, it accented her most happy days and supported her during her darkest nights.
Another of Sue’s attributes that she became known for was her witty and dry sense of humor, which she always used to help brighten other’s lives. She was always able to bring laughter into any situation and people loved her for it.
Sue loved nothing more than being a mom until she had grandchildren. Late in her life, Sue lived for 4 months with Eric, Tamber and her grandkids where she was able to become the grandmother she always dreamed of and spoil Emma, Marcus and especially Lilly. And while she never lived close to Cort, Amy and their boys, ‘Grandma Zoo’ as Will called her, stayed as close to them as she could through phone calls, and photos on Facebook and sending them small gifts in the mail so they always knew she was thinking of them.
She spent a lot of her late years with her dear friend Dave Nielson in Dammeron Valley Utah where she was once again reunited with the beauty of Southern Utah, where many of her early memories and friendship were forged.
Sue had a strong faith in God, and always prayed for those who she felt needed blessings of peace and comfort. Sue encouraged both Eric and Cort to be active in their church service, and while both boys served missions Sue was always consistent in writing letters of faith and encouragement. Sue trusted and believed in.
One thing she was very proud of was the men that her sons turned into.
On Thursday, the 24th of October, Sue passed away peacefully in her sleep.
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Memories of Sue McAllister
I am Sue's daughter-in-law, but for the 8 years I have known her, she has never once referred to me in that way; only simply as her daughter. Other than the short time we lived in Utah after we were married, Cortney and I have never had the chance to live in close proximity to Sue, let alone the same state and most of our relationship has been forged over the phone. But it didn't matter; I was still her daughter and she told me so all the time.
Motherhood came much sooner in my life than I ever anticipated and I spent much of my first pregnancy in a frustrated panic as I had virtually no experience taking care of babies, and I was not happy about coming to grips that numerous other plans I had for my life at that point had been completely derailed. To put it simply: I had no clue what I was doing. But Sue never wavered in her faith in me as a mother. She just kept telling me that I could do it, and not only that I could do it, but that I would be great at it. She was my biggest advocate as a wife and a mother. She frequently told me how she had "prayed" me into Cort's life and expressed such sincere appreciation for the happiness I brought to her son. It was so easy to feel treasured and cherished by Sue. I always knew she valued me as an individual and what I brought to her life and family. On a few bad days, I'd call her and she was so complimentary, even over the phone that by the time the call was over I felt like I was the most capable person on earth.
I regret our boys weren't able to spend much time with her because we lived so far away and visits were few and far between. But I know my children were constantly at the forefront of her mind. They brought her so much happiness. She would gush over every picture of them on Facebook and whenever we would talk on the phone after, she'd tell me who they looked like between Cort and I. She always asked such specific questions about each of them that it was clear she thought about them individually often and always followed up if she knew any of them were sick or struggling with anything else. Our last chat was just two days before her passing--calling to wish me a happy birthday. It was the first time we had been able to talk since our baby, Matt, was born two weeks prior. She wanted to know everything about him and said over and over how much she loved him. There was such a joy and contentment in her voice, more than usual. I'll always remember how happy she sounded our last conversation together.
I sing to our son, Will, each night to help him fall asleep. I've been singing this one lately and I have found great comfort and meaning in it since Sue's passing.
My life is a gift, my life has a plan
My life has a purpose, in heaven it began.
My choice was to come to this lovely home on earth
And seek for God's light to direct me from birth.
I will follow God's plan for me.
Holding fast to his words and his love.
I will work and I will pray
I will always walk in His ways
And I will be happy on earth and in my home above.
I am so sad I can't be at the memorial today, but we decided it was best if I stayed home with our boys this week. Each day I have felt helpless that I can't do hardly anything to assist with memorial arrangements, and I felt like I was missing my final chance to do something for Sue. But my silver lining has been that Tamber and I, as her daughters, will be able to do her temple work soon, and we both anxiously await that day. I find comfort in knowing we can give her that, and it will mean so much more to her than the service I am missing today. There is nothing she would have wanted more than to be linked to her children and grandchildren for eternity. She has given me so much through the gift of her son, it's the least I can do to try to repay her.
Sue, my heart is heavy, but I know this is not a sad day for you; it's a joyful one. Now you're free and happy and relieved. Just like in the song, this is your plan, and your plan is continuing now. Keep workin' girl. We'll see you soon. Love,
Amy
Motherhood came much sooner in my life than I ever anticipated and I spent much of my first pregnancy in a frustrated panic as I had virtually no experience taking care of babies, and I was not happy about coming to grips that numerous other plans I had for my life at that point had been completely derailed. To put it simply: I had no clue what I was doing. But Sue never wavered in her faith in me as a mother. She just kept telling me that I could do it, and not only that I could do it, but that I would be great at it. She was my biggest advocate as a wife and a mother. She frequently told me how she had "prayed" me into Cort's life and expressed such sincere appreciation for the happiness I brought to her son. It was so easy to feel treasured and cherished by Sue. I always knew she valued me as an individual and what I brought to her life and family. On a few bad days, I'd call her and she was so complimentary, even over the phone that by the time the call was over I felt like I was the most capable person on earth.
I regret our boys weren't able to spend much time with her because we lived so far away and visits were few and far between. But I know my children were constantly at the forefront of her mind. They brought her so much happiness. She would gush over every picture of them on Facebook and whenever we would talk on the phone after, she'd tell me who they looked like between Cort and I. She always asked such specific questions about each of them that it was clear she thought about them individually often and always followed up if she knew any of them were sick or struggling with anything else. Our last chat was just two days before her passing--calling to wish me a happy birthday. It was the first time we had been able to talk since our baby, Matt, was born two weeks prior. She wanted to know everything about him and said over and over how much she loved him. There was such a joy and contentment in her voice, more than usual. I'll always remember how happy she sounded our last conversation together.
I sing to our son, Will, each night to help him fall asleep. I've been singing this one lately and I have found great comfort and meaning in it since Sue's passing.
My life is a gift, my life has a plan
My life has a purpose, in heaven it began.
My choice was to come to this lovely home on earth
And seek for God's light to direct me from birth.
I will follow God's plan for me.
Holding fast to his words and his love.
I will work and I will pray
I will always walk in His ways
And I will be happy on earth and in my home above.
I am so sad I can't be at the memorial today, but we decided it was best if I stayed home with our boys this week. Each day I have felt helpless that I can't do hardly anything to assist with memorial arrangements, and I felt like I was missing my final chance to do something for Sue. But my silver lining has been that Tamber and I, as her daughters, will be able to do her temple work soon, and we both anxiously await that day. I find comfort in knowing we can give her that, and it will mean so much more to her than the service I am missing today. There is nothing she would have wanted more than to be linked to her children and grandchildren for eternity. She has given me so much through the gift of her son, it's the least I can do to try to repay her.
Sue, my heart is heavy, but I know this is not a sad day for you; it's a joyful one. Now you're free and happy and relieved. Just like in the song, this is your plan, and your plan is continuing now. Keep workin' girl. We'll see you soon. Love,
Amy
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Fathers and Sons
I had a few "moments" this weekend. Moments that you just want to pause life and soak up everything for as long as possible. They all had to do with my boys being completely in love with their dad. And they should be, because he's the most involved and loving father I've ever come across in my lifetime and he'd gladly spend every waking moment with them if he could.
Now that we live so close to work in Austin, Cort rides his bike to and from work each day. Every day when he rolls up on his bike around 6 pm, the boys lose their minds. You'd think someone had just rolled up in a dump truck offering to give them the wheels. The volume in the house goes up ten notches and they are jumping and screaming they're so excited for him to be home.
Will especially needs an abundance of "Dad time". It may be my imagination, but I notice a significant difference in how well Will is able to regulate his body, with how much time he has with Cort (other things also factor in, like eating and sleeping, but Dad is definitely part of the Big 3). For the last 2 weeks, on Thursday night Will has mentioned that tomorrow is Saturday and Dad doesn't have to go to work and how excited he is for all the things they can do together. Sadly, we have to tell him it won't be Saturday for another day and he bawls.
