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TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME shall devour all, except...

these icons hosted by Photobucket under the username danverseleventy

Not entirely sure why, but this made me laugh. That things move on and change, but fucking Photobucket still has these icons under ruddy danverseleventy XD

I have a day off tomorrow so I should do some writing and finishing of things, but I also want to get back to watching the sixty delicious episodes of Immortal Samsara.

Chinese fantasy TV really is the shiznit. Recently watched Mysterious Lotus Casebook, with much fannish support from nel_ani and suzvoy, and it was the best thing I've seen in a very very long time. And it's been nice watching something, because I generally don't feel like putting my eyeballs on anything. Some sort of screen fatigue.

For anyone looking for uplifting material to put into their earballs, I recommend Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. He's as funny as he is tol. Very.

Look at that, that's another post. You're welcome, aliens in the future who will seek to make sense of this binfire of a world, yuuuur welcome.

The update is that I am updating.

I remember at some point thinking that I will post on DW on the regular because I am now entering my super massive reflective era and there’s always content in that.

But here I am now lahaarfing at m’self for such flighty thoughts because 1) I am also in my super massive nihilist era which makes eh content and 2) I doggone forgot about doing this on the regular (after a certain age ain’t nuthin happening on the regular).

I do have a combination of tonsillitis and conjunctivitis, which is interesting to a degree (coughing and squinting at the same time iz jokes fam).

I am also enjoying very much the podcasts Smartless and Mamamia Out Loud - it seems that my ears have the endurance my eyes once had. Now I look at the TV and my brain is like urghh no. Though I did watch a delightful little Japanese show called Love is Poison on the old Netflix.

In writing news I have been writing the same damn story like for over a year. Ugh to have the writing stamina of my kaant-sleep-will-wraate years (though it is nice not having the depression of those years so y’know swings and roundabouts). Anyway I will finish this and countless other fics because this beech finishes things.

And there will be fanfic blither in general in the future because I’ve spent a lot of time on it and it’s meant a lot to me and I dunno I dunno maybe there are things to say!

Anyway, must dash, young person in my vicinity is playing music without headphones and I need to put together a look that adequately conveys their parents’ likely disappointment in them.

Stay happy everyone - the world is shit but good people endure and things can change for the better at any moment. Much love to anyone who reads this.

Happy New Year y'all who see this post.

What is there to recap about 2022? It's been a challenging year. All years have their challenges and so will this one no doubt. I started the x-mas season by waiting in A&E to see if my eye had fucked up again. That was four hours of revisiting two years of trauma years ago. I made peace very quickly that mental health challenges might lie ahead if my previous coping strategy was anything to go by, and I'd just have to deal with.

Anyway, I was wrong. My eye didn't need surgery like I thought it would. Took me a few days to process the relief. Weeping sadly during the snowflake dance when I went to see The Nutcracker was actually a fabulous place to have a mini-breakdown while eating some M&Ms I'd managed to sneak into the theatre. I would like to mention though, I had just started my period that morning so the break-down may not have been a break-down at all, but just my hormones being the little bastards.

There's been a pandemic since I last posted. I've had Covid twice (with a sneaking suspicion that I had it thrice). It has not been pleasant at all. I think the worst part was the lethargy that extended towards even fun things like writing, reading, watching TV. I only posted 7 fictions in 2022, which is cool, I like 7, it's one of my favourite numbers (11 too is a nice one, and 9). They were all exclusively for the show Word of Honor, which I adore, and I should like to finish the remaining bits this year.

I haven't been very fannishly active beyond writing. I feel like fandom is a faraway thing and that I'm sitting on a hilltop seeing it in the distance. I often feel there's no space for me in it, if I even want a space. As ever, all I want to do is write. But during the pandemic I thought a lot about what is to be a part of fandom. I did a lot of what's the purpose of all this stuff I've written navel-gazing. I came to the conclusion, who gives a fuck? I like writing. The purpose is just cos. And I feel very strongly about the right to do stuff just cos these days because there's so much discourse about age and fandom. Why are you in fandom at 30???? I don't know man, why do Shakespeare nerds become literature professors and continue to bard-nerd into retirement? Because we'd all nerd into the infinite if it was financially viable! Let us do stuff just cos!

