Poetry

     I wrote a poem... Yes, I write poetry. And never more than now. They are my little lovelies. Little pieces of my soul escaped as they are artistically written down. I don't share my poems with many people. Hardly anyone, really. But I'm pretty sure no one reads this blog, and I like this particular poem. It's tragic and flippant at the same time with silly similes. As I said, no one reads this (how can you when I never post anything? ;P ) but I suppose that maybe one day my children will, so I hope you enjoy it. And though distraught this poem may be, that is not where I would wish you to focus your emotion. I never wish to dwell on depressing things, but unfortunately, in this world they do happen, and sometimes often. What better way to handle sadness than with silly? What better way to cope with let down than with laughter. It really is what I appreciate about this poem. So I hope you will grin as you read it instead of frown.

 

Love Is Not Mine

Love is not mine, it belongs to everyone else.

No matter how I window shop, or stare at it on the shelf.

I never could afford

To buy it at the store

It always seems to be for me much, much more

Than I can ever find in my pockets.

So it never could belong to me.

Besides, it seems I have the wrong currency

To be able to get what I need in me

-Love

Love- It's someone else's underwear,

And I was misdirected during handouts, so now I'm bare.

Now it's too late and there's no more there.

Just like me, it's single, but they call it a pair

Even though it remains alone.

It's something that's inappropriate to borrow, 

 And that won't come today or tomorrow,

Or no matter how long I wait.

It's a tall, tall wall with a bolted, padlocked gate.

And no rope for me to climb.

So I'm scaling like Wesley

Up these rocks solely and expressly

To find my Buttercup.

Will an empty wrapper be enough?

Cause I think someone has already eaten it.

Pour salt on the torn up package in hopes to try and sweeten it.

A tight, tight dress with no zipper so it can never fit.

Love- It's not mine.

I walked 18 blocks to buy it at the five and dime,

But they said I needed shoes.

I ran and hurried back only to be given the news

That they were the last store sold out on the discontinued product.

Never restocking, and I'm straight outta luck.

Take a hike, and by the way, you suck!

That's all I get of love.

C'est ma vie, c'est ma vie,

Yes, that's all I get for me.

C'est ma vie, it's just for me.

Yes, c'est ma vie, just for me 

it's always only lonely.

-The Company That Keeps Me-

Here I am again! At the edge of Defeat. How is it that every time I try to begin school, Trial and Defeat come with all their friends knocking down my door?! The first time they crushed me. Now, this time, I'm just dang mad! I've finished two semesters, and am on my last one to open the door to get my degree and who would just so happen to stroll along and block my path? My old pals! Trial, but will Defeat get to stand in my way again? Or could I just clothesline Trial, and pound Defeat into the ground, and leave them in the dust?!? That sounds much more fulfilling!
...but at what cost?
In the beginning of February this year I went under anesthesia for a procedure, and never really recovered from it. Incidentally, it's left me a wreck. I look like a fool when I try to talk to someone because my mind is cloudy and slow. I feel dazed all the time unless I am specifically focusing on something. I am frequently short of breath, and 85% of the time when I stand I have to lean on something!

This then makes everything else twice the task it once was; taking care of children, (I will tell you that dinners have been sparse in the Keeler household the last few months) the household, teaching, and then trying to do school on top of that! After skimming off most of the extras this is what I am left with and I am still falling behind. Now I ask, which of these do I let go? Oh, school! I try and I try! I hate the thought of being another semester behind from where I planned on!
 I guess we shall see...

Some College?