A few weeks ago, the boys and I were at the pool and Duke fell and hit his forehead on a picnic table. He needed stitches, so we left and I called Cort on the way home to debrief him. We ran over and picked him up from work, he gave Duke a quick blessing and then stayed with Will at home while I was with Duke at the urgent care. It was so streamlined, and simple, for something that can be such a hassle. I remembered that this was why we moved to Austin, so Cort could be available for instances just like this. I would have never been able to even ask for him to come home in DC because of logistics, which is probably why this sort of thing never happened to us while we lived there. Tomorrow is Will's IEP meeting and I'll run over and pick up Cort and we can go to the meeting together and then I'll drop him back off. Working two miles from home is about the best thing in the entire world.
Now that we have it, I don't think I could ever live without him being so conveniently close by. Sometimes after I pick up Will from school, we go over and say hi to Dad and Will can tell him about his day at school.
On Friday it was blazing hot and we went to the pool that night. Cort swims with both the boys while I sit in the shallow end like a beached whale. There is a big blue water slide that the boys aren't tall enough to go on, but they always want Cort to go on it. They stand by and watch him as he goes down and always makes a goofy face as he lands in the water. The boys think its the greatest thing ever. I wish I could record it. Their Dad is definitely their hero.
Some unfortunate things happened this weekend. Things that made us so angry and confused by others actions, but as I had these moments I remembered that this little family of mine is all that matters. Everything else is just noise. Will and Duke love their lives and they are so happy and know they are loved.
I love Cortney for a lot of reasons, but lately I just can't get enough of his love for the boys. I don't think I could even think of anything he could do better as a dad. He always hugs and kisses them and tells them how much he loves being their dad and how proud he is of them. I love that he's so affectionate with them. These boys are going to have a lifetime of great memories with him.
*Cort took Will swimming for a few hours yesterday while Duke and I took naps. So wonderful.
Now that we live so close to work in Austin, Cort rides his bike to and from work each day. Every day when he rolls up on his bike around 6 pm, the boys lose their minds. You'd think someone had just rolled up in a dump truck offering to give them the wheels. The volume in the house goes up ten notches and they are jumping and screaming they're so excited for him to be home.
Will especially needs an abundance of "Dad time". It may be my imagination, but I notice a significant difference in how well Will is able to regulate his body, with how much time he has with Cort (other things also factor in, like eating and sleeping, but Dad is definitely part of the Big 3). For the last 2 weeks, on Thursday night Will has mentioned that tomorrow is Saturday and Dad doesn't have to go to work and how excited he is for all the things they can do together. Sadly, we have to tell him it won't be Saturday for another day and he bawls.
A few weeks ago, the boys and I were at the pool and Duke fell and hit his forehead on a picnic table. He needed stitches, so we left and I called Cort on the way home to debrief him. We ran over and picked him up from work, he gave Duke a quick blessing and then stayed with Will at home while I was with Duke at the urgent care. It was so streamlined, and simple, for something that can be such a hassle. I remembered that this was why we moved to Austin, so Cort could be available for instances just like this. I would have never been able to even ask for him to come home in DC because of logistics, which is probably why this sort of thing never happened to us while we lived there. Tomorrow is Will's IEP meeting and I'll run over and pick up Cort and we can go to the meeting together and then I'll drop him back off. Working two miles from home is about the best thing in the entire world.
Now that we have it, I don't think I could ever live without him being so conveniently close by. Sometimes after I pick up Will from school, we go over and say hi to Dad and Will can tell him about his day at school.
On Friday it was blazing hot and we went to the pool that night. Cort swims with both the boys while I sit in the shallow end like a beached whale. There is a big blue water slide that the boys aren't tall enough to go on, but they always want Cort to go on it. They stand by and watch him as he goes down and always makes a goofy face as he lands in the water. The boys think its the greatest thing ever. I wish I could record it. Their Dad is definitely their hero.
Some unfortunate things happened this weekend. Things that made us so angry and confused by others actions, but as I had these moments I remembered that this little family of mine is all that matters. Everything else is just noise. Will and Duke love their lives and they are so happy and know they are loved.
I love Cortney for a lot of reasons, but lately I just can't get enough of his love for the boys. I don't think I could even think of anything he could do better as a dad. He always hugs and kisses them and tells them how much he loves being their dad and how proud he is of them. I love that he's so affectionate with them. These boys are going to have a lifetime of great memories with him.
*Cort took Will swimming for a few hours yesterday while Duke and I took naps. So wonderful.
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Lovely
"If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report, or praiseworthy, we seek after these things."
Old wisdom, yet these words have been circling my brain constantly for the last month. They say so much in so little space. In all honesty, they have helped make difficult decisions immensely simple. Is this (insert noun here) lovely/uplifting/praiseworthy? Nope? Then I/we don't need it. Simplicity at its finest.
Mostly I feel there is too much good out there to waste time/get caught up in the crap that is so unlovely and uplifting to no one.
I hope my children will know and love these words. I hope they'll have the courage to change the channel, change the topic of conversation, befriend and uplift those with less fortunate circumstances than theirs, and truly seek all that is praiseworthy and be those happy smiling beacons that they are.
Old wisdom, yet these words have been circling my brain constantly for the last month. They say so much in so little space. In all honesty, they have helped make difficult decisions immensely simple. Is this (insert noun here) lovely/uplifting/praiseworthy? Nope? Then I/we don't need it. Simplicity at its finest.
Mostly I feel there is too much good out there to waste time/get caught up in the crap that is so unlovely and uplifting to no one.
I hope my children will know and love these words. I hope they'll have the courage to change the channel, change the topic of conversation, befriend and uplift those with less fortunate circumstances than theirs, and truly seek all that is praiseworthy and be those happy smiling beacons that they are.
Sunday, June 9, 2013
Duke is 3!
This will be just a quick blurb about Duke, and when I have more time (re: brain power), I will write much more.
Duke is a very special spirit. He calms people and oozes with joy to everyone he meets. When I was really sick, some women in the ward took turns keeping him for the day for about 5-6 weeks. Most of them were empty nesters or their youngest was in jr high. Every time they would bring Duke home in the evenings, they would always rave about what an easy, fun kid he is. More than a few of them started referring to Duke as their "buddy". In fact, even after I started feeling better and was able to take care of him more, some of the women still asked if they could take him for a morning here and there because they missed being with him.
Duke has really been a calming force in our home for the last 4 mos (really, the last 18 month "rough" patch). At night, he either puts himself to bed, or he'll say "lay down dad/mom?" and that means he's ready to go to bed and wants you to lay down with him for a minute.
He's more quick to share with Will than vice versa and he cheers his brother on constantly. I love when he says Will, sounds like "whee-o".
I love his curly hair. It's the one trait in both of our kids I'm positive he got from me. Everything else is from the scandinavian melting pot that makes up me and Cort's DNA.
He spends hours painting everyday. He's become quite the artist. He loves balloons, dogs, donuts, Popsicles, and merry go rounds more than any child I've ever met. He asked to go to a local farm for his birthday so he could see the sheep, pigs, and chickens. I swear, he is "one" with animals. He would have stayed there lovingly talking and petting the animals all day.
Duke Lane is a sweetheart.
On the potty. He's completely potty trained at home. On the road, it's a different story.
A little too much mascara.
Hard at work.
He put on this shirt and said he was going to work. Hopefully he doesn't think Cort dresses that poorly.
Sneaking balloons into the cart.
Rough day.
The first time he picked out his clothes and got dressed by himself.
Duke is a very special spirit. He calms people and oozes with joy to everyone he meets. When I was really sick, some women in the ward took turns keeping him for the day for about 5-6 weeks. Most of them were empty nesters or their youngest was in jr high. Every time they would bring Duke home in the evenings, they would always rave about what an easy, fun kid he is. More than a few of them started referring to Duke as their "buddy". In fact, even after I started feeling better and was able to take care of him more, some of the women still asked if they could take him for a morning here and there because they missed being with him.
Duke has really been a calming force in our home for the last 4 mos (really, the last 18 month "rough" patch). At night, he either puts himself to bed, or he'll say "lay down dad/mom?" and that means he's ready to go to bed and wants you to lay down with him for a minute.
He's more quick to share with Will than vice versa and he cheers his brother on constantly. I love when he says Will, sounds like "whee-o".
