Auuuuugh I just wrote a long post about stuff and it disappeared. I don't have the energy to rewrite it.
I swear I had no idea there was a big controversy about Chaz Bono when I wrote my earlier post, mainly because I live under a rock. (I come out to sun myself occasionally). Also because if someone had told me Chaz Bono was going on Dancing With the Stars, my first thought would have been, "He can dance?"
So I saw this clip of someone representing some "concerned parents" group who was blathering on about how children were going to find it CONFUSING and therefore a trans person should not be on TV.
Firstly, no ma'am. It's not confusing. I explained the concept of transgender to my then-ten-year-old son in about five minutes. It goes like this: "Most people are born male or female and stay that way. Some people are born intersexed, which means they're in between, and some people decide at some point that they are really meant to be a gender other than how they look and then they go to a doctor and take medicine and sometimes have surgery. It's a long hard process so it's not something they just up and decide on a whim." Actually the only tricky part was explaining the difference between "transgender" and someone who may look more masculine or feminine than other women or men but isn't actually transgendered. My son said, "Oh" and went on with his life. The next time he ran into someone who didn't seem clearly male or female to him, he asked. The response was, "Well, what do you think?" He responded, "I think you are androgynous." And then asked if they liked video games.
Secondly, if you are going to start campaigning against things that are confusing to children being on television, I suggest that it might be more productive and useful to start elsewhere. I have a list of things that make no sense that you should work on. Such as:
So I saw this clip of someone representing some "concerned parents" group who was blathering on about how children were going to find it CONFUSING and therefore a trans person should not be on TV.
Firstly, no ma'am. It's not confusing. I explained the concept of transgender to my then-ten-year-old son in about five minutes. It goes like this: "Most people are born male or female and stay that way. Some people are born intersexed, which means they're in between, and some people decide at some point that they are really meant to be a gender other than how they look and then they go to a doctor and take medicine and sometimes have surgery. It's a long hard process so it's not something they just up and decide on a whim." Actually the only tricky part was explaining the difference between "transgender" and someone who may look more masculine or feminine than other women or men but isn't actually transgendered. My son said, "Oh" and went on with his life. The next time he ran into someone who didn't seem clearly male or female to him, he asked. The response was, "Well, what do you think?" He responded, "I think you are androgynous." And then asked if they liked video games.
Secondly, if you are going to start campaigning against things that are confusing to children being on television, I suggest that it might be more productive and useful to start elsewhere. I have a list of things that make no sense that you should work on. Such as:
- Fox News. Particularly that blonde woman on Fox and Friends; I keep waiting for her head to explode but it never does.
- Jersey Shore
- Reality tv in general, really. Including C-Span.
- Golf. The only thing more boring than playing golf is watching someone else play golf. Why is that shit on TV?
- War. Since I think that news should actually depict reality, you should really get on the fact that there IS war, especially the we-invade-other-countries kind.. It makes no sense, and is very confusing to children. Also to me. Why are we still in Afghanistan, again?
- I'm sorry, soap operas have NEVER made sense. Even the Spanish-language ones. Especially the Spanish-language ones.
- The History Channel
...how did I become the Transgender Avenger? I know that some trans people on the Internet think I am a bad, bad, evil bigot person because I suggested that a cis woman's discomfort with their assumptions about gender POSSIBLY MIGHT NOT be rooted in privilege. I also didn't like the word "cisgender" as applied to me, but not for the reasons they assumed.* I shall not name the persons involved but I think said individual and zir friends are idiots. I have often been uncomfortable with the tendency to equate the felt experience of being a man or a woman with social constructions of same (which is what I see some trans people doing). I don't think that merely being trans reinscribes gender oppression, that's silly. But I do think doing that can. Can, doesn't have to.
But ya know, just because I think you're an idiot, or that you're stepping on my toes, doesn't mean that I want people to exclude you or be an asshole to you. And people keep saying stupid things about trans people in front of me, and I keep opening my mouth. Incident #1: One of the local Pagan groups I am a member of was approached by a nudist resort about having events there, which is all right. Except they have a policy against "transvestites" (their word). I and several other members of the group said, "Um. No." For these reasons: 1) we don't want to support exclusionary policies even at one remove, 2) we don't want to have to exclude potential members/attendees from some of our events because of where we have them, and 3) we DEFINITELY don't want to have to put that on our literature or announcements, as it would tend to put people off even from events they "could" come to. Also, my fourth, Capricornian reason: 4) I don't want to enter into any financial/business relationship with people who clearly have their heads up their asses.