Not so long ago when I was a much younger lass, the time had finally come for me to start thinking about such things as colleges and applications. Hanging on the bulletin board wall of our church, I had often noticed a little paper stack advertisement for Rick's College. Who the heck was Rick?? And Why would I want to go his college??  Well, a year or two after that, I found myself applying to this "Rick's" College. In fact, it was the ONLY college that I applied to. How on earth was "Rick" ever convincing enough to get me to begin my life at his place you ask? Funny, when the time came for me to turn in applications, something settled in my heart, and I knew. I just knew that Rick's was where I was going. Never mind the risk of a rejection letter, that was where I was going. Period. I just knew it.
And I did.
Oh GLORIOUS freedom!!! I first attended the summer term, with full time credits for summer courses. I was incredibly busy, pulling more than 12 hour days! I had never studied so much in my life! But I LOVED it! I loved every minute of it! I felt so productive and alive! And I got just about the best grades that I had ever gotten! I was happy! I was proud! I was fulfilled! I was free! It was wonderful! Surrounded by excellent peers, and fabulous educational and social opportunities! Yet, something weighed on my heart. Something I could not pin.
 The fall semester started up again soon enough. I was ready to take on my first full semester! I had chosen classes heavy in Math and Science as I was looking to go into the nursing program. It would be tough (because they were my weakest areas), but I would conquer them and do great!
I was barely a month into the semester and scarcely keeping my head above water, when I received a call from my mom. (Even now I shrink as I think to continue my tale.) She told me that she had spoken with my biological father's wife who informed her that my father had cancer and if I would like to meet him I better go now before he died.
Yes. I had never met my father. My mom and he divorced when I was 8 months old and I had never seen him since. Why? To this day I do not know. But it was a moment that I had always dreamed of! That one day he would want to meet me! And here it was, as a result of his death bed. Meeting my Father is an entirely different story and not the one I wish to focus on here, so let it suffice to say that I did meet him, and he even fed me hope against hope that he would not die. And I began to hope that maybe I could have some part of the relationship that I had wanted for so long! But he did die; and I was again left with the broken pieces of my heart.
I decided to do what I had always done: Chin up! Stiff upper lip. Brush this under the rug, and move on! I had a life to get on with, I hadn't time for wistful thinking and mourning. I would soldier on. Survive. Disappointment was no new experience, and I could deal with it just fine! And on I went!! For about a week. Yep. That worked for about exactly one week. My soul would not have my lies, and my fronts. After a week I was dragged to my knees. I was crushed! Defeated! I tried but there was nothing left in me! Once again, he took everything. My classes, my ambitions, vanished down the drain! I sank into a deep depression. I couldn't sleep at night (literally! I couldn't) I couldn't and didn't care to wake up for classes in the morning. Even if I tried, I couldn't concentrate (no, not that I didn't WANT to. Really, literally, try as I might, I couldn't!)   All I could do was survive, and all I could care about was nothing. With that explanation, I am not as ashamed at telling you that I absolutely flunked my classes there on out! But seeing it on paper, I still hang my head.
 That was my last semester of college. Though I tried a couple more times to begin again, I never was able to shake my depression enough to feel capable of succeeding at such a task. It wasn't until I was pregnant with my first baby, that I finally was able to return to myself again. Someone whom I had long forgotten. An endeared, lost friend that I had desperately missed, and loved. But at that point I didn't feel I was in a position to continue with my schooling.
Now here I am. Feeling very uneducated, and very dissatisfied with my knowledge, or lack thereof. And so, I have begun again. I am taking my first course now! (I hope I pass!! ;p ) I must say, It pleases me. I am enjoying learning once again, and I value it much more now.
If you read my last blog post from years and years ago, ok, well a year and 4 months ago, (I've been busy, Ok? ;)  about 100 goals, that was one of mine. To get at least a BA. Now I have a slow, but steady plan, and I can absolutely see that it will be accomplished! I'm so excited!!! And perhaps 10 years from now (give or take ;) I will blog about how I've finished!! And then I can move on to what I want to be, whatever that is?! now that I will have grown up! ;)
 In talking to friends, and watching people in my life, I can't help but feel; if it's a priority, or it's important enough to fit it in some how, It's never too late for your dreams! :)

                        "Lost" by Coldplay. Though, I must confess, at the time it was absolutely "Father of Mine" by Everclear. Still breaks my heart to this day. 

Goals

I don't know about you, but when I was a youth I had been advised at least a couple of times, if not more, to make a list of 100 goals.

100 Goals.

That's a lot! "Just write 'em down" they'd say. With a story of someone who did, and then put his goal sheet away only to find it years later and see that many of his goals had been realized without him even recognizing that they were. I thought about it and have felt from time to time that I probably should... but never did. 
       Years later (as in a few years ago) I was sitting at a BYU Education Week class taught by Randal Wright (one of my favorites!) on "Achieving Your Life's Mission". This class was so excellent that I was repeating it for the second time! Midway through the class he talks about setting goals. Goooals shmoooals! I don't like goals (commitment!). While I appreciated this subject the first time, I didn't do it! Here the second go round, I was thinkin, "Right. Shmoals." So I sat back, ready to NOT take too many notes as he continued to encourage us on setting goals. He even said, making it extremely easy, "Just jot some down right now. Listen to the Spirit. You might even get some ideas now." 
"Alright," I thought begrudgingly, Whatever Brother Wright. If something comes to mind, I'll just casually write it down on this paper here, and not worry too much more about it. So I start carelessly writing a few things here and there as they come to me. -Finish a Bachelors Degree... Visit England... and then something amazing happened! Ideas of goals that I never would have thought of came into my head. Neat goals! Cool goals! Goals that made me think "Wow! That would be awesome!" Now I began to write them more meaningfully, and as I wrote them down, I knew, in my heart, that these things would happen! I was taken aback! Breathless to believe the things that I could do and achieve! Things I never would have imagined!!

       I have loved goals ever since! I love to peruse over all of the little adventures and achievements that I so anticipate accomplishing! I'm excited, and look forward to the things that I will get to do, and plan on doing! Now I GET to make goals and I feel, when I write them down, a bond to them! Like they are attached to me and what I will do in my life! And I'm OKAY with it; with these commitments because I WANT them to happen!

