Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. Why am I talking about Santa in the middle of May? Because I feel like I am telling everyone that, "Yes, I really am OK." Now you are probably asking more questions so I will start at the beginning.
In mid April I found out that I was pregnant with baby number four. Yay, right? Well sort of. I was having a really hard time getting excited about this pregnancy and kept having that nagging thought in the back of my mind that something was off. Something wasn't quite right. I started feeling yucky the way I had with every pregnancy before but it seemed different somehow. I was completely nauseated ALL of the time and nothing seemed to relieve it much. Not even Zofran. None of the tricks I figured out with my other pregnancies were helping. I never threw up and that was odd to me because that's about all I did with the others. I just wasn't as excited as I should have been. When I called my doctor's office to schedule my first appointment, the receptionist said, "Oh, congratulations!" To which my reply was, "Thanks, I guess." She was a little taken aback and probably thought I was horrible. But like I mentioned earlier, there was that nagging in my head telling me something wasn't quite right.
On May 1, I went in for my first appointment. I was about 6 weeks along. My doctor did an ultrasound and couldn't find anything other than a mass of tissue. The usual little "peanut" wasn't there. He said that my dates might just be off and it might just be too early to see anything. Then he was quiet and looking a little closer at the image on the screen. After a few minutes he again said that it might be too early but there were some other possibilities such as a blighted ovum (where the egg never develops into a fetus) or in rare cases, a molar pregnancy. He said to come back in a week for another ultrasound. It was a long week waiting for my next appointment and knowing that there was a strong possibility that this pregnancy was not viable.
The following week I talked Brian into coming with me to the doctor. Another ultrasound was performed and that nagging thought of something being off was confirmed. The picture on the screen looked like a bunch of grapes, not the little "peanut" I was hoping for. The doctor said it looked like I had a molar pregnancy. I was disappointed and shocked that I was "lucky" enough to have a molar pregnancy. I kind of knew what a molar pregnancy was from reading about them in my pregnancy books but I never thought in a million years I would have one. A molar pregnancy is an abnormal growth of tissue in the uterus that will never develop into a fetus and it often mimics a healthy pregnancy. (Here's a link for more information on molar pregnancy:
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001907/)
A D&C was immediately scheduled for the following day and I was sent over to the lab for blood work. I was disappointed with the outcome, disappointed that we would not be having a new baby at Christmas time and a little nervous for the procedure but I was OK. Remember that nagging feeling? Maybe it was Heavenly Father's way of preparing me for what was to come. That night Brian gave me a priesthood blessing that gave me a lot of peace and comfort that everything would be OK.
I was not allowed to eat anything after midnight but I was allowed clear fluids until 9:30am the day of the surgery. Surgery wasn't until 2:00pm. I was STARVING and felt like throwing up. On our way to the surgery center, I got a call from one of the nurses that I needed to stop at the lab for more blood work in case I needed a transfusion. With molar pregnancies there is a chance for a lot of bleeding which may require a blood transfusion. I got poked again and then went to check in for my surgery where I got poked a few more times. Anyway, after talking with my doctor and the anesthesiologist I was ready to go and get this over with. My doctor said that my hCG levels were 146,000 which was really high and pointed toward a molar pregnancy. The only other reason my levels would be that high were if I were pregnant with twins which we knew I wasn't. The nurse came back and gave me some kind of sedative and I was out cold about a minute later. I don't remember much after they gave the sedative. The procedure only took about 20 minutes and the doctor came to talk to Brian and told him it all went well and I didn't need a blood transfusion. He also said the pathology should be in early the next week. It took me a while to wake up from the anesthesia (about an hour) and I was pretty out of it for a while. I vaguely remember the nurse feeding me applesauce laced with Lortab and giving me a drink. Once I was more awake and able to get dressed I was allowed to go home.
Brian took me home where I got to spend the next day on bed rest followed by light duty for the next week. I still have about one more week of light duty and it is driving me crazy! It took a few days for me to start to feel better physically. Emotionally, I have been fine. Yes, through all of this, I'm OK with the outcome. I feel like everyone thinks that I should feel differently than I do. That I should be completely devastated and depressed. I sometimes feel like no one believes me when I say that I really am OK. Yes, it's disappointing but I still have three healthy and beautiful children to be grateful for. I knew something wasn't right from the beginning and I was somewhat prepared for the outcome and knew everything would be OK.
Today I got the pathology report back. I had a complete molar pregnancy and it was completely benign. Now I get to have weekly blood tests until my hCG levels are back to zero. I'm not sure how long that will take and I have a follow up appointment next week. Truth be told, I'm a little scared of getting pregnant again because I don't want to go through this again. My chances of having a healthy pregnancy again are high but my risk of having another molar pregnancy is high too. It will probably be 6-12 months before I am allowed to go off of birth control.
I am feeling a lot better today and yesterday. I feel like I finally have some energy back and I'm a little frustrated that I still have to take it easy for another week. I actually WANT to vacuum but can't as well as a few other things. It is so nice to have an appetite again and to be able to brush my teeth without gaging and dry heaving.
I'm really grateful to all of my family and friends for their love and support over the last week. Also, thank you for the meals that were brought in and to those who have helped with my kids. Yes, I really am OK.