Incident #2: I passed on a call for an anthology I have a poem in, because the editor wants more trans/genderqueer pieces for it. One of the places I passed it on was a Women's Studies list. I got a rude e-mail off-list about it. (The author was subtle enough not to attack the gender elements directly, but insinuated that the constraints meant the anthology was of low quality.) I told that person off and e-mailed the moderator....again, on the grounds that this kind of thing creates a hostile environment for trans folk and We Do Not Want That. She agreed with me and promised to do something about it.
*I would describe myself as cissexual but not cisgendered....neither cisgendered nor transgendered, but somewhere else. The distinction there is where a lot of my opinions come from...including the one about how you should not jump to conclusions about to whom you are speaking.
But ya know, just because I think you're an idiot, or that you're stepping on my toes, doesn't mean that I want people to exclude you or be an asshole to you. And people keep saying stupid things about trans people in front of me, and I keep opening my mouth. Incident #1: One of the local Pagan groups I am a member of was approached by a nudist resort about having events there, which is all right. Except they have a policy against "transvestites" (their word). I and several other members of the group said, "Um. No." For these reasons: 1) we don't want to support exclusionary policies even at one remove, 2) we don't want to have to exclude potential members/attendees from some of our events because of where we have them, and 3) we DEFINITELY don't want to have to put that on our literature or announcements, as it would tend to put people off even from events they "could" come to. Also, my fourth, Capricornian reason: 4) I don't want to enter into any financial/business relationship with people who clearly have their heads up their asses.
Incident #2: I passed on a call for an anthology I have a poem in, because the editor wants more trans/genderqueer pieces for it. One of the places I passed it on was a Women's Studies list. I got a rude e-mail off-list about it. (The author was subtle enough not to attack the gender elements directly, but insinuated that the constraints meant the anthology was of low quality.) I told that person off and e-mailed the moderator....again, on the grounds that this kind of thing creates a hostile environment for trans folk and We Do Not Want That. She agreed with me and promised to do something about it.
*I would describe myself as cissexual but not cisgendered....neither cisgendered nor transgendered, but somewhere else. The distinction there is where a lot of my opinions come from...including the one about how you should not jump to conclusions about to whom you are speaking.
"I don't know any bisexuals."
Yes, you do. They just all think you're an asshole.
Yes, you do. They just all think you're an asshole.
Or, well, mostly not. Anyway, ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
coffeeandink said some stuff. I had one mild run-in with Kynn of Several Names and was negatively impressed. I am much more invested in some shenanigans that went on off-stage in my religious tradition a few months ago which were the taphammer blow that caused the mountain to crack asunder...that is, not really the cause, but the precipitating event. Anyway, I am not going to talk about rape culture and rape apologetics THIS ONE TIME because other people have said more and better.
However, in the post I linked tocoffeeandink spoke about someone using probably genuine suicidal thoughts as manipulation, and went on to say, "I know a lot of depressed and suicidal people. There's a big difference between being depressed and being depressed and abusive."
Preach it.
Here's a thing: You can have mental problems. You can be abusive. You can be both at the same time. (If you aren't, then you are not my subject here). You can be both the victim of abuse and an abuser...and, statistically speaking, you are more likely to be. Everyone knows that statistic but no one seems to put two and two together. Everyone we know is the Virtuous Kind of Victim. Right?
Or, rather, horseshit.
I don't mean to say that merely being abused means you are doomed. It does mean that you have those patterns wired into your brain, and you are likely to repeat them...either as victim, over and over again, or as perpetrator. Or, as I mentioned, both. If you don't want to do that, you have a whole lot of work ahead of you. Which never really ends.
Don't stop to tell me how much that sucks, how gut-grindingly awful and unfair it is. I know. Don't tell me how mean I am, either. I have been one mean bitch in my time, but today is not that day. I know the difference. You too may have to come by that knowledge the hard way.
