Ok so every time I have a baby I always seem to go through this transition period where I am feeling fat (ok that never see ms to go away because I have a hell of a time trying to get off the baby weight), frumpy, like a burp cloth, and so on and so forth. I always put my kids first and me well last and I have gotten to the point where I couldn't do it anymore. I am having to stay inside my house a lot with Carlyle to keep him healthly and strong and that makes things seem so much harder. I am one who needs to get out and get some fresh air. So he just turned 6 months (I can't believe it) and I am still wearing maturnity clothes and I said enough is enough and Dan got me some nice new things to wear and I have set out a goal that I am going to get showered and dressed in non sweets and get some makeuphair done before noon...ok ok before the kids get home from school.
For anyone with kids I am sure they understand the real difficultly of this goal, but I did not take into consideration all the other things that I have to be worried about. Like not letting the baby wipe his hands on my when I am feeding him. Ok not to bad but then there are the little things that you so easily forget about. Don't rub your eyes with makeup on. You can not just put a rubberband in you hair. The baby loves to play with my jewerly but can't seem to take a nap if I am wearing it. Don't let him put on it or it will break.
So a simple thing of trying to be girlie has turned into more of a job then anything else but I have to admit that definetily makes me feel more like a girl and a little less like a frumpy nanny. So another rant from Janaea about her insane thoughts while living in a tiny tiny town.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Feeling So Frustrated
Ok I am throwing my hands in the air with complete frustration. I have a kid who is completely unmotived by anything. I mean there is nothing that I can find that will get them to want to work for it. We have simple basic chores around the house to do and I can not get them to do them or to behave when they are not being babysat. I just don't know what to do anymore. Makes me feel like a complete failure as a mom that I can not seem to figure this out. Venting in now over.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Birth Story Continued...
Ok here is the rest of what happened. If I can remeber because it has been so long and I am so bad about posting but if don't do it soon it will never get done.
So after his birth I was in the hospital 4 days because I had a C-section and I spent as much time in the NICU as I could. Dan tried to put restrictions on me because he wanted to make sure that I was healing and everything too. I did my best to listen but anyone who knows me knows that it is hard to keep me away from my kids. After 24 hours of being on oxygen he was taken off and I was able to hold him. I was a bit scared because he was so small and had all those wires hooked up to him, but it was the most wonderful feeling to hold him. Up until then it was very surreal that I had had himbecause he was delieved by C-section and then taken immediately to the NICU. The nurses where so wonderful and did the best that they could to explain to me what was going on with him and kind of what to expect. They only wanted him held for about 5 minutes so that he could get as much deep sleep as possible so that he could grow lots. I held him every chance I could. I was able to do skin to skin holding with him which was an amazing experience itself. When I wasn't able to hold him I would sit next to him and hold is hand. You could not rub his back or anything because it was too much stimulation for a premie which was really hard because that is something that comes natural to me. There were so many different rules with him being a premie and must of them went against my natural instinsts.
Dan had to leave once I was released from the hospital. He had to go back to work considering that he did not have any paid time off from work and he had to go take care of the kids at home. I was released Saturday and we were to meet Dan's dad in Price on Mother's Day so that I would be left with a car to get to and from the hospital. I was blessed to have one of Dan's old roomates offer for me to stay with him and his family while Carlyle was in the hospital. So Saturday night Dan tried to keep me busy so I would not go insane worrying about my baby and so he took me on the date we were supposed to go on before I got admitted. It was so hard to leave the hospital knowing that Carlyle had to stay. I truly felt like I was leaving a piece of me behind. We stayed in the hospital housing across the street from the hospital and then got up in the morning and went and visited him before leaving for Price. I was feeling a little torn during the drive. It was Mother's Day and I had to leave my baby in the hospital. Dan's dad was bring Mahala and Kohl with him to meet us but he did not have enough room for all of them so Aunika and Bowden stayed with Grandma because they knew how much the others missed me and needed to see me. (They had never really been left before especially Kohlie and definitely not for 10 days and we did not know when I would beable to see them again) It was great to see them. They came running up and gave me an huge hug and kiss and then kissed my belly and said Hi to the baby. I had to laugh at that and then explain to them that he was not in my belly anymore but he was in the hospital and the nurses where taking super good care of him. We had emailed pictures and the kids each had their own and Kohl would not let anyone touch his picture but he still did not quite understand what the picture ment. He loved his brother SO MUCH it was not even funny. He would stick toys under my shirt so that the baby would have something to play with. And so for him he did not understand if he was not in Mom's belly then where was he. We had brought pictures and foot prints of him for them to have and to hold and take back to Aunika and Bowden.