Interestingly enough since I have written some goals down on my list of 100, I have seen opportunities arise for me to accomplish them! Sometimes I feel as if these opportunities are almost handed to me! It is such an amazing thing to see and feel the support of my Heavenly Father as I have written my goals down!
      This morning for our home-school devotional we talked about goals. I started my list of 100 goals in Randal Wright's class that day and have added to it over the last couple of years. I'm up to 60. Phheww! I still have 40 more I can add! :) In the mean time here are some quotes about goals that I really liked!

"Goals allow you to control the direction of change in your favor." 

Brian Tracy

Goals in writting are dreams with deadlines. 

Brian Tracy

I find it fascinating that most people plan their vacation with better care than they do their lives.Perhaps that is because escape is easier than change. 

Jim Rohn

"Goals. There's not telling what you can do when you get inspired by them. There's no telling what you can do when you believe in them. There's no telling what will happen when you act upon them.' 

Jim Rohn

We must be careful not to let our current appetites steal away any chance we might have for a future feast. 

Jim Rohn

"You must have long term goals to keep you from being frustrated by short term failures." 

Charles C. Noble

"What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals."  Zig Ziglar

"First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do." Epictetus

"The person with a fixed goal, a clear picture of his desire, or an ideal always before him, causes it, through repetition, to be buried deeply in his subconscious mind and is thus enabled, thanks to its generative and sustaining power, to realize his goal in a minimum of time and with a minimum of physical effort. Just pursue the thought unceasingly. Step by step you will achieve realization, for all your faculties and powers become directed to that end." Claude M. Bristol

If you go to work on your goals,your goals will go to work on you.If you go to work on your plan, your plan will go to work on you.Whatever good things we build end up building us. 

Jim Rohn

"If you raise your children to feel that they can accomplish any goal or task they decide upon, you will have succeeded as a parent and you will have given your children the greatest of all blessings." Brian Tracy

"It is for us to pray not for tasks equal to our powers, but for powers equal to our tasks, to go forward with a great desire forever beating at the door of our hearts as we travel toward our distant goal." Helen Keller

"Decide what you want, decide what you are willing to exchange for it. Establish your priorities and go to work." H. L. Hungt

"Nothing can add more power to your life than concentrating all your energies on a limited set of targets." Nido Qubein

We all have two choices;We can make a living or we can design a life.
Jim Rohn

"Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude." Thomas Jefferson

"An average person with average talent,ambition and education, can outstrip the most brilliant genius in our society,if that person has clear,focused goals." Brian Tracy

"Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goals." Anonymous

"By recording your dreams and goals on paper, you set in motion the process of becoming the person you most want to be."Mark Victor Hansen

"Begin with the end in mind." Stephen Covey

"When the promise is clear, the price gets easy." Jim Rohn

"Goals that are not written down are just wishes."Anonymous

"You'll never achieve your dreams if they don't become goals." Anonymous

"What this power is I cannot say; all I know is that it exists and it becomes available only when a man is in that state of mind in which he knows exactly what he wants and is fully determined not to quit until he finds it." Alexander Graham Bell

"Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp,or what's a heaven for?" Robert Browning

"If you don't know where you are going, you'll probably end up somewhere else."
Lewis Carroll

"Success is not measured in achievement of goals, but in the stress and strain of meeting those goals." Spencer W. Kimball

"No one knows what he can do until he tries." Publilius Syrus

"In the long run men hit only what they aim at." Henry David Thoreau

"One ship drives east, and another west

With the self-same winds that blow: ?Tis the set of the sails

And not the gales,

Which decides the way we go.

Like the winds of the sea are the ways of fate,

As they voyage along through life;

?Tis the will of the soul

That decides its goal,

And not the calm or the strife."

Ella Wheeler Wilcox

"Commiting your goals to paper increases the likelihood of your achieving them by one thousand percent!"  Brian Tracy

"Everything At Once" Lenka

Friendly at F&E

I had the most wonderful experience this week! But this story starts further back. Months and months back. Maybe even a year ago. I can't remember exactly, but here we go!

So around a few corners and down a couple of streets from our house is a very convenient market. It's logo kind of looks like this:

A favorite of ours actually. A nice place, that's not too large to get in and out of in a few minutes, tidy, fresh food every day, clearance prices that are scarcely beat, and the workers are friendly. Yes, they are very friendly. A little TOO friendly! In fact there was one worker there in particular who happened to be foreign, which maybe explains a little bit of why her behavior was so, well, foreign. She just always seemed a little too overjoyed when the children and I would walk past the threshold and into the store. She would come running over to us to greet us with all the enthusiasm of a faithful four legged friend. Now, don't get me wrong. I love a friendly greeting, and if I know you by name, by all means, please! Come up and greet me with an amiable hug, but I had NO idea who she was and she would dote all over my children. My children didn't like it. It made them uncomfortable. It made me uncomfortable. This strange lady coming up and pinching my children's cheeks, giving them hugs, she even went so far as to kiss one of them at one point! This became a problem. My favorite convenient store is not so convenient anymore. To the extreme of when I pulled up to the store to grab a few things on the way home, my 2/3 year old would say "No! I don't like this store! I don't want to go here! No!" I, completely understanding, would find myself dodging into the store to avoid further frenzied greetings and to help keep the peace with the children while in the store. I would wait to enter until I could see that her back was turned, or she was helping a customer so that we could limit our encounters with her to one per visit! This was getting ridiculously out of hand! I had to do SOMETHING! What could I do? I didn't want to be rude. I thought about leaving a comment for the manager, "Dear manager, your employee is too nice. Please tell her to be a little bit more rude so that we can feel comfortable and at home here. Thank you. Sincerely, Cold Shoulder" No. I didn't want to get her in trouble for being "too nice". What was I going to do??? And then eureka I've found it! The light bulb flashed on and the angel on my shoulder said,"You could give her a Book of Mormon." and the devil on my shoulder said, " Yeah, if you give her a Book of Mormon then she'll want nothing to do with you like a bunch of other people did when you gave them a Book of Mormon. And then if she tries to bombard you in the store, you could just say, Hey! How's that book comin? And that would surely ward her off!" Yeah, I thought! That has about a 95% chance of working! I'm doing it! I had figured it out! I, in all my maliciousness, was going to give her a Book of Mormon! I know! Evil aren't I!?

Well, I thought, if I'm going to give her a Book of Mormon, I might as well do it right. The next time I went to the store I asked her where she was from. Romania! One Romanian Book of Mormon coming right up!

Well, it had to be ordered, but I didn't get around to ordering it and I just figured well, I will be going by the distribution center in a few months I can pick one up then. So months passed. And I stopped taking my children with me to F&E, and she stopped harassing me so much. In fact, I wondered if someone else had left a complaint to the manager about the problem with their nice employees. She backed off and became simply nice.

Finally I made it to the distribution center and I got the book even though I didn't need it as much for its originally intended purpose, but I got it anyway because this is what I had decided to do so I was going to do it! I traveled back home and planned to write in the book and give it to her, but there was no pressing need anymore so I didn't worry about it too much. But every now and then I began to worry. I have to give her that book. I got that book in Romanian for her and it's still sitting there. "Why haven't you given her that book yet?" would come into my mind. Frankly, now that she wasn't such a threat, I didn't want to bother her. But I had to now! I had committed!

I couldn't ignore the promptings that I was feeling to carry out my initially malicious act.

I decided to stop putting off what I knew I should do. I wrote my feelings of the book in the front, and tied a lovely ribbon around it, and I took one of my biggest guns! My second daughter who is all together charming and adorable and one of the things that started this whole mess in the first place! I handed her the book, knowing that it would probably mean a lot more to this lady to receive it from one of my little darlings that she adored so much than from me. I told Brenna that if, with a big smile on her face, she could give it to the lady, that would surely earn her a piece of gum! ;) We both knew that this is always a deal that she can't pass up!

As we drove to the store, finally with the book, I was just a little nervous and tried to think of how to make the situation as perfect and smooth as possible. I thought how ironic it would be if she just happened to be off and not working that day! I parked my car in front of the store and as I did so I saw 4 men dressed in suits getting out of their car right next to me. They looked at me, and one of them paused and called to the others for something. He approached me and handed me a pamphlet. Jehovah's Witnesses!!! Of course there would be other missionaries there the day I decide to bring a Book of Mormon into the store!!!! Oh well, what can I do but press forward. We walked into the store and looked for her. Man! It was packed! Every register was being used and they are all self checkout! This worker runs all of the self checkouts and she was busy! Hmm. We decided we would just have to do our shopping first and hope it died down enough. We finished our shopping and even dawdled for a few minutes waiting for it to die down. We began checking out while she was still busy helping customers and what do you know? Our register is demanding that we "Please wait for assistance". I smiled and waited. She came over to help, a little bit ruffled, I signaled Brenna to go in for the kill! Brenna handed her the book. Here was the moment of anticipation! Would she welcome it?? She took it, and looked at it fondly and sighed, "Oh. I have always wanted a book from the Mormons. But I never got one. I have always been curious about it and wanted to learn more about the Mormons. Thank You! Thank you so much for giving this to me! That was so nice!" and as she spoke tears welled up in her eyes and she pointed out how she had gotten goose bumps, and she was so grateful! I couldn't believe it! I was taken aback! I was touched and awed! That was the first time I had ever gotten that reaction when I had given a Book of Mormon away!  And it made me smile and laugh a little inside to see how the Lord had taken my frivolous "maliciousness" and made it into something useful! I am so grateful for his wisdom! And I look forward to seeing what happens with this!

As for my neighborhood F&E we took care of the personal space invasions. F&E is a great store! However, I do have to say how ironic I find it that I am still dodging in and out of aisles because now the Stock Clerk is STALKING me and telling me that he's glad to see me again!!! BWAAHHHH!