Here's another thing: It sucks to have a mental illness. It sucks to have a traumatic childhood, and the two often go together (either because your early experiences bent you, or because you inherited the condition from parents who were your primary caretakers, or again both). If you are the kind of person whose mental illness does not cause you to interact in screwed-up and destructive ways with the people around you, then lucky you....I'm not talking about you. If you are, come sit by me and I'll tell you something useful. Those experiences and patterns of yours deserve consideration, they are real and they suck hard and chances are you don't give yourself enough compassion for them, but they also do not excuse you from acting like a human being and a grownup. More importantly, you are much better off if you resist the idea that they do. The fact that you are in some cases running with a handicap, and that it's grossly unfair...again, you don't have to tell me. And yet...if you ever say, "I behave this way because I have these problems" and what you are explaining is behavior that hurt another person...that explanation better be the preface to a sincere apology where you ask (but don't demand) the grace of their indulgence. Otherwise, you are essentially saying "My wounds are more important than your wounds...I am more important than you." That is not forgivable, so don't be surprised if people won't forgive it.
You may be tempted to assume that the other person has it easier than you, that they don't have your obstacles and it's not fair. You may be right about all that. You may also be completely, utterly, devastatingly wrong. You don't know, and unless they tell you, you have no way of knowing. Most people don't share stuff like that with someone who is barking guilt at them, so chances are you aren't going to learn.
Also? Life isn't fair. Two of my blood relatives were murdered before I was twelve, and my sister in law's little brother as well, in completely unrelated incidents. I personally have almost died more than once. And I can easily name people whom I consider to have gotten a much worse deal than I did...some of whom are no longer here and walking around. If you posit the notion that life is fair then you also, by implication, are saying that somehow I did something to bring those calamities on myself, that the other people I mention also did something wrong. If you think that, I don't want to know you. There's the door; don't let it hit your ass on the way out.
There's something here about the belief that some people are Right and others Wrong, and if you can show that someone you oppose is Wrong then you (by extension) must be Right and Worthy...of love, of opportunities, whatever. It's a kind of game, where you simultaneously try to hide all of your human flaws and furiously deny them if they are pointed out (which often comes in the form of "you did something that hurt me"). Wrongness means you are Wrong, and unworthy....doomed. Nobody wants to be doomed. Everyone wants to be perfect, and worthy of love. We don't seem to question the flaws in the premise.
I happen to think that all of us are human, and many of us screw up. I don't think that someone who persists in a damaging pattern of behavior should be given latitude to continue; that's what we call "boundaries," boys and girls, and I would cheerfully visit bloody, sudden violence upon a person who didn't take "no" for an answer from me or otherwise tried to do me physical harm.* I do think that even wrong, screwed-up people deserve compassion.
*This is not intended to imply that I think that's the "right" response. I don't think it's a wrong one, either.
coffeeandink said some stuff. I had one mild run-in with Kynn of Several Names and was negatively impressed. I am much more invested in some shenanigans that went on off-stage in my religious tradition a few months ago which were the taphammer blow that caused the mountain to crack asunder...that is, not really the cause, but the precipitating event. Anyway, I am not going to talk about rape culture and rape apologetics THIS ONE TIME because other people have said more and better.However, in the post I linked to
coffeeandink spoke about someone using probably genuine suicidal thoughts as manipulation, and went on to say, "I know a lot of depressed and suicidal people. There's a big difference between being depressed and being depressed and abusive."Preach it.
Here's a thing: You can have mental problems. You can be abusive. You can be both at the same time. (If you aren't, then you are not my subject here). You can be both the victim of abuse and an abuser...and, statistically speaking, you are more likely to be. Everyone knows that statistic but no one seems to put two and two together. Everyone we know is the Virtuous Kind of Victim. Right?
Or, rather, horseshit.
I don't mean to say that merely being abused means you are doomed. It does mean that you have those patterns wired into your brain, and you are likely to repeat them...either as victim, over and over again, or as perpetrator. Or, as I mentioned, both. If you don't want to do that, you have a whole lot of work ahead of you. Which never really ends.
Don't stop to tell me how much that sucks, how gut-grindingly awful and unfair it is. I know. Don't tell me how mean I am, either. I have been one mean bitch in my time, but today is not that day. I know the difference. You too may have to come by that knowledge the hard way.
Here's another thing: It sucks to have a mental illness. It sucks to have a traumatic childhood, and the two often go together (either because your early experiences bent you, or because you inherited the condition from parents who were your primary caretakers, or again both). If you are the kind of person whose mental illness does not cause you to interact in screwed-up and destructive ways with the people around you, then lucky you....I'm not talking about you. If you are, come sit by me and I'll tell you something useful. Those experiences and patterns of yours deserve consideration, they are real and they suck hard and chances are you don't give yourself enough compassion for them, but they also do not excuse you from acting like a human being and a grownup. More importantly, you are much better off if you resist the idea that they do. The fact that you are in some cases running with a handicap, and that it's grossly unfair...again, you don't have to tell me. And yet...if you ever say, "I behave this way because I have these problems" and what you are explaining is behavior that hurt another person...that explanation better be the preface to a sincere apology where you ask (but don't demand) the grace of their indulgence. Otherwise, you are essentially saying "My wounds are more important than your wounds...I am more important than you." That is not forgivable, so don't be surprised if people won't forgive it.