Our little stop at he Walmart in Price was short but we both had long drives to head back. So we said our good bye and then headed our separate ways. Now really feeling like I was missing some pieces of me. I made it about 3 secs in the car before I began to cry. But I needed to get back to Carlyle. So I wiped the tears and kept on driving. I made it about 30 minutes into my 3 hour dirve and was hit with a sleeply bug like none other. I was so exhausted that I had to pull over on the side of the road in Price Canyon and rest my eyes. After a 15 min rest I had to go on. I made it back to the hospital safe and sound and then settled in right next to my baby's bed to watch him breath. What a beautiful site.
To be continued...
So after his birth I was in the hospital 4 days because I had a C-section and I spent as much time in the NICU as I could. Dan tried to put restrictions on me because he wanted to make sure that I was healing and everything too. I did my best to listen but anyone who knows me knows that it is hard to keep me away from my kids. After 24 hours of being on oxygen he was taken off and I was able to hold him. I was a bit scared because he was so small and had all those wires hooked up to him, but it was the most wonderful feeling to hold him. Up until then it was very surreal that I had had himbecause he was delieved by C-section and then taken immediately to the NICU. The nurses where so wonderful and did the best that they could to explain to me what was going on with him and kind of what to expect. They only wanted him held for about 5 minutes so that he could get as much deep sleep as possible so that he could grow lots. I held him every chance I could. I was able to do skin to skin holding with him which was an amazing experience itself. When I wasn't able to hold him I would sit next to him and hold is hand. You could not rub his back or anything because it was too much stimulation for a premie which was really hard because that is something that comes natural to me. There were so many different rules with him being a premie and must of them went against my natural instinsts.
Dan had to leave once I was released from the hospital. He had to go back to work considering that he did not have any paid time off from work and he had to go take care of the kids at home. I was released Saturday and we were to meet Dan's dad in Price on Mother's Day so that I would be left with a car to get to and from the hospital. I was blessed to have one of Dan's old roomates offer for me to stay with him and his family while Carlyle was in the hospital. So Saturday night Dan tried to keep me busy so I would not go insane worrying about my baby and so he took me on the date we were supposed to go on before I got admitted. It was so hard to leave the hospital knowing that Carlyle had to stay. I truly felt like I was leaving a piece of me behind. We stayed in the hospital housing across the street from the hospital and then got up in the morning and went and visited him before leaving for Price. I was feeling a little torn during the drive. It was Mother's Day and I had to leave my baby in the hospital. Dan's dad was bring Mahala and Kohl with him to meet us but he did not have enough room for all of them so Aunika and Bowden stayed with Grandma because they knew how much the others missed me and needed to see me. (They had never really been left before especially Kohlie and definitely not for 10 days and we did not know when I would beable to see them again) It was great to see them. They came running up and gave me an huge hug and kiss and then kissed my belly and said Hi to the baby. I had to laugh at that and then explain to them that he was not in my belly anymore but he was in the hospital and the nurses where taking super good care of him. We had emailed pictures and the kids each had their own and Kohl would not let anyone touch his picture but he still did not quite understand what the picture ment. He loved his brother SO MUCH it was not even funny. He would stick toys under my shirt so that the baby would have something to play with. And so for him he did not understand if he was not in Mom's belly then where was he. We had brought pictures and foot prints of him for them to have and to hold and take back to Aunika and Bowden.
Our little stop at he Walmart in Price was short but we both had long drives to head back. So we said our good bye and then headed our separate ways. Now really feeling like I was missing some pieces of me. I made it about 3 secs in the car before I began to cry. But I needed to get back to Carlyle. So I wiped the tears and kept on driving. I made it about 30 minutes into my 3 hour dirve and was hit with a sleeply bug like none other. I was so exhausted that I had to pull over on the side of the road in Price Canyon and rest my eyes. After a 15 min rest I had to go on. I made it back to the hospital safe and sound and then settled in right next to my baby's bed to watch him breath. What a beautiful site.
To be continued...