I feel like I watched very little this year. There was KinnPorsche, which I really enjoyed, full of beautiful people. I finally watched Guardian and I just know that had I watched that show at the right time, I would have written some Weilan for sure, more beautiful people. Recently I watched the web series Choco, Milk, Shake. Cute, super cute - I am so tempted to fic about what it's like when your boyfriend is a cat. I rewatched Community and this time took a real liking to season six (by which I mean Frankie, by which I mean Paget Brewster who should be in everything, including my life). Our Flag Means Death was fab, I am looking forward to the second season. What else? Watched Ted Lasso, goood. Read very few books, but went absolutely mad for Sayaka Murata. I read her stuff and felt like, omg she is writing this for meeee. I have very few resolutions for 2023, but amongst staying alive and staying sane is reading more books. But, like, I'm not gonna push myself on it, not when there are naps to be taken.

Anyway, this post got long and rambly. The real point of it is, hello, happy new year. I hope it's a gentle year and I hope the future is kind and careful with all of us.

Look after yourselves x

All of my old posts seem to imply I was on some kind of strong medication. Or just an imbecile.

But I am grown old now, and verry serious, with serious white hair sprouting at my temples (closes eyes tight and wills hard for the sprouting - hears popping sound - oh yeah, there it is, still an imbecile).

So, how's about the current state of the world, eh? Horrifying or wut? On the upside, we're back in the 80s but without the awful fashion choices. Thank Satan for small mercies and the general acceptance that shell suits must never happen again.

Currently! Here is the song I love the most, #Robron is the addiction of choice, and caffeine has made a most welcome return into my life.

Oh and this Valentines day, I bought myself so much junk I've now made it impossible for anyone to ever compete with me in terms of how much I can love myself. Ha! Wait...

Title: Bermuda

Summary: The crew find themselves stranded and in a bizarre situation. Nothing unusual there then.

Warnings: N/A

Spoilers: N/A

Notes: For Twisted Vergule who wanted a Cabin Pressure fic for her donation to help_japan. Long time listener, fist time writer, bear with.

I loved the finale, loved it. I had a lump in my throat at various points (but anytime I hear certain parts of the original Reeve Superman theme, it's pretty much certain I'm either going to well up or shout 'yay!').

My thoughts let me ( share them )

Title: Knight Moves (42)

Summary: Unlike all other standard chess pieces, the knight can jump over all other pieces to its destination square.

Warnings: N/A

Spoilers: The whole Reid Oliver storyline pretty much.

Notes: The "42" in the title comes from Coldplay's song 42.

For suzvoy <3

Title: Descent

Summary: Once more down the rabbit hole. A re-telling of the raising of Dean Winchester.

Warnings: N/A

Spoilers: Takes place between season three and episode one of season four.

Notes: For nel_ani <3

# I just finished filling in an application for a new job (when I should be playing Angry Birds). Always a humiliating experience. People just don't accept it when you answer the question 'dude, big gap in employment history, what's that about?' with 'I was finding myself'. Maybe if I added 'because I wandered into this cupboard and suddenly there was a forest and this drop dead gorgeous woman offering me some special kind of hot chocolate which was the beginning of... finding myself?'.

There's a reason why my boss thinks I'm a complete imbecile. I think it might be because I brought up the subject of meerkats at my last monthly meeting.

# Oh no, what's this, no more SGU? Yaaaay (what? catching up with a show that's only two seasons long is so much easier than if it's not, y'know?)! And what's this? No more delicious bookmarking? Boooo (not too heartbroken actually, more like enh). And what's this? Snakes go hissssss??

Actually, I'm neither cut up nor joyous about SGU being cancelled. And I don't care about SGA getting cancelled to concentrate on SGU either. I caught the last episode of season five a few days ago and realised that I never managed to watch the whole thing the first time because season five kind of sucked wormholes. Possibly waaaay before it was season five. Maaaan, all that fic I wrote. Once you dislike a show you loved, it is very hard to live with alllll that fic. First there's the bitching, then the fighting and finally the sleeping in seperate bedrooms. [sniff] I gave you the best years of my writing life, you bastard!

I hope a new service replaces delicious bookmarks. I hope it's called favouritethingsring and then every time we find something we like (you see where this going) we can say 'oh yes, I liked it so I put a ring on it, like I should have'. [points up to the bit about being an imbecile]

Thnakes going hith? I dunno, maaaan, ith justh what they do, yanno?