"Every Breath You Take" Police

Top Secret, Eyes Only: Keeler "Christmas Card"

The Keeler Chief Operatives(AKA "Mom" &" Dad"):

Work together as a team along with their Covert Operatives (AKA, "The Children")

Brett Keeler: Poses as a Prosecutor by day, but leads a double life by night as a superb father to 5 "Children". Often he sneaks away to go Fishing in which he has become expertly skilled. Periodically you can find him training other followers as a "Sunday School Teacher". He has also been recently seen picking up ukuleles and guitars.

Brooke Keeler: Is skilled in her craft, and continues to advance daily under the expert training on patience by her "Children". Brooke has been very active the last few months and has been spotted hiding under the alias of Ms. Baltimore Crabs in their stake musical play. Within the last few weeks she has been discovered Fronting as a Chime Choir director to her "Children's" homeschooling group. Homeschooling the "Children" keeps her busy, but not too busy for her next ploy. There has been some chicken feed that She and her Co-hort are currently organizing a handcart trek that will take place in devil's gate and surrounding areas. This project is still in early stages of development, but is definitely underway. We want all Agents to follow her and be Trigger on this!

"The Children"

Amber Keeler: Poses undercover as a very responsible youth, just 11 years old, but will give you the Smack Down with her quick ability for learning, the piano, hand bell chimes, ballet dancing, and has been seen picking up the violin over the last few days. She continues to advance in domestic skills and caring for the other "Children" she is very obedient to the Chief Operatives.

Brenna Keeler: may be most dangerous decoy of the bunch. Don't let her charming, personality, adorable smiles, and thoughtful cute pictures fool you! She also trains in Art, the piano, ballet dancing, and has operated under the alias of "Fan" scrooges little sister in A Christmas Carol.

Spencer Keeler: his endless energy and non-failing endu

rance will tire out the most experienced and skilled Chief Operative. He excels at back and front flips on the trampoline, shooting fellow operatives with Nerf dart guns, but don't be deceived by this "tough-guy" persona. He moonlights as a caring big brother to his younger "siblings," and loves to cuddle-up with "mother," and "father" while they read him stories.

Bonnie Keeler: Is one of their greatest defenses. She fancy's her "Big Brother" and leads a double life as Dr. Jekyll; with her cute little curls, darling little voice and all the adorableness of a 3 (almost 4) year old; and Ms. Hyde; has a piercing scream that will take any opponent down! Don't mess with this!

Evelyn Keeler (AKA, Evy): Has been held hostage by the Keelers for the last 19 months. Innocent, darling, adorable, angelic, sweet and little dolly are the string of adjectives used to describe her on a regular basis. She is a true prize to any that get to have a brush pass with her.

Thirty-Two

As a Preface,

I have to say that this is my blog, but knowing that others read it (not so much anymore because I never post, so I'm not as worried! :) I try to keep it a little, LITTLE light on the religious side, but as I was telling my friend the other day, anything of worth or value in me is absolutely connected to God and religion. So while I have kept it light, I always feel like I'm not REALLY conveying who I am or what I think. Nuff said! My blog, not going to hide in that aspect. Ok Preface is over. :)

Today I am a newborn 32 year old. What do I really have to say about 32 years? I guess it's kind of a middle ground. Well, almost. 40 is probably more of a middle ground because it's not uncommon to live to 80. So at this point, I have more to look forward to than backward. Sooo.... I am very excited and look forward to who I will become, and also watching what my Husband will become! I see many of the gifts Heavenly Father has given me and very much anticipate finding more that wait to be discovered! I see the trials that I face and have faced, and thank my Father for the strength, wisdom and experience that they gift me. I have been blessed so greatly, and I look forward to 32+ more years of serving my Father and seeing all the ways that I will be privileged to bless the lives of others. I look at my list of 100 goals and as I see a few slowly coming to pass, I can't wait and am so excited to see how the others will unfold! I love my dear, dear friends that I have made and am grateful for the further opportunity to make more! I love the little challenges in my life that show me what I really CAN do. I can't wait to see all the ways that I will get to serve the Lord! I'm so grateful that I am only 32, which gives me a little bit more time to become more like our Savior, and Joseph Smith (I'm terribly fond of Joseph too! I am especially fond of the fact that people were concerned that he was too playful! Yep! That's the ship I'm after! :). I am so grateful for the opportunity that I have everyday to grow a little bit more spiritually. I look forward to sharing with and watching my children experience life and succeed in it.

So, I conclude that 32 is good. It will be one more good year, and I am excited to see all the progress I have made when I return to this day once again a year from now.