I love his curly hair. It's the one trait in both of our kids I'm positive he got from me. Everything else is from the scandinavian melting pot that makes up me and Cort's DNA.
He spends hours painting everyday. He's become quite the artist. He loves balloons, dogs, donuts, Popsicles, and merry go rounds more than any child I've ever met. He asked to go to a local farm for his birthday so he could see the sheep, pigs, and chickens. I swear, he is "one" with animals. He would have stayed there lovingly talking and petting the animals all day.
Duke Lane is a sweetheart.
On the potty. He's completely potty trained at home. On the road, it's a different story.
A little too much mascara.
Hard at work.
He put on this shirt and said he was going to work. Hopefully he doesn't think Cort dresses that poorly.
Sneaking balloons into the cart.
Rough day.
The first time he picked out his clothes and got dressed by himself.
Saturday, April 27, 2013
4/26/2013
Get Will to school.
Take Duke to the Dr with me.
Dr gets to the office 1 hr late (delivering babies).
Dr decides I need a PICC line because I've gone through 4 midlines and all have failed.
It takes Dr and nurses 15 min to call around to figure out where I can get a PICC line because those are placed in the hospital, but I don't need to be admitted for any reason.
Nurse finally tells me the hospital will call me today to tell me what time to come.
I leave the Dr 2 hrs later. Duke is somehow still happy when we leave.
Take Duke to Chick Fil A for lunch.
While Duke plays I call the imaging center to schedule a growth ultrasound.
Call Cort to tell him scheduled time.
Cort informs me he is out of town that day.
Call imaging center and reschedule ultrasound.
Get home and put Duke to bed for nap.
He sleeps less than an hr.
Hospital finally calls around 2:30 to tell me they are ready for me at the hospital.
I call Cort and he says he can leave work early, but bought Nats tickets for he and Will that night at 7 for Will's birthday.
I call my neighbor to see if she can take Duke for an hour until Cort gets home.
She can, but she is at the park with her grandchildren.
Drop off Duke at the park and put car seat in neighbor's car.
On the way to the hospital, Cort calls and says he won't make it home in time to get Will from the bus.
I turn around to go load up Corts bike to drop it off at the metro so he can get home faster for the bus.
After I get home, I realize they told me it would take a few hours at the hospital and even after I get there, I wouldn't get home in time for Cort and Will to get to the game.
I call the hospital and tell them I'm not coming and I'll figure it out next week.
Go back to the park and get Duke and put car seat back in car.
Go pick up Cort at the metro.
On the way to the metro, I get a call from Will's bus driver saying (broken english) they were at our house (30 min early) because there were few kids today.
I tell her I'll be home in 3 min.
Pull onto our street 3 min later and there is no bus.
Call the number the bus driver called me from and no answer. Twice.
I head over to the school since that's where the bus goes back to.
No bus there.
Call bus driver again and she answers. I ask where they are and she says (broken English) they are in front of the house.
I tell her not to move with forceful tone.
Turn around and go home.
Bus is there and we get Will off.
Cort tells Will he has tickets for the baseball game.
Will days he doesn't want to go.
I ask if I should find a babysitter and Cort and I go (our first date since pre-plague).
Everyone likes this idea better.
Call our babysitter Harriaon across the street and he is available (miraculously on such short notice).
I tell him to come over in 2 hrs.
An hour later, Duke is acting weird.
He's whiny and crying.
Cort sits him on his lap and says he feels warm.
I take his temp: 102.8
Motrin administered.
20 min later and he's still acting the same.
I take the tickets over to Harrison and tell him to use them because Duke is sick and we can't go.
30 min later, I see Harrison and his friend leave to go to the game and they both thank me from across the street.
20 min after that, Duke's fever has broken and he's acting mostly normal again.
And there's still one more hour until bedtime.
Take Duke to the Dr with me.
Dr gets to the office 1 hr late (delivering babies).
Dr decides I need a PICC line because I've gone through 4 midlines and all have failed.
It takes Dr and nurses 15 min to call around to figure out where I can get a PICC line because those are placed in the hospital, but I don't need to be admitted for any reason.
Nurse finally tells me the hospital will call me today to tell me what time to come.
I leave the Dr 2 hrs later. Duke is somehow still happy when we leave.
Take Duke to Chick Fil A for lunch.
While Duke plays I call the imaging center to schedule a growth ultrasound.
Call Cort to tell him scheduled time.
Cort informs me he is out of town that day.
Call imaging center and reschedule ultrasound.
Get home and put Duke to bed for nap.
He sleeps less than an hr.
Hospital finally calls around 2:30 to tell me they are ready for me at the hospital.
I call Cort and he says he can leave work early, but bought Nats tickets for he and Will that night at 7 for Will's birthday.
I call my neighbor to see if she can take Duke for an hour until Cort gets home.
She can, but she is at the park with her grandchildren.
Drop off Duke at the park and put car seat in neighbor's car.
On the way to the hospital, Cort calls and says he won't make it home in time to get Will from the bus.
I turn around to go load up Corts bike to drop it off at the metro so he can get home faster for the bus.
After I get home, I realize they told me it would take a few hours at the hospital and even after I get there, I wouldn't get home in time for Cort and Will to get to the game.
I call the hospital and tell them I'm not coming and I'll figure it out next week.
Go back to the park and get Duke and put car seat back in car.
Go pick up Cort at the metro.
On the way to the metro, I get a call from Will's bus driver saying (broken english) they were at our house (30 min early) because there were few kids today.
I tell her I'll be home in 3 min.
Pull onto our street 3 min later and there is no bus.
Call the number the bus driver called me from and no answer. Twice.
I head over to the school since that's where the bus goes back to.
No bus there.
Call bus driver again and she answers. I ask where they are and she says (broken English) they are in front of the house.
I tell her not to move with forceful tone.
Turn around and go home.
Bus is there and we get Will off.
Cort tells Will he has tickets for the baseball game.
Will days he doesn't want to go.
I ask if I should find a babysitter and Cort and I go (our first date since pre-plague).
Everyone likes this idea better.
Call our babysitter Harriaon across the street and he is available (miraculously on such short notice).
I tell him to come over in 2 hrs.
An hour later, Duke is acting weird.
He's whiny and crying.
Cort sits him on his lap and says he feels warm.
I take his temp: 102.8
Motrin administered.
20 min later and he's still acting the same.
I take the tickets over to Harrison and tell him to use them because Duke is sick and we can't go.
30 min later, I see Harrison and his friend leave to go to the game and they both thank me from across the street.
20 min after that, Duke's fever has broken and he's acting mostly normal again.
And there's still one more hour until bedtime.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Will is Five!
Five Favorite things about Will on his Fifth Birthday.
1. He still has the cutest smile around.
2. He's really sensitive. He's rough and tough on the outside, but on the inside, he is so caring and worried about others. He checks my PiCC line everyday to make sure the bandages are on correctly. He has also started to gang up on Cort and I when he punish Duke because he wants to protect his little bro.
3. He will stop what he's doing about ten times a day and say, "I love you Mom."
4. He can dress/undress, brush his teeth, potty, get basic food from the fridge, open packs of fruit snacks, buckle his seatbelt...all by himself. So nice for me.
5. Has such a vivid imagination. He was obsessed with air traffic controllers a few weeks ago and created many make believe scenarios from that. Now we're on to fire stations. He runs a ton of fire drills in our house. Right now you trade off from being a fireman to a "struction worker".
Happy Birthday Will! You are such a special kid. You amaze me every single day. The jump you have made from four to five is one of the many examples of how hard you've worked and how far you've come. We're so proud of you! You are totally on board with us having another baby-your brother is not. You are the epitome of a little boy and you come home filthy, with scraped knees, everyday! Just the way we like it.
1. He still has the cutest smile around.
2. He's really sensitive. He's rough and tough on the outside, but on the inside, he is so caring and worried about others. He checks my PiCC line everyday to make sure the bandages are on correctly. He has also started to gang up on Cort and I when he punish Duke because he wants to protect his little bro.
3. He will stop what he's doing about ten times a day and say, "I love you Mom."
4. He can dress/undress, brush his teeth, potty, get basic food from the fridge, open packs of fruit snacks, buckle his seatbelt...all by himself. So nice for me.