You may be tempted to assume that the other person has it easier than you, that they don't have your obstacles and it's not fair. You may be right about all that. You may also be completely, utterly, devastatingly wrong. You don't know, and unless they tell you, you have no way of knowing. Most people don't share stuff like that with someone who is barking guilt at them, so chances are you aren't going to learn.
Also? Life isn't fair. Two of my blood relatives were murdered before I was twelve, and my sister in law's little brother as well, in completely unrelated incidents. I personally have almost died more than once. And I can easily name people whom I consider to have gotten a much worse deal than I did...some of whom are no longer here and walking around. If you posit the notion that life is fair then you also, by implication, are saying that somehow I did something to bring those calamities on myself, that the other people I mention also did something wrong. If you think that, I don't want to know you. There's the door; don't let it hit your ass on the way out.
There's something here about the belief that some people are Right and others Wrong, and if you can show that someone you oppose is Wrong then you (by extension) must be Right and Worthy...of love, of opportunities, whatever. It's a kind of game, where you simultaneously try to hide all of your human flaws and furiously deny them if they are pointed out (which often comes in the form of "you did something that hurt me"). Wrongness means you are Wrong, and unworthy....doomed. Nobody wants to be doomed. Everyone wants to be perfect, and worthy of love. We don't seem to question the flaws in the premise.
I happen to think that all of us are human, and many of us screw up. I don't think that someone who persists in a damaging pattern of behavior should be given latitude to continue; that's what we call "boundaries," boys and girls, and I would cheerfully visit bloody, sudden violence upon a person who didn't take "no" for an answer from me or otherwise tried to do me physical harm.* I do think that even wrong, screwed-up people deserve compassion.
*This is not intended to imply that I think that's the "right" response. I don't think it's a wrong one, either.
Gay, Bejeweled, Nazi Bikers of Gor
The part where I busted out laughing: "I remembered Doona, my slave, and her words: 'Are you not fulfilled, master?' I had been angry then, and later I had punished her muchly, making her copyedit all my accounts of Gor, to which she had wept muchly, for they were 3,449,461 words long not counting chapter headings or the latest installment."
The part where I busted out laughing: "I remembered Doona, my slave, and her words: 'Are you not fulfilled, master?' I had been angry then, and later I had punished her muchly, making her copyedit all my accounts of Gor, to which she had wept muchly, for they were 3,449,461 words long not counting chapter headings or the latest installment."
Gus di Zirega opines that he thinks the South seceding would be just ducky. Bonus points: He tries to make it sound like it's because he's CONCERNED for the women being affected by laws that criminalize miscarriage...instead of what he's actually doing, which is rationalizing leaving them to their fates.
He's an idiot, and an over-privileged asshat, and I can't muster up the energy to explain why. Because all this just makes me tired. It's one thing when the Fundamentalist Republican types basically say that I'm worthless and don't matter... I expect it of them. But this is like someone claiming to be an ally while stabbing you in the back.
EDIT: There is also the fact that the last time this secession business came up, it cost approximately 700,000 lives (including civilians) *during* the war, with widespread starvation afterward. It's not an experiment to be repeated or proposed. It's rather like Germany going "oh hey, why don't we try that fascism thing again and see how it goes? What could go wrong?" It's not fucking funny.
He's an idiot, and an over-privileged asshat, and I can't muster up the energy to explain why. Because all this just makes me tired. It's one thing when the Fundamentalist Republican types basically say that I'm worthless and don't matter... I expect it of them. But this is like someone claiming to be an ally while stabbing you in the back.
EDIT: There is also the fact that the last time this secession business came up, it cost approximately 700,000 lives (including civilians) *during* the war, with widespread starvation afterward. It's not an experiment to be repeated or proposed. It's rather like Germany going "oh hey, why don't we try that fascism thing again and see how it goes? What could go wrong?" It's not fucking funny.
from james_davis_nicoll
Italicize the authors you've heard of before reading this list of authors, bold the ones you've read at least one work by, underline the ones of whose work you own at least one example of.