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Expecting # 5
In mid October we got the wonderful news that we were expecting #5. Our arrival was due to arrive June 18th and for the most part things were going ok (not as good as with the others but not too bad). Shortly after finding out that I was pregnant, the kids and I got the swine flu. I think that I was really lucky and did not have it too bad, it felt like bad morning sickness. But since I did not have morning sickness with any of my others I went in. Well there was not much that they could do but my BP was sky high 168/117 and it never really went back to normal. I was always feeling quessy all the time and there was twice I had to go to the ER for dehydration because I could not keep anything down. I also had uncontrolable headaches my entire pregnancy. At 31 weeks my Dr had me go to twice a week appointments with NST's. At 32 weeks he refured me to a specialist in Provo for my BP. At 33 weeks I meet with the specialist and I thought that she would stick me on bedrest. So as we are getting ready to go I decide just in case I should pull out the baby clothes and get them washed. So I did that and got my list ready for the things that we needed to get while in the "big city". Mahala insisted that I take the car seat and his blanket and clothes so that we could bring him home. I figured that it was not likely that I was going to have him but it made her happy so we took them. Dan and I got to Provo and barely touched our list of things to do and had to head over to my appointment. After the Dr looked at the ultrasound and stuff she explained to me that she wanted to admit me to the hospital and that because I lived so far away she did not feel comfortable letting me go home. I asked how long I was going to have to stay and she said until I deliever.
I was in the hospital for 4 days and they would not really tell us what was going on one way or the other. And Dan having just recently started his job had to get back to work because he had no paid time off. So Dan headed back to home to take care of the kids and work. He was home 12 hours and the Dr came in and told me that because my BP was uncontrolable they were going to deliever me. So I called Dan and told him to come back. He ran the kids over to his parents and called work and drove back up. Lucky because we had a wiggle worm for a kid, his movement postponed the C-section until Dan got there. He was breach and so therefore I had to have my first C-section. They took me in a 9 pm and he was born at 9:28. Born with a full head of hair and at 5lbs 13oz and 18 inches long he was rushed off to the NICU. Dan followed them to make sure that he was ok while they sewed me up and took me back to my room. I did not feel like I had just had a baby. I was not physically ready, emotionally ready, and then I did not even get to hold him. I just got a glimps of him for a second and I was not even told anything about how he was doing until Dan came back about an hour later to update me. It was very strange and hard to comprehend. I had to stay up in Labor and Delievery for about 3 hours and then they moved me downstairs to the Mother and Baby floor. Up to that point I just got to see pictures of my little man. On the way downstairs they took me by to see him for the first time and I just started to fall apart having to see him hooked up to all those wires and breathing machines and everything. I was not able to hold him or anything. I just had to keep reminding myself that we were very lucky that he was so big for only being 33 weeks and that they were going to take very good care of him.
Spring Break !
We wanted to do something fun for spring break but as most people we did not want to spend a lot of money and so we decided to stay close and explore around where we live. Except for Dan, none of us had ever gone to Canyonlands or the Arches National Park. So that is what we did. We had a blast! Me being 7 months pregnant I had a bit of a hard time keeping up, especially when you had to climb ladders and rocks. I did however make it through one of the arches which was pretty steep. We had a lot of fun and can't wait to go back and hike some more.
We are now in Monticello Utah
Ok yeah this is an old post but I gues it must be posted so that anyone who does not know is updated. May of 2009 we decided to move back to Dan's hometown of Monticello. We both felt a strong desire to be close to family so that the kids could have grandparents near and with Dan being an only child and his Mom going through Chemo. We felt like being close to his family. So leaving all the problems that California schools brought us within 2 weeks we were pack (not very well) and on our way to Monticello.
We have now lived here a year and although we are still looking for a good place to live we are loving it. I am getting to know people and when I go to the store I actually reconigze the people that talk to me. Although getting used to a small town can be a challenge, we are doing pretty good at it and have no plans to move in the near future except to a house that will fit our family.
We have now lived here a year and although we are still looking for a good place to live we are loving it. I am getting to know people and when I go to the store I actually reconigze the people that talk to me. Although getting used to a small town can be a challenge, we are doing pretty good at it and have no plans to move in the near future except to a house that will fit our family.
TARA THIS IS FOR YOU!
Due to continous request from a Miss Tara Schwab, I am going to TRY to post on my blog once again. Key word TRY.
TARA YOUR THE BEST ! ! ! Can't wait until we can get together again.
TARA YOUR THE BEST ! ! ! Can't wait until we can get together again.
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