5. Has such a vivid imagination. He was obsessed with air traffic controllers a few weeks ago and created many make believe scenarios from that. Now we're on to fire stations. He runs a ton of fire drills in our house. Right now you trade off from being a fireman to a "struction worker".
Happy Birthday Will! You are such a special kid. You amaze me every single day. The jump you have made from four to five is one of the many examples of how hard you've worked and how far you've come. We're so proud of you! You are totally on board with us having another baby-your brother is not. You are the epitome of a little boy and you come home filthy, with scraped knees, everyday! Just the way we like it.
Sunday, March 17, 2013
A blessing
I have no idea how this will read, but here goes nothing.
As difficult as all my pregnancies have been, even after Duke, I knew we'd have another. The more Duke developed, the more tender and loving he became and I knew he had the capacity to be an incredible older brother. He was meant to be an older brother. He'll be the kind of brother that looks out for you, invites you to hang out with his cool friends, and gets that special birthday present for you. I just knew he'd be that kind of brother and I wanted to have another baby because I wanted him to be able to be that person I knew he had the capacity to become.
Before I got pregnant this time, I knew it would be hard. In fact, Cort and I prayed for months about doing this and every time we prayed, we got the same answer, "It's going to be awful, but it will never get any easier." I knew full well that we were in for a long fight, but in the back of my mind I sometimes thought, "ok, I can do this one more time, but what if this isn't our last and I need to do it again." Thinking about being pregnant two more times was enough to make me crumble. I knew I only WANTED to be pregnant one more time, but was I in the right to say, "that's enough. I don't want to do it again" when maybe that wasn't what was in our family's plan? It might sound crazy, but questions like this worried me, and then some. My greatest fear was to go through my life like normal, only to find out after I die there was someone else who was supposed to be part of our family, but we never knew them because I said "no more."
All three of our pregnancies have been physically straining, but this one takes the cake. I feel so many parts of my body being physically stretched to their limit. A majority of hyperemesis pregnancies end in abortions because they are so extreme, and not too long ago, hyperemesis was fatal to mothers. During this pregnancy, I have definitely felt, more than a few times, that my permanent health was at risk. My body was telling me, and I listened. She {my body} had given it her all, to house these little babes, but I knew she could never do this again. At the age of 27, she was at the end of her childbearing life. She had fought the good fight, and given more in 3 pregnancies than most would in 8, but I knew she was saying, "this is it for me. There's nothing left in the tank. This is all I can do, Hun."
And when I realized that was the final message, I cried.
I cried in relief and gratitude. My greatest fear of making a wrong decision had been made for me. By my body. With a wave of peace. And no guilt.
I was so proud of my body. She fought so hard and she gave it everything she had. We worked together to house these little spirits until they could live on their own. And the end results were some pretty amazing kids. Such a great team, she and I!
This knowledge was a precious gift from God, so I never had to wonder "what if?" He knew I had given it my all, too. And He was so pleased. Even as I toiled about whether or not to have this baby, I felt time and time again that Heavenly Father was letting this be my decision, and He would be happy with whatever I decided. I've come to know my Heavenly Father so much more through my pregnancies. Again, an odd thought, but it's been true in my case.
So that leaves me with saying this is our last pregnancy. And how wonderful and happy that makes me.
Hyperemesis gets worse with age, which is probably why this one has been more difficult. And maybe this was the reason Will came so quickly to us. Maybe if I had waited like I wanted, my body would have only been able to be pregnant twice. She needed all the youth on her side she could get. Things God and my body knew, when I didn't.
And on horrible days, when I can't move and lie still in my bed for mind numbing hours, I think, "But this is it. You'll never have to feel like this again" I can usually fight on for another few hours, or until my medicine forces me to sleep again.
As difficult as all my pregnancies have been, even after Duke, I knew we'd have another. The more Duke developed, the more tender and loving he became and I knew he had the capacity to be an incredible older brother. He was meant to be an older brother. He'll be the kind of brother that looks out for you, invites you to hang out with his cool friends, and gets that special birthday present for you. I just knew he'd be that kind of brother and I wanted to have another baby because I wanted him to be able to be that person I knew he had the capacity to become.
Before I got pregnant this time, I knew it would be hard. In fact, Cort and I prayed for months about doing this and every time we prayed, we got the same answer, "It's going to be awful, but it will never get any easier." I knew full well that we were in for a long fight, but in the back of my mind I sometimes thought, "ok, I can do this one more time, but what if this isn't our last and I need to do it again." Thinking about being pregnant two more times was enough to make me crumble. I knew I only WANTED to be pregnant one more time, but was I in the right to say, "that's enough. I don't want to do it again" when maybe that wasn't what was in our family's plan? It might sound crazy, but questions like this worried me, and then some. My greatest fear was to go through my life like normal, only to find out after I die there was someone else who was supposed to be part of our family, but we never knew them because I said "no more."
All three of our pregnancies have been physically straining, but this one takes the cake. I feel so many parts of my body being physically stretched to their limit. A majority of hyperemesis pregnancies end in abortions because they are so extreme, and not too long ago, hyperemesis was fatal to mothers. During this pregnancy, I have definitely felt, more than a few times, that my permanent health was at risk. My body was telling me, and I listened. She {my body} had given it her all, to house these little babes, but I knew she could never do this again. At the age of 27, she was at the end of her childbearing life. She had fought the good fight, and given more in 3 pregnancies than most would in 8, but I knew she was saying, "this is it for me. There's nothing left in the tank. This is all I can do, Hun."
And when I realized that was the final message, I cried.
I cried in relief and gratitude. My greatest fear of making a wrong decision had been made for me. By my body. With a wave of peace. And no guilt.
I was so proud of my body. She fought so hard and she gave it everything she had. We worked together to house these little spirits until they could live on their own. And the end results were some pretty amazing kids. Such a great team, she and I!
This knowledge was a precious gift from God, so I never had to wonder "what if?" He knew I had given it my all, too. And He was so pleased. Even as I toiled about whether or not to have this baby, I felt time and time again that Heavenly Father was letting this be my decision, and He would be happy with whatever I decided. I've come to know my Heavenly Father so much more through my pregnancies. Again, an odd thought, but it's been true in my case.
So that leaves me with saying this is our last pregnancy. And how wonderful and happy that makes me.
Hyperemesis gets worse with age, which is probably why this one has been more difficult. And maybe this was the reason Will came so quickly to us. Maybe if I had waited like I wanted, my body would have only been able to be pregnant twice. She needed all the youth on her side she could get. Things God and my body knew, when I didn't.
And on horrible days, when I can't move and lie still in my bed for mind numbing hours, I think, "But this is it. You'll never have to feel like this again" I can usually fight on for another few hours, or until my medicine forces me to sleep again.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Hyperemesis Facts
It's that special time of year again! That special time when I talk about shooting myself to put me out of my misery (only half joking). You guessed it: I'm knocked up. So just for documenting's sake, here are some facts for this time around:
I'm due Oct 6 (so, really, late Sept). I'm 10 weeks along.
I went on a lovely cruise with my beloved, and I spent the day after we got back in the ER getting fluids. Time and luck was on our side. I was only "really" sick 1.5 days on our cruise. Had it been more, they probably would have life flighted me off the ship. True story.
Mom and Dad stayed with the boys while we were gone. They were amazing. Will was supposed to have his tonsils out the day after we got back (day I was in the ER), but couldn't because he had a cold. We, now, feel it was a huge blessing he couldn't have the surgery then because my health deteriorated so quickly.
The next day, my mom and dad left to go back to CA and I truly felt like a part of me had died when they left. I was devastated. And very sick. And I had no clue how I'd ever be able to handle this.
48 hours after I went to the ER, I had another appt with my OB (Gaynecologist). He took one look at me and said, "I'm admitting you. Right now." Luckily a good friend was with me and heard it the same as I had and forced me to go home and pack my things and then drove me to the hospital. Otherwise, I'm pretty sure I would have tried to talk him out of it.
I immediately call my mom and tell her she needs to come back. She agrees and buys a ticket on the red eye the following day.