Lynn Abbey
Eleanor Arnason
Octavia Butler
Moyra Caldecott (I can't remember reading anything by her, but she wrote Egyption historical fiction and I ate that stuff up with a spoon when I was about twelve)
Jayge Carr
Joy Chant
Suzy McKee Charnas
C. J. Cherryh
Jo Clayton
Candas Jane Dorsey
Diane Duane
Phyllis Eisenstein
Cynthia Felice
Sheila Finch
Sally Gearhart
Mary Gentle
Dian Girard
Eileen Gunn
Monica Hughes
Diana Wynne Jones
Gwyneth Jones
Leigh Kennedy
Lee Killough
Nancy Kress
Katherine Kurtz
Tanith Lee
Megan Lindhold (aka Robin Hobb)
Elizabeth A. Lynn
Phillipa Maddern
Ardath Mayhar
Vonda McIntyre
Patricia A. McKillip
Janet Morris
Pat Murphy
Sam Nicholson (aka Shirkey Nikolaisen)
Rachel Pollack
Marta Randall
Anne Rice
Jessica Amanda Salmonson (I don't remember reading any of her books but I totally loved anything like the Amazons! anthology)
Pamela Sargent
Sydney J. Van Scyoc
Susan Shwartz
Nancy Springer
Lisa Tuttle
Joan Vinge
Elisabeth Vonarburg
Cherry Wilder
Connie Willis
OMG Elizabeth A. Lynn! The Northern Girl! I remember the cover of the library copy had a drawing of the archer on the cover, and she was mostly naked except for a loincloth, and her bow arm covered strategic bits...The adults around me were scandalized by the cover, but they would have been even MORE scandalized had they realized what was IN the book I was reading :D I of course thought it was pure awesome. More interestingly perhaps, my reaction to the lesbian relationship in the book wasn't "eeeek!" or "ooooh!" It was more like...it seemed perfectly normal to me. Like, unremarkably normal and I couldn't quite figure out why that wasn't the state of affairs IRL. I wonder how it would stand up on a re-read.
Tanith Lee and Joan Vinge also contributed mightily to the warping of my psyche :)
james_davis_nicoll Italicize the authors you've heard of before reading this list of authors, bold the ones you've read at least one work by, underline the ones of whose work you own at least one example of.
Lynn Abbey
Eleanor Arnason
Octavia Butler
Moyra Caldecott (I can't remember reading anything by her, but she wrote Egyption historical fiction and I ate that stuff up with a spoon when I was about twelve)
Jayge Carr
Joy Chant
Suzy McKee Charnas
C. J. Cherryh
Jo Clayton
Candas Jane Dorsey
Diane Duane
Phyllis Eisenstein
Cynthia Felice
Sheila Finch
Sally Gearhart
Mary Gentle
Dian Girard
Eileen Gunn
Monica Hughes
Diana Wynne Jones
Gwyneth Jones
Leigh Kennedy
Lee Killough
Nancy Kress
Katherine Kurtz
Tanith Lee
Megan Lindhold (aka Robin Hobb)
Elizabeth A. Lynn
Phillipa Maddern
Ardath Mayhar
Vonda McIntyre
Patricia A. McKillip
Janet Morris
Pat Murphy
Sam Nicholson (aka Shirkey Nikolaisen)
Rachel Pollack
Marta Randall
Anne Rice
Jessica Amanda Salmonson (I don't remember reading any of her books but I totally loved anything like the Amazons! anthology)
Pamela Sargent
Sydney J. Van Scyoc
Susan Shwartz
Nancy Springer
Lisa Tuttle
Joan Vinge
Elisabeth Vonarburg
Cherry Wilder
Connie Willis
OMG Elizabeth A. Lynn! The Northern Girl! I remember the cover of the library copy had a drawing of the archer on the cover, and she was mostly naked except for a loincloth, and her bow arm covered strategic bits...The adults around me were scandalized by the cover, but they would have been even MORE scandalized had they realized what was IN the book I was reading :D I of course thought it was pure awesome. More interestingly perhaps, my reaction to the lesbian relationship in the book wasn't "eeeek!" or "ooooh!" It was more like...it seemed perfectly normal to me. Like, unremarkably normal and I couldn't quite figure out why that wasn't the state of affairs IRL. I wonder how it would stand up on a re-read.