"Back Then"

I'm sure most people have never heard of "Back Then" before. It's a game our children made up, and they named it "Back Then" . It goes something like, they dress up as pioneers and pretend to be void of all the luxuries that people "Back Then" didn't have. :) Well, today I got to totally play "Back Then"! On our Trek for youth conference. ;) Yes we did one of those Pioneer Treks. I have to say, it was fun, and I enjoyed it! But then I was a leader, and the leaders didn't have to push the cart. However, I did come away with a few impressions.
First: The Pioneers crossing of the plains was a great Blessing for them! Now I know that I am looking on the glass more than half full side, and quite overlooking the children's bloody foot prints in the snow! Of course, aside from that, I just thought what a blessing this must have been for them! While they are crossing the plains, sacrificing and struggling, helping each other and watching out for all in the company... What other way could they have formed such strong ties and bonds, not only with each other, but with their God??? When they have tasted the death of their loved ones and been so desperately close to it themselves, and finally make it to the end of their horrific journey, to find open arms waiting with food to feed their starving mouths, and blankets to ensconce their tired souls. With somewhere more to sleep than a wagon or the ground and the absolute relief of having finished! What could be closer to going home? What more powerful demonstration of the tender mercies of the Lord could you find, than actually falling into his arms? I say, Blessing! But then I begin to get a taste of my own opinion when the thoughts like, "Hmm. Sounds similar to your trials"....start coming into my mind. I KNOW! I KNOW!
Second: They (I believe) had more abundant opportunities to taste the sweetness of life. As I was walking I had no urgent responsibilities on my mind other than, well, walking and moving the cart along. As this was a menial task, I had time to think! Yes! THINK! Reflect! On things, life, pray, and think some more!! This NEVER happens! There are always a million things going on!!! There is TOO MUCH going on!! Crying children, schedules, meals, diapers, meetings, messes, lessons, maintenance, shopping, e-mails, phone calls, texts, activities, the list goes on and on!! You know what I'm talking about! There is SO much! Unless I schedule an appointment, I don't get time with my brain! But I did! And as my mind wandered, it began to reflect, and remember the sweetness in life. The things that really matter. Family, people, relationships, not just with those I know, but just with everyday interactions. Those 5 beautiful little faces that look up to me in every sense, and my Husband. My family, and those people around me whom I may serve. I could see now. I already know this, but at the moment, I wasn't being blinded by all these other preoccupations and the computer screen/I-phone right in front of me! Too often it seems like the sweetness in life gets in the way of all the other things that I have to do and am doing, when really, it's the other way around. And I forget. It's so easy to forget! But today while I spent time with my thoughts, I remembered, and I admired the Pioneer's menial tasks and enjoyed them while I had that time. All the while praying that I can do better to remember the sweetness in life! Our Stake President spoke, and he said, "The most important experiences happen everyday." It's so true! The sweetness of life is before me everyday! It all just depends on me answering the right call. Seeing the right things! Yes. I enjoyed the trek, and am thinking I might look into arranging one for my own family. I think it would be a wonderful experience! Wanna join? ;)

For A Long Lost Friend We Haven't Seen In A LOOOOONNG Time (and all the rest of you that we love;)!!!

Well well well. Here we are in Sin City (VERY properly named!) Where my wonderful husband plays the super hero and slams the bad guys (prosecutor ;)! He loves his job (although it has become overwhelming as the county has allowed them to become woefully understaffed and put them on a hiring freeze!). He finds it a worthy cause and fulfilling for his work which makes us all happy! He has recently found a new love in his life (Step aside Brooke!) and so I have become a fisherman's wife. Or was that a target shooter's wife? Either way he enjoys both of them very much and sometimes I wonder if he wishes his soul residence was Cabela's or Bass Pro Shop instead of home. :) Right now he enjoys serving in his favorite calling in the ward, Gospel Doctrine teacher. He receives many compliments and I second them! He does an excellent job and I am proud of him!

I have had the opportunity, since we have lived here, to dabble in cooking classes and theatrical plays. Very Fun! Which I am thinking of dabbling in a little more. :)

We have properly multiplied and replenished the earth, as I have recently finished with my last masterpiece in May and decided to call her Evelyn (evy). That makes 5! Since I have mastered the art of making what are some of the most darn adorable children on the planet (and possibly above ;) I find it hard think that this item should be discontinued. Brett feels that little Evy is the Crowning jewel to our collection and it is now complete. He's probably right! I have the blessing of being home with our children! I home school the oldest, the next two are in school and the last two are still with me. Everyone is doing very well at school and home!

We finally bought our first house 2 and a half years ago and are very grateful and love it! We like the location (not so green) we love our ward, we love our neighborhood! No room for complaints! But we DO have room for you if you would ever like to come visit! :)

We Miss our many friends whom we have not seen for so long! We Love all of you and feel that the bonds that we have made with you in the past or make with you now will/have not been lessened over the years! We are so grateful beyond words for the warmth and blessings that you are in our lives (even if you are far away)!!!

Love with all our hearts!

The Keelers

Never Empty Nester!