I call Cort next and stutter through the Dr's orders and he acts like its any other day and says he'll be home in time to get Will off the bus. Cool as a cucumber, this one. This ain't his first rodeo.
I made it to the hospital and after a few regular hospital mistakes (is it possible to go to the hospital admittance process smoothly?), I finally made it to my room. It felt like a hotel. Perk of living in an affluent place.
They gave me an IV, after finally finding a vein (a few tries were unsuccessful-I never have that problem-because my veins had collapsed). I also peed in a cup. It was brown. TMI, I know. Two nurses told me they had never ever seen anything like that before. I heard one nurse call my Dr right after that and said, "Her urine was brown. Like, brown, brown." in a worried voice.
I spent 9 days in the hospital. The first half of my stay I wasn't allowed to eat anything besides ice chips and broth. And I had to beg for them to give me that. They wanted to give me stomach a break after the trauma it had been through thus far. I went through 3-4 bags of fluid a day.
The difference with this pregnancy and the last two so far is that being rehydrated didn't make me feel that much better. Usually I feel like new after a few bags of fluid. This time around, I felt marginally better.
I lost 1-2 lbs a day in the hospital.
All my nurses were SO nice. Angels.
A few days in, they decided to give me a midline, which is a shorter version of a PICC line, so that when I went home, I couldn't give myself IVs.
This procedure hurts. They shove a tube up your bicep and I had a dead arm for two days.
I almost got discharged twice, but then I'd start vomiting again and I'd have to stay longer.
Truth be told, I didn't mind my hospital stay. I never once felt stir crazy and never even desired to leave my room. Proof that I was weak and in bad shape. I just wanted to sleep all the time.
Mom had to leave two days before I left the hospital. I was really sad, again. But, holy smokes, my ward picked up where she left off, and then some. The boys have had the time of their lives since I've been sick. They'll be disappointed when I start feeling better.
Historically, I have about 5 more weeks of nastiness.
Sometimes I wake up at night because my body is gagging in its sleep. So gross. I dry heave all the time. Gross. Gross. Gross.
Will has been super protective of me. On days I feel horrible, he won't leave me for anything. Kind of sweet, yet kind of annoying when all you want is to be left alone.
Some days I literally can't move. Others, I can at least walk around my house. I usually judge how good the day has been if I want to shoot myself or not. Best case scenario is I feel 50%. Most days I'm in the 20-30% range.
My Picc line taped up, ready for a shower.
All of my bags and syringes and vitamins and everything else to get my IV started for the day.
Naked PICC line.
The little parasite, whom I'm sure I will love a lot, one day. But right now, it doesn't even register there's anything to bond with, besides a toilet.
I'm due Oct 6 (so, really, late Sept). I'm 10 weeks along.
I went on a lovely cruise with my beloved, and I spent the day after we got back in the ER getting fluids. Time and luck was on our side. I was only "really" sick 1.5 days on our cruise. Had it been more, they probably would have life flighted me off the ship. True story.
Mom and Dad stayed with the boys while we were gone. They were amazing. Will was supposed to have his tonsils out the day after we got back (day I was in the ER), but couldn't because he had a cold. We, now, feel it was a huge blessing he couldn't have the surgery then because my health deteriorated so quickly.
The next day, my mom and dad left to go back to CA and I truly felt like a part of me had died when they left. I was devastated. And very sick. And I had no clue how I'd ever be able to handle this.
48 hours after I went to the ER, I had another appt with my OB (Gaynecologist). He took one look at me and said, "I'm admitting you. Right now." Luckily a good friend was with me and heard it the same as I had and forced me to go home and pack my things and then drove me to the hospital. Otherwise, I'm pretty sure I would have tried to talk him out of it.
I immediately call my mom and tell her she needs to come back. She agrees and buys a ticket on the red eye the following day.
I call Cort next and stutter through the Dr's orders and he acts like its any other day and says he'll be home in time to get Will off the bus. Cool as a cucumber, this one. This ain't his first rodeo.
I made it to the hospital and after a few regular hospital mistakes (is it possible to go to the hospital admittance process smoothly?), I finally made it to my room. It felt like a hotel. Perk of living in an affluent place.
They gave me an IV, after finally finding a vein (a few tries were unsuccessful-I never have that problem-because my veins had collapsed). I also peed in a cup. It was brown. TMI, I know. Two nurses told me they had never ever seen anything like that before. I heard one nurse call my Dr right after that and said, "Her urine was brown. Like, brown, brown." in a worried voice.
I spent 9 days in the hospital. The first half of my stay I wasn't allowed to eat anything besides ice chips and broth. And I had to beg for them to give me that. They wanted to give me stomach a break after the trauma it had been through thus far. I went through 3-4 bags of fluid a day.
The difference with this pregnancy and the last two so far is that being rehydrated didn't make me feel that much better. Usually I feel like new after a few bags of fluid. This time around, I felt marginally better.
I lost 1-2 lbs a day in the hospital.
All my nurses were SO nice. Angels.
A few days in, they decided to give me a midline, which is a shorter version of a PICC line, so that when I went home, I couldn't give myself IVs.
This procedure hurts. They shove a tube up your bicep and I had a dead arm for two days.
I almost got discharged twice, but then I'd start vomiting again and I'd have to stay longer.
Truth be told, I didn't mind my hospital stay. I never once felt stir crazy and never even desired to leave my room. Proof that I was weak and in bad shape. I just wanted to sleep all the time.
Mom had to leave two days before I left the hospital. I was really sad, again. But, holy smokes, my ward picked up where she left off, and then some. The boys have had the time of their lives since I've been sick. They'll be disappointed when I start feeling better.
Historically, I have about 5 more weeks of nastiness.
Sometimes I wake up at night because my body is gagging in its sleep. So gross. I dry heave all the time. Gross. Gross. Gross.
Will has been super protective of me. On days I feel horrible, he won't leave me for anything. Kind of sweet, yet kind of annoying when all you want is to be left alone.
Some days I literally can't move. Others, I can at least walk around my house. I usually judge how good the day has been if I want to shoot myself or not. Best case scenario is I feel 50%. Most days I'm in the 20-30% range.
My Picc line taped up, ready for a shower.
All of my bags and syringes and vitamins and everything else to get my IV started for the day.
Naked PICC line.
The little parasite, whom I'm sure I will love a lot, one day. But right now, it doesn't even register there's anything to bond with, besides a toilet.
Saturday, February 9, 2013
My Quirky Kid: Beautiful Bones
Will has a long history of snoring. I think he's snored profoundly for at least 2 years. I snored as a child, and heaven knows both of his Grandpa's snore, so I figured it was completely normal and genetic.
I mentioned it to St. Kathryn months ago and she said maybe he had enlarged adenoids and to have an ENT check him out. I did and the ENT was rather expensive (even with a copay) and I needed to get a few other tests before we could go any further. At the time, he was sleeping completely fine, he just snored. So I just decided to not do anything with it because we had much bigger fish to fry at the time with Will.
Fast forward to two months ago. Will regularly falls asleep on the couch at night and I started to notice his breathing was irregular. Within a few weeks it was really irregular. He was skipping breaths and then wheezing. Just a few days after that, I felt like I was watching him suffocate just minutes after he fell asleep. He would skip breaths for 15 seconds and then gasp for air an repeat the cycle. Freaky. I figured it was sleep apnea and my google search confirmed it.
Around the same time, a coworker of Cortney's mentioned that her son had sleep apnea and there was a correlation between sleep apnea and ADHD symptoms, not to mention speech issues. Thought provoking/google search-worthy, to say the least. Could sleep be the the answer to Will's struggles? He had started a pretty mean streak of violent outbursts again, and looking back, I think it was his way of saying "Enough. Figure out what's going on with me." He always has a way of letting us know when something it out of sync. The more I thought about it, the more I thought I would, personally, be a horrible monster if I hadn't had deep sleep in months and my behavior would be "erratic", at the bare minimum. More than anything, I just felt so bad for him.