Tanith Lee and Joan Vinge also contributed mightily to the warping of my psyche :)
Star Trek, in the new movie's AU though it helps if you've seen The Final Frontier. Leonard McCoy decides to show some friends around his home town. McCoy, his Mama, Kirk, Spock, Uhura, and the Tree That Owns Itself. The Tree is real, as are the various musicians referred to. Everyone else is fictional.
( (One of my professors told me last week that DeForest Kelley was from Athens. It would be more accurate to say that he spent time here growing up, but since they never say where in Georgia McCoy is from, I decided Athens was as good as anywhere. I meant to play this for laughs, but then it got all seeeerious and character-studyish. It might still be funny, if you live in Athens.) )
( (One of my professors told me last week that DeForest Kelley was from Athens. It would be more accurate to say that he spent time here growing up, but since they never say where in Georgia McCoy is from, I decided Athens was as good as anywhere. I meant to play this for laughs, but then it got all seeeerious and character-studyish. It might still be funny, if you live in Athens.) )
Mercy
A response to the “Where No Woman Has Drabbled Before” prompt, “Ex-Mrs. McCoy, dead on arrival”
Warning/summary: Death. Addictions. Neo-Calvinists angry at God. Excessively grim.
“I'm sorry, Jocelyn. I'm so, so sorry.”
“No,” she said firmly. Her baby sister. Couldn't be.
“Dammit, Joce, don't make me...I was the doctor on duty when they brought her in. She wasn't breathing, had no pulse, no brain activity. I tried to revive her even so, but the....She wouldn't have been your sister any more. It was too late.” Leonard's eyes looked glassy and a little wild. He would have saved Jennilee if he could. He'd have given his right arm to save his wife's wild, crazy, self-destructive twenty-two year old little sister, who'd lived through a hundred gut-wrenching scrapes. Not this time.
She couldn't see it. The wounded, guilty look in his eyes was invisible through her own haze. “No, no, no. No. No.”
Leonard McCoy wrapped his arms around his wife, who bunched up as small as possible with her head bowed. He breathed in the scent of her hair, two shades darker than Jennilee's bright blonde. “I'm so sorry, darlin'.”
She broke away from him. “Leave me alone,” she hissed, and stumbled to her office at the back of the house. He started to follow, then sat down on one of the living room chairs. He was exhausted. He would wait until Jocelyn came back, and then they would talk.
Jocelyn jittered back and forth in her office for a little while, pacing off the first blind rush of rage and grief, then turned to go out of the room, back to Leonard. Comfort. Her eye lit on her personal comm. A message light was blinking. “Hey...hey, Jocelyn. I, uh, I'm having a little trouble here. Pick me up? Yeah. Call me. Love ya sis.”
Jocelyn threw the comm across the room, where it hit the wall and smashed into many pieces, well beyond repair. She folded into a heap on the floor, and stayed there as if turned to stone.
Out in the living room, Leonard fell asleep in the chair.
At the funeral, one of her father's Cooperative Baptist colleagues, an austere woman with a gentle voice, spoke of God's mercy. “We do not know the mind of God. We know only that His love is infinite, His forgiveness likewise. No one who turns to the ever-flowing fountain of healing will be denied. We need only proclaim forgiveness likewise to our brothers and sisters on this earth and among the stars, that we are redeemed.”
Jocelyn listened in stony silence, her fingers twisted together in her lap. If she'd answered when Jennilee called. If she'd interfered sooner. If she'd told their father all she knew about Jennilee's behavior. If she hadn't given Jennilee money, which had surely been spent on the ethanol and pharmaceutical cocktail that the toxicology report had revealed. Jennilee had told Jocelyn she needed the credits for rent.
If time ran backwards. Time was unforgiving.
It was the clink of the whiskey bottle that set her off. “Drinking again?” she asked, acid in her voice. Her throat hurt.
“Just settlin' my nerves, darlin'.” His gentle middle Georgia diction, which had always charmed her, grated on her nerves. His drinking, which was not excessive, had never bothered her before. Now it did.
He came close, and she could smell the whiskey on his breath. Whiskey and death. “Get away from me,“ she spat, and realized she meant it.
She was supposed to love her husband. She was supposed to forgive him.
He would not believe she wanted him to leave until she served him papers, wouldn't believe she really wanted a divorce as she hired a vulture in the shape of a man. He kept talking about reconciliation and counseling until the vulture picked him clean. Then he finally went away, and took her failures with him.
Jocelyn sat alone in her empty house. She could not forgive Leonard, could not forgive herself, and there was no mercy from God.
.