So I'm writing in my blog instead of doing my nightly clean up (which I do not doubt I may pay dearly for) but I had to get this in writing so my children can read and NEVER FORGET IT!!! ;)
Well tonight after I got my dear, darling, Evy to sleep (yes she is an adorable angel!!!) I went to check on my husband, who often gets lost while laying by the children. I found him in my girl's room, but I also found my second daughter red faced and crying (which isn't uncommon! she's such a drama queen!).
"what's wrong?" I said
"Oh she's just crying because she doesn't want to move out when she gets older."
stifling the laughter I went and layed down beside them and hugged her and said "Brenna! You don't ever have to move out! (knowing that her mind would change all too soon!) You can live with us as long as you want to!" Amber joined in too. "Me too! I want to live with you forever too!"
"Ok! You can stay as long as you like!"
"I want to live right next door to you!" (amber)
" That sounds like a great idea! Brenna you can live in the house on the other side!"
That seemed to calm her a little bit. Oh if only she could always be so fond of us! Is that possible? I have a dream it could happen! ;) I went into my son's room after and said "when you get older will you live next door to us?" Upon reflection he
decided, "I'll move into John's house (next door neighbor) when he moves out."
"Ok that sounds great!"
My dear children! Although getting them to bed tonight was like running a circus with wild animals (really! not far off!) and Bonnie has turned into the Screaming Banshee and the Tazmanian devil has nothin on Spencer! But then something "tender" (if I must use that word) comes up with them and I am reminded what a wonderful job this really is!
Last Sunday at church my husband walked by the nursery window and Bonnie saw him and she said "Oh! That's my Dad! I love him so much!" :) It's then we are able to realize for a moment that she's not the screaming banshee! There's a little Bonnie in there! ;)
So while I am done, I don't have some profound wrap up conclusion, and I'm sure if I sat and thought awhile I could think of something decent, but alas lots of counters need to be wiped, floors need to be swept, and things picked up. ... Tha End! :)

Man Overboard!

There have been few times in my life where I'm brought to something so tremendous that I am actually pulled out of my normal everyday situation (at this moment that would be surgery, hospital stay, and a secluded recovery in my bedroom etc. where I don't very much talk to anybody except through text messages ;) While I am on the sidelines resting it's OK. However, when I think about having to pull myself together, recover from what has put me out of commission, and stand on my own two feet... I might imagine an extremely shy introvert being shoved out on a stage, horrified, in front of thousands of people to preform an unknown piece. And I get a little anxiety and hyperventilate to myself, "I can't do this!!!" And I can't imagine catching up enough to jump on to the speeding train that I've fallen off of!
As I said, only a few times, has the thought of pushing forward brought panic to my core. But it seems that as soon as I muster up enough gumption to take the flying leap, some how everything does turn out OK and I am able to carry on in spite of my original anxieties.
Feeling this way really turned on a light for me. The first time I felt unbearably inadequate to face my reality, it made me realize how much the Lord sustains us in our callings, and our missions, and our responsibilities. I suspect that on my own, my fears wouldn't be so irrational, but real. Being in this situation and feeling the weight of my responsibilities and seeing my deflated ability, I really don't think I could do any of this well at all! Not on my own. So for a few moments while I feel deflated, it's comforting to know that when I do hop on that moving train, the Lords angels will give me a little boost and I'm sure I will figure out how to heal well from this, and become that loving, patient, oh so perfect (with the perfect body of course! ;) mother of 5.
(hopefully I will post pictures soon :)

My Song in the Night

So I wasn't planning on writing for a while, but my dear, sweet, beautiful, wonderful daughters inspired me to write ;) I went visiting teaching and when I got home, my husband showed me this clip (which you must watch....now.)

They had watched this while I was gone and when my girls saw it, they decided that they wanted to do the same thing for our neighbor, who is a single father. They made a cookie plate with the heart even and wrote Merry Christmas on it, rang the doorbell and ran! I was so touched! I am so grateful for the things that inspire my precious children to think of others and be more like our Savior!

My Darling, sweet, Amber and Brenna! You are so loving and kind! I'm so proud of you and the good girls that you are!!! You make my life dear, as you are to me!

P.S. I had written a whole entry, that some how in the adding pictures part just got erased..... hmmmm maybe that's why I decied I wasn't going to write for a while! :P