Over that weekend, I sent a video of Will sleeping to St. Kathryn and asked if she thought this was sleep apnea. Her response: Wow. Follow up with ENT ASAP. I called the ENT Monday morning and scheduled an appt for three weeks away, the first appt they offered me. Kathryn came over that afternoon for therapy and she said they'd probably order a sleep study to watch him sleep and confirm apnea before doing surgery. She asked for a flashlight and looked in his mouth and said, "Whoa. Those are huge. Yeah, I don't think they're going to need a sleep study. They're just going to take those out." She showed me inside his mouth and pointed out his tonsils- there was barely an opening in his throat. From what I could see, his throat looked about the circumference of a clementine. The airway going down his throat was the size of a dime. She told me to call the ENT back and tell them it was an emergency and we needed a sooner appt. We were able to get an appt in two days, but needed to get an X-ray between now and then.
I was completely dreading the X-ray as I knew Will would be terrified. He hates all doctor's offices or anything that resembles it. Throw in the fact that he has to sit still... Bad combo. I briefed Will and told him someone needed to take a picture of his throat. He was a little anxious in the waiting room, but when we got back he was so calm. I stayed with him until they asked me to leave the X-ray room while they took the picture. I told Will I'd be right back and he said, "I be OK Mom." And he was. I came back 30 seconds later and they showed me the X-ray on the computer (technology is so cool) and I was taken aback. It was such a beautiful image.
I could see Will's profile perfectly. His nose, and teeth, his chin, and the vastness of his brain. His spinal cord met perfectly with his vertebrae connecting with his skull. It was such a "grassroots" image. Like I could see into Will's core. His bones. And the strength of those bones.
I pointed out the picture to Will and excitedly said, "Will! Those are your bones!" The technician pointed out two things to me, almost in passing: his adenoids and his airway. I have no idea how big adenoids are supposed to be (truth be told, I'm still not entirely sure what they do), but they were huge. Easily the size of quarters. Then she pointed to a narrow dark river-looking thing between his adenoids and mouth. It was his airway. Again, I don't know how big his airway is supposed to be, but it was tiny. It was clear just from looking at the picture- Will can't breathe. It made me sink.
I took a picture of the X-ray with my phone and sent it to Kathryn, with no text attached. Keep in mind we weren't headed to the ENT until the next day. She quickly responded, "OMG Tell them you want the surgery at Fairfax Hospital."
Off to the ENT we went. I put the X-ray up on the lights to play with Will, showing him all his bones before the doctor came in. When she came in, before saying hi or anything, she said "Wow, those are big adenoids." For about 3 minutes total, she looked in his throat and in his ears and said, "His tonsils and adenoids definitely need to be addressed" and spent the next 15 minutes talking about the surgery and explaining the recovery. She handed me a card to the office surgery scheduler with the instruction to call and get something on the books ASAP. And just like that we were headed to surgery.
Doctor said we could keep the X-ray as a souvenir and before I took it off the lights, Will said, "Mommy! My bones! They're so beautiful!"
They are Baby. They are.
*surgery is Feb 18 for removal of tonsils and adenoids, and possibly tubes. There was some fluid in his ears at the time of the appt and due to Will's Auditory Processing Delay and since he'll already be under, they will drain his ears/insert tubes if there is still fluid because he's already struggling in that department. The recovery is a week and I think he'll bounce back easily. The only part I'm really worried about is that he can't be "active" for two weeks post-op. Um, can I give him a sedative? That might be the only way that can be achieved.
I mentioned it to St. Kathryn months ago and she said maybe he had enlarged adenoids and to have an ENT check him out. I did and the ENT was rather expensive (even with a copay) and I needed to get a few other tests before we could go any further. At the time, he was sleeping completely fine, he just snored. So I just decided to not do anything with it because we had much bigger fish to fry at the time with Will.
Fast forward to two months ago. Will regularly falls asleep on the couch at night and I started to notice his breathing was irregular. Within a few weeks it was really irregular. He was skipping breaths and then wheezing. Just a few days after that, I felt like I was watching him suffocate just minutes after he fell asleep. He would skip breaths for 15 seconds and then gasp for air an repeat the cycle. Freaky. I figured it was sleep apnea and my google search confirmed it.
Around the same time, a coworker of Cortney's mentioned that her son had sleep apnea and there was a correlation between sleep apnea and ADHD symptoms, not to mention speech issues. Thought provoking/google search-worthy, to say the least. Could sleep be the the answer to Will's struggles? He had started a pretty mean streak of violent outbursts again, and looking back, I think it was his way of saying "Enough. Figure out what's going on with me." He always has a way of letting us know when something it out of sync. The more I thought about it, the more I thought I would, personally, be a horrible monster if I hadn't had deep sleep in months and my behavior would be "erratic", at the bare minimum. More than anything, I just felt so bad for him.
Over that weekend, I sent a video of Will sleeping to St. Kathryn and asked if she thought this was sleep apnea. Her response: Wow. Follow up with ENT ASAP. I called the ENT Monday morning and scheduled an appt for three weeks away, the first appt they offered me. Kathryn came over that afternoon for therapy and she said they'd probably order a sleep study to watch him sleep and confirm apnea before doing surgery. She asked for a flashlight and looked in his mouth and said, "Whoa. Those are huge. Yeah, I don't think they're going to need a sleep study. They're just going to take those out." She showed me inside his mouth and pointed out his tonsils- there was barely an opening in his throat. From what I could see, his throat looked about the circumference of a clementine. The airway going down his throat was the size of a dime. She told me to call the ENT back and tell them it was an emergency and we needed a sooner appt. We were able to get an appt in two days, but needed to get an X-ray between now and then.
I was completely dreading the X-ray as I knew Will would be terrified. He hates all doctor's offices or anything that resembles it. Throw in the fact that he has to sit still... Bad combo. I briefed Will and told him someone needed to take a picture of his throat. He was a little anxious in the waiting room, but when we got back he was so calm. I stayed with him until they asked me to leave the X-ray room while they took the picture. I told Will I'd be right back and he said, "I be OK Mom." And he was. I came back 30 seconds later and they showed me the X-ray on the computer (technology is so cool) and I was taken aback. It was such a beautiful image.
I could see Will's profile perfectly. His nose, and teeth, his chin, and the vastness of his brain. His spinal cord met perfectly with his vertebrae connecting with his skull. It was such a "grassroots" image. Like I could see into Will's core. His bones. And the strength of those bones.
I pointed out the picture to Will and excitedly said, "Will! Those are your bones!" The technician pointed out two things to me, almost in passing: his adenoids and his airway. I have no idea how big adenoids are supposed to be (truth be told, I'm still not entirely sure what they do), but they were huge. Easily the size of quarters. Then she pointed to a narrow dark river-looking thing between his adenoids and mouth. It was his airway. Again, I don't know how big his airway is supposed to be, but it was tiny. It was clear just from looking at the picture- Will can't breathe. It made me sink.
I took a picture of the X-ray with my phone and sent it to Kathryn, with no text attached. Keep in mind we weren't headed to the ENT until the next day. She quickly responded, "OMG Tell them you want the surgery at Fairfax Hospital."
Off to the ENT we went. I put the X-ray up on the lights to play with Will, showing him all his bones before the doctor came in. When she came in, before saying hi or anything, she said "Wow, those are big adenoids." For about 3 minutes total, she looked in his throat and in his ears and said, "His tonsils and adenoids definitely need to be addressed" and spent the next 15 minutes talking about the surgery and explaining the recovery. She handed me a card to the office surgery scheduler with the instruction to call and get something on the books ASAP. And just like that we were headed to surgery.
Doctor said we could keep the X-ray as a souvenir and before I took it off the lights, Will said, "Mommy! My bones! They're so beautiful!"
They are Baby. They are.
*surgery is Feb 18 for removal of tonsils and adenoids, and possibly tubes. There was some fluid in his ears at the time of the appt and due to Will's Auditory Processing Delay and since he'll already be under, they will drain his ears/insert tubes if there is still fluid because he's already struggling in that department. The recovery is a week and I think he'll bounce back easily. The only part I'm really worried about is that he can't be "active" for two weeks post-op. Um, can I give him a sedative? That might be the only way that can be achieved.
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Prayer
Our kids go through cycles whether they like prayer and scripture study or not. After a long stretch where they screamed "Nnnnnnooooooooo!!!!!" every time we mentioned prayer, they both seem to be on board with prayer as of late*.