# I have found the perfect way of illustrating how two fans, look at one thing and reach vastly different conclusions sometimes for no reason other than just cos. Obsoive.

I really like the show Merlin, enough to handwave a lot of crap writing. My reason isn't because the show is brilliant. It's mostly because it offers me a springboard for ideas that can become fic. I think out of all the fandoms I've written in, this is the one where I don't loathe my own fic (yet).

When I watch it, I take what I like and my brain reinterprets it as something more epic and awesome, whereas someone else might reinterpret it as something ridiculous and silly and it's brilliant because we're essentially looking at the same thing, but there are all these filters (slash goggles for one) between the computer and the data that breakdown and reconceive what we're seeing. It's so awesome! It's obvious and not news, but when you actually stop to think about what fannish interpretation does, it really does make you give less of a shit about people who think fannish creations aren't worth even taking a pissing on (though, I'd rather no one pissed on my work in some strange limited show of approval).

But going back to the perfect illustration. Despite the great Marty Stu he is on the show and in various texts, I think some people see Lancelot like this, whereas some people see him like this. My brain is all about the epicness. I see episodes and as lame as some of them can be, my brain just shoots into the tragic futures and noble sacrifices and all that silly bunk and I watch the show while being sad about stuff we probably won't even see happening, despite the ropey nature of Arthurian legend. Of course, sometimes my brain is all about the silly too, which is nice.

Yeah... I pretty much just wanted to share the music :D

# The lovely Nel has made me a Moonlight vid. This show is like one of my secret-love shows and the reason I tuned into Hawaii Five O (which is why I still think of Steve as being played by Mick the vampire and not that delicious Alex Ohhhh). I love the vid, it has everything I adore about the show (well, Mick and Beth) and makes me miss it like whoa. But still, one complete and perfect season is good too.

# My favoutie tv show when I was a kid, let me share it with you [strikes a Kung Fu pose]

# Remember now, you'll get hairy palms if you scroll too much.

My Sunday, this is how I spended it. I have this fic, Bane, which I started in 2001 and presently stands at 300,000 words without the WiP chapters. I estimate that by the time I finish it (in the next few months, pleeeeease), it should come to an end around the 400,000 word mark.

I've been reading through this and editing it all day. Every now and then I go back to iron out the kinks, like bad dialogue, crap coding and general ficcish poo. It's amazing, but I reckon that had I not edited it very aggressively about a year ago, it would have been about 200,000 words longer.

The problem for me is, this is the very first fanfic I ever wrote and it's a catalogue of all my mistakes and learning experience. Each chapter really shows the progress of my writing and I kind of hate that. I used to get mail asking how I made every chapter better than the last. Easy, I started out shitty and got slightly better over time and that's easy to see in a fic written in chronological order. The opening chapters are incredibly weak and unsure and dithery whereas the last few are very up their own writery arse. I can see how I gained confidence at the prospect of people reading my stuff and happily went along indulging my writery urges. Very strange editing experience.

I usually fall out with my own fic at some point and then get to a stage where I cannot stand stuff I've written, but this fic is so important to me and means way more than I expected it ever could. It's choc full of OCs, way too many locations to count, het, slash and whatevah and on top of that, though it's a Jack/Daniel fic, they spend about 95% of it apart.

Worst Jack/Daniel ever \0/

But I love it, I love it to bits and when I write 'the end' I will really be quite sad. Because, to reach the end, stuff will have to happen in the story and, there is some reluctance on my part to do things to characters I have unwillingly fallen for. And I must finish it before I keep changing stuff to stop the planned stuff from happening. I've already betrayed my artistic integrity (what's that?) by not killing off someone who was supposed to die and set off a whole chain of badness. The story is poorer for that selfish mistake. I was like, oh noes, if he dies I'll cry. :D What a moron.

But yes, this story, it was finished in my mind the day I started writing it. It just got harder getting to the end. I invested so much time in this. This fic is what I did when I finished university and had no idea what I wanted to do with my life (some things never change), this fic is what I wrote when I discovered the intertubes and the fanfictions. This is a fic I wrote while participating in every fandom I've ever fanned. It's hard planning to kill finish this story. It's hard to let go of certain characters. [larfs at self] Such a prat :D