Brain Dead

Yeah.... So... been a while. Yes lots has happened! A Cruise, Amber's Birthday, Halloween, and we are almost to thanksgiving! So most of you know, but I will embellish.
A week and a half before we were supposed to go on our cruise I had had a few little incidents that made me decide to waste my dollar store pregnancy test (never pay 10+ bucks for a prego test when you can spend 5 and not worry about wasting preg tests!! :). Earlier in the week on Sunday I decided I was going to start again eating healthy (like I do every other week!) and I found myself rushing to my car during the middle of church thanking heaven that I wasn't any further parked away than I was or I knew I would collapse! Getting home and seriously binging like a bulimic! Oh so pathetic and ridiculous! I really felt I was going to collapse if my body was not fully nourished that instant! But then at the time, my body had been doing weird things to me anyway so I was just frustrated that there was one more unexplained unnatural behavior. But then when I was brushing my teeth later in the week, my gums started to bleed. This rarely ever happens unless I'm pregnant. So I decided to waste a pregnancy test and I got up in the morning (because I had to pee) groggily took it and waited a little bit, nope. So I went back to bed and back to sleep. Brett always wakes me up to say prayers in the morning to say prayers with him before he leaves and he came over and said to me, "You better not get sick on me for the cruise!"
"What are you talking about?"
"You know what I'm talking about!"
"No, really, what are you talking about??"
"You're pregnant honey."
"No I'm not. It was negative."
"Yes you are."
"Honey, it was negative!"
"Brooke! It was not! Do you want me to show you?"
Of course I said prove it. So he went over to my bathroom counter and brought it over for me to see that..... well it did say positive. Hmmm... I guess I didn't wait long enough.
Funny. Our 5th baby. Really nothing new, but this last time Brett found out before me and he was the one telling me. And yes I was a little sick on the cruise enough that I only gained 2lbs. because I couldn't stomach all the good things that they made! Then when we got home I got my regular sickness of laying on the couch for at least a month dying! I have only the last week recovered my house from not doing anything for the last month and a half. My gracious (poor) husband would come home from work every night and fix dinner for the kids and him while I layed on the couch like I had done the rest of the day. I just have to say, Kudos to him for being such a trooper and takin it for the team ;) Thanks Honey! So yes I'm about 4 months along and haven't written anything because I was dying on the couch and now I'm just Brain dead! Pregnancy has a tendency to do that to me. So here's my disclaimer: If you meet or talk to me while I'm pregnant or shortly thereafter (especially when I'm still morphined up!;) and come away thinking..... she's kind of...... air headed..... scatter brained..... or just plain dumb. Please know that these are just side effects of the many wonders that my body can preform! ;) Being thus brain dead, I don't know how much I'm going to be writing. Just a fair warning ;) I'm not even going to proof read this!

She Gave Them Some Broth With Out Any Bread, She Whipped Them All Soundly And Sent Them To Bed! And Then C.P.S. Came and Took Her Children Away!!!

Sooooo! Where to begin? How about at the beginning?

This last week made up for all (if any) of the lack of "incidents" we've had in at least a year!!!! It was way more soap opera than I ever wanted to have in my life! I will spare you the more gruesome stories, and just settle on one of the 5, yes 5 major catastrophes of this week!!! It has been so crazy! We got to go to Idaho and visit with some family and headed home on Wednesday the 5th. Whenever I visit Idaho or Utah, I am always begrudgingly dragging myself home from the beautiful, cool evenings. The sweet fresh air, and soft green grass, with lovely wheat fields and farms..... need I go on? Yes, well, I left feeling the same way I always do when I leave, but we got home later that night safe and sound. The next morning, IT WAS A MIRACLE!!! I couldn't believe that in the desert in August, the weather was just as beautiful that day as it was in Idaho! I smiled! It was just for me! And I was so happy and I opened all the windows and the doors so that the beautiful day could come inside, and stay awhile. Then I went back to routine. Feeding the children breakfast. Bonnie loves to feed herself oatmeal (she is thoroughly adorable!!) but in the process..... yes as an 18 month old would have it, she usually is wearing just as much oatmeal as she ate! So she was done and I wiped her off and set the little darling down to go upstairs and play with her lovely brother and sisters (the play room is upstairs). Meanwhile I cleaned her oatmeal seat and arranged with a friend to go to the park on this oh so loverly day, looked through a few things with my calling, and then decided that it had been long enough and went to go check on my perfect children who were playing so well upstairs. When I went up, all of them were a room, minus Bonnie. Where is Bonnie? I inquired of the little dears and my oldest claimed that she had never gone up there. Nonsense! Where is she?

She never came up here.

Preposterous! Of course she came up here! I started looking around. No, not in that room, nope, not that one, or that one, or that one! Well... it was her nap time. Maybe she fell asleep somewhere. Checking closets...... no........ Bathrooms??? NO!! Ok. Downstairs then! NO! GARAGE??????? NO! OH NO! Oh No! She must have run out the front door (which I thought was closed when I set her down from her highchair). I RUN outside expecting to run through the whole neighborhood! (Oh bring back my Bonnie to me :) When I get out there, there's the cop car! Oh Great! Good that I know they have her and I know she's safe, very bad that I am in trouble! Oh just great! There is a lot more to this story with the cops questioning/ lecturing me for an hour! And it was a hellish 5/6 days with the cops literally on my case, and C.P.S. (Child Protection Service) at my door not really knowing what was going to happen! They now have all the names, birth dates and residence of allll of my children and my husband and me!!!! That does NOT make me happy in the LEAST!!!!! My husband (over reacting) was worried about the possibility that he would lose his job! Just one more false move and would they take my children away?!?!!? I was afraid to even parent! Checking myself with every move! I was afraid to go out of town and leave them with a babysitter for fear that I would come back to NO CHILDREN!

ABSURD!!!! I don't even spank my children!!!! I have never lost a one of them in the almost 9 years that I have had them! Not even at the store!!! It really made me want to move to a remote place that is population 6 and if my kid wandered out the front door, then so be it, and have fun!!!!!!

Yes. Just one of the equally catastrophic stories of my week! Thank goodness it's over...

I hope!!! I will try and post pictures in a few.