Tonight Duke prayed before he went to bed and the intelligible words I caught were bath, medicine, pasta, and milk. I just love hearing their prayers. It reminds me of what my prayers should be...conversing with my Father in Heaven about the happenings of my day, instead of a list at the end of the day.
*I suck at enforcing scripture study. Our "scripture study" is reading one scripture mastery scripture. This happens four times a week, on a good week. It sounds so painfully simple, but yet it is so hard for us to accomplish most of the time. I really hope I get the hang of it soon. I really want the boys to remember having regular scripture study throughout their life like I did (how my mom organized a real 15 min scripture study with 4 kids at a time is totally mind blowing to me), and they don't remember that we did it "sometimes".
Tonight Duke prayed before he went to bed and the intelligible words I caught were bath, medicine, pasta, and milk. I just love hearing their prayers. It reminds me of what my prayers should be...conversing with my Father in Heaven about the happenings of my day, instead of a list at the end of the day.
*I suck at enforcing scripture study. Our "scripture study" is reading one scripture mastery scripture. This happens four times a week, on a good week. It sounds so painfully simple, but yet it is so hard for us to accomplish most of the time. I really hope I get the hang of it soon. I really want the boys to remember having regular scripture study throughout their life like I did (how my mom organized a real 15 min scripture study with 4 kids at a time is totally mind blowing to me), and they don't remember that we did it "sometimes".
Saturday, February 2, 2013
Sickness
Thursday 7 pm: Will falls asleep for the night like normal.
10 pm: Will wakes up screaming, literally, and grabbing his ear saying it hurts. He immediately asks for a bandaid and puts it over his ear. After quite a bit of sobbing, he's able to calm down a go back to sleep. I've never seen him in this much pain. It was heart wrenching.
Friday 6:30 am: Will wakes up for the day. He crawls in bed with Cort and he feels warm and he's a little weepy. We take his temperature to find he's at 102. Motrin administered.
8 am: wait for the Dr to open, only to find out they had walk in hours earlier. I know he's in pain, and i ask Will if there's anything he wants for breakfast. He says a chocolate ice cream cone. We go to the grocery store in a snow storm to buy chocolate ice cream and cones. In my book, you should get to eat anything you want when you're sick.
9:30 am: we see the Dr and Will cries that he doesn't want to go because he feels all better. He's jumping around the Dr office, acting completely Will-like. Temperature is taken and its down to 99. Dr finds a "nasty, nasty" ear infection. We also discover he's lost 4 lbs (10% of his nody weight) since his ENT appt 2 weeks ago. This is worrisome. Especially since Will is going to lose more weight after his surgery in 2 weeks.
10:15 am: fill the prescription at CVS. Will calmly asks for another bandaid for his ear. He also asks for McDonalds. We get food, but he doesn't eat anything. We get home and I give him antibiotics.
Noon: Will falls asleep on the couch. So does Duke, but he only sleeps for 15 minutes. Sigh. Not good.
1 pm: I notice Wills eyes are barely open. I call his name and he doesn't respond. I feel him and he's burning up. I take his temperature and its 104.3. I immediately call the Dr and they tell me to give him another dose of Motrin, and a dose of Tylenol and to call them back in an hour and tell them if his temp has gone down. Run to CVS again to get tylenol and sprite. He hasn't eaten or had anything to drink since his ice cream cone. Will's eyes are glassy, he can't stand by himself, and his lips are maroon. Trying not to freak out. I come out to the car with the medicine and sprite. He drinks maybe 1 teaspoon of sprite.
2 pm: watching the clock and Will like a hawk. I take his temp again and it's down to 102. Call the Dr back and she says to keep giving him Tylenol and Motrin for the next 24 hrs. His "nasty, nasty" ear infection is probably just awful and his body is freaking out trying to fight it. Dr reassures me they'll be open Saturday am, if the night doesn't go well.
3 pm: Will asks for a sandwich and cheese, which after a few failed attempts I realize is a grilled cheese sandwich (he hasn't liked these much in the past). We make it together and Will finishes it quickly. Doesn't his neck look super skinny?
3:30 pm: trying to strike while the iron is hot, I make a batch of cookies because I know Will will eat them. He eats 2 spoonfuls of cookie dough.
4 pm: Will and Duke wrestle in the living room (Duke gets his head caught under the buffet table momentarily) while a neighbor comes over and chats for a little bit.
5 pm: we go to the grocery store to grab a few things. Duke is a freaking mess from no nap. My "sick" child is by far the easier one at this time of the day.
6 pm: we get home and Will asks for his chicken nuggets and fries from earlier. I nuke them and he polishes them off with a smile on his face. He's an absolute gem the rest of the night. Give him another dose of Tylenol and antibiotics.
7 pm: Duke puts himself to bed. Thank goodness.
9 pm: Will falls asleep.
Saturday 3:30 am: Will is in my bed (he must have migrated there at some point during the night) and starts stirring. He finally comes to and keeps sticking his finger in his ear. He tells me his ear hurts and needs some water. He feels a little warm and I give him more Tylenol and Motrin.
4 am: Will and I cuddle on the couch and watch nickelodeon.
What I look/feel like right now
10 pm: Will wakes up screaming, literally, and grabbing his ear saying it hurts. He immediately asks for a bandaid and puts it over his ear. After quite a bit of sobbing, he's able to calm down a go back to sleep. I've never seen him in this much pain. It was heart wrenching.
Friday 6:30 am: Will wakes up for the day. He crawls in bed with Cort and he feels warm and he's a little weepy. We take his temperature to find he's at 102. Motrin administered.
8 am: wait for the Dr to open, only to find out they had walk in hours earlier. I know he's in pain, and i ask Will if there's anything he wants for breakfast. He says a chocolate ice cream cone. We go to the grocery store in a snow storm to buy chocolate ice cream and cones. In my book, you should get to eat anything you want when you're sick.
9:30 am: we see the Dr and Will cries that he doesn't want to go because he feels all better. He's jumping around the Dr office, acting completely Will-like. Temperature is taken and its down to 99. Dr finds a "nasty, nasty" ear infection. We also discover he's lost 4 lbs (10% of his nody weight) since his ENT appt 2 weeks ago. This is worrisome. Especially since Will is going to lose more weight after his surgery in 2 weeks.
10:15 am: fill the prescription at CVS. Will calmly asks for another bandaid for his ear. He also asks for McDonalds. We get food, but he doesn't eat anything. We get home and I give him antibiotics.
Noon: Will falls asleep on the couch. So does Duke, but he only sleeps for 15 minutes. Sigh. Not good.
1 pm: I notice Wills eyes are barely open. I call his name and he doesn't respond. I feel him and he's burning up. I take his temperature and its 104.3. I immediately call the Dr and they tell me to give him another dose of Motrin, and a dose of Tylenol and to call them back in an hour and tell them if his temp has gone down. Run to CVS again to get tylenol and sprite. He hasn't eaten or had anything to drink since his ice cream cone. Will's eyes are glassy, he can't stand by himself, and his lips are maroon. Trying not to freak out. I come out to the car with the medicine and sprite. He drinks maybe 1 teaspoon of sprite.
2 pm: watching the clock and Will like a hawk. I take his temp again and it's down to 102. Call the Dr back and she says to keep giving him Tylenol and Motrin for the next 24 hrs. His "nasty, nasty" ear infection is probably just awful and his body is freaking out trying to fight it. Dr reassures me they'll be open Saturday am, if the night doesn't go well.
3 pm: Will asks for a sandwich and cheese, which after a few failed attempts I realize is a grilled cheese sandwich (he hasn't liked these much in the past). We make it together and Will finishes it quickly. Doesn't his neck look super skinny?
3:30 pm: trying to strike while the iron is hot, I make a batch of cookies because I know Will will eat them. He eats 2 spoonfuls of cookie dough.
4 pm: Will and Duke wrestle in the living room (Duke gets his head caught under the buffet table momentarily) while a neighbor comes over and chats for a little bit.
5 pm: we go to the grocery store to grab a few things. Duke is a freaking mess from no nap. My "sick" child is by far the easier one at this time of the day.
6 pm: we get home and Will asks for his chicken nuggets and fries from earlier. I nuke them and he polishes them off with a smile on his face. He's an absolute gem the rest of the night. Give him another dose of Tylenol and antibiotics.
7 pm: Duke puts himself to bed. Thank goodness.
9 pm: Will falls asleep.
Saturday 3:30 am: Will is in my bed (he must have migrated there at some point during the night) and starts stirring. He finally comes to and keeps sticking his finger in his ear. He tells me his ear hurts and needs some water. He feels a little warm and I give him more Tylenol and Motrin.
4 am: Will and I cuddle on the couch and watch nickelodeon.
What I look/feel like right now
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Great moments in parenting
Will went into Duke's room and woke him up prematurely from his nap. Duke, groggy and agitated, stumbles out of his room. We get angry at Will for waking him up and he goes over to give Duke a hug. Even though he's groggy, Duke joins in the embrace and I think tender thoughts in my head. Will steps away and with zero expression on his face, Duke takes his sippy cup of milk and clocks Will HARD across the bridge of his nose, still with no expression on his face. Will cries. For a long time.
I don't think I've stopped laughing since this happened an hour ago. Easily would be a top ten YouTube video of all time, if it had been recorded.
Will, don't wake up Duke. He looks gentle, but he can be deadly if he wants.
I don't think I've stopped laughing since this happened an hour ago. Easily would be a top ten YouTube video of all time, if it had been recorded.
Will, don't wake up Duke. He looks gentle, but he can be deadly if he wants.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Yesterday the boys and I went for a walk around the block. There had been a flash rainstorm just a few hours before and the ground was still wet and there was that "fresh rain" smell in the air, something I haven't remembered smelling for a while. We often walk to a nearby county club where the boys ride their bikes in the parking lot over the speed bumps and throw rocks in the creek that runs through it.
Something about the newness of the ground posed me deep in thought. After a few minutes of random thoughts, I handed on our financial situation and usually when I think about this, I quickly become frustrated and short tempered. But for some reason yesterday the thought quickly came to my mind, "money well spent."
Surely we would have a little more wiggle room if Will didn't have special needs that needed constant attention. If we didn't have to sell a car to pay for his therapy and every month when we write out the check for his preschool, it feels like a sucker punch, I'm sure things would feel different. But I'm happy to pay that money for him. Thrilled, even. I would work graveyards if I had to for Will to keep going to Parkwood. It's been the best school for him in every possible way. He is just so much better off there, and not allowing him to keep going would severely hinder his progression. And there is no price tag on the impact St. Kathryn has made on all our lives with the service she has provided to our family. She's a miracle worker and I practically skip across the kitchen floor to write her that check every month.
I also thought about all the places Cortney and I have lived. We have lived in 5 different homes in 6 years. It's a lot easier to have financial ground when you stay in the same place for a suspended period of time, because moving costs money. Especially when you move to really expensive places, like Washington DC. But when I think about all the places we have lived, I just remember all the wonderful friends we have collected along the way. All the people that became our family and will always be a part of our family.
Cortney and I have traveled all across the country together. More than a few times. We've been to Hawaii, about to go on our second cruise together and literally everywhere in between. When I think of girls I graduated high school with, I can't think of anyone who has had such an action packed six years of marriage as I have. And when I think about the thought of living in the same city, or even the same state for six years, I think how boring that must be. Of course I'm biased, but who wouldn't want this adventure? I'm sure many others would feel like this instability would be some sort of nightmare, but it has more than filled my need for spontaneity and adventure.
When Cortney and I got married, we planned on living abroad as soon as possible. We craved the exotic life of expatriates. But it became apparent as time went by that wasn't in the cards for us early in our marriage (probably because the Lord knew about Will's needs long before we did), but we've still been able to have that adventurous lifestyle in the states. I learned how to go on long road trips with my kids by myself and those have become my favorite memories with them. Cortney and I fare well as the "new people" and have carved out our identities quickly whenever we encounter a new social circle. And I don't think I would have ever taken that challenge upon myself if I wasn't always tying new things, because I've been presented with the opportunities to do so for the past six years.
Other than when we were in grad school, there has never been a time when I could say definitively where we would be living in six months. And you can't really live that life forever. Once the kids start going to school, you can't just pack up and move like you did when they were younger. Somewhat bittersweetly, I know that time is coming to an end and I'm so happy we were able to go wherever the opportunities took us early on because all those places, all those houses, and all those people have truly defined us.
And the more I thought about it while I hopped around the wet pavement with the boys, the more I realized (again) I have a very rich life. Maybe I don't have a growing retirement account (or savings account, for that matter), but I have six years of the most incredible memories, a lifetime of lessons learned, a strong marriage, and friendships that will forever bring me smiles and laughter. And if I had to chose the life I've had or a monetary safety net, without question I'd pick our life.
*not that you can't have both (money and a rich life), but for us I'm so glad we didn't let student debt or other financial strains deter us from this crazy, mixed up, wonderful adventure we've had.
**this is a jumbled, poorly-written rant but putting it out there for journaling purposes.
Something about the newness of the ground posed me deep in thought. After a few minutes of random thoughts, I handed on our financial situation and usually when I think about this, I quickly become frustrated and short tempered. But for some reason yesterday the thought quickly came to my mind, "money well spent."
Surely we would have a little more wiggle room if Will didn't have special needs that needed constant attention. If we didn't have to sell a car to pay for his therapy and every month when we write out the check for his preschool, it feels like a sucker punch, I'm sure things would feel different. But I'm happy to pay that money for him. Thrilled, even. I would work graveyards if I had to for Will to keep going to Parkwood. It's been the best school for him in every possible way. He is just so much better off there, and not allowing him to keep going would severely hinder his progression. And there is no price tag on the impact St. Kathryn has made on all our lives with the service she has provided to our family. She's a miracle worker and I practically skip across the kitchen floor to write her that check every month.
I also thought about all the places Cortney and I have lived. We have lived in 5 different homes in 6 years. It's a lot easier to have financial ground when you stay in the same place for a suspended period of time, because moving costs money. Especially when you move to really expensive places, like Washington DC. But when I think about all the places we have lived, I just remember all the wonderful friends we have collected along the way. All the people that became our family and will always be a part of our family.
Cortney and I have traveled all across the country together. More than a few times. We've been to Hawaii, about to go on our second cruise together and literally everywhere in between. When I think of girls I graduated high school with, I can't think of anyone who has had such an action packed six years of marriage as I have. And when I think about the thought of living in the same city, or even the same state for six years, I think how boring that must be. Of course I'm biased, but who wouldn't want this adventure? I'm sure many others would feel like this instability would be some sort of nightmare, but it has more than filled my need for spontaneity and adventure.
When Cortney and I got married, we planned on living abroad as soon as possible. We craved the exotic life of expatriates. But it became apparent as time went by that wasn't in the cards for us early in our marriage (probably because the Lord knew about Will's needs long before we did), but we've still been able to have that adventurous lifestyle in the states. I learned how to go on long road trips with my kids by myself and those have become my favorite memories with them. Cortney and I fare well as the "new people" and have carved out our identities quickly whenever we encounter a new social circle. And I don't think I would have ever taken that challenge upon myself if I wasn't always tying new things, because I've been presented with the opportunities to do so for the past six years.
Other than when we were in grad school, there has never been a time when I could say definitively where we would be living in six months. And you can't really live that life forever. Once the kids start going to school, you can't just pack up and move like you did when they were younger. Somewhat bittersweetly, I know that time is coming to an end and I'm so happy we were able to go wherever the opportunities took us early on because all those places, all those houses, and all those people have truly defined us.
And the more I thought about it while I hopped around the wet pavement with the boys, the more I realized (again) I have a very rich life. Maybe I don't have a growing retirement account (or savings account, for that matter), but I have six years of the most incredible memories, a lifetime of lessons learned, a strong marriage, and friendships that will forever bring me smiles and laughter. And if I had to chose the life I've had or a monetary safety net, without question I'd pick our life.
*not that you can't have both (money and a rich life), but for us I'm so glad we didn't let student debt or other financial strains deter us from this crazy, mixed up, wonderful adventure we've had.
**this is a jumbled, poorly-written rant but putting it out there for journaling purposes